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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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Nat, if you kiss my clone and not automatically know that isn't me... Ur not the one🙄

I hate you

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: A vision leaves you worried, and it continues to fuel when you end up in a critical situation. Natasha was there, but so unlike the same woman you know.

Warning: 18+ (General), angst, dark natasha but kinda not, violence, mention of weapon, bullet injury, blood

Word count: 4203

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“I hate you!” she spat, hair sprawled messily around her face as she huffed and harshly lodge her arm between your neck and collarbone. “I fucking hate you,” she cursed angrily and thrust you hard against the coarse brick wall. Briskly barricading your body from scrutinise eyes, but hers remains piercing into yours.

Heart pounding in your chest and skin trickle of sweat as you heave from the absolute pressure. Her touch leaves an everlasting burn on your skin. You ached for more of her, on your skin and beneath where your heart gnawed your insides for an escape. Devastatingly losing your focus on the significant mission. Your tongue swipe across your lips, her gaze momentarily dropping to trail the trivial motion. The rotten taste of copper assaulting your mouth. Your vision gradually dim, thoughts aiding the reason why your defence was slipping. Surely, it wasn’t from the sheer gaze of her eyes—moonless pupils, blown wide of anger, pitch dark from once vibrant iridescent green—and the slight quiver of her lips, just breath away from yours.

“Please, Natasha,” you begged helplessly and groaned painfully when she pushed you again. There’s a sinister grin spreading across her plump lips, dribble of blood by one corner of her lips and a bloody smile when she teased your inability to shield yourself.

“Oh, that’s so sad. Such a helpless little kitten,” she purred, excruciating your injuries as her hand pressed savagely on your injured ribs. Marvelling when you winced and when your blood taints her skin, and you watch with little defence. “Show us what you got, little kitten,” she ridiculed, snickering when your jaw locked.

You messily lunged forward, hands wrapping around her neck and the sound of discontentment at the back of her throat when she briefly loses balance. Natasha appeared shocked by the sudden enlighten rage and when your silent cheer erupts within, you notice her irises glint dangerously.

Low grumble of displease scratches your throat. The flash of anger depicted in your mind had left you winded and gasping for some sense of lucidity. Water vapour clouds the mirror in seconds. Bathroom steaming from scorching water splashing on your agitated body.

“Shit,” you cursed, hands furiously reaching for the knob to turn off the water. “God, fuck, what was that? Shit, shit…shit!” you scrambled to leave the bathroom in a haste state.

Clothes hazily throw over your damp body, mirroring image of a sweaty body, but smelling surprisingly fresh. Though, appearance doesn’t prod your heart as compared to the vision surfacing out of nowhere in your mind.

You weaved through your room into the lengthy hallway. Hands trembling, grazing the dull grey walls when your body seemingly inches closer—as if the lingering future had set your mind into a predictable state and flashing warning of your body collapsing.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you mumbled those words, threading around your consciousness and your aching heart. “It doesn’t always happen…if I change it!”

The future, often gruesome and rarely fluttering of glee. Those images sweep your mind, itching your throat to scream of what’s to come. Meddling mustn’t happen. Consequence would arise in the event of altering a supposedly planned future. Prediction, however, wasn’t your strength and power. It was simply the mere glimpse of life ahead. Mostly evolving you in alarming circumstances and unrevealed reasons that would either be harmless or something that could possible cost your life and others’ too.

Unknown to you, emerald eyes watch you warily as you openly argued with yourself in the middle of the hallway. Natasha, a world-renowned spy, doesn’t quite dodge the impeccable sight of you. Her silent demeanour surveys your hectic composure. Sweat layers your skin and hair sticking uncomfortably, almost camouflage as another layer of your skin. A nudge from her head and a throb in her heart encourages her body to approach you and soon, she towers over you slumped figure.

“What are you doing?”

Your eyes widen, pulse quickens, and you ducked your head from gazing into eyes that would surely leave you a muttering mess. A moment pass, perhaps seconds after or minutes, when you finally lifted your head to acknowledge her gaze on you. Confusion swirling in her eyes, green and brilliant under white lights, and the slight rise of her eyebrow as she silently questions your disturbed state. It made you feel helpless, gazing into pools of colours that appears much vivid than blooming forest. You couldn’t cease your heart from hammering or your eyes from avoiding her alluring eyes.

“Just— wondering around,” you nervously laughed, taking a step back to extend the distance between you and her. “Oh, look at that! Was it there the whole time?” you pointed towards an abstract pairing, but she doesn’t budge, already knowing your obvious tactic of distraction.

Natasha quirks her eyebrows, “What did you see?” she questioned.

Her infamous interrogation tone sends your heart ablaze. Partly from the intensity of her eyes followed by her hand squeezing your shoulder, a certain ease engulfs your chest and lips curves instantly. Your hand rest upon hers, a rash reaction as you shake your head in denial. Natasha swiftly flips her hand to intertwine her fingers with yours, and gush of warmth reaches your cheeks.

“Talk to me,” she whispered, bridging the gap between you and her. “Tell me,” she pleaded, and she firmly pressed her forehead against yours.

Her requested explanations linger at your throat, edging to the core of your mouth and tasting the bitterness—an awful reminder of you and her caught in such an undesirable situation, it wounded your heart beyond what words could decipher—and you stopped yourself. Her hand drops from yours when you take a hefty step away, unable to content your reaction from her proximity. Guilt crawls your skin and worsens when her eyes flickers of hurt from your drastic reaction.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about. Well…it’s nice seeing you! I gotta go, okay? Okay,” you responded, immediately waving your hand and taking brisk steps away from her sight.

Natasha had always gathered your unseen emotions into her own hands, threading those unprovoked visions into something less intimidating and damaging. From your first accidental involvement with the Avengers which subsequently made an arrest on you that was later proved unnecessary. Natasha was the first to befriend you. Stories of her past often painted dark, and yours—a memory that cease to exist. Adjusting to an entirely new territory was incredibly hard, but she was there, guiding you through a new life and in time, a bond was established.

But as friends—the lone label to mend your name with hers, two people sharing a story of devastating lives and laughing through the night.

For you, Natasha is far more than someone easily replaced and forgotten. That you hoped for your mind to remember. Those moments shared were significant. You assumed those meant as something trivial to her. Despite that, your reaction scratches a wound across your heart.

All due by a vision that you begged to never pulse into reality.

It was unsafe to utter those vision, therefore, you rather dwell than have her assistance which may result in her heart plummeting into your mess. Your vision. Natasha was by far the strongest, perhaps better than most you had encountered, and she deserves to breathe without the hint of worry clouding her mind. The former Russian spy wasn’t the villain they painted her to be, though some with their witless mind still assumed she was.

It simply wasn’t your place to weight her with a cruel burden when she had always acted sufficiently belong to her designated places, adding to her merits of a traded life and prospects a kind of confidence that you—absolutely adored.

You just hope that bloody vision meant more of a trick to fool your mind than something to fully discompose your whole being. Especially if Natasha was involved. She deserves better than the villainous image that would not hesitate to blame.

The intel was straightforward. A child’s play, you’d declared with a confident grin. However, several signs of warning were interfered with your mind’s affairs. The constant nagging of an upcoming event, ruthless beyond your mind’s boldest vision. Intercom be damn, the harsh words echoes louder and blurs your eyes when she meets your gaze. The same curiosity in those emerald eyes you wished to fall into, drowned and made into hers. A lopsided smile greets you and vanished as quick when your stoic expression remained. The guilt doesn’t melt from your skin.

That one-side conversation was before you fell into a high-stake game of who’s bullet meets the ground first or by what miracle, a perfect bullseye. It wasn’t yours to name when your weapon’s barrel emptied, and the stroke of pain makes you lose your focus. The clumsy soldiers had managed to embed a strictly feverish bullet to your side. A check down for your vision’s injury with a brief ease that Natasha wasn’t the culprit to wound you.

Status. Repeat. Status.

You weaved around the narrow hallways, purposely avoiding the questions of your whereabouts till you reach your destination. Sharp turns and veering paths distract the spreading soreness of your body. The supposed future tormented your often-focused mind—if not distracted by the bold hue of green, enchantingly adjusting its hue according to the light’s temperature and still, the pure comfort that resides in her eyes suffuse your chest with a pleasant feeling. She is what you can’t explain without spluttering nonsense.

You desperately wipe the sweat from your forehead. As if the same gesture could wipe clean the vivid images from tugging you into a dangerous pit and dive deep into a sorrowful truth.

And it happens anyway, the caution of your mind failed to warn the thudding boots heading towards your direction. It was sudden when you felt your body roughly shoved into a room. Profanities splutters under your breath before your eyes meet your captor and the very gaze that spills your guts, stares at you with an amused smile.

Your persuader found you first.

Natasha was unfazed by the obvious panic in your eyes as your gaze darts from her to a possible root of escape. A door standing tall behind her and a window that will surely leave you falling to your death. You hastily forced your way pass her and instantly felt icy-cold hand enclose around your arm.

“You can’t avoid me forever,” Natasha pressed her body into yours from behind. Her hot breath brushes your skin, propelling chills down your neck to where her mouth nuzzles close and wisps of her hair tickles your skin. A peculiar sting reacts beneath your suit when her free hand flattens above your abdomen.

You released a heavy breath, “Wha— what are you doing? Natasha,” you bite your tongue from whimpering when her front pressed harder into your back. Body rigid with anticipation of what you can’t explain, and you couldn’t allow your mind to stray further away when you heard the shuffle of boots outside the room.

“Shh,” Natasha hushed, her nails jab your abdomen and you sucked a breath. “Listen.”

Hesitation swells your chest and increased when your ears picked up a distance beeping. The coast wasn’t clear. Natasha must had noticed it first. The clutter mess of your mind failed to gather the traps set around the Hydra base. You shifted your feet skittishly, attempting to slip away from her sturdy hold which impel her into holding your tighter. A voice at the back of your head makes you stomach churn. Move. You can’t be near her.

The movements outside grows closer and within seconds, the door breaks open. Your body almost falls ungracefully, but she steadily holds you. Three soldiers marched into the room. Entirely different from those you had fought previously, these were different from Hydra. Decked in black military attire with oddly technical helmets, red beams at each side and the lengthy weapon that drew flickers of red when casted over their target—you, and the devastatingly, Natasha.

“I’ve caught her.”

They grunted. She laughed.

And you didn’t understand—even when Natasha swiftly pulled your hand back. Cold shackle enclosed around your wrist as a hiss leaves your mouth until a stained cloth was pushed into your mouth and ties around your head. Your screams were muffled by the cloth and tears prickles by your eyes. She shoves your body into the soldiers threatening force and they hastily seize your arms.

A sharp prob of a needle inserts to your neck. An icy liquid flow through your bloodstream. Your eyes flutter momentarily, vision going in and out, and the last of them was Natasha’s grim look. Her arms crossed tauntingly and head slope, as if observing the mistreat upon you with such amaze. You felt a twinge in your heart, tears spilling from your eyes and mouth tightly closing around the cloth. No words were left to question what lead to your disposal into the enemy’s hands. The indifference in her eyes made you petrified as you trashed in their custody till your eyelids grew heavy and body fell slump.

Natasha’s face burns a negative hue behind your eyelids before completely immersing your vision into pure darkness.

A throbbing ache spread throughout the width of your chest. Sounds of clinking chain wakes your exhausted body. Flickers of light above irritates your eyes and a groan leaves your throat, hands reaching for your face—to only fall limp or mostly, pulled back by something stronger. It takes several seconds for your mind to fully grasps the unfamiliarity in your environment.

The scene unfolds with a nauseating stench of sewer. Bulbs swings dangerously close to your head. Metal chains messily thrown on the ground that leads to your wrist enclosed with rusted shackles. You tugged and pulled till your skin bruise of purple and blue. Despite of that, your hands doesn’t find freedom.

“You’re awake Kotenok.”

And you stopped, the abuse on your helpless wrist sighs of relief while your heart beats furiously. The voice familiar, once setting your mind into a daze state, but now, an unexplainable worry boils in your stomach. You lifted your head upwards. The owner of such voice—steps into your vision, the same taunting stare you had last witness.

Natasha.

Your heart’s desire to seek her reasons for your dismissal. The scream of her name leaves grunts and huffs, begging for answers that left your hands tired and mouth restrained infinitely.

She strides towards you and towers over your seated body. Her hand touches your hair momentarily before fingers combs through, and she hums a content sound. The hand soon trails to back of your head where she unties your mouth’s restrain.

You released a harsh breath, “Natasha?”

Natasha seems quiet while you wander to the reality of her aiding to your capture and gazing down at your chained wrist, even when she easily unlocks the shackles—and your mind drills with questions, watching her swiftly release you from captive. A splitting headache and heart thumping as your mind try reasoning over your current predicament.

“Follow my lead,” she harshly pulled your body into hers. “Give them a good fight.”

Natasha prepares herself for a supposed fight. You wondered of reality at that moment while your body aches murderously namely her eyes staring intently into yours. Sounds of heavy boots and grumbles catches your attention first, then the next came with her fist meeting your jaw.

“Oh, that’s so sad. Such a helpless Kotenok,” she purred, excruciating your injuries as her hand pressed savagely on your injured ribs. Marvelling when you winced and when your blood taints her skin, and you watch with little defence. “Show us what you got, Kotenok,” she ridiculed, snickering when your jaw locked.

“Wrong move, Kitten.”

Natasha doesn’t spare a second for your reaction when her hand firmly encloser around your neck and slams your face against the wall again. The friction burns your skin when she drags your face across abrasive walls and the taunting laughter exhale from her mouth, burns your chest whole. Where blood taint your skin of daunting red, skin peels from the revolting torture, you cough and wheeze when a harsh blow was thrown to your chest.

Confusion swirls your mind, tangled between pretend and the cruel attempt of harming you. Natasha wouldn’t treat you so ruthlessly. Acting or not, her heart is far too good to intentionally hurt someone or you—that you hoped so badly to glisten as bright as her eyes, but not the same to hurl your body like a ragdoll and leave you crawling on the mucky ground. Untreated wounds grazes and bullet that seems to scrape your insides at every move. Her resentful touch drowns you with the metallic taste in your mouth.

“You’re not— you’re not her. Natasha, you’re not her,” you struggled with each word then felt your body slammed against the wooden flooring again.

Dust fell comparatively on your face when you huff under the heavy weight on your back, some speckle of dust blurs when it landed on your eyelashes. You wish to scratch unpleasant itch on your skin. But your arms felt heavy by your side and when you gaze gingerly at her—dark pupils stares back at you, unlike those glimmering hues that speaks without the need of words, the emptiness in her eyes leaves your chest vacant—and she smirks evilly down at you.

“She’s never coming back for you, Kotenok.”

Kotenok. It fell from her mouth once, twice, many times after that you slapped yourself mentally for failing to realise sooner. The slight hiccup of her voice, raspy nearing the end and sinful, unlike the melodious tone you know.

Her fingers dig into the skin of your face, tiling your head upwards to level with her gaze. She, a stranger of unknown origins, so keen on harming you till the end of your life and her hand gripping your face so angrily of spite you didn’t understand. Her other hand taps her hairline, fingers tugging on something and a sleek material pulls from her forehead to reveal the entirety of her face.

The face hidden beneath advanced tech of someone you know so dearly—you don’t know her.

This woman carries her body differently. Her eyes differ in colours of gloomy blue while the other whiter in contrast. Sympathy develops when you examine her face, one side tattered with thickened tissue from an obvious scarring injury. This woman, whose eyes glints devilishly, an abyss of a bottomless soul and dark as those vigorously living for sinful acts. Pity wither when her mouth pursed in a self-satisfy smirk as if the universe’s truth resides at the pad of her fingers.

“Antonia Dreykov.”

The name leaves no effect on you and she frowned, shoving your head and stepping away from your body.

“She hasn’t told you of me.”

Her annoyance amplifies when you ignored her, “What did you do to Natasha?”

The question sparks roars of laughter from voices without faces, you hear them clear, but you failed to see their faces. Only hers that stares so emotionless at you. Hands trembling and you were situated at no depth of knowing your contenders. Antonia wipes the corner of her eyes, sniffling a little, shoulder shaking with taunting chuckles.

“Are you sad? Aw, Kotenok,” she cooed, touching your face and you shudder from her touch. “Don’t be naughty.”

“Who are you? What did you do to Natasha?” you cried, voice wavers alongside your confidence.

Antonia scoffed, her eyes seemingly searching for someone on your face, “You’re worried about her?”

The silent from your mouth, efficiently answers her question.

“She isn’t worried about you,” the woman gestures her hand and your body was instantly hauled from the ground. “Natasha Romanoff doesn’t care. She didn’t when…when she did this to me!” she pointed at her face.

Denial burns at tip of your tongue, hands clenched and heart ready to defend—only those words seeps into coughs that flares your chest when hands roughly thrust your head towards a different direction. Your eyes brimming of tears when promptly landed on the monitors. The screen glitches briefly then it happened, the shatter of your heart and the gasp that leaves a lump in your throat.

Natasha. Natasha. Your Natasha.

Her face lights the monitors from different angles. Five monitors capture her existence. Alive, breathing, and smiling so vividly behind a screen where your eyes glimmers with delight to finally see her, the real Natasha that you so dearly know.

“She doesn’t care.”

No, she cares so deeply. Your heart argued by the swelling truth of her nature. Glossy eyes observe her attentively, you notice the lift of her hand with a wave then starts conversing with someone, her smile widening by the seconds. The glint in her eyes bright as the sun’s flares—while you were there, watching from an unknown environment and under captive, perhaps without the chance of escape.

But the shock of all, the face mirroring yours appeared in bright daylight beside hers. Conversation seems to sprout her to lift her arm and naturally going around your waist, pulling you into flush into her body. Your heart races for the person that isn’t you. Natasha whispers someone you can’t read from her lips and you focus on the reaction of someone who’s face was identical to yours—so sheepish, unable to muster a proper response before lips was firmly pressed on those that wasn’t yours.

Natasha was shamelessly melting her body into someone that wasn’t you. How did she fail to identify a body of another merging into hers? How was someone as intelligent as her, not feel the difference of your body with someone imitating you?

Now, the faith of your life laid undesirably in their hands while Natasha’s hand resting on someone that isn’t you. Terror boils in your stomach from the mirror image of you blending perfectly with her. Natasha doesn’t notice how your body was bleeding behind a screen. Hope wrecking by their heartless laughter.

A miserable cloud downcast over your head as tears spills from your eyes and your frown so deep that your cheeks ache from the sheer depth of agony. Chest burns with unspoken words. The lump in your throat drops to your heart. They can’t lie, you heart muffled a scream and head challenge the horrifying image displayed on glitching monitors.

“Dear Natasha, she doesn’t know you’re not actually there,” Antonia whispered, empty eyes seem to linger on your features while glossy eyes bores into the space of where you hope she stood.

“She doesn’t know…” the disheartened tone of your voice and you gasps for air—body falling limp from their wrathful hold.

Regret surfaces at every flashing memory shared with her. The seconds to minutes and hours till the moon’s glow reflect on her face. The moments you wished to utter the whirling confession in your heart, thumping in your chest and words that sticks to the walls of your mouth. Natasha. She was the first of first to learn about you, to catch the little quirks that you never noticed, the one to had held your body when memories of your past were wisp of lost threads.

She doesn’t know.

Your heart breaks. Natasha’s beats happily. You once knew of hope and she was the last hope.

#rae rambles #fic recs

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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FLORENCE PUGH

arriving at Venice for her holidays the 79th Venice International Film Festival | September 05, 2022

#fucking obsessed with her #i love the color with that attitude queeeennn #rae speaks

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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Anonymously tell me your favorite fic of mine

#i hv few but I'd like to know #raeblog #raeasks

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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THIS IS AMAZING! THANK U!

Can someone give me random memes? I want to annoy my friend and I'm running out of memes 😩

#raeblogs

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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Can someone give me random memes? I want to annoy my friend and I'm running out of memes 😩

#raeasks

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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What a fitting powers for being someone's secret...

Dirty little secret

Summary: You were Wanda's dirty little secret.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Powers!! Feamle Reader - Wanda Mazimoff x Vision

Warnings: Cheating, mentions of sex, angst, drama, internalize homophobia, mentions, brief mentions of suicidal thoughts.

Author's note: This has been bothering me for quite some time and I just have to put it out there. This was supposed to be the prelude for a story I'm working on that it's going to be...pure angst . So hope you like it.

Please remember English is not my mother tongue so forgive the grammar, spelling and funny mistakes. Enjoy the reading!

Dirty little secret

Your world stopped for a moment.

The people around you became blurry images of reality while their words became lousy and meaningless in your ears. You weren’t supposed to see those images, it was an accident; you had come here laughing and joking with Clint, Tony and Natasha betting over who had eaten the last of the peanut butter and jam.

Of course, what better proof that the footage Friday had of every single spot in the compound. Which led the four of you to the control room to find the culprit of such a crime.

The footage played, and you weren’t supposed to see any of it.

If things had gone according to her plan, you would have never found out about it until it was probably too late, or she finally got bored of you. Of playing with you. Of you being her dirty little secret. Your limbs were heavy at your side, and your chest was breaking slowly while the air left your lungs.

Your eyes were prickling and soon you discovered the blurry images you were seeing were in fact the result of the tears rolling down your cheeks at the moment.

Everything happened in slow motion, and you couldn’t stop seeing Wanda Maximoff having a very heated make out session with Vision until…the result was obvious. You didn’t need to see anything else, but you stayed and heard as Tony spoke of Vision and his latest adventure with one Wanda Maximoff. How the both of them had been going out and were starting a strange, if nice, relationship.

“Well, strange but I guess Wanda deserves to be happy, and she was looking kinda weird as of late. Glad she found someone to be happy with, right Y/N?” Clint asked innocently enough, you clenched your fists closed lowering your head.

“Yeah, glad to know she is finally happy.” You didn’t mean for your voice to sound the way it did.

Tony and Clint turned to you slightly surprised, but it was Natasha the one who spurred into action by standing behind you her hand tenderly placed on your shoulder.

“Y/N…” She started and you winced jerking away from her touch.

“I need to…I…I gotta go.”

You left and Tony and Clint wouldn’t understand why until it was too late.

Natasha didn’t even wait to give explanations; she followed you without a single thought. The compound was empty that day, it was a nice day without any missions or any important repressed job they needed to fulfill. Wanda had left early in the morning, her excuse had been training with Vision.

“I think it’s the mind stone, you know how my powers come from that stone, perhaps if we get to understand one another…”

Of course, they were understanding one another. They were fucking one another while you waited for her to decide when you two would stop hiding away a relationship that had been happening for more than three years.

“I’m not ready yet, I just…what if they don’t…god, Y/N they are the only family I have left, I can’t risk it them knowing and looking and me, at us differently. Just…more time, please¡ Give more time.”

Time.

That was all you had given ever since the both of you kissed for the very first time. You thought you had touched the sky that day, you and Wanda had been dancing around one another for so long that when it finally happened you couldn’t help but be excited. You should have known that very moment that something was wrong. She asked for that to be kept a secret, she wanted you and her to just wait before telling the others.

“I want us to be us for a little while before everyone decides to come and chime in and just tell us what to do or what not to do.”

And you thought it made sense, once they found out you two were in a relationship you knew Tony and Steve would come forth and set the rules so you wouldn’t be a distraction to one another. And that was okay, you wanted Wanda all for yourself for a little while; it was exciting to just play around with her.

The secret smiles, the stolen kisses, the nights filled with passion…

Everything was magical until it was not.

Until the secret extended and soon Wanda was starting to go out with Vision or pretend, she was into guys. Until she kept telling you she was not ready, that liking women was not something she was supposed to do, that she was supposed to feel…

She always needed time.

She always knew how to get that time out of you.

“Y/N, wait…”

Natasha stopped startled when you turned to her and your eyes were completely black, the shadows you had always manipulated shivering around you. You straightened up changing your whole posture, but even if you were trying to hide it away Natasha could see the pain. She could see your broken heart.

“Not now, Natasha. Of all the people…” You said and your voice sent a shiver down her back. “Just…time. Give me time.”

Natasha nodded, you turned around and left.

The compound felt heavy with regret, Natasha knew that there would be a disaster and she wasn’t sure how to stop it.

*****

It was late already.

You knew everyone was probably up in the common room watching movies, but you weren’t there. You were waiting, and waiting and waiting until, after two or three hours into the movie everyone was watching in group she came.

She was silent, like she always was.

Her lips curling into a single smile, a real one.

Her heart pounding hard against her ribcage because she hadn’t seen you all day, and she had missed you. She missed your warmth, your smile…your kisses.

The moment she crossed the door she knew something was wrong. Everything was in darkness, but she could make out your figure standing by the window thanks to the light of the moon and the lamps right outside the room.

Wanda didn’t care for darkness, usually whatever the both of you shared was done in the darkness. But that day, it was cold.

“Hey, baby.” She greeted warmly, standing closer until something wrapped around her feet and wrist stopping her from moving further into the room. “Y/N?”

You clenched your jaw turning to face her. Now, Wanda knew something was wrong, your eyes had lost all light in them, and it was quite evident you had cried. Wanda struggled against the shadows holding her back, but it was to not vail, you had her tight in your grip.

“Y/N, what is it?”

“Is there anything you want to tell me, Little Witch?” Your nickname for her was spat out with anger, Wanda winced shaking her head for a moment.

“I don’t know…what is it? What’s going on?” She asked again, this time around her mind going over all the things that might have put you in this mood.

“Three years Wanda.”

Wanda made a face, now she knew what kind of conversation the both of you would have that day. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that, the old fear and resentment usually spurred at the moment you tried to mention your relationship with her and the secret status you two had maintained during these years. Wanda enjoyed the fact you were hers in the secrecy of her room, or yours, she didn’t understand your need for everyone to know about it.

No one would understand, women weren’t supposed to fall in love with other women.

Wanda was not like that, either way.

She only liked you; she was only in love with you.

“I’ve been a secret for three years, and I have given you everything I am, everything I have.” You said softly, coldly thanking the gods your voice didn’t quiver as you spoke. “I waited patiently because I believe you will come around…that some day you would finally tell me we could stop hiding like criminals.”

“Y/N, it’s not like that…” Wanda started but soon shut up when you glared at her, she didn’t even notice your shadows had recede and she was free to move. She just stood there knowing without a single hint of a doubt, the discussion that day would be different.

“I got a ring, and I was…” Here Wanda opened her eyes, her heart jumping with joy and pain at the same time.

“We can’t…” She started and fear gripped her heart at the thought of you proposing, of everyone finding out about the both of you.

“Of course, we can’t!” You didn’t even raise your voice, but the exclamation was enough to make her jumped.

“Of course, you don’t want.” You clenched your jaw stepping closer to Wanda. “I was ready to give you everything, Wanda. Everything you ask of me I gave you, everything you may need or want, I was so ready…you were my world.”

You hated that by then you did break in front of her, two heavy tears fell and this time around the fear Wanda felt was different. This time around she felt as if she was losing you, but that was not possible. Whenever the both of you had the same discussion, you always come back, you were always right there with her giving her more time.

“I loved you like I…” You looked away. “It’s over, Wanda.”

“What? No, baby…Y/N…” Wanda tried to approach you but you stepped back shaking your head.

“I fucking hate you.” You spat out hoping your words would hurt her half the way she hurt you.

Wanda winced at the venom in your tone, tears formed in her eyes and you smirked though it never reached your eyes. You loved Wanda, you really loved her more than life itself, and you were so ready to give her the world. Not only did you have the ring, but also the suburbs home she always wanted, and the retirement plan.

You had your life set up to make her happy.

To give her the family she always wanted.

“Y/N…”

“Friday, please play the video.” You said before moving past Wanda, the young with was about to say something when she recognized the scene.

It was her with Vision. Kissing, undressing…

She paled at the images, you chuckled darkly.

“The funny thing is, I always make sure that Friday erased the footage of you and me so no one would find out before you were ready to tell them.” You snorted shaking your head before leaving the room closing your door with a bang.

Things would have gone quite nicely if it wasn’t for the fact she followed you.

She was crying, and her perfect world was crumbling by the time she reached out to you.

“Please, hear me out…” She started holding herself back from jumping in your arms, to ask for forgiveness to explain herself to you.

“Shut up. SHUT UP!” You finally screamed as the frustration, the pain and the desperation finally caught up to you.

Wanda winced and your scream had alert everyone that was coming out from the common room.

“Guys, what’s going on?” Clint asked, you tilted your head smiling nastily at Wanda.

“Please, Y/N can we talk…” She started, you spread your arms daring her with a single glance.

“Let’s talk then.” You said your lips crooking up a bitter smile, though a glimpse of hope grew in your chest. What if she finally admitted it in front of them? What if she confessed?

“Can we talk in private…” Wanda winced when you let out a bitter laugh.

“Of course… in private, like you and Vision?”

This time around Vision came forth furrowing his brows in confusion, Wanda looked away putting her arms around herself. Whatever control she had of the situation before was slowly slipping away from her, and all because of the footage. God, why was she so stupid? Why couldn’t she say something? Anything.

“Say it in here, Wanda.” You said coldly, Wanda backed away and the rest of the Avengers were glancing from you to Wanda and back, like a tennis match.

“Y/N…”

“SAY IT!”

“Now, Y/N, let us not be…” Vision started and you couldn’t help the surge of power coming from you directed towards him.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Vision! Shut up!”

At that moment several things happened, you directed a wave of shadows towards him and Wanda spurred into action having seen you lose control at that point. Her wisp of red magic came into contact with you sending you backwards until you hit the wall, you fell down watching as she stood between you and Vision.

She had her eyes wide open shaking her head, she hadn’t mean for this to happen. It wasn’t Vision the one she wanted to protect….you…

You stood up and it wasn’t until then Wanda realized what she had done.

What she had lost.

Your face broke into a rictus of pain, your heart broke and without even looking back you disappeared in a wave of shadows. Wanda would forever kept her secret, and you would suffer in silence while trying to forget how you were nothing more than shadows in her life

_____________________________________________________________

The city was quite lousy and noisy.

You stood by the window, still getting used to the life of a freelancer.

The door opened and closed again, you didn’t need to move. You didn’t need to look back, you knew who was there, and you knew who was coming closer to you.

Natasha Romanoff stood beside you watching the city from your window, she passed you over a glass filled with bourbon that you took with a smirk.

“How did you find me?” You asked taking a sip from the glass.

“You’re not that difficult to figure out, and I found your note.” You chuckled letting her wrap her arms around you, a sob escaped your lips and she knew you were hurting still. That your heart had been broken in so many pieces that you hadn’t been able to stand up again without going back to the ground.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Natasha whispered hating what your relationship with Wanda had done to you.

She was tempted to tell you how Wanda had not left her room since you disappeared, that the little witch had been crying to sleep unable to do anything at all. It wouldn’t do any good, anyway. Even after all of this, she didn’t even dare to say her pain was due to the fact she had fallen in love with you, that you meant the world to her but were too afraid to admit it.

“Tony suspects something, and he wants to meet you.” Natasha mumbled in your ear later on, after you had woken up from your mandatory nap.

“Where?”

“He has an event in Germany next week.” Natasha caressed your hair wishing there was something else she could do to ease your pain.

“Should I go?”

“It is up to you, Y/N.” Natasha would no say anything else, but she knew in a week’s time you would be there in front of Tony explaining everything.

And you did.

A week later you and Tony were looking at one another, the older man took a single glance at you before he too wrapped his arms around you. You were like the little sister he never had.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this, kiddo.”

You smirked shrugging, “I…I guess…”

You wanted to ask about her, about Vision and what had happened since you left. Tony shook his head, and you knew you were better off without knowing anything at all.

“You’re like a brother to me, Tony, and I just…I couldn’t disappear completely without letting you know I’m not going back.”

Tony furrowed his brows shaking his head, “You’re a hero, Y/N, you cannot give it up just because Wa…”

“Don’t. Please.” You warned the other man. “I won’t stop being a hero, Tony. But I won’t be an Avenger anymore.”

Tony clenched his jaw wishing, much like Natasha, that he would have intervened earlier. You put your cell phone out leaving it on his desk.

“I just can’t, not with you guys.” You finally mumbled stepping back.

“I understand. Cap is going to keep looking for you, better keep low for a time.”

“Thank you.” You mumbled but the older man shrugged.

“You will need a job, and I happen to have the perfect one for you.” Tony smiled at you; you perked up at this quite shocked that he still wanted to help you even though you were giving your back to the Avengers.

“I…Thank you.” You wrapped your arms around him, and he returned the hug whispering the instructions in your ear.

A week later you had a new mobile with his and Natasha’s phone number. Money and a couple of addresses you could use.

You were ready to disappear.

You never stopped being a hero, but you couldn’t go back to the compound. To Wanda.

Your heart and your soul had been broken that day; you had been her dirty little secret up to the very end. And she would never know how much you suffered, how many nights you spent crying for her, or how many days you thought of…ending everything.

She would never know.

And you disappeared because, at the end of the day you had been nothing more than a secret, living in the shadows.

It wouldn’t be until later, almost ten years later, that your paths would cross again, but that was another story.

#rae speaks #fic recs

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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Totally worth not getting sleep

Paperthin - Masterlist

Wanda Maximoff x f!reader

Tags: enemies to lovers, slight angst, mainly fluff, very dumb humor, powers!reader, reader has a sister, ex-hydra!reader, might be more angst than i thought oops, hurt/comfort, jealousy, slow burn-ish, im really bad at this, no proofreading because im lazy, will add as the story goes

Warnings: Typical MCU violence, bad language, up until MoM spoilers, allusion to the s-e-x, heavy make out, being at least 16 is heavily advised because of mature themes

A/n: There are discrepencies chapter to chapter, but that's how it is

Phase 1

Status: Complete

Word Count: 57k

[Chapter 01] [Chapter 02] [Chapter 03] [Chapter 04] [Chapter 05] [Chapter 06] [Chapter 07] [Chapter 08] [Chapter 09] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18]

[Interlude]

Phase 2

Word Count: xx.xk

[Chapter 01] [Chapter 02] [Chapter 03] [Chapter 04] [Chapter 05] [Chapter 06] [Chapter 07] [Chapter 08] [Chapter 09] [Chapter 10]

#rae speaks #fic recs

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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masculine women are our angels. our boyfriends. to desecrate their name you should be reguarded with scorn and pity and being killed with rocks

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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what do i have to do to become wanda's or natasha's wife (maybe both at the same time) in my next life.

#rae rambles #i'm posting consecutively cuz my body's gonna shut down any moment #i had a veryyyy long day

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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i wanna interact with my mutuals but im scared im gonna bark at them suddenly

#rae rambles #im really am a weirdo

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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me: me want gf to cuddle nd kiss

someone: *confesses to me*

me: I'M SORRY bUT NO. I'm gonna be ur WORST decision u ever gonna make

#rae rambles #is it weird that it happened twice nd rejected them at the same time #lol i want to make the first move #but im too coward for that

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itshouldvebeenme30 · 3 years ago

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well, i hope it did hurt so good. otherwise, i'll be the only fool crying on my own fic

The Last time

Pairing/s: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader ||AU||

Warnings/Genre: ||ANGST|| bad writing

Word Count: 2.23k

Main Masterlist:

*gif not mine*

“Can I ask you for something? I promise I’ll sign these papers after. I promise, you’ll be free. For good.”

Wanda sighed, her expression solemn but still, motioned you to go on.

“Can you pretend that you still love me? Even just for 7 days.”

“Y/n, I don’t think that’s a good— “

“Please? Just this once. I, I promise, it’ll be the last time I ask one thing from you.”

She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. She thinks it’s a bad idea. You’re supposed to move forward without each other now. It was what you agreed upon before calling it quits.

But seeing the silent pleading emanating from your eyes, she finds herself agreeing to your request.

“The last time?”

“The last time.”

Day 1

“Good morning, draga.” It’s been awhile since you’ve heard her call you that. You’ve missed it. You can also hardly recall the last time she held you in the mornings like this, as she had already moved from your shared house since the split.

Instead of responding, you hugged her even more tightly while burying your face farther into her chest. You couldn't help but sigh in contentment as you felt her kiss the top of your head. You basked in the affection she was currently showing you, despite the fact that you knew it was all phony.

“We should get up and make breakfast, baby. We have plans to do that which you planned, dorogoya. " You can hear her chuckle softly when you just whine and entwine your legs around her torso.

“Five more minutes, please?”

“Okay.”

“You were supposed to add a pinch of salt, baby.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot.” Wanda could only look at you softly, playing the role of an understanding partner, you think.

“That’s okay, let’s start over?”

Your brows furrowed in frustration. You don’t want to start over. It’s just a simple task and you ruined it. Just like how you ruined both of you.

“Detka, what’s wrong?” When you felt your wife's comforting hand resting on your arm, you snapped out of it and looked at her. You merely grinned at her and assured her that nothing was wrong. As you two continued to prepare the food together, it seemed like the first morning you had spent as wives.

Together, you took a shower and dressed each other. It appeared as though everything was back to normal. Like before, when Wanda and you are both happily married. Even if it was play pretend, you remind yourself.

You went to your favorite places before, reminiscing about the old times as you walked. Smiles and laughter were exchanged. Even if it was play pretend.

At the end of the day, you held onto each other. You slept with a smile on your face while having a conflicting one on Wanda’s.

Day 2

“Should I get this? How do I look?” You put the silly headband on your head, opting to get a smile from her. And when you successfully did, your heart soared at the sound of your wife’s laughter.

“Ohh, definitely. You look like a princess, detka.”

“Then you shall be my other princess.” You tried to put the same headband on her head, but she just playfully shook her head at you.

“Uh-uh, I’ll be your knight in shining armor. I’ll have this sword instead.” She held up a sword keychain, but when you left the store, both of your heads were adorned with headbands and each of your purses had sword keychains on them.

Day 3

“I love you.” You felt Wanda stiffen beside you. Her soft, sharp intake of breath was drowned out by the movie you were watching.

“I-I love you, too.” That was enough for you. Even if it was only play pretend.

Day 4

“Detka, what are you looking for?”

“My fuzzy slippers, Wanda. I swear I put those over there at the shoe rack.” You were still crouched down, peeking under the couch.

“The ones with the bunny ears?” Her voice is laced with confusion.

“Yes, they’re the ones.”

"You asked me to throw them away the other day, detka. It was so worn out that it had a tear. "

“Oh. I must have forgotten.” You chuckle nervously, but it made Wanda worried. You seem to forget a lot these few days.

“Is everything okay?” She must have missed something. Before the split happened, fights between you had increasingly happened when you forgot a lot of things you were supposed to do. Wanda had enough of your excuses as it happened regularly, so inevitably, you broke up.

“Of course, everything is fine.”

Day 5

Everything was not fine.

One of the reasons she justified breaking up with you is that you lie so easily to her.

Years of marriage gave her the ability to see right through them. But still, you insist on your lies, even if they are very blatant.

“We should go and see a doctor. There’s something wrong— “

“Is it two teaspoons of cornstarch—or baking soda? Which is it? What’s the difference?” You try to evade her.

“Are you listening to me?” She is trying to keep her voice from rising, but you are making it difficult for her. You brought to her attention the reasons why it was difficult to continue loving and living with you.

She grasped your shoulders, forcing you to look at her, and all you could do was look at her pleadingly.

“Two days, Wanda. I promise I won’t be your problem anymore.” She wants to protest. You always do this. Pushing her away until she’s on the edge.

You closed the distance between you to distract her from thinking too much. This is supposed to be play pretend, you remind her wordlessly.

“Okay.”

Day 6

“I want that red panda plushie. Reminds me of you.” You sneakily reach for her fries and she lets you. Amusement is clear in her eyes looking at you.

“Why? Because of my hair?”

“... Yeah. And also for the fact that you get startled like them.” You raised your hands upwards, teasing your wife.

“Hey! I do not look like that.”

“You do!” The banter between you flows easily, momentarily forgetting what tomorrow was.

It has been the best days of your life. Even if it was only play pretend.

Day 7

But for Wanda, it was hellish. She’s supposed to move on, but how can she when you make it impossible not to love you? Honestly, she never stopped loving you, even when you made it difficult for her.

She’s waiting for you to tell her to stop all of this pretending and be real for good. She’s waiting for you to let her in once again. She’s waiting for you to stop pushing her away. She’s waiting for you to fight for both of you this time. Stop telling lies and begin again.

She tears one last orgasm from you before collapsing on top of you. She couldn’t stop the tears flowing out, wailing at the idea of losing you once this day ends.

“I don’t want us to end…”

Divorce was never her idea. It was yours.

“I’m sorry.”

Your throat is scratchy as you cried with her.

“You’re cruel.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t have to pretend, you know. I have always loved you. I think—no, I know I’ll never stop loving you at all. I don’t want to let you go.”

“...You have to. Eventually.” She angrily pries herself off from you.

“Why? Why won’t you just tell me what’s happening?” Even when she’s crying, she still looks breathtaking.

You gently took her hand and kissed it softly.

“I’m sorry.” That was all you could say, and the more you said it, the angrier she became.

She wants to run away from this feeling. She wants to run away from you. But at the same time, she doesn’t want to.

“I love you, Wanda.” It hurts when you say that because she knows it’ll be the last time she’s going to hear it from you. But instead of saying it back, she pours everything she feels into the last kiss that both of you are going to share.

She blindly reached for you, and when her hands met an empty side, she sat up quickly and panic settled in. You’re gone.

The papers were finalized, and a lone single note sat on top of them.

‘Free yourself from me.’

~~//~~

12 years later…

“Mom! Tommy called me doofus!”

“I didn’t mean it!” Hurried footsteps can be heard as the twins start chasing each other.

“Boys! No running or you’ll hurt yourself.” Wanda gently reprimands. Two small bodies collided each side of her body as she settled down the cookie batter on the counter.

“Sorry, mom. Are you done? Can I eat it?” Tommy, the ever energetic child slyly asks.

“I have to bake it first, honey. You’ll get sick if you eat those raw.”

“Can we help, mom?” Billy cutely asks beside, which her brother excitedly follows up.

“Pretty please?” She kisses the top of their head, giving in at their pleas.

“Okay, but first you gotta wash those tiny hands.”

“They’re not tiny, mom!” She just ruffles their hair before ushering them to wash their hands.

After some time of giggles and quite a mess, they finished making the cookies and now just have to wait for them to be done.

Wanda is in the middle of cleaning up when the doorbell rings. She orders the twins to clean themselves first before coming to get the door.

“Hi! How can I help you?” A teenage girl greets her at the door.

“Hello! I’m America Chavez, I was wondering if there is a Wanda Maximoff here? I think I have something that belongs to her.” The girl, America, is carrying a large box that is strangely familiar to her.

“That’s me. Uhm, would you like to come in first?”

“Oh, I don’t want to impose. I just came by here to drop these off. We found these in the attic of the house we bought, well, from you. I’m sorry but I have to go, moms and I were going to the arcade.” She thanked the Chavez girl before taking the box from her and bidding her goodbye.

Once she has settled in, she softly gasps as she opens it and is met with tapes and letters. It’s yours. The letters were all addressed to her, but it was never sent. The dust indicates that these must have been forgotten. Why hadn’t she noticed these before?

She chuckles bitterly as she remembers that even when you left her all these years ago, you still managed to hide things from her. She's curious to see what those tapes and letters have in store for her, but she decided against it. It can wait. But for now, she has to manage the twins that collectively decide to call her name.

When the twins retired for the night, she tucked them in before getting the box and a bottle of wine before settling herself down in the living room. Something tells her that she’s in for a long night.

‘Hi! I’m Y/n Maximoff-L/n, I’m 25 years old and I’m the luckiest gal in the universe. Wanna know why? Because I’m married to the most amazing and kindest soul to ever exist in this realm. Can you believe it? She put a ring on me! Wanda Maximoff-L/n… God, I will never get tired of hearing that name…”

Every tape, it’s the same introduction. Each was a summary of their lives together. The first time they met, the first date, the first night as wives, the first time they fought, the first time they broke up, the first night without each other, until the very last night of them together. And it always ends with the same reminder aimed at yourself, to always remember her, your wife.

As she looked through the envelopes, the dates were always the same. Her birthday. Starting from the first year you were together, until it dated 60 years later.

She can't stop the sob from escaping her as her heart begins to tighten. The letters were gifts from you when you’re no longer around to give them. When you no longer remember everything.

‘... I never really truly deserve my wife, you know? God, if she finds out, she’ll drop everything just to be there for me. I don’t want that. I-I don’t want her to give up her dreams just to take care of someone like me. Someone who will likely forget her as time goes by. It hurts when I can’t remember myself, but imagine how much more it will hurt if she’s always there to witness her partner not remember her. I, she deserves someone who will always remember to love her, capable of taking care of her. Someone that does not have this kind of sickness. Someone that is not me.

This will be the last you’re gonna hurt her, Y/n. It hurts to let go but you’ll forget about it eventually. Don’t be selfish and give her the chance to live the life she deserves to have. This will be the last time you’ll have to remember everything. It’s time for you to let go.’

She’s angry. She’s hurt. You should’ve told her. You shouldn’t have let go. You shouldn’t have given up for the both of you.

She hates it when you make decisions for the two of you. What about her? But most importantly, she hates it when you are right.

She hates that she still loves you after all these years.

She hates that she couldn’t forget about you but you can.

And lastly, she hates it when she can’t let go of you for the last time.

Part 2

Taglist: @sayah13 @iliketozoneout @screechcat @wolfechild15

#raesponds #rae blog

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