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i love when ur lying on ur side and a little tear rolls out for no reason its so cinematic and on brand
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“i don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day in the internet
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she said spank me and i slapped her with the word of the lord
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concept: time doesn’t exist. you and i are sitting on a bed sharing a smoothie. you think you’re falling in love with me. you’re getting butterflies in your stomach. little do you know that i actually poisoned the smoothie and you start to choke. im running as fast i can with the Russian military yelling in my earpiece but i don’t speak Russian. i realize then that i had also poisoned myself. we are both yelling.
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the phrase daddy issues makes me so mad like no this isnt some ‘issue’ we have its a system of neglect and emotional incompetence thats excused and encouraged in men and then somehow reflects badly on young girls for being lost and im so mad
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me crossing the street on a bad day: ohhh nooo ;) please, car, don’t hit me ;)))
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beekeeper:*keeps bees*
bees:*is keep*
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wife: Where are you?
me: I told you I'm at work.
wife: Swear you're not at Chuck E Cheese again?
*skee ball machine alarm goes off in the background*
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