iskastories

[iskastories]

3

I waited for weeks kung tatawagan ba ako ng mga inapplyan kong programs. The BS Geology has a requirement na kailangan daw umattend sa orientation nila, and if not, automatic hindi na raw nila tatanggapin. The day before the orientation, nagdadalawang isip pa ko kung pupunta pa ba ko kasi I told myself na kung hindi naman BSGE yung tatanggap sa'kin, hindi na ko lilipat. But I still went. The orientation was just about the program, kung ano yung ginagawa nila, ano yung mga subjects, ano yung grades na kailangan, all of those. And then sabi, yung mga pumunta raw, irarank nila yung GWA and then icocontact nila depende kung ilan pa yung natirang slots from those na nakapasa from UPCAT. Then kapag ni-contact, may interview, then tsaka pa lang magkakaroon ng final result. So yun, pagkauwi ko nun, naisip ko na na possible akong matanggap sa BS Geology since nakarating na ko sa first step, and inisip ko na kung gusto ko ba. And yes, gusto ko. I waited for few more days. It was May 14, I received an email from BSEM, saying that I am shortlisted for a slot and I will have an interview on May 20. I was shocked, and sabi ko, eto na yun. I'm now close to my dream school. This time, I told myself na kung ano yung unang tatanggap sa'kin, iggrab ko na agad.

With my boyfriend, I went to the Department of Mining, Metallurgical, and Materials Engineering for my interview. I was the first one who came there sa admin office nila so I thought, ako lang yung naka-schedule for that day. While waiting, napansin ko na may nakadikit dun sa pader na question, parang "How do you see yourself 10 years from now with these different aspects?" I panicked and I immediately messaged my boyfriend to search for the answers lol (even though I'm not sure if it's for the interview or not HAHA). Then other students came and I was praying na sana 'di nila nakita yung nasa pader kasi nakatalikod sila haha. We were four inside the room, then dumating na yung magiinterview. They asked kung sino yung naunang dumating, which is me, so ako yung naunang interviewhin. Lumipat kami sa kabilang room, and nakita ko nakapost na naman sa pader doon yung question. Kinabahan ako lalo!! But the interview went so smoothly, and sobrang bait ni Sir and Ma'am na nag-interview sa'kin. Tumatak talaga sa'kin na tinanong nila is, "In all honesty, kung matanggap ka sa tatlong choices na pinili mo, ano yung tatanggapin mo?" I instantly answered BSGE. But naisip ko agad na "Shocks tama bang nagsabi ako nang totoo." So I told them too that, "Pero po kasi nawawalan na ko ng pag-asa dun kasi until now, hindi pa rin nila ako nicocontact. And they said that it's okay. Before going out the room, I asked kung ilang years ba yung course nila, they said that 5 years pa rin, but pag na-accept yung bagong curriculum, it would be just 4 years. Lumabas na ako ng room, and I told the story to my boyfriend. Sana raw nagsinungaling na ako, but at the same time, okay na rin daw yun. HAHA. Basta raw pag hindi ako tinanggap, alam ko na kung bakit.

I went home thinking na eto na yun. I set my mind na na ang laki ng chance ko to have BSEM accepting me first, ayos pa kasi possible na 4 years na lang, at least I'm not too late with my batchmates. So nag-search na ako about BSEM, my dad even told me na sa province namin, yung tito ko yung first Mining Engineer, tapos wala na atang sumunod. I thought na maybe it's really for me so I got really excited. Hindi man BSGE, I'm still happy with this course.

May 21. Day after my interview. 2:49 PM.

I received a text from the College of Engineering Admin. Guess what? I GOT ACCEPTED INTO BSGE PROGRAM. Clearly, I was so shocked. What the hell happened? It was in the Primer that there would be an interview, and a stereovision and color vision test. And also, I thought my MSWA couldn't make it. Since I have no load, I emailed the Eng'g Admin, asking if it is legit (lol trust issues) and she said that it is real. I still can't believe it, why it was so easy? I went on an orientation for BSGeol, even had an interview for BSEM, so how did BSGE just accept me?

May 22. The Admin texted me again, saying that I also got accepted into BSEM. I can't believe it. One year ago, I was miserable because I didn't pass UPCAT, but now, I get to choose the program that I want. If you think that I immediately accepted BSGE, nope. Because I already set my mind na I would go for BSEM, naguluhan ako. I consulted my parents, my friends, and my boyfriend. I told them na kahit ano na dun sa dalawa, okay na sa'kin, but ano yung sa tingin nila okay for me. My parents said na kahit ano, basta I'm sure na gusto ko raw talaga. As for my friends and boyfriend, they told me, na I should pursue BSGE. Bakit daw hindi, eh eto yung iniyakan ko before, during, and even after UPCAT. It was my dream since I was in Grade 9. So bakit daw ngayong nasa harap ko na, tumitingin pa ko sa iba. And I realized, oo nga. I waited long for this, but I'm still not really convinced. It's maybe because, BSEM made me feel first that I really have a chance to be in UP. Dun pa lang sa interview, sobrang bait nung mga nag-interview sa'kin and I don't know, but it seems like I can't let go of this yet. The Admin emailed me again telling me that I can get my acceptance letter, but for only one program. Hindi pa ako agad pumunta dun and nag-isip pa ko for days kung ano ba yung pipiliin ko. Hanggang sa araw na kinuha ko yung letter, I was still half-hearted. Kasama ko yung boyfriend ko and he was asking me kung ano na raw ba pipiliin ko, and I said that I still don't know (note: nasa UP na kami neto otw to Melchor Hall). I asked the guard kung saan ba yung Admin office, then nung tinuro niya, pumasok na agad ako. I asked the person there kung saan ako pwede kumuha ng acceptance letter, and dun daw yun. She asked for my ID, and nakita niya na dalawa nga raw yung program na nag-accept sa'kin. So she asked me, anong program pipiliin ko, because she would delete the other one. I told her, BSGE po. She made sure of it twice, then deleted na yung for BSEM ko. She gave me my acceptance letter. I almost cried. This is really it!

[iskastories]

2

After 2 semesters, sa wakas! Pwede na akong magtry ulit for UP. Actually, naging debate na naman 'to between me and myself, kasi kapag tinuloy ko yung BSCE sa PLM, my prof said naman na I can master BSGE na lang after graduation and passing the boards. So bale double degree sana ako. But the other part of me says na I waited this long, and ittry ko lang naman. Kapag di ako pumasa, okay lang. Kapag pumasa ko, eto talaga plano ni Lord for me. I really talked to God and I said na okay lang talaga kung hindi talaga para sa'kin, pero kung para sa'kin, sana eto na yung pagkakataong yun, because I promised myself na kapag hindi ako natanggap, after grad ko na lang ulit ittry. By the way, BSCE sa PLM ay 4 year course na lang. While BSGE sa UP is still 5 years. So kapag tinuloy ko sa PLM, 3 years na lang graduate na ko. Kapag nag-UP ako, balik ako freshman, kasi walang maccredit na subject bukod sa NSTP, so 5 years yun. Natatakot din ako na ma-judge ng mga tao, na ang tagal ko sa college. Well, that was my thinking, and yes, sobrang toxic ko sa sarili ko.

Days before mag-end yung pasahan ng applications for first batch ng transferees, nasa Ilocos kami. Sinabi ko sa mom ko na sana makauwi kami agad, and my dad still wants to stay. They even had their argument about that, kasi nga minsan lang kami makauwi. But still, umuwi kami para maprocess ko yung application. Kinabukasan ng pag-uwi namin from province, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My mom called me para sabihing kumilos na ko agad kasi kanina pa naghihintay yung tito ko para pumunta kaming UP, ayusin ko na raw mga kailangan kong dalhin. I checked the requirements, and guess what, kailangan ng letter for transfer na ipapasa sa department of geodetic eng'g. Shet. Wala pa ko. Sabi ko sa mom ko, wait lang, and nagalit siya. Bakit daw di ko pa inasikaso agad. Now my tito, who's studying at UP, is still waiting for me, na dapat nasa UP na siya ulit kasi hell week niya nun. So I opened the desktop para gumawa ng letter. Guess what? Ayaw ma-open. This time, parang nawawalan na ko ng pag-asa. Sobrang nappressure na ko tapos sobrang impulsive ko, naisip ko agad na sige, i-pursue ko na lang after grad kasi parang hindi siya talaga para sa'kin ngayon. I cried and nagulat yung mom ko kung bakit. As in yung iyak ng bata na nahihirapan na huminga. Ganun. I said to her, "Ayoko na. Di na ko lilipat." Syempre, nagalit ulit siya. Nahihiya ako and probably siya rin sa tito ko kasi nga hinihintay kami. She told me na aalis daw siya at hihintayin niya ko sa kanto namin pagkatapos ng duties niya. Maya-maya, my dad texted me, telling me that they support me kahit anong choice pa piliin ko, and he even called me to make sure na I'll try it again. I cried a little more, I took a deep breath, and kahit nahihiya ako, bumaba ako to try to open the desktop again sa living room, kahit andun yung tito ko. Gumawa ako ng letter for reason of transfer ko tapos naligo na ko kaagad. After that, okay na ulit kami ng mom ko. Pinagtatawanan na niya ko because of the incident but she told me, "Okay lang yun. Minsan talaga ganyan ang buhay."

We ate sa UPTC before we head into UP OUR. Kumain kami sa Rub's, then we dropped off na yung tito ko sa dorm niya, kasi marami pa siyang gagawin. My mom and I went to OUR, and ni-compute dun yung GWA ko which is 1.65. The checker asked me kung nakita ko na ba yung mga grade requirements dun sa labas ng OUR, I said yes. She told me na wala na raw ba akong babaguhin sa choice of programs ko, kasi raw pag hindi na agad pasado sa initial requirement ng grade for each program, hindi na raw nila agad ineentertain. My choices na nakalagay sa papel are BSGE, BSCE, and BSEM. Sa BSGE, ang GWA dapat ay 2.00 at ang MSWA or Math and Science Weighted Average ay 1.75. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi aabot yung MSWA ko. But hindi ko binura yung first choice ko. For BSEM, hindi ko naman talaga gusto yun, nakita lang ng nanay ko na pasok yung grade ko dun at wala sila masyadong hinihingi, so I wrote it there. For the BSCE, I remember, 1.5 ang needed GWA at MSWA dun. Laglag agad. So binago ko yung BSCE, tapos I just put BS Geology na lang. I asked kung kailan ko malalaman yung results, they told me na sa June 3 pa nila ifoforward sa mga departments na napili namin.

[iskastories]

1

I failed UPCAT. It was heart breaking, and it was something that I'll remember for the rest of my life. As far as I can remember, it was April 30, 2018. Yun din yung araw na na-receive ko yung letter from DOST about my scholarship. I got the letter before lunch, and sobrang saya ko nun. Maya-maya, puro UPCAT tweets na yung nabasa ko. Isa ata ako sa mga unang nakakita sa batch namin, and naalala ko pa, I told my friend na i-chat niya ako with my name on it in small letters kapag bagsak, and capital letters kapag pasado. She told me to do the same. So pagkakita ko, I searched my name. Wala. I searched my friend's name. Wala rin. I searched my cousin's name. Wala rin. I searched my boyfriend's name. Wala pa rin. I thought sira lang. But then I saw people's tweets saying that they passed. I didn't cry at first. Alam ko naman sa sarili ko, and sinabi ko sa sarili ko, na I must not expect too much. So bumaba ako to ask my kuya if I can call my mom on his phone, and at this point, sinabi ko na sa kanya na I didn't pass, and mangilid-ngilid na yung luha ko. Umakyat ako agad sa kwarto, and I dialled my mom's number. Hindi pa siya sumasagot, my tears are falling already. When she finally answered, I only said, "Ma." while still crying, and I know that time that she knows why and she told me that it's okay. I cried a lot then I returned my kuya's phone to him. He told me, "Okay lang yan. Wag ka na umiyak. Kaya pa yan. Magrerecon ka or lilipat ka next year."

And that was the start of me planning how to get to UP.

I got my UPG so that I'll know if pwede bang ma-reconsider yung grade ko sa ibang UP campus. It was I think 2.5, which is okay para ma-reconsider ako sa UPLB. But the thing is, bagsak yung Science ko. 33. Hindi ako makakakuha ng engineering program. Ang pwede lang (programs na mga ni-consider ko lang na pwede kong lipatan) are, bs forestry, bs math, bs applied math, bs statistics. By the way, that time, inaayos ko na rin application ko for PLM since I passed there with bs civil eng'g. So inisip ko, kung dream school ba na hindi ko naman gusto yung course, o school na hindi ko rin naman gusto yung course ko but still malapit naman na sa dream course ko which is bs geodetic eng'g. After all the consultations with the people around me, and dahil na rin sa scholarship ko, I chose the latter. So I enrolled sa PLM, but inaayos ko pa lang yung requirements ko, I told myself na talaga na lilipat ako ng UPD. Being so anxious, I searched a lot of things. How to transfer, transfer to upd experiences, grades needed to transfer to upd, all of those.

Fast forward, I studied well sa PLM, and marami-raming beses din akong nag-breakdown, thinking na pag bumagsak ako (bagsak for me is dos), hindi ako makakalipat ng school. Yep, after two semesters, twice din akong nag-DL, I still dream to study BSGE sa UP. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep dati kapag naiisip ko na sana I did better, sana pumasa ko ng UPCAT.

[iskastories]

UP Journey

I made this blog so I have something to remind me about this new journey in my life.