ishanih

[ishanih]

Mere jabaaton ki hifazat bade khulus se ki gayi hai. Kiston me mili hai magar muhobaat hume badi hi sanjeeda mili hai.

[ishanih]

Happiest Sankarant to those celebrating.

Celebrations are extremely subjective. Like for me, ever since I gained consciousness, until I moved, Sankarant meant Rahul kakas house. 13th evening - tying kanetra to the kites. 14th Going to the terrace, flying kites, playing loud music, munching on Sankarant special snacks. Lunch at theirs, and then dinner at ours. Traditions some would say... It's been such a special day for us as a family and family friends.

Fun fact : I don't know how to fly kites. Loud music isn't my thing. Snacks, oh yes! I am much more vocal about my love for food now, wasn't so back then. But being out on the terrace? please count me out. It's sunny, I am dusky, where I am from, sun tan is unhealthy. Despite that, every year, same things, again and again. It's not uncommon for kids to go along and do things and live lives in ways that their parents/society dictate. In reality I am one of the lucky ones. My parents have shown an insane amount of freedom and faith to me, in me.

Beyond all the things we did, I did - without wanting to do them, honestly, this date has given me such profound emotions. It has been my anniversary and then my break up anniversary with the one man whom I think of as my one true love. For so many years, I have had my core sinking, incapable of tears, I have slapped a smile on my face and lived through this date. Made a clown of myself, laughed the hardest, and stayed lively, when all I could pray for was dying.

When I moved, I didn't move only towards a better life, a "richer" country, a stronger career, I also moved away from years of torment, burned bridges that lead me to black holes of dispare, I moved towards a better version of myself, a peaceful home, and a balanced life with time for work and play.

Here I am, 14 years later. Far far away from Rahul Kakas house, my house, and all those feelings the good, and the bad.

Here I am creating my own traditions and some memories... Today, on an ordinary Tuesday in Canada - I had a very special dinner of Undhiyu Jalebi and a Big Rock Beer called Fuzzy Cowboy. That's it. That's my celebration for Uttarayan and it's just so me. Still as resilient as I need to be, but with so much more compassion for myself, and others in my life.