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Binhi Experience
The Binhi program is much different from the ‘social action’ activities I had done in high school. For one, most of my high school immersion activities took place in more controlled spaces (i.e., a school or a nursing home). Through Binhi, I had my first experience of really being with the people we were visiting.
I went to a Senior Citizen’s Coalition in Sta. Mesa, which has functioned to unite the Senior Citizens in their area and give them avenues of recreation. My Binhi formator made it quite clear that our goal for the session was simple: kuwentuhan. The activity did not call for us to be charitable, but rather, we Ateneans and the Nanays of the area were supposed to come out of the session with an increased sense of unity as equals.
It was oddly comfortable in the home of our assigned Nanay. I’ll admit, the ‘kuwentuhan’ could get one-sided at times, as my 2 fellow Ateneans and I would gladly listen to Nanay and just ask follow up questions. However, there was also a strange feeling that I would get in the moments she revealed how she thought about us Ateneans. They were many stereotypes that I didn’t realize people would actually associate with us in real life. However, it was clear that she thought of us as rich, privileged kids who might be even a little spoiled. This personally isn’t the case of that I see within Ateneo. I could actually see her surprise when one of my kasamas explained that she was a scholar, and when I explained that most of the students in the Chemistry department were actually recipients of financial aid. Other than that, she mostly talked about her family, specifically about her children’s path to a better life through education and perseverance. She also spoke highly of her two apos, who followed the same model of working hard. In her stories, I could see how different my habitus might be from hers and her family’s.
Habitus is the dispositions and lifestyle preference of an individual that forms their perceptions, expectations and practices of their day to day lives. One’s Habitus also tends to direct their actions in such a way that they reproduce and strengthen the social environment that encultured the Habitus in them in the first place. Essentially, it is a cycle that very rarely gets broken.
There were three main, observable differences between my own personal Habitus and that of my nanay. First, on education. Our nanay spoke mostly about her 3 children and their journey in getting a college degree and eventually finding good work. Two of her children ended up working abroad in well-off first world countries, Canada and Singapore. She credits her children’s ability to have done this to the fact that they studied in lucrative fields - Computer Science. She then proceeded to tell us to do something similar, to take the opportunity to study in lucrative fields so that we could become successful. She asked the three of us what our courses were. Two of us were from the Chemistry Department, and when we told her our courses, she met us with approval. Our other kasama was a fellow freshman taking up Communications, and our Nanay did not express the same level of enthusiasm. This reveals that she likely sees education mostly as something that is purely practical for benefits later on. Although this is not a wrong perspective, I feel it is utilitarian compared to my own Habitus in respect to education. Although I will admit I chose my course partially for practical reasons, it is also largely due to passion. I feel that even if Chemistry was not a lucrative career option, I would still choose to study it regardless.
Second, on country and nationalism. Due to her children’s opportunities to have gone abroad, our nanay was exposed to the lifestyles of people in Canada and Singapore. From her words, these places were havens compared to the Philippines. Often times, her rhetoric caused me to believe she thought of our own country as a lost cause, especially with additional discussions on her distaste at the pool of candidates for the then upcoming senate elections. However critical her opinions and viewpoints were, I felt there was hardly a discussion on what could be done to fix the problems. For example, she much preferred Singapore because the streets were clean since the people were wary of throwing their trash correctly. When the same discussion turned to the Philippines, it sounded as if the same could never be done for us because we, as a people, simply do not find value in throwing our trash properly. I, on the other hand, have a different perspective on country. I personally feel that many of the problems she was talking about can be fixed by public policy, and that the way we get those policies is through political will. I personally want to stay because of the problems I see in the Philippines, so that I may work towards fixing them in my own way and hoping to live to see the day it gets better.
Third, on romantic relationships. My kasamas and I were all girls, and the thing that our nanay kept repeating to us was ‘wag kayo muna mag boyfriend’. To her, it is simple. Do not get a boyfriend while you are still studying because he will distract you from whatever it is you need to do. On the other hand, I do not agree. Her claim assumes that a boyfriend would be my top priority, and I personally do not think this will ever be the case for me. I think this reveals how she tends to view young girls like me. She believes it is better not to engage in a relationship because the likely outcome is that relationship will consume your thoughts. I agree that it is ridiculous to rank your priorities as such but disagree that this is the likely outcome.
I suspect that these differences in worldview come from the simple fact that we had two very different contexts. Her view on education likely stems from the fact that she probably had less economic capital than I do. Some say that being able to pursue your passion in college is a privilege, because some people really do need to put practicality first. As someone who has generally been comfortable, I rarely had to adopt such a decision making schema. I also suspect economic background is the reason for her disbelief in the Philippines. Our nanay’s husband died shortly after her third child was born, so she really had a hard time providing for all of them alone. Given that her children grew up to be rather successful, but in places that were not the Philippines, it is easy to associate better living with being abroad.
Our nanay is older than my actual grandmother, who grew up quite conservative. In the past, women were expected to mostly be wives and put the needs of the husband and family as their main priority. I suspect this is why our nanay believes that I am likely to put the concerns of my relationship before my own, because she believes it is within a woman’s nature. In my own context, I grew up in a more liberal household and was raised knowing how to compartmentalize different parts of my life, and giving attention to each when needed.
This is not to say there were no similarities between the Habitus of my nanay and mine. The values of family and working hard were clearly shared between the two of us. She made it very explicit that we should care for our families even when it gets rough, and that we should work hard to get through those times. I personally could not agree more. I suspect that this consensus comes from the fact we were both encultured with Filipino principles from greater society. Notice that Filipinos are famous for their family loyalty and their belief in meritocracy, which likely extends to most of us living here.
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Offline vs Online Identities
It’s strange to think there is a disparity between my offline and online selves. However, upon further evaluation, there isn’t just a divide between these two spheres, but even my offline and online identities have their own divisions. When doing this blog post, I realized it was actually quite easy to determine how I am with different groups of people and how interesting the differences can be. However, I also notice that my identities are not strict with one sector or the other but rather, they bleed into each other and affect different people in my life.
Offline Identities
Ever since OrSem, I think it was pretty evident to my blockmates that I was the opinionated, outspoken one. As a debater, I’ve gotten pretty opinionated, sometimes even aggressive when discussing difficult issues. Sometimes, it becomes difficult to hide the expressions or faces I tend to make at hearing the viewpoint of others that I disagree with. These expressions are acceptable behavior in debates, but they’ve sadly bled into my real life. This is an example of one of my own crowds influencing my general demeanor. For this meme, I chose to use my teammate, Jaime Siy (with his consent!), who’s a ‘meme’ in his own right in the Philippine Debating Community for not knowing to handle his expressions. As seen in the photo, he has a very displeased face while raising a point of information to someone of the opposing team (who was also from ADMU!). I’m not nearly as bad as Jaime, but my blockmates don’t know that, so I feel like this is how many of them may see me, especially if we aren’t very close.
I’m very close to my teammates, and we all see each other as equals but that doesn’t change that to them, I’m still a baby. I’ve been told multiple times that I’m the baby of the team, being possibly the most innocent and the one always following rules. I chose the sun baby from the Teletubbies in particular because I’ve also been approached by several teammates, telling me I’m nothing but sunshine. Adrian, a senior I admire very much, told me once ‘thank you for all your smiles and positive attitude’ after a tournament in Ilocos. Vince, my partner in that tournament, once said ‘we have received nothing but love from you’. I sometimes see this happiness as naive, and I think they do too, thus the Teletubbies sun. I’m not sure where this kind of attitude comes from, but I suspect it stems from my general upbringing.
I thought I was pretty bright in High School, but when College came around I realized this might not be the case. This is especially true for my major classes. In High School, I was good at Math and Chemistry but now, they are the kryptonite of my QPI. I imagine the confused Pikachu meme is how many of my profs see me in their class, and also when seeing my results. The Pikachu meme is meant to express surprise at failure or disappointment, and I think that sums up my academic life as of late.
Online Identities
I have three Twitter accounts, but I decided to use my fan account as the model to use in examining my identity online because I think it is further from my offline self. On Twitter, I am a big fan of the K-pop band BTS. The photo I chose became viral on fan Twitter of a fan bringing her ‘ARMY Bomb’ to prom. The ARMY bomb is the official lightstick and merchandise of the band. In this online space, it would seem that my whole life is dedicated or revolves around the band. Although this is true to an extent, I think it’s further amplified by the fact that the account is used exclusively to follow the band, their fans and content creators. Here, there is more freedom to talk about that particular subject with equally engaged individuals, which I can’t always do with my peers in real life or on a personal account.
Facebook is where I share the content made by my organization, the Ateneo Chemistry Society (ACheS). I share them for two reasons. It is first because as a member of the Central Board, I am highly encouraged to help in spreading awareness of the org by sharing their infographics and event promotions. Second, I want to keep a specific kind of image on Facebook. My parents and family are friends with me on Facebook, and I want them to know I am a well behaved and proper individual. I also know that in the future, this is likely the account that my employers will find in order to get a better feel of my personality. Therefore, these shares can make me look like a dedicated student who puts her interest in Chemistry first. This is good for how my family sees me, as an obedient student, and how my future employers will see me, as a dedicated Chemist.
Instagram is where I live out to be my ideal, pretty, nonchalant self. There is no indication of an Irene that gets angry or frustrated over academics on Instagram. Looking back on my feed, it consists mostly of photos from my travels or receiving some sort of recognition at a tournament. All these photos of course were carefully curated and edited to show me in my best light. They of course don’t show the struggle behind getting an award or they don’t know if I’m truly having a great time in whatever country I’m in. I suppose Instagram is where I hit the stereotype of social media use. I wouldn’t say that the identity on Instagram is fake, but it’s definitely tailored and edited to make it seem like I’m living a carefree, effortless yet somewhat luxurious life.
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Blog Post #4: Social Mirrors
Chosen person: Lorenzo Lagamon
How I think they see me
In hindsight, Enzo and I are relatively new friends. We met because of the Ateneo Debate Society (ADS), an organization that only accepted me midway through the 1st semester. Although we had met by that time, we only really started talking in November, when the topic of crushes was brought about. I think those contexts, debate and crushes, really reflect in how Enzo thinks of me.
I think Enzo thinks I’m happy. Although I have been upset and express my sadness to him, I normally show a very enthusiastic disposition to the ADS. By extension, he sees that side of me as well.
However, in my lamenting about my crush he sees a hopeless romantic. Someone who loves very quickly and very hard.
I’d like to believe that he sees me as someone who is loving and caring, not only to my crush of course, but to my friends. I feel like I sacrifice and listen to my friends, and I give them kind acts of service. So in summary, a good friend.
I hope he sees me as a shoulder to lean on or the go-to person when talking about his day, because that’s definitely how I see him!
I also think he would see me as his best friend in the ADS, as in the short time we’ve known each other, we’ve been through a lot. Through numerous debate tournaments, training and meals out, we’ve become a lot closer. I think he thinks of me this way, because that’s how I think of him.
The more I write, the more I realize that my relationship with Enzo is one of reciprocity. I would like to believe that the way he views me is the way I view him.
And honestly if that’s the case, I should not be afraid of what he has to say.
What Enzo actually thinks of me
Irene asked me to write about her. I accepted without flinching, of course; but the immediate question I had to ask was not what is this for? Or why? But rather: well, where do I begin? After much introspection, I begin with the first time I met her. She knows this story too well, saying it again might intoxicate her. I met her in PSDC 2017. PSDC or Philippine Schools Debate Championship is an annual and national high school tournament organized by the Ateneo Debate Society. She was from Miriam College and I? A lowly and quiet school from Northern Mindanao. We were already in the knockout rounds of said competition when Irene — well, knocked me out. I remembered her face. In my head back then, she was a fierce woman with an undying fighting spirit tamed in a small stature. I feared her but at the same time I was angry at her. But by the blessings of the mysterious mechanisms of this universe, two different people from two very distant places now find themselves friends in the Ateneo. I always believed I would know her only as the girl who knocked me out of a tournament — but as a student of the Social Sciences, I should know better and remember that people are more than your first impressions. Over the course of our Freshman year in Ateneo, I’ve come to know Irene not just as a strong and powerful lady — but one who is too human as well. I have seen her cry because of love and the absence thereof. I have seen her laugh at the perfect moment and in the face of adversity. I have seen her dress up really well on many days. I have seen her wear shorts and a shirt too big on most. I have seen the rigour and the brilliance that make up the flames of her fierceness. I have seen the child and the longing that comprise her incessant: I want kiss (but only from a specific person, of course — whose name shall be forever redacted). Irene is brave but she is human. She is loving and thoughtful but she is human. She can sing really well — but she is human. Why do I have to make this caveat? Because oftentimes, plenty around her forget that in all her talents and amidst her commanding presence — Irene is still human too. She is brave, she is a fortress — but every once in a while, she allows herself to fall like Jericho. She is loving and thoughtful, she is patient — but sometimes she will fight you with aggression if you step out of line. She can sing really well, and she plays instruments too — but sometimes she goes off-key and her chords are played at the wrong tempo. I make these important caveats not out of spite but as a reminder that we oft neglect the humanity in heroes. They are heroes but they are human (and yet they are heroes still). I write of Irene’s strengths and I write of her imperfections not because I hate her, quite the opposite: but because truly loving someone means you see them for the human that that they are. Watch her walk the sacred halls of Schmitt, brave the torrential crowd at SecWalk, or eat her homemade vegetarian meal at Gonzaga Up, or wait for someone (a specific someone) in Matteo Ricci. Listen to her light up as she tells you how her day has been, taste the joy she pours on her poetry, and see her tears dry as she picks herself up. I sometimes catch myself writing in hyperbole or with one too many metaphors. I am in perpetual search for adverbs and synonyms. Today, I do not end that search. I could not find a prettier word to replace: very strong. She is very strong? Well, she is; but I do not want to end with that. Perhaps the closest approximate right now is: she is Irene — the toughest, most loving, most caring soul that knocked me out.
Reflection
I know Enzo to be a poetic person. So, I expected a level of flair from his write-up. What I didn’t expect is a full PDF with a header and all. Admittedly, the way we wrote our respective texts is very different, and the word choice is contrasting as well. While I expected words like, hopeless romantic, or good friend, he chose the word ‘strong’ as his motif.
Enzo even went back further than I did. It’s true that we interacted for the first time in a high school debate tournament a few years before college started, and I understand why that’s his first impression of me.
He gives no mention of me being a generally happy person.
I’m unsure if this means he doesn’t think I’m a happy person or if it’s a detail he simply chose to omit. Now that I think about it, perhaps I have ranted too many times to him for me to be seen as a definitively happy individual.
He does however, imply my hopeless romantic nature. He’s not very direct, and uses inside jokes to refer to my woes of my crush.
And, almost with relief as I read it, he does agree that I am loving and caring. For vain reasons, I’m glad this is the case. I quite honestly try very hard to make sure people think this way of me. That’s not to say it’s disingenuous, but it’s definitely crafted.
I think after comparing both of our outputs, only the words used differ but the essence stays rather the same. I’m glad this is the case because it means I know Enzo well enough, and he knows me too.
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Blog Post #3 - Secret Service
I personally always felt really good after giving small, but meaningful gifts to people. Sure, Choc-nut is good but it’s not all the great. However, giving Choc-nut to someone who has a difficult LT later in the day? That always made me feel like a pretty good person.
Back in high school, we had Secret Valentine’s mwhere we would be assigned another classmate through lots and we would have to give them little treats as the days led up to Valentine’s day. When thinking of a project to do good, I was inspired by this.
‘Secret Service’ was supposed to be two things. First, it was secret. Meaning to say the person you would be giving presents to didn’t know it was you. Second, it was service. This references the time and effort you take out of your day to get this person something and write them something meaningful.
My groupmates and I decided that at every SocSc11 session, we would leave the gifts for our receiver on their desks. Often times, it required us to be a little sneaky but it eventually worked out.
I was assigned to Shaun!
So, for the first day of Secret Service, I got him Choco Mucho along with a short note to of encouragement. On the second day, there was no SocSci and Shaun and I are not classmates in any other class :( I had to turn to giving the Goya Almonds and doodle to Bryle to pass on to Shaun. On the last day, I got Shaun Choco Mallows and a note that he hoped he felt more positivity in this week and that it continues.
For me personally, the activity made me feel a whole lot better in a busy week. Finding time to get someone a snack and writing down a simple message in itself was very fulfilling. However, what was even more satisfying was seeing Shaun’s reaction when he found his snacks on his desk. He would be happy and that would make me very happy too. He would eat the chocolate and I would be happy for having helped him get through the day.
I will say, that being on the receiving end as well did make me feel very good. It was as if you were being rewarded for having been good to another. In return for being good, someone is good to you. It might sound kind of selfish but at the end of the day it did make me feel fulfilled and rewarded. It has motivated me to do it more often now. And honestly, feeling more positive effect had made me feel like I had a better week overall.
Thanks, Shaun for receiving the gifts with grace.
And thanks, Dunne for being such a great Secret Service Agent!
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Blog Post #2: Gratitude Journal - March 1
Well, a lot of things happened today, both a mix and bad. It was very eventful and actually quite consequential. So here are 3 things I’m grateful for today!
1. ADS Elections
Today, we elected the new executive board of the Ateneo Debate Society for school year 2019-2020. I had not planned on running, but I was asked to run for Vice President of the Office of Membership, and I won! I’m very excited to be in this position because I am in charge of non-varsity members and their improvement in debate. Quite honestly, debate societies tend to focus on more experienced debaters who had good high school careers. I would argue that it’s even more difficult to start debating in college than in high school. In high school, you were all beginners, but in college, you start debating with national champions. However, I know many people start debate careers late but end up becoming the best debaters in the country, and I’m sure there are non-varsity members who have tons of potential and dedication. Although I know it will be hard, I know there are people in the org who are more than willing to help me! In fact, Nico, the previous VP for the Office of Membership already approached me to get things started! And I know my batchmates and other officers are very helpful as well.
2. First Chemistry LT
Right after elections (like, right after), I went to my first Chemistry long test of the semester. Admittedly, it was bad and a LOT harder than I expected. I got very upset afterwards. However, it gave me motivation to study harder, so I will consider it a blessing.
3. Movie night with friends
Right after the LT, a few friends came over to my house to watch a movie and eat. It was a great pick-me-up after that LT. We watched 4 Sisters and a Wedding and cried together! It was just really nice to have that company.
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I decided to create somewhat of a collage that is divided into two. The left side refers to my global identity, while the right refers to my local identity. I used images to reflect common Western ideals that I have personally adopted. These include things such as feminism, which I consider to be an integral part of my moral system, and is represented by Rosie the Riveter, a popular icon of feminism. I also included a photo from the World Universities Debating Championship, which represents the western debate culture that is ingrained in the way I think and perceive the world. Another photo on this side is a photo of a Korean boy band, which also influences me via the spread of culture and how those influencers spread their own ideals. Lastly, I included a photo of Kendall and Kylie Jenner which represent the Western ideals of beauty which I think I personally buy in to.
On the right include images that I acquaint with my local identity. There are multiple photos of me with my family, which is easily an important aspect of any Filipino community. I also included the painting ‘Palay Maiden’ which I think represents the conventional image of an ideal woman in Filipino culture. She is smiling, seems pleasant and traditionally feminine with her dress and blouse. As much as I am feminist, I think I do subscribe to a conventionally feminine expression of myself. Lastly, I include a stained glass window to represent the importance of religion in the Filipino community which I myself have adapted.
The rip in the middle is to represent that although these two aspects come from two different sources, they can be reconciled if we make some adjustments or tears here and there. With compromises, there can be cohesion.
This is how I view hybrid identities. Although I believe that they can cause some sort of confusion within ourselves, I do not see them as a dichotomy. I don’t think that the local identity and global identity are completely distinct from one another but bleed into each other at times. I think it’s important to not see the two identities as opposition or as enemies so that it is easier for one to reconcile the two together and make adjustments where it is needed.
Image sources:
Amorsolo, Fernando. Palay Maiden. 1920.
“Billboard.com.” Billboard.com, Billboard Music, 13 Nov. 2017, www.billboard.com/files/media/02-BTS-kpop-artist-visit-march-2017-billboard-1548_0.jpg
“The North Transept Rose of Chartres Cathedral Donated by Blanche of Castile.” Stained Glass, Wikipedia, upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Chartres_-_cathédrale_-_rosace_nord.jpg/300px-Chartres_-_cathédrale_-_rosace_nord.jpg.
Miller, J. Howard. “We Can Do It!” We Can Do It!, Wikipedia, 1943, upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/12/We_Can_Do_It!.jpg.
“Matt Davis ’18 Presents the Opposition Case during the Final Round of the 2017 WUDC in The Hague, Netherlands.” Trust and Respect Propels Bates to Finals of World Universities Debate Championships, Bates College, 6 Jan. 2017, www.bates.edu/news/files/2017/01/web-161203-Bates-WUDC-Open_015.jpg.
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What is Tinkercad?
Tinkercad is an online 3D modeling tool that is free to use for students and even seasoned professionals. The website has multiple tutorials to introduce newbies to 3D modeling and innovation. Check out my exclusive Tinkercad blog page here (You can also find the link in the side menu!)
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