itscan-can

[itscan-can]

Dairies of a terrible artist.

(4. Needing and wanting)

If the sensation of inspiration hits you, how would you classify it? As a need or a want?

How strong should the "inspiration" has to be for making you take real action? When does the muse turns into a teacher that guides you into developing the discipline of working every day?

So, I have been thinking about all of these seemingly logical questions but haven't found the answer.

Anyway, I think I'm up to something.

[itscan-can]

Dairies of a terrible artist.

(3. Talent, practice, discipline, luck)

I keep thinking over and over again of what will cure my artist block. If I can call it that.

Truth to be told no one knows the secret, if there is one. I haven't come to a conclusion myself. I just keep wondering and that's probably the problem.

I feel like those Nike commercials have the real answer, just do it.

[itscan-can]

Dairies of a terrible artist.

(2. The curse of being a jack of all trades...)

I keep trying to remember the rest of that saying "...master of none, though oftentimes better than master of one.". I had to search for it 😅

Still, I'm trying to keep in mind that a curse is a blessing in disguise.

Now, for context and context only I'll tell you about my dark past.

I know I said at the introduction of these blogs that I wasn't going to talk about the sad parts of my childhood. But I find it necessary for context! And just for context!

For starters being good at school wasn't natural for me in any way, shape or form. I really had to put the extra effort in all my assignments to have the grades that my family would approve to keep up the scholarships and benefits. I became a Jack of all trades.

When it was time for an artistic assignment, which I always enjoyed the most, I was only allowed then and there to be artistic. Homework delivered meant no access to paper, clay, paints, etc. under the premise that "they were too expensive". And that may have been true. But now, looking back, my family just was a bunch of cheap asses that saw in me the potential to be the adult they weren't.

Now that I broke the people pleaser persona I was forced to be (Cus let's be real, one can't blame their family for ever) I'm trying to stop leaving my needs aside and do more of what I enjoy the most.

Writing this output helps.

Also accepting that being a jack of all trades got me at the nice working position I'm at helps me do some amends with my family's past actions. In a way, even if they were selfish, they forced me to be brave and used to uncomfortable situations.

But one thing is being put in uncomfortable situations by others ... And a completely different one is doing it yourself!

Before doing what I loved to do was full joy. With it's ups and downs but fun cus at the end of the day art is subjective of a teacher no matter the education level.

But doing what I like the most by my own will and not being as good on it as I wish to be and comparing myself to others that had been practicing of years or are naturally talented for it it's the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCE!

[itscan-can]

Dairies of a terrible artist.

(1. Free time, we meet again.)

I remember my HS teacher going on and on about philosophers and how they proclaimed that the only way for the human mind to grow above and beyond its limits was to let it think. And the people that think the most (like the philosophers themselves) shouldn't be distracted from this precious task only they were able to fulfill for humanity with mundane things such as working or cooking or anything else. For them the way to create what hadn't been created was to, in a way, let the people that could do it do it without any pressure because everything would come to them naturally.

Lol.

But in a way life has proven, at least to me, that that's exactly how it happens.

Every time I have more than a week of vacation my brain comes up with stories and ideas that compulsively hunt me till I put them out in the world.

You see, I busted my ass during all my education and first jobs. Now I have a comfy position I wish to keep forever. But the more months I pass in this job the more I want to do something for myself enjoyment. Especially now that I'm finally done with my debts and starting to go back to my usual self. Pandemic wasn't nice to me and the burn out after my last job was real. Now I'm good, right? Maybe it is time to do something, right?

But what?

[itscan-can]

Dairies of a terrible artist.

(Introduction)

That's right, I'm a terrible artist. Not because I don't know how to hold a pencil or can't tune a note. I'm the worst because I simply don't try.

I could go on and on with tales of my territory childhood and how during those years I was only allowed to be artistic when I was asked to. But do we really want to talk about that? Of course not.

Saying out loud that I'm terrible will never happen. Texting it tho, hopefully will give me some output to discharge all the frustrating feelings I have.

The worst part is that I don't even know where to start. Music? Writing? Drawing? Sculpting? I guess the first 3 are the basics.

Wish me luck and join me in this pain in the ass trauma healing journey I'm starting.

Welcome to the dairies of a terrible artist.

[itscan-can]

Hello !