istjproblems

[istjproblems]

today's episode of spot the enfp

[setting: a group text]

me: yo we should hang out soon

friend 1: yes! I was gonna text you guys!

friend 2: yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me

[istjproblems]

hey guys! how have all my enfps been getting through quarantine? especially those of you who live alone?

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been seeing all these posts shared from “infj memes” on fb and finally sought out an istj meme source

the group I found displayed rules instead of a description, the questions it asked just requested I type “Yes” to them, and they promptly accepted my join request, so it seems legit

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someone stop me from filling out the “tell us about yourself” question on this application with “I’m an ISTJ 5w6 sp/so, which means I have to look it up on Yelp before I eat there”

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ENFJ male seeking ISTJ/SLI female life partner. Not thinking of anyone in particular but like qualities of both STJs generally. How can I be the right person for an ISTJ? Where are some good places to meet them romantically?

I’m not sure I can answer your question because it goes against everything I believe about how good relationships should work. First of all, limiting yourself to a particular type easily slides into idealization. ENFJs have a habit of idealizing people and then getting slapped by reality. Second, it’s fine to like the qualities of STJs but if you’re idealizing those qualities, it runs dangerously close to “fetish” territory where you’re objectifying the person and expecting them to behave according to your preconceived notions. Personality type shouldn’t be used to stereotype or pigeonhole people. Third, a healthy relationship requires that both people know how to be their authentic selves, and then love and accept each other as is. You can’t accomplish this if you’re trying to “change yourself into the right person” for the goal of attracting someone, in fact, what you’re suggesting is a form of emotional manipulation, basically deceiving someone in order to get them to behave the way you want. ENFJs have a habit of morphing themselves to impress and then losing themselves as a result. If you present a false face to someone, what happens when they finally see your real face? Fourth, if you’re serious about wanting a lasting and committed relationship, you should be widening your horizons and giving fair consideration to all of your prospects rather than being so narrow in your desires and expectations. You can meet people anywhere there are people, the question is whether you’re able to relate to them on a REAL level and forge a REAL connection rather than dwelling in vague idealized images. Rather than focusing on someone’s type, how about simply focusing on their humanity and treating them as human, a unique individual, you might be surprised at who you can connect with just by doing that.

[istjproblems]

The second question at this link (note: the first question does talk about a nip slip so if you’re at a very strict workplace be advised even though there’s no pictures) is such a good discussion of how I believe personality theory should be used that I had to share it. An excerpt, in response to someone who felt her boyfriends’s love language of quality time and her’s of words of affirmation were incompatible and she was resenting it and feeling deeply insecure and unloved:

The “love language” model was created by an evangelical pastor in 1992 to describe broad relational dynamics as he saw them, not a timeless and universal truth about human beings. So the idea of love languages can be useful when talking about habits and preferences, but it loses all utility when we treat it as some innate, unchangeable aspect of our partner’s nature—especially when we make that assumption without ever talking to our partner about it. Your boyfriend doesn’t touch or compliment you as often as you’d like. Having an honest conversation with him about what you want from a relationship is a much more productive response than assuming “Well, his love language is probably ‘being in the same room with me,’ which means if I ever asked him to cuddle with me, it would be meaningless and go against his nature.” Everyone is capable of displaying and asking for affection, reassurance, or significant emotional contact. And a person might have particular preferences, but that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of accommodating others.

This covers essentially all of my issues with how personality theory is used, namely:

it’s not a replacement for honest communication

it doesn’t mean people can’t grow, change, or act differently if they make a conscious effort, but you have to tell them, see above

asking for reasonable accommodation in a relationship (romantic/sexual or otherwise) is good and healthy provided said accommodations are mutually acceptable

personality theory is the start of a conversation, not the end

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1) welcome back! You were missed! 2) Do you think certain MBTI types are prone to certain problematic behaviors and 3) if so which ones really bother you or you dislike?

Thanks. Yes, certain MBTI types show trends when it comes to problematic behaviors. My top one for each cognitive function:

High Te (ENTJ, ESTJ, INTJ, ISTJ): The Sledgehammer

Summary: Uses a one-size-fits-all solution for different sized problems.

Example:

Using brute force to power through situations that might require more patience, finesse, and reflection.

“This worked great for me, you’re dumb not to do the same.”

“Don’t pursue a career in art, you’re going to be poor. Go into business, law, or medicine.”

Impact: The problem with being a hammer is that you’ll start to see everything and everyone as a nail. It also makes people feel like their opinions and points of view are less valuable than yours. It also falsely presumes that the choice which yields the best output objectively (example: the job that yields the most money) is the best. It negates the reality that people have different indicators for success because there isn’t only one correct answer to every question.

Solution: Incorporate subjective variables into your objective logical frameworks.

High Ti (INTP, ISTP, ENTP, ESTP): The Hamster Wheel

Summary: Invalidates everything in a perpetual logic loop.

Example:

“Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” x1,000,000

Impact: You succeed at winning debates but fail at solving problems. Whether or not you can rationalize the validity of money doesn’t take away from the fact you still have bills to pay at the end of the day. Whether or not you can rationalize the value of grades and traditional education doesn’t take away from the fact you’ll be denied entry into many careers without the right qualifications. Whether or not you can rationalize that having children is a logical idea or not doesn’t take away from the fact that many people aspire to be parents. The validity of other people’s goals, dreams, concerns, and issues are not contingent on whether or not they can explain them to your satisfaction.

Solution: Create solutions, answers, and actions for every hole you poke in other people’s logic– not more problems.

High Fe (ENFJ, ESFJ, INFJ, ISFJ): The Guilt Trip

Summary: Guilt trip. verb. to make (someone) feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something.

Example: Self-explanatory.

Impact: This is manipulation. You’ll get on people’s nerves and make them miserable because you’ve forced them into situations they didn’t willingly want to enter or participate in of their own accord. Secondly, you haven’t provided solid concrete reasons and logic for why someone should do something, it’s an argument made without taking into consideration the other person’s comfort or needs. 

Solution: Explain clearly and transparently why you want someone to do something (yes, it’s really that simple).

High Fi (INFP, ISFP, ESFP, ISFP): The Cloudy Mirror

Summary: Judges people for things they don’t want to be judged for.

Example:

“I wish society wouldn’t judge me for not wanting to have children and not wanting to be a housewife.” [Proceeds to judge people who want to have children and want to be a housewife]

“Not everyone wants to be rich in life, we all have different definitions of success that should be respected.” [Doesn’t respect people who want to be rich in life, automatically think these people are greedy sell-outs]

Impact: This is hypocrisy. It also comes off as illogical and presumptuous when people’s intents and motivations are automatically filled in by you. Some people buy sports cars because they actually have a passion for driving– they’re not necessarily materialistic. Some people seek high-paying careers at the expense of personal passions because they have obligations and goals they’d like to reach– they’re not necessarily greedy. Some people like traditional gender roles in relationships because that’s their personal choice– they’re not necessarily oppressed and/or close-minded. 

Solution: Accept that “conformity” in behavior, goals, aspirations, appearance, etc. doesn’t equate to misery and/or lack of authenticity.

High Ne (ENTP, ENFP, INTP, INFP): The Whiplash*

Summary: Chronic quitting and the inability to commit due to impatience and lack of discipline.

*Whiplash: noun. a neck injury due to forceful, rapid back-and-forth movement of the neck, like the cracking of a whip.

Example:

“I’m going to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J … Z!” [Does none of it]

“Let’s do this. Let’s do that. Let’s go back to doing this. Let’s go back to doing that.”

“I want to have six-pack abs! I’m going to be SHREDDED.” [Exercises and eats well for one day then goes back to bad habits the next day]

Impact: People stop taking you seriously because you can’t execute on your promises, it dilutes the weight of your words and it corrodes respect (ex: “Yeah, uh-huh, sure you will, buddy.”). No one is immediately an expert at something the first try– seeds take time to grow and you’re no exception to this rule. Developing expertise and skills require time, commitment, and consistency. Results don’t happen overnight.

Solution: Underpromise and overdeliver– don’t overpromise and underdeliver.

High Ni (INTJ, INFJ, ENTJ, ENFJ): The Nutcracker

Summary: Hits people below the belt using knowledge those people shared against them.

Example:

Someone is insecure about their weight, you insult their weight.

Someone is insecure about their skin color, you make a comment about their skin color.

Someone tells you a secret, you expose it.

Impact: People won’t confide in you for fear you’ll use what they told you against them. This creates barriers to having close and meaningful friendships because people will view and treat you like a ticking time bomb they can’t let their guard down around. Understand that certain topics and comebacks are off-limits no matter how you feel about the person at the moment; certain words and actions have a lasting impact on your relationships. Memories fade but scars last.

Solution: The nuclear option should be your last resort, never your first.

High Se (ESTP, ESFP, ISTP, ISFP): The Blindfire*

Summary: Leaps before they look.

*Blindfire: noun. The term referring to the act of operating a firearm without looking at what one is shooting at.

Example:

Winging it, all the time.

“Go go go go go!”

Google Search: “Donald+Trump”

Impact: Your lack of foresight and lack of planning will set you back even further from your goals because immediate rewards and instant gratification often only provide short-term benefits that rarely last. There’s a proverb that’s applicable here: “measure twice, cut once” which means that investing time and energy up front to do it correctly the first time will save a ton of time, money, energy, and grief later down the line.

Solution: Stop, drop, and roll think if the path you’re on actually leads to where you want to go.

High Si (ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ESFJ): The Helicopter

Summary: Micromanaging, nitpicking people to death.

Example:

“Write the email but let me review and edit before you send it.”

“What are you doing right now? Where are you going? When are you coming back?”

“I noticed when you loaded the dishwasher you put the spoons and forks in before the pots and pans, you should put the pots and pans in before the spoons and forks.”

Impact: Half the internet is writing posts complaining about you, the other half is writing posts complaining about having to read all the posts complaining about you. Micromanagement saps people of confidence and motivation, it also increases the chance that the bad thing you’re trying to prevent will actually happen. Additionally, you’ll feel paranoid and anxious that something will go disastrously wrong if you’re gone which results in burnout because you’ll always need to be there to keep an eye on things. This is counterproductive for everyone involved.

Solution: Choose your battles wisely– focus on the “what” (the goal) and not the “how” (the method).

[istjproblems]

[istjproblems]

Can you be an introvert and a somewhat loud person?

no. all introverts are shy and speak with timid whispering voices. if you reach a certain decibel level your introvert status gets automatically revoked.

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what are the worst flaws and best skills of the enneagram 5w6? theres virtually nothing online about them

The tend to be analytical, detached, and exact in their knowledge. Often become experts in an unusual field. More interested in knowing things for their own sake than in ‘making’ something with their knowledge. (Finishing is less important than studying, so they wind up ‘lifelong students.’)

On the down side, they are much too secretive, can be fearful and paranoid about allowing people to get to know them / sharing of themselves, scared to get hands-on experience or step out of their knowledge-based comfort zone (think the person who knows all about skydiving and can show you how to unpack a parachute but who never jumps out of an airplane), and avoidant.

- ENFP Mod

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update: after spending a couple years thinking the person who inspired this was an nfp, apparently she’s actually an isfj. I guess it’s easy to overestimate Ne in someone when you know what they were like as a child

some people are really easy to type but then sometimes you’ve known someone for 20+ years and cannot possibly tell if they’re an enfp enfj esfj infp infj or imdb

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hot take: the ultimate iconic fictional ISTJ/ENFP friendship is Bob and Larry from Veggietales

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the real personality test: reblog this w/ what apps you have at the bottom bar of your home screen

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something i wish i had realized earlier: you can write poems on the same subject more than once. you can write, paint, draw the same thing over and over if you want to. you can spend your whole life making art about oranges. i think i always felt this pressure to get it right the first time like i couldn’t go back and use that inspiration again. but you can. you can go back and revisit it. you can pick up the conversation again and again if you have more to say.

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stop using anti extraverted intuition language, instead of saying an xNxP has a “bad memory,” say that sometimes the information they store has an alternative ratio of boring details from recent conversations to obscure movie and song lyric references

[istjproblems]

confirmed: Alexa is a 5

Im not even alive im just collecting data