iridiumirixo

[iridiumirixo]

1) Yes, obviously, she joins the magic school because she’s a child. But we know that that isn’t the only option for her — she runs away the second she suspects Laios might not be able to survive without her, so she is clearly capable of making bold choices. The fact is that these bold choices are only made when one of her loved ones is in danger/need her makes her decisions inherently selfless. She never truly makes a choice just for herself. This is why it’s so important that she starts to explore desires outside Laios and Marcille, making decisions that benefit nobody but herself.

2) You can give someone an outright no without being unkind, as Falin herself does at the end of the manga (with Toshiro). She was still kind then, but she was also firm, unlike when Toshiro proposed to her first wherein she went “Uhm, let me think about it” despite not having any feelings for him. She also considered accepting the proposal, but debated with herself because she didn’t want to be unfair to him. Again, nothing about her own feelings. At the end, though, she expresses herself and genuinely lets him know she isn’t interested.

3) I never said Falin was a pushover, only that others clearly thought of her as one. We don’t have enough information to come to that conclusion. However, we do know she isn’t able to properly defend herself (being pushed around by her classmates and not standing up for herself until she befriends Marcille, not being able to defend her decision to stay with Laios until Laios himself intervened, she honestly believes her parents were right about not standing up for her because she believes that might have put her in more danger, hell, she was pushed around by her own family’s dogs as a child). She does what she wants when she’s free to do so, or when her loved ones are in danger, but when faced with any sort of confrontation, it isn’t a stretch to say she acts meek.

4) Marcille does not treat any other member of the party like this. Even when she calls them ‘children’ because of their ages, she still acknowledges their decisions and trusts them to know what’s good for themselves. She never tries to ‘protect’ any other party member (such as Chilchuck or Laios, both short lived races) like a child nor does she keep information from them like she does so with Falin. Of course, Marcille has reasons for all this, but it doesn’t make it not true, and it doesn’t take away from the fact that she is babying a grown woman. And I brought up Marcille because she and Laios are the ones whose relationship with Falin is explored in-depth. We do not have enough information about Falin’s relationships with other party members to draw a conclusion, considering Falin is absent for most of the story. But it does counter your assertion that Falin ‘isn’t infantilized’. She very clearly is.

not to be annoying but i do think a lot of people mischaracterize falin. shes got the most drastic canon v fanon thing going on. which i guess makes sense bc 1. we dont see much of her and 2. lot of the fan stuff are anime-onlies that have seen even less

but i think like a good 90% of the time i see falin-centric art or posts im like hrm hrm hrm thats all wrong no nope no-siree

she's just a cool chick that takes life as it comes, doesn't hold grudges even against a mother that apparently was trying to beat the magic outta her, finds her older brother the coolest person in the world, and has autism about observing life (and death, she loves the ghosts she has a connection to) and nature and taking care of things (including taking care of her brother, which is why she's even in the dungeons; she saw her scrawny mess of a brother and decided she had to fix that).

and i think my favorite part that people don't talk about is... she would have done the same for marcille or laios if it were one of them that was eaten. you could see it in her eyes:

it's what shuro misunderstands about her. it's easy to see her feminine, cute, good girl pieces and forget the rest of her. but she loves things to an ends-of-the-earth extent; the kind of caring that makes you a little insane. and that's how I think she and laios end up on the same page with their weirdness. they have different interests, but they are the same level of committed to those interests.

it's easy to love her, because she probably loves you just as much, if not more.

[iridiumirixo]

I completely get what you're saying about Falin being willful, which she definitely is. But she can be both willful and infantilized (by the people around her).

I wouldn't call her a pushover, per say, but we should consider how much of her life and decisions have been influenced by those she loves, and how she never really seems to make a 'selfish' choice.

- She joins magic school because her parents want her, and doesn't rebel because she sincerely believes they had her best interests in mind.

- She joins Laios (nevermind that she was only a few months away from graduating and probably had a job lined up) because she's afraid she'll lose him:

- She sacrifices herself for her brother because she can't bear to see the ones she loves hurt.

I think, actually, that this is an extension of HOW fiercely she loves; she never considers her own desires in her decisions, only how it would affect the people she loves. Not until the very end of the story.

We know she found the academy stifling and strict, but she didn't really make any attempts to run away until she saw how haggard Laios looked, which means that this action was prompted by her care for him and not necessarily her own desires. We also know her genderbent self is more focused on research at the academy than adventuring, which is also telling:

If Marcille didn't understand why she wanted to go dungeoning, would she have enough will to defend herself and her brother? We don't know the answer, but considering the fact that she isn't able to properly defend herself when Marcille nearly drags her off the first time and requires Laios to intervene on her behalf, I'm inclined to think no:

I could also point to how Chilchuck knows her as 'the girl who can't say no':

And how she didn't outright reject Shuro's proposal (like she did at the end) but instead told him she needed time to consider:

As well as the fact that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal not because she loved him but because she was worried no one else would propose, and then debated whether that was unfair to him or not:

Of course, all of this is from the POV of other characters, so it does have a certain level of subjectivity, but this does paint a picture of how other characters see her - as a pushover. This may not be necessarily true, since we actually see Falin enough to really grasp the full extent of her character, but it is telling.

Of course, Falin is just a caring person in general, but you have to consider the fact that at the end her choice is to leave Melini and travel the world without Laios or Marcille or anyone. She's exploring her own desires for the first time, viewing herself not just as an extension of the people she loves. She even says it herself, she didn't think it was okay to be satisfied without them:

Yes it could be the dragon influencing her, but I think chalking it up to just that is a bit of a cynical take considering how much of the canon story she spent being puppeted around by various beings. I also think it makes more sense, narratively speaking, for Falin to have this character arc, considering how little autonomy she is afforded in the actual story (a la being puppeted around by various beings), rather than just already 'living life how she wants to'.

As for infantilization; yes Falin is absolutely babied, most notably by Marcille. We see this when they reunite after four years of apparently no contact, wherein she first believes that poor sweet naive Falin couldn't POSSIBLY want to leave with Laios and must have been manipulated by him, so it's her duty to take her to a safe place (back to the magic academy), where she can ‘catch all the bugs she wants':

Nevermind that Falin shows no sign of regret or distress. Nevermind that Falin is, at this point, a grown woman in her twenties.

Falin is aware of this, and resents it:

Marcille only lets her stay in the dungeon when she herself finds merit in Falin's decision. That's not exactly respecting Falin's autonomy or her decision making (which would be more like "Okay I may not believe in what you're doing but I respect that you made the choice at all" from the very start).

Someone else already made great points about the bath scene. But what especially stood out to me was how Marcille clearly states that she thinks of Falin as a child:

In of itself it's not much, but coupled with everything else, like how integral Marcille's race is to her character arc as well as canon elven bigotry and infantilization of short lived races, I don't think we can just chalk it up to Marcille being protective.

not to be annoying but i do think a lot of people mischaracterize falin. shes got the most drastic canon v fanon thing going on. which i guess makes sense bc 1. we dont see much of her and 2. lot of the fan stuff are anime-onlies that have seen even less

but i think like a good 90% of the time i see falin-centric art or posts im like hrm hrm hrm thats all wrong no nope no-siree

she's just a cool chick that takes life as it comes, doesn't hold grudges even against a mother that apparently was trying to beat the magic outta her, finds her older brother the coolest person in the world, and has autism about observing life (and death, she loves the ghosts she has a connection to) and nature and taking care of things (including taking care of her brother, which is why she's even in the dungeons; she saw her scrawny mess of a brother and decided she had to fix that).

and i think my favorite part that people don't talk about is... she would have done the same for marcille or laios if it were one of them that was eaten. you could see it in her eyes:

it's what shuro misunderstands about her. it's easy to see her feminine, cute, good girl pieces and forget the rest of her. but she loves things to an ends-of-the-earth extent; the kind of caring that makes you a little insane. and that's how I think she and laios end up on the same page with their weirdness. they have different interests, but they are the same level of committed to those interests.

it's easy to love her, because she probably loves you just as much, if not more.

[iridiumirixo]

UHMMMMM what if T4T labru

[iridiumirixo]

Namari is the first of laios old party that gets reintroduced into the story before dungeon meshi really shows it's hand about the bigger themes it wants to tackle. Theres a lot of sneaky setup during her two chapters. Lets talk about her!

Dungeon meshi starts out as kind of a straight forward fun dungeon adventure amoungst adventurers and friends. Namari notably, throws a wrench in this perception while maintaining that lighthearted tone--notably, through introducing the fact Laios is a weak leader. Namari was in the party since the start. She was clearly in a bad situation at the time where adventuring was her only option bc she didnt have enough money to even get off the island. Despite that, she stayed in the party despite the fact she needs money bc she liked the comraderie. Sad that she felt like she had to choose between getting out of debt or having ppl she could be honest to.

All three party members who left did not have their needs properly met. Falin let her life be dictated by laios and marcille and was too passive to try to make choices for herself. She ends up getting eaten trying to save them + then puppetted around by thistle as a result of marcilles attempt (sucess) at reviving her (+ ends up starving the whole time) . I think shuro got kidnapped into laios party and then steamrolled over bc hes just so bad at saying no + also seemed to have never chosen anything for himself in his lyfe.

Theres a clear parallel between laios lack of attention towards these threes needs and his lack of attention that he was hungry at the fight.

Laios treated his like a group of friends going out adventuring without any regard to the needs of the group. Yeah, you could say they couldve told him, but as a leader its kinda ur job to actively keep tabs on this. And Namari really exemplifies this bc she really is in dire straits, her joining the party was out of desparation, and her need for money was getting ignored for years. That she even brought this up to the siblings and they still went on a dangerous expedition and didn't take missions aimed at making money is kinda like.. wow......

It takes a near death experience for her to realize she has really got to go actually achieve her goals —but crucially I feel if laios took more jobs to make money, she wouldnt have left at that crucial moment. I think theres an argument to be made that shuro probs wouldnt have left if namari didnt bc hes a passivity king and may have been more willing to get his retainers to work w laios party if they didnt both mutually agree laios wasnt cut out to lead the party to try to rescue falin. Which I dont think is an unfair assessment of his skills at the time.

Like he is well intentioned and doesnt mean anything bad by it but theres a limit to the amount of carelessness you can have as a leader. Later on, shuros going to have similar complaints and hes going to be much less nice abt it.

Anyways, i think its interesting the party namari aligns herself w afterwards is the right hand man of the lord of the island, awfully close to the occupation her father held before he disapeared after getting caught for money laundering. In her intro, she keeps her guard up from mr tansu and the party bc shes jaded about either having to accept a job for money or to be friends w her new party. I think this may be partially bc she let herself get dragged around for too long in laios party bc she had a soft spot for em. But after sharing a meal , having laios affirm his trust in her, and actively communicating w mr tansu shes able to get both the money she needs to climb outta debt and a good working relationship w the tansus and the twins by clarifying specifically how she feels. I think tansus a bit suspicious bc he thinks shes just in for the money and disregards her feelings as a result. I think theres a bit of an undertone that the way he treats her like a human shield reminds her of how she was cleaning up her fathers messes all the time as a kid.

Crucially, I think this is the turning point for how she acts bc she has so much love to give to the world! She needed to have this basic need taken care of before she oculd help other people. She goes down to the morgue to check for falin. She agrees to help kabru after hearing his motives w utaya even tho theres nothing in it for her. Shes the one who reaches her hand up to support him when he almost gets trampled by the adventurers in the dungeon.

I think seeing ppl help him without asking anything in return helped kabru be more open towards other, which leads to him throwing his lot w laios despite all his doubts.

Doesnt rat out laios party under the threat of interregation tho also it seemed shuro was just 🤐 abt it. She tells tansu shes headed down w shuros retainers to rescue him when he gets kicked like a football into the dungeon - also a nice bit of character development that she clearly wants to help laios w the water spirit and only goes w tansus permission, but here she takes the initiative and tells him she'll report if she sees anything funny. Crucially she throws her lot against the elves, who are the closest to power at great risk to herself. (tho lowkey she may lose her livelihood if the elves take over so there may be a bit of self interest there + her patron is in charge of some of it).

constantly asking shuro for his input bc she knows hes shy

able to support marcille when shes in tears after losing her dream falin and laios despite feeling awkward towards her (kinda interesting parallel w how shuro feels hes bad w laios

For the two of em, think laios failed them as their leader, so they leave. And afterwards, their relationship improves bc they can truely dedicate themselves to what they want from him as their friends--running a legendary sabatoge against the elf cops so he doesnt go to jail!!!

I think theres something to the fact shes the one shown being eaten by the lion when time stops. Then also the one in the mana realm happy that she’d never have to struggle or hunger again. Her whole life seemed to be cleaning up her fathers messes, getting cast out for her fathers messes, just a constant struggle w the dwarves not seeing her as someone worth being in their community and drifting around without a place to belong. Even tho she found ppl now it doesnt change what happened w her. It's sad. But she also accepts she has to go back and face the future.

her love for music and dance is interesting- how like something communal that draws others in spontaneously is something she feels close to

also interesting is her interactions w other races--seems like she primarily interacted w dwarves for the first few years of her life, w just tenous connections to people of other races and it was getting so suddenly ejected that got her there. No coincidence that shes the one who goes in between the orcs and elves towards the finale to go hey we are on the same side. Also not a coincidence she gets along so well w the twins who were abandoned by their families and taken in by gnomes but also always feeling a little out of place in that community.

Tansu clearly stand in for her dad : ( her mom walked out when she was young : ( honestly im really happy she gets a family of a sort w them.

Im also glad she still has her own interest in weaponry and design even tho its tainted w her fathers actions

Her friendship w shuro is so fun. You wouldn't expect them to get along so well bc they seem so different on the surface and namaris blunt in a way that ud think be offputting to shuro and he kinda indirect in a way that would piss her off but theyre very often on the same wavelength.

da warriors bond...no words are needed i think they might be using telepathy. once u get below the surface they have a lot in common.

family issues so severe it managed to creep onto a thrid person thats not their parent

pretty pragmatic ppl at their core (eg. shuros less mad about ancient magic being wrong and more that theyre gonna go to jail for 10000 years before chimera falin apears, his gripe about eating monsters seems more being about youll get food poisening that way etc. namari placing herself close to power in her new party, her insistance on getting paid, checkin the morgue for falin,when things get too complicated she focuses on what she can do now).

seemed to have suffered pretty badly under laios leadership

both seem to be treated as outcasts on the island, namari despite growing up there , shuro for being a forienger even tho 4/6 ppl on his party are foreign

theres interesting contrasts w her replacement senshi, in the way theyre both outcasts in the dwarven community and the way their family/partys legacies weigh heavily for them. but i ran out of steam

shes good at keeping ppl grounded and has a good inventory of ppls strengths. of the three ppl who left the party, i think she has the best potential to be a good leader at the start.

shes pretty linked to the community of adventurers as a whole but (u guessed it) i ran out of steam

I think a lot of her role in the story parallels w the theme that u need careful boundaries and consideration of other ppls needs to be an effective leader, something chilchuck hits upon a lot. but also you need to take care of your own needs first (senshis running theme) and be able to take good inventory of your desires to face the future (izutsumis running theme)

[iridiumirixo]

The bell shuro gives laios is such an elegant piece of symbolism. Laios immediatly stows it away but it's jingling at the bottom of his bag (and mind) the whole time as the crew enters the most isolated section of the story.

Rescuing Falin was the first thing shuros ever wanted or asked for and Laios return pushes him to be more and more proactive abt his desires. On Shuros side, its constantly ringing, out of his control, and annoying to him and everyone around him. Despite being mortified w intruding on other people, he keeps it on him even when he sleeps. They both almost throw it away several times.

Thru the story its a little ambiguous what shuro feels about laios. IMO the dead giveaway is where he puts that bell:

At his heart!

[iridiumirixo]

very sleep deprived doodles of whatever’s going on inside my brain

[iridiumirixo]

BRING BACK THE BEAR!!! 🗣️👉🐻

[iridiumirixo]

happy bluebird!!

sort of a companion to my other piece here <3

[iridiumirixo]

like i hate shuro so much but. you ever think about how he admitted to being envious of laios? how he wished he could be as genuine, as sincere as laios is, and connect deeply with the people he truly cares about, like falin? he is envy of the man who is everything he is not; the man who came to this island of his own accord, to chase his own dreams, unlike shuro he was sent by his father basically to figure out what would satisfy his dad enough to make him worthy of being his successor. and there he meets laios, a man who left his home and his parents' expectations of himself behind to go figure out where he could belong. they are on two entirely different paths, and it's not so much their personalities clashing as it's their upbringings and the effects' those had on them. and laios admires shuro so much, and loves listening to his tales of foreign lands; he couldn't fathom what a man like shuro could possibly be jealous of him for. but shuro, despite having the more experience of the two, is the one who is narrow minded, unimpressive in his way of thinking and approach to the challenges he faces. and laios baffles him time and time again, so different than any other man he encountered so far. it makes him so annoyed at times, maybe because he sees in laios what his father sent him off to discover in himself, but he couldn't put his finger on it quite yet. the thing is, when it all came down to putting themselves out there and shuro being truthful, it ended in fondness, not contempt. and laios can't see it himself, but those closest to shuro recognized the change that man evoked in him. and for that, if nothing else, shuro would always be grateful.

[iridiumirixo]

“The four lords”

[iridiumirixo]

you don't get it okay... you don't understand......... .

[iridiumirixo]

Soooo I read all of Dungeon Meshi in this past week and I have many thoughts bouncing around in my brain and I think the only thing to do with them is some AGGRESSIVELY CLOSE READING of a scene I wanted to come back to and try to understand better.

So: I want to talk about chapter 28

This entire section of the story is something I feel like I am going to want to come back to a lot, because its such a transitional time and I feel like there are a lot of themes/ideas that I wasn't fully aware of during my first reading, and stuff I missed because of that.

One of the biggest things I have been turning over in my head is... hey, what was UP with the Marcille/Falin bath scene? Maybe it was because I was already primed to pay attention to stuff with them going into the story, or because I had already seen a couple of panels out of context. In any case, it really kind of stuck out to me as being very short but also VERY intense, while also being... hard for me to define? Some part of the nature of the intensity felt like it was going over my head.

I wasn't sure that revisiting it would help with this right away, but to my surprise, it actually WAS a lot easier for me to follow and understand when I went back to it. So I want to just do a close reading of That Scene and some other parts of the chapter & context around it all, because I think it offers insight into Falin & her relationships, and what purpose this chapter serves within the story as a whole.

So first of all, I think it's interesting that the scene starts with Marcille bathing Falin.

It feels very caring in a more platonic, less charged way then what will follow.

Marcille goes from this caretaker mode to joining Falin in the bath, and then of course we get the first of The Panels

(as a small note, I only noticed when revisiting that Marcille is using the rest of her Kelpie soap in the bath. Isn't that just the most heartwrenching little detail. Augh)

Anyway, one of the first things I thought was interesting going back to this is how much it reminded me of the very different sort of intimacy that came just before it - when Laios and Marcille assembled Falin's bones.

This is such a beautiful and intimate sequence, and something about Marcille examining Falin, whole, after the fact... I can't imagine there are not some echoes of those bones in Marcille's mind. The action seems more startling/intense for Falin at first, and maybe part of that is because Marcille has already experienced this level of intimacy with Falin's body in a way Falin herself wasn't a part of.

This panel in particular I think is a summation of the difference in the experience for them. This looks like... near orgasmic for Falin tbh, and Marcille is very focused on the actual like practical part of what she's doing, seemingly completely unaware of the Effect she is having on Falin.

The whole short sequence is focused on this intimacy that Marcille initiated seemingly without fully being aware of what she was actually doing. And once Marcille is satisfied, she is also the one that ends it, sitting back in the bath and moving out of Falin's proximity. All on her own terms, and for her own ends.

HOWEVER... Falin doesn't just let things go.

Instead, she returns Marcille's attention. First, by asking after her wellbeing:

Marcille, of course, deflects (there will be a lot of that in this scene).

But Falin doesn't let it go.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She likes to keep the peace. In this context, and in context of the way that Marcille was the one to come into Falin's space initially, the way that Marcille controlled the initial intimacy... this is striking. I genuinely think that these three panels might convey one of the most assertive actions Falin (as herself) takes in the entire story. One of the only things that outdoes it is the fucking INCITING INCIDENT OF THE WHOLE STORY.

I'd also like to point out here that this action of Falin's also parallels her resurrection by Marcille & Laios. It's is also a forbidden magical action done to save someone(s) she loves, and its something she does TO them, that they are not fully aware/able to react to until its done.

Anyway, back to the bath scene. Falin is taking action here and asserting herself. And how does Marcille react?

She flips out!! She rejects it! She tells Falin that she isn't supposed to be acting like that.

It's a very distancing response from Marcille, and also one that puts her back in that caretaker mode from the start of the scene. She also puts even more distance between herself and Falin by sinking into the water.

Falin doesn't give up though! She continues to assert herself. She's okay, she is allowed to chose to do this.

And Marcille continues to push her away. It looks to me like she only starts to relax a little once she fits Falin into a role she can better define and control. You're a patient, you're recovering, I understand this fact and you don't. Let me take care of you.

But, for a third time, Falin pushes back.

I don't think it’s coincidence that this is where she opens her eyes. She asks directly about the thing that they have both been dancing around:

The resurrection spell. The fact that Falin KNOWS about this, at least in part, recontextualizes the quiet battle for control between the two them. They both know at least some part of the truth. Marcille wants nothing else then to ignore it. Falin wants to be able to talk about it. Marcille's blatant refusal to give her those answers, I think, is what keeps them out of sync - intimate only ever in one direction at a time, never fully together.

And of course, even when directly confronted, Marcille refuses to engage with the truth.

This moment being on the bottom of the page is notable too. There's a beat here. The last panel holds on Falin's face. The reader reaches the bottom of the page, and they are held here for a beat as well, with Falin. It's not quite a rejection yet. What Marcille says isn't directly an answer to Falin's question, but it is a response. A valid one, even! Falin wasn't just asking the question after all, but struggling with guilt that Marcille has every reason to want to reject.

But then you move on the next page, and...

Marcille isn't actually addressing the question at all, not directly. She's deflecting, again. Oh we had a ~difficult time~, there were a lot of "tough situations." Even though she and Falin both know about the resurrection, and Falin has made it clear that she wants to talk about it, Marcille pushes away from the actual topic. She keeps things broad and indirect.

She offers the smallest gesture to Falin - nothing more than a whisper of 'don't worry about it I won't get in trouble' (even though Falin's concern was never just about Marcille getting in trouble).

Marcille then continues to deflect even further, completely changing the subject onto clothes and frog adventures, which seems to distract Falin as well, as she finally gives up on pushing.

And that's where the scene ends! Marcille pushes into Falin's space (without fully realizing), and Falin pushes back. She tries three times to get Marcille to acknowledge her wants, and three times Marcille rejects her, though she does eventually convey some truth. She is honest in her belief that Falin doesn't need to feel guilty, and that things will all work out, even as she continues to deflect the rest of the question. Falin finally accepts that, the topic of conversation changes, and we move on.

But there is a little bit more that happens between them. Towards the end of the chapter, they have this little 'oh no we have to share a bed' situation. Classic stuff.

And Falin seems to realize that the context of this is kinda different now then it was when they were in the magic academy. She's not a kid any more, and they just had those intimate moments in the bath. There's a new tension between them, or one that new at least to the bed sharing of it all.

And in this respect, too Marcille pulls away from what Falin is trying to say. She tries to frame Falin as a kid, tries to insist that nothing is different.

When I first got to this part, it honestly felt... a little uncomfortable? After the bath scene, it is really weird to move into a new intimate situation with Marcille explicitly treating Falin as a kid.

What I have realized in coming back to this scene, though, is how much I think its meant to feel uncomfortable. Throughout the chapter, Marcille's responses to Falin become increasingly patronizing. By letting some of that conflict between them resolve at the end of the first scene, the chapter seems to let things rest, and lets you set it out of your mind.

Then, when the same type of conflict comes back at the end of the chapter, Marcille is even more blatantly treating Falin like a kid, and the unfairness of it hits even stronger. They are both adults, and Falin deserves the truth. After 27 chapters from the perspective of Laios, Marcille, and the others in the group, this progression lets you feel things from Falin's perspective. It's supposed to feel uncomfortable because it IS uncomfortable for Falin, the way no one will quite tell her the truth.

After all, Marcille isn't the only one to do this kind of deflecting when Falin tries to ask about what happened. Laios has a similar response, right down to the 'treating her a bit like a kid' part.

Even more importantly, this final conversation of the chapter reveals one last layer in the knowledge/power imbalance between Falin and the rest of the party: she doesn't actually remember sacrificing herself and teleporting them out.

As I mentioned before, that action was one of the most assertive things we see Falin do in the story, and she doesn't even get to keep that for herself. Instead of being her action, her choice, it becomes yet another thing that the others know more about than her.

I think that's part of why there is such an air of melancholy to this hug they share on the next page

Obviously, obviously, there are so many emotions here for Laios and I don't think its all meant to be viewed as a negative thing, or that he or Marcille are being completely unreasonable. They've been through a lot, and what's more, they think they have time now. So much more time then they actually will have. Time to explain, to open up, to let Falin return to the group in full - as a teammate and not just as someone to be cared for and protected.

But they don't get time. And this relenting by Falin, this "I won't do it again," it's not something that feels triumphant. It's an attempt to comfort them, more a prayer than a promise. As if she is trying to exorcise a spirit. As if she is capable of promising that death won't come, eventually. It's what Laios needs, not what she wants.

That's the real tragedy of the chapter, I think. It's the one time, in the midst of everything, that they have the chance to give Falin what she wants - and they don't do it.

But I do think they realize that, and I think that this failure is a core part of their journey. It's another bittersweet taste to add to the mix - all the missed chances in this chapter to connect, amidst the moments of genuine peace they do get throughout it.

As Laios puts it later...

If Falin hadn't been eaten by the dragon, and perhaps if they hadn't failed her here, they never would have had the adventure that they got to share.

(or, perhaps more tactfully: in life & chapter 28, there are both good times and bad. Thanks, Chilchuk)

[iridiumirixo]

seeing this part is what actually convinced me that ryoko kui knew about autism and wrote the siblings like that on purpose

i struggled finding way to explain why until now

as you can see ever since he was a kid Laios was especially sensitive to other people's expectations, which stresses him out. but Falin herself didn't seem to notice.

yet as adults we see that they grow up to be seemingly opposite of who they were as kids. as per his relationship with Shuro we could see that Laios didn't notice Shuro's distaste against him at all until he was told and with Falin she pays special attention to people and takes care of them to the point that becomes her most memorable trait to her teammates.

honestly it's the kind of progression that i've seen a lot among autistic adults. for laios i usually see it among people who finally found a comfortable space to be themselves and be immersed in their special interest. the happiness can get you kinda tunnel-visioned.

while with falin i feel like she's similar to me where we realized that the things other people usually notice easily doesn't come naturally at us so we end up compensating by working hard at being considerate to our friends but ends up being able to notice little tells others don't usually see

sometimes it's not even two different people, sometimes it's the same autistic person going through all of that

[iridiumirixo]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

[iridiumirixo]

The Toudin family autism is so real I love you Laios I love you Falin

[iridiumirixo]

13 year old Clark Kent learning about brood parasitism in middle school biology class and barely touching his dinner that night.

When both Ma and Pa are asleep he climbs out onto the roof, shuddering in the dark, because the teacher said some species' biological parents will secretly come by night to teach their young how to be a proper cuckoo or cowbird even as they're still steadily starving their foster nest. Maybe he can just convince whoever left him here to just take him away again--find a different nest. He doesn't want to hurt anyone here.