itchylungs-blog

[itchylungs-blog]

so i didn't get to sleep til half six this morning.

i woke up around 10 and called in sick to work.  i made vegan french toast, with bananas and maple syrup.  unsurprisingly, it didn't make me feel any better, it just made me feel sick and sad and fat.  but who gives a shit.

zak has been enjoying lots of ear and belly scratches this morning, i think he likes having me at home for a change.

i'm going to start watching supernatural.  because i don't already obsess enough tv shows.  i need to stop.  it's really sort of fucking my life up.  or something.

the patients will probably miss having me around today; i think they like having someone to talk to who isn't just going to put it in their progress notes.

christ i need to sleep.

[itchylungs-blog]

so it's three o'clock in the morning, and i feel kind of tired but not like i could sleep.  and by "kind of tired" i mean seriously exhausted.  i haven't been sleeping well.

i wrote kind of a filthy porno story today.  i don't know why.  i wasn't even, like, turned on, or sexually frustrated or whatever.

i ate a lot.  like, a fuckload.  god, it makes me feel sick thinking about it.  ashamed and disgusting.

i've had a bit to drink.  not a lot.  2 glasses of cheap red wine, maybe a third of a bottle of famous grouse, a few shots of tesco vodka.  i've got a headache.  i don't know if i can face work tomorrow; i probably should, since i won't be here next friday.  but i'm sick and miserable and i don't care.  i could call now, i guess.  get one of the night staff to stick it in the diary.  doesn't seem worth it.

i've been watching crap tv shows, i don't know why i watch them.  gossip girl and american horror story.

what am i doing.  fuck.

[itchylungs-blog]

jesus christ, i'm having a spectacularly boring day.

i feel so sick, like, so sick.

all the patients are being very sweet today though.  DS tried to give me his last diet coke and DJ offered me his macaroni cheese and then gave me his soy milk to make some tea with (though not before telling me that although he's lactose intolerant, soy milk makes him constipated so he drinks cow's milk because he'd rather "have the shits than be bunged up").

i wrote that on friday and haven't been here since.  

i've got a brutal hangover.

and, fuck, all day there was this constant bleeeep... bleeeep... bleeeep... where a couple of the maintenance guys were tampering with the fire alarms.  it was awful, i though i was going to go insane.  if i do, we have a couple of spare beds, so they could just stick me in here.

my manager's gone to a meeting, so i can blog in peace while i wait for four-thirty to arrive.  this day has d r a a a a a a a a g g e d   s  o    s   l   o   w   l   y.

the maintenance guys seem to like me a lot.  earlier today the fit one wouldn't fix the laminator unless i gave him my number.  and i really needed to use the laminator, so what choice did i have?  i'd better not get drunk and shag him, that would be well awkward.

we got a new patient today, EB; he just came in.  he looks well mad.  well, i mean, they're all mad, but  some of them just have that look about them.  that crazy look.  he's got it.  jesus.

[itchylungs-blog]

it's a shame there was no-one shaggable around tonight, i looked good enough to get a fuck.

[itchylungs-blog]

i am a wee bit drunk

and by "a wee bit" i mean took me 11 goes totype that right

so now i give up

i'm horribly awware that i said "shag"  a fuckijng lot tonihgt

mosttly to tell adam and rich that i will not shag them separately or in any combination, ut also i was a horrible drunk emabarrassment the whole night so presumably i wass, as usual, either an utter slag or a massive tease.  (if i was a tease, it;s completely okay, beacause everyone's pretty used to it - though it still sucks to have a boner on your own in a pub, i guess.  if i was a slag, no-one will care, but they'll all rip the piss out of me.)  i specificsally remember getting bitten on the neck a lot.  to be fair, i have a pretty nice neck.

there's a lot of lipstick and chocolate on my forearm, i'll ask around and fin out what that's from.

it's been an odd night.

--

oh, hello 4am drunk me.

i'm catastrophically hungover and late for work.

[itchylungs-blog]

i'm drinking a beer in the kitchen; i had tried to battle through a mug of whiskey and tesco diet energy drink, but i just couldn't stomach it.

been bullied into going to the pub in an hour or so; it's dave and adam's birthdays so i made vegan chocolate chip cookies to take with me, because i'm twee like that.  i put cranberries in them too.

fuck, i'd better shower (yeah i didn't shower this morning when i said i would), i've still got to go and get money and fags boooooooooooooo life

[itchylungs-blog]

vegan sausage rolls

these are actually in no way remotely sausagey, apart from that you have to roll the filling into a sausage shape.  but i mean you don't even have to do that, probably; you could just whack it straight in there.  this recipe actually made kind of a shitload of filling, but i suppose you could easily tweak the leftover mix and make bean burgers.  or just loads of sausage rolls, whatever. i'm sure these are easily customisable, because i literally just used up the stuff that was on it last legs.  the mushrooms in particular were looking rather miserable. ok so these just came out the over and they are FUCKING GOOD oh my god.  i would put pictures, but i'm not going to get a chance because my dad is tearing into these fuckers like there's no tomorrow. vegan sausage rolls

puff pastry sheets 

1 medium onion, finely chopped 

1 medium sweet potato, shredded 

1 small pear, shredded 

1 small apple, shredded 

handful of nuts, roughly chopped (i used chestnuts, just because they needed using up, but walnuts or pecans would be good) 

5 mushrooms, chopped up small 

1 can of beans (i used mixed beans; cannelloni, flageolet and adzuki) 

1T ground flaxseed + 1T water, mixed 

handful of oats (i used some kind of weird 4-grain porridge mix because that's all i could find, but normal supermarket-brand oats are probably better) 

handful of wholemeal breadcrumbs 

for seasoning, i used a crumbled up vegetable stock cube, black pepper, mixed herbs, garlic powder and that maggi liquid seasoning shit. ok i guess i should have been paying more attention to what i was doing, because i'm pretty sure i missed off some ingredients here.

anyway, so preheat your oven to 210C  mix everything together (except the pastry, obviously) and season it  split your pastry sheet in two lengthways  roll your filling mixture into long sausage shapes and press it gently down the centre of each pastry strip  fold one edge over the top of the filling, then wet the other edge with water and do the same; turn the roll over so the seam is facing down, and leave it a couple of minutes to set like that.  repeat with the other pastry/filling strip.  slice each roll into whatever sized sausage rolls you want; mine were small ones, maybe like 1.5" or so.  arrange them on a baking tray lined with greaseproof paper, with enough room between them that they can spread a little.  brush the tops with water or whatever milk you use and sprinkle with sesame, black onion or poppy seeds, if you want.  bake for 15 - 20 minutes, or until they're puffed up and browned on top.

[itchylungs-blog]

it's probably completely unacceptable to take an impromptu sick day to sit at home and drink whiskey in bed, isn't it?

i can't quite bring myself to care.

work would probably have been intolerably boring, anyway.  the patients seem oddly taken with me this week; NT keeps trying to strike up conversations with me (but he is creepy and tries to hug me a lot, and he looks like a baby sontaran), and LH giggled like a little girl when i called him mr. h______ yesterday - not as adorable as it sounds, since he is a bug-eyed 6'2" mentally ill violent criminal.

they're all what i like to call "close-talkers" as well, our boys.  mighty disconcerting when cornered in a camera-less narrow corridor, i can tell you.

tomorrow should be fine, i'll be on a different ward.  though DS keeps trying to tell me about his plans to become a bricklayer, and DJ wants to talk comic books and superhero movies, which is rather distracting.  despite what these men seem to think, i do in fact have a job to be getting on with.  i really hope they've got KL calmed down; on tuesday he sniffed me and told me i smell nice, and he's fucking huge and weird and intimidating, it was horrible.

honestly, i think i deserve a day off, i've had a bloody manic week (i know, it's only thursday) and i really can't arsed to deal with mad patients and equally mad staff today.  so fuck it, i'm going to bake some fucking cookies and go out on the piss tonight.

and tomorrow, god willing, the maintenance guys will be on the ward and i'll actually be able to take them up on their offer of a drink this week.  (last week, buttgrowth was supposed to be dragging me to a halloween party that she cancelled her ferret racing for, but in the end she was too sick, and i was drunk alone at home.)  failing that, i plan to give an old schoolfriend a ring; she's always game to bring me for a drink with her boyfriend's lot, since they're a bunch of dicks and she craves some decent company.

little squidge just came in, she's bunking off college because she's hungover.  i didn't even know anyone is home.  i can't believe we're both hiding at home and not telling our mum, this is like being in school.  i think she drove home drunk last night.

guess i should shower.

[itchylungs-blog]

i hear it's rude to puke at a christening

i'm in big trouble later

[itchylungs-blog]

for fuck's sake.  i meant to start blogging again, but i sort of forgot or was busy/tired/drunk, you know how it is.

i'm a bit drunk now, actually.  and still partially wearing last night's wednesday addams make up, which for the most part is smeared over my bed sheets.

anyway.  so yesterday i wrote this, and forgot to post it:

one of life's happier developments has been my recent discovery of glycerine; i originally bought it to use as a mixing medium for make up, but have discovered that it also makes a pretty effective personal lubricant.

this, readers, is lies and blasphemy.  do not use glycerine as lube, it is awful.  turns out, it becomes incredibly sticky and stays that way for a really fucking long time.

the whole glycerine disaster inevitably led to doing that thing where i over-share in a really horrible and inappropriate way.  while i was complaining about my sticky thighs last night, some poor bemused guy asked me about it and i wound up telling him the whole terrible story of my ill-fated lube experimentations - a story which, yes, ends with me leaning against a wall with two fingers up my own arse.

a wonderful first impression, i'm sure you'll agree.

[itchylungs-blog]

hi

this is my new blog

and it's a secret, i'm not telling you who i am

but i just traded shirts with billie t

mine is leopard print

hers has jesus on it

athos looks like gay zorro

i'mna do the, what d'ya call it, layout later.

then pictures, hopefully.

awwwwwwww welcome back to blogging, me.