is-it-gay-if-im-baptized - Tumblr blog

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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

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my sister & I went to catholic school & when one of us says something tinted with that specific brand of lingering moral scruples in the chat our friend does this

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literally its so fun being abnormal about christianity and also being christian because i just said "id kiss judas with tongue" in front of my pastor and she squinted at me and went "do you need to be removed from council or are you going to be normal?"

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judas was probably like "jesus has pulled off so many wacky things, he'll get out of this one lickity split, and i get three shiny coins out of it, too"

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This scans.

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the spikier a crown is the better it is

[is-it-gay-if-im-baptized]

i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

[is-it-gay-if-im-baptized]

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[is-it-gay-if-im-baptized]

Say it LOUDER!!!!

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Quincey Harker age 6: but Daddy my Catholic friends say you're not supposed to wear the rosary beads all the times like we do

Jonathan: that's all well and good but you just tell them that you're also not supposed to let yourselves fall prey to the terrors of the night either

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Me, Catholic, walking into a Protestant church with no depictions of Mary: where’s my mom

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Van Helsing: "It's the Host. I brought it from Amsterdam. I have an Indulgence." 

Van Helsing, internally: Godverdomme, that was definitely not the right word.

Van Helsing: Oh well, I'm working with a bunch of fucking Anglicans, it's not like they know the difference.

Van Helsing: ...well, two Anglicans and a... Texan...

Van Helsing: Mein Gott, who even knows what friend Quincey believes.

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For COVID reasons, our church is using tiny plastic cups to distribute wine for communion. This is tacky but understandable. There are always a few drops left at the bottom of each cup no matter how thoroughly we empty it.

My mother tucks our cups into her purse after the service, dodging the trash can set out for them. She will not throw away Jesus' blood.

When we arrive home, she fills a silver mixing bowl with fresh water and rinses them gently, the drops of wine turning the water a faint pink. She disposes of the six cups unceremoniously once they're clean—they were just vessels, now stripped of their importance.

The bowl she carries carefully into the garden, kneeling down in the dirt. After saying a short prayer, she pours the wine-stained water into the grass—she will not let the blood of Christ go down the drain. Better to bury it.

My father shakes his head and says, "If Jesus knows when to get in the wine, he knows when to get out." But he bows his head anyway.

My brother asks her why she doesn't just lick out the cups. This goes resolutely unanswered.

[is-it-gay-if-im-baptized]

not to sound like a medieval peasant or a catholic but i resent anti-carb propaganda so much like bread will never be evil it is holy it is divine it is one of life’s most simple yet decadent pleasures. love is stored in the bread