iucidaus

[iucidaus]

the one friend that is very buggy (pun intended)

since everyone is on the topic of creating designs for irontomb-corrupted phainon, i decided to join in :D

[iucidaus]

all dreams become ash at dawn

[iucidaus]

The Bliss of Lies

Pair: Phainon x fem!Reader

Genre: What else?

Word Count: 2,025

Warning: -

Synopsis: During such tormenting pain Phainon experienced during his emergence as Khaslana, things start to blur as he was back in Aedes Elysiae.

“Phainon?”

…

…

…

You furrowed your eyebrows before calling his name again, “Phainon?” Another beat of silence before his eyes slowly fluttered open. A relieved sigh escaped your lips as his sky blue irises came into view. “Are you alright?” Your eyes fixated at his blank gaze.

Phainon stayed silent for another second, as if trying to understand what language you were saying before he nodded his head weakly. Seeing how barely responsive he was, it was as if he had just fallen from the sky, metaphorically of course, and was still in the midst of grasping reality; yet you let out an amused hum before squatting down beside him. With how there were… tears? Running down his cheeks, his condition surely did not mirror what he said.

You absent-mindedly brush your fingers across his cheek, to wipe the tears running down his eyes before expressing. “You surely know how to lie, Phainon,” you pulled your hand to Phainon’s eye level, showing gold substance resting on your index finger.

“Isn’t this a sign of being a Chrysos Heir or something?” An innocent question that Phainon could not help but form a small, genuine smile. It had been so long since the last time he saw you with the vast lake his homeland offers as the background, he barely remembered it even.

Phainon shook his head to answer your question. It was clear as day that you were oblivious about the Chrysos Heirs and the likes of it. It was not only you who paid no mind about the Flame-Chase Journey, but the rest of Aedes Elysiae probably only heard the name as fleeting as the wind.

You hummed in response, “Do you– no, I’ll accompany you. At least until you’re aware of your surroundings,” you sat yourself beside him as you put your basket full of herbs. You should have delivered the herbs to your house as soon as possible, but ‘as soon as possible’ did not equal to five minutes, right?

Silence fell between the two of you. Your gaze fell at your friend’s serene face while he stared at the lake ahead of him. He always had such a calming presence, it was an indisputable fact, but something about his expression was off even though you could not exactly put your finger on it.

Yet gradually the silence became heavier as you saw something you felt like you should not. Phainon had yet to notice it, he was too immersed with how the waves moved that he failed to see how your brows knitted. Only when your fingers ghosted his skin did he snap his head towards you.

The look in your eyes was least readable, it was apparent that you were confused and sad at the same time. As for why, he did not know. That was until you cautiously asked what happened to him.

Those blue eyes resembling the clear sky looked at you with the same amount of confusion, that was until he followed your line of sight and found out what your question meant. Your fingers met the skin on his neck, he could feel how delicate your touch was. He yearned for more, yet his senses had become dull. He barely could feel your touch, let alone indulge in it.

Phainon’s lips parted, about to say something, but he closed it again. He was not sure what to tell you. “Just… say anything. I’ll be the one to decide whether you’re lying or not,” you reassured. Something about how often he swallowed his thoughts only to show a reassuring smile threw you off everytime. How could he take his problems lightly?

Phainon averted his gaze before saying, “Probably something…” yet he kept his answer ambiguous and it did not satisfy you.

A sigh escaped your lips, “Fine,” you said simply, but your fingers still rested on the cut between his skin and whatever it was. It held no color, just plain greyish white akin to clay that made you wonder what had happened in his life while you were away?

Your hands moved, tracing the cut. Occasionally, you touched the very same golden substance from earlier, but you paid it no mind and moved lower to his collarbone. Your mind went blank seeing the gaping ‘wounds’, there was nothing under there as far as your eyes could see; no bones, no flesh, no blood, not even the gold substance that kept grazing your fingers, just void, like a part of a broken statue.

Phainon’s eyes stayed on you, scrutinizing your ever-changing expression, taking in what rare moment he could have. His eyes catched how your eyes slightly widened upon seeing the crevices in his collarbone. Without saying anything he grabbed your wrist and guided your fingers into the gap. There was shock then there was sadness, your eyes told everything you needed to say.

“What do you feel?” He asked, a question he already knew the answer to. You were hesitant to answer him, scared your answer would be wrong. Phainon could feel the hesitance through your body language, so he simply caressed your wrist to calm you down.

You averted your gaze before meeting his eyes again. “Nothing,” you answered weakly. Phainon did not correct you whatsoever, and instead guided your hand further down. When nearing his stomach, you felt a scorching heat that you reflexively yanked your hand. Even when he was covered in clothes, the heat still radiated fiercely.

You looked at him with curiosity and sadness, a silent question of ‘What happened?’ That he understood right away. “I have so much story to tell you. Maybe next time, I will tell you everything,” an empty promise. He knew there would be no next time, because in that ‘next time’ he would not have any recollection of what happened today; about you, about the world, about the promise.

Your brows knitted, feeling rather doubtful with the promise, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and instead focused on what had been plaguing your mind. “While you guided my hand across your body, I noticed that you were… sorry, for the lack of words, empty,” you said, your hand now resting beside you.

Phainon stayed silent, his gaze locked with yours, unmoving, relentless, as if challenging you to think about it more. Hesitantly, you raised your hand to rest it on his chest once more, all the while occasionally tapping on his ‘skin’ lightly.

“It’s so… hollow, Phainon,” you mused. “Do you still have a heart?” You asked as you placed your ears on his chest, where the heart should be. A gesture that should have made his heart flutter, yet nothing came up naturally. In the past, his heart would skip a beat if he saw you approaching him, and it would explode if you stood four steps away from him. Today, he felt none of that, each and every feeling he felt only came from his mind, from what he remembered; its texture, its taste.

Yearning to relish what he felt in the past, Phainon placed his hand on top of your head, pushing it closer to his chest. “What did you hear?” He asked softly, his hand busy playing with your hair. You looked up and met the familiar tender smile always present on his face.

You shut your eyes before humming, carefully picking each sound his being gave. “Water, or liquid, should I say, intense crackling and popping of fire, and…,” you paused mid sentence, unsure whether to say the last sound you picked up or leave it.

“And?” But he pushed you. He knew you picked up the sound as well.

“Labored breathing,” you whispered. “You��� are struggling to simply breathe?” You winced by the end of your question. Breathing was the very first and crucial thing you had to do in your life, and for him having a hard time to keep life coursing in his body made your heart ache.

Yet again, he flashed such a soft smile. “It will pass soon, don’t worry,” he said as he tucked your hair behind your ears. Indeed he no longer had a beating heart, only a burning rage that could bring down the whole world with him, but that did not mean he forgot how to treat you. In his eyes, you were always a stained glass; beautiful but ever so fragile that he needed to be very cautious on how to hold you.

“You were lying, didn’t you?” It started as a whisper, your gaze stayed at the dry grass underneath you. “That golden liquid from earlier was actually a sign of being a Chrysos Heir, right?” You raised your head and immediately met his gaze. “I can see through your facade, Phainon. And judging by how you act, you must have been the Titan of Creation, Kephale’s successor. Fabricated truths said to protect the world,” and your voice fell back into whisper.

You were not wrong and it pained him.

“If Kephale was so adamant in keeping the world safe, then why couldn’t he also save his successors? Why must gaining his power put his successors in such great pain?” Then it turned into hysteria. Phainon knew you were an empath, but he was unsure whether it was normal for another person, you, to understand his pain or not.

Phainon intended to keep silent, but seeing how you bowed your head made him feel guilty. He could clearly tell that you were trying to cover the tears welling up in your eyes because you cared about him so much– too much, even. Slowly and carefully, Phainon lifted his hand to reach your chin, and seeing your eyes had never felt this painful before. You were trying so hard not to let your tears fall because you knew– you knew really well what Phainon is like, you knew how painful it would be to him. But when you met his gaze, thinking you got it under control, you were wrong.

Your tears fell as soon as you saw his now golden irises, forcing you to cover your face in a futile attempt not to make the atmosphere heavier than it already was. “You’re always so keen-eyed, do you know that?” He said softly. “Look at me,” he asked still with that gentle tone of his, and you dared yourself to meet his gaze, one that was put on to be seen as determined, but you know more than well that it did not reflect his heart.

“It’s fine, I’m not as weak as I was,” he began with a light chuckle. “It’s understandable you’re mad at me, it’s understandable you’re mad at whatever force that keeps Amphoreus going. But I’m now set to save this world, not just Aedes Elysiae like what I’ve used to say to you, Cyrene, and literally everyone else,” his thumb brushed across your cheek, erasing the trail your tears left. Even at moments like this, he managed to put on a smile albeit sorrowful. “So, I need you to let me do my duty. This pain, it’s necessary to save this world. A price I’m willing to pay to save Amphoreus, to save you.”

“Can you do it?” A question that he knew he did not need the answer to.

You stayed silent, unable to bring yourself to answer. You knew how you should answer him, but you also wanted to be selfish and let him live his life however he wanted. “But, I must say, Phainon,” a hum pushed you to keep going.

“I’m fine with a world that doesn’t have a hero. For all I care, that world can have strife, death, trickery and all, just let there be no Flame-Chase Journey. I can’t afford seeing my friend sacrificing himself over and over again without knowing when this cycle will end,” you forcefully swallowed your tears to finish your sentence. You needed to get this message to him, you had to.

“So, please, Phainon. Go create a world that knows no Chrysos Heirs, no Flame-Chase Journey, no Titans, no Coreflames, and no Era Nova,” a request he wholeheartedly obliged.

[iucidaus]

Passing on the torch

[iucidaus]

A Lonesome Star Among People

Pair: Phainon x fem!Reader

Genre: Hurt-No comfort

Word Count: 976

Warning: Implied major character death

Synopsis: A scarecrow accompanied by flowers gazing at the sun under the blue sky was the cutest teleslate casing your eyes ever landed on. What meaning could it possibly hold?

You hummed as you caught Phainon’s teleslate casing. “What does this mean?” Your slender finger pointing to his teleslate.

Phainon, who was still munching his food, followed your index finger before quickly swallowing his food. He started with the flowers scattered on the lower part of his casing, “This represents the Chrysos Heirs,” he said as he circled them.

Starting from the bottom, the familiar white flower, he spoke, “This is Lady Tribbie,” then upwards to a red flower, “Mydei,” to a purple purple flower, “Castorice,” before he pointed to a green flower that could only meant to represent one person, “Professor Anaxa– I mean Anaxagoras,” he chuckled as he corrected himself.

Although his tone was light, you noticed how he had a forlorn smile plastered on his face that did nothing to cover how sad he was. However, you said nothing about that, let him process his emotions, it was normal, you thought.

“Then this is, obviously, Miss Cipher,” he said as he pointed a black cat resting, loafing, underneath a scarecrow. “This is… Lady Aglaea,” as he pointed to a golden flower nestled on the scarecrow’s hat. His gaze lingered for a second more before he moved to a pink and light blue flower. “Last but not least, this is Hyacine.”

A gentle smile was plastered on his face as he rested his head on his hand. With his eyes locked on yours, he asked, “You must’ve been wondering who this scarecrow might be?”

“No– well, yes, but I’m more curious, where are you in this teleslate case of yours?”

Phainon flashed a small smile as he said, “We’ll get to that later.” He then pointed at the scarecrow, “This is our dear Nameless. Both of them,” which made your eyebrows knit slightly.

“Confused?” As soft chuckles followed before he elaborate further. “The scarecrow itself is Stelle as for the green patch… I’m kind of sorry for my choice, but it represents Dan Heng,” the soft smile ever so present on his face, his sky blue eyes now only holding a glimpse of hope and no longer shone as if they could rival the dawn device itself made you feel bad for the burden he had to shoulder. However, you knew better than to let your emotions show.

“It was just fitting for Dan Heng. He knew how to patch things up, how to cover his friends, so I think a patch of cloth on Stelle’s coat kind of fits,” he mused.

“Anyways,” his blue eyes darted to yours. “You were curious which one of these am I, right?” You gave him a simple nod and he immediately brought his index finger to point at the top left part of his teleslate case, the sun.

“That’s me,” he said with a smile. Even when you took a glance at him, you knew it was forced, but again, you knew better than to point the obvious to his shattering heart.

You hummed as you rested your chin on your hand. “Because you’re fated to carry the World-bearing coreflame? And Kephale is said to be the sun of Amphoreus?”

“Mm-hmm,” yet you could not help but to feel that there was something more than just him destined to bear the world on his shoulder.

“Phainon,” you called softly, unaware of what it did to Phainon’s heart. “Can I be honest with you?” If his heart was beating fast before, this time it was twice faster.

Phainon hesitated before replying with, “Sure,” albeit feeling anxious over your answer.

“This sun… I don’t know why, but I feel like there’s more to it. I feel like…” you trailed off, your gaze darted towards the empty stall behind Phainon, unsure how to put your thoughts into the softest sentence to avoid breaking his fragile heart. “Like, yes, this is indeed you being the sun to others; your personality, your destiny, your determination, it all points toward the sun, but I also feel like this is the place where you should be in your point of view.”

You dared yourself to look at his glistening sky blue eyes that you were unsure of the reason behind. One thing that you were sure of was that his emotions started to overwhelm him, so you shortened your sentence for him to easily digest. “It was like how you were supposed to be so divine, omnipresent, that you view yourself undeserving to be at the same place as others; the ground.”

And perhaps it actually was because you hit the nail right on the head that he lowered his head. It was not long until you noticed how his shoulders were slowly beginning to shake and slight sobs escaped his lips. You had no idea how you should react, you were too stiff to be able to comfort a person, so you simply reached out to him. You caressed his shoulders with your thumb in an attempt to calm him down. You knew fully well that it did nothing, but at least there was an attempt.

You waited for him patiently, every word he spoke, you replied to him, every tear he shed, you wiped it for him, all to make him feel he was not alone because he really was not.

You let out a soft sigh as you tilted his chin upward, making him face you. Your gaze softened, or perhaps pitied– no, you were not that kind of person, as your eyes met the reddening eyes of his. The crimson sky behind you felt less ominous, but rather framed your face prettily. “It’s okay, Phainon,” you said as your thumb wiped the trails his tears left.

“I’m here,” you continued with such a gentle smile adorning your face as Phainon leaned into the touch that he missed so badly.

note:

i’ve been trying to create an unreliable narrator fic but haven't been able to since i have yet gotten any idea, but THEN phainon presented himself. i mean... what else can i do besides taking the chance?

i tried to make the second to last paragraph confirm that this story was actually seen from phainon’s pov with how he corrected himself that you (the reader) never look at him with pity. if you don’t feel it that way, then… sorry👉🏻👈🏻 (there's strikethroughs initially, but i decided to leave it because i think it would immediately give away what this fic was meant to be)

also, the description of khaslana might miss because i wrote this before 3.4 drops, and below is phainon's teleslate case just in case you want the full picture

[iucidaus]

Boothill is officially a disney princess

[iucidaus]

yk... mydei never called phainon by his name, so... what if, somehow, he knew phainon isn't his real name so he kept going and calling him by the title given to him?

you can try connecting this theory with the 'corrupted file' mydei too of course

[iucidaus]

frantically looking for mydei fluff BECAUSE WHAT THE HECKKK AAAAARRGH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[iucidaus]

fellas i have a feeling that half of the 3.3 trailers are something like a fake/dream, but then i got an idea...

do you think those sequence (yk, the deaths) are just a vision given to phainon/part of the worldbearing trial?

i always think that the worldbearing trial must've been something so close to seeing the deaths of those closest to the successor of the coreflame or simply the destruction of amphoreus. there's this part afterall.

yea? to see, like, does he really capable holding the world on his shoulder?

[iucidaus]

each passing day i grew doubtful with how phainon tells the story about aedes elysiae...

it could be just something cyrene implanted in his brain to make him think that "yes, i sure am a local of amphoreus."

like other than cyrene and phainon, there's no one who were something like an evidence that they too have lived in aedes elysiae. the names told in phainon's speech could all be a made up name.

idk, maybe it's just me being too skeptical about him lmao

[iucidaus]

everyday i thank theories, how unreliable the leaks of what phainon could be, and my mega big brain for enabling me to keep eating phainon content in the middle of a drought of his content

[iucidaus]

⭐️

[iucidaus]

aight yk what? i need to get this out of my system (do correct me if i got some facts wrong and i'm open to discussion! yippe)

i have a theory, a baseless one, about phainon AND aedes elysiae:

WARNING: might contain leak (but, really, leaks are dubious until confirmed. still, i'll try my best keeping it subtle), and excuse my english it's not my native language

“Hero. Divine. Puppet. Prisoner. Which of these things are you? Who are you?”

many of us think that hero is the phainon we know, divine is phainon when he ascended to titanhood(?), kephale, puppet is flame reaver, prisoner is the lord ravager phainon. BUT WHAT IF, hero is actually flame reaver (thus the title being nameless hero because flame reaver is, in a sense, more nameless than phainon if it is possible), and the phainon we know is puppet? like a pawn purposed to free the lord ravager phainon? (yes, i am a lord ravager phainon believer and yes, i like thinking that because he's a lord ravager and we will fight nanook/destruction at the end of the game, meaning that we will fight him again in the end much like how we fought kevin at the end of chapter 1 in hi3. i think that would be a great 'homage')

Flame Reaver is the split of Kephale Phainon, and so does Phainon to Lord Ravager

we all know that phainon used to be anaxa's student and perhaps had learned alchemy, so what if in the previous cycles he too had studied alchemy, and he used it to split his soul or sth? although it is kinda a reach (every point of this post is a reach tbh), i think alchemy in fictional work can do literally everything lmao.

this goes the same to phainon, he's acting like a pawn to help the lord ravager free of its shackles by using the 'coreflame of kephale' (we'll get to this later).

Khaos, and in extension, every bearers of the Worldbearing Coreflame is iteration of Phainon

i don't know, i don't have particular reason for this. only that i know hyv and basically many companies are lazy to make a new model, but it will still make sense if we go by my theory. but i saw someone posted on twitter [https://twitter.com/hxg_diluc/status/1915098251969396972?t=KeGKJJHVmQTkatuzMy0drw&s=19] that both khaos and phainon has "厄" in their names, so... that's an addition.

The Worldbearing Coreflame kept at the Dawncloud is a counterfeit

(hear me out, this one is the craziest one, literally, but stick with me) the 12 coreflames are needed to bring era nova, but so does for kephale to imprison lord ravager (yes, i believe he's kept within the dawn device). so, as the 12 coreflames are collected, ostensibly at least, flame reaver will interfere the ceremony before phainon can collect the worldbearing coreflame into the basin (what was that thing called again) taking the coreflames (the water i guess) with him to bring to khaos. this though made both khaos and lord ravager to wake up, but that's exactly his plan. the counterfeit is a stellaron, made to merge with phainon and thus wake the lord ravager, the coreflames were absorbed by khaos(?) to defeat the lord ravager.

(note: kinda similar to how cipher gave us a counterfeit trophy in seal slammer event! we got the fame, cipher got the money- phainon got the coreflame albeit fake, khaos got the power to protect amphoreus)

(additional note: the longer i write this part the longer it's apparent i'm just a fic writer- i feel crazy lmao)

Aedes Elysiae never existed (but there's a catch)

never heard by common folks, not written in songs nor poems, people believe phainon was just making things up when he said he came from aedes elysiae. partially of it was correct, but it was more like he didn't tell them the complete truth. phainon, though created oblivious to his actual purpose, remembered that he came from aedes elysiae, a village that i theorized to exist ONLY on the first cycle of amphoreus but not remade after it (for whatever reason the other phainons had).

“I am but one among a thousand faces defiant against my fate. That which you see... is me.”

as a lord ravager phainon believer, i believe this line was spoken by the lord ravager. although it's a distant dream to me, i feel like hsr should at least once show a lord ravager that hated being a lord ravager.

having experienced countless failed attempts to save his village and his world, as a human, he would feel useless and perhaps rendered him into thinking to destroy himself. a desire so great, he gained the gaze of nanook (crazy, ikr). but he hated himself being given a power to destroy not only himself but the village and world he hold so dearly, and so he began a journey to free himself from his predestined fate (like how amphoreus trying to free itself out of nous's calculation :D !)

(basically, he is a writer creating countless aus for himself lmao)

(note: indeed he has lived through numerous cycles as lord ravager, and indeed he previously lived as phainon then kephale then fail to protect his world then lord ravager, and it keeps resetting and resetting and resetting as lord ravager phainon tried to free himself from his fate)

bonus theory:

Phainon is the "Sun Devourer"

"Praise the sun!" was phainon's line? status? on the messaging feature on hsr. kephale is regarded as the sun, phainon is the successor of worldbearing coreflame, thus him being the eventual kephale. it would be ironic but befitting if, as said in the previous point, phainon as kephale wanted to devour himself because he hated his power?

Flame Reaver has a golden blood too

ik these theories don't exactly connect with each other but like... hey! my mind is a mess thinking about phainon's potential story yk so... understandable, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

i know about the theory that the phainon at the beginning of "Nameless Faces" trailer is flame reaver phainon, and i actually think so too! only that i want to add that, as my theory said that flame reaver is a split from kephale phainon, i think the reason why he's most likely able to house coreflames was because he was particularly given the golden blood (the water he splashes to himself was THE golden blood).

[iucidaus]

hc that sunday really likes bathing. reasoning? i think bathing birds are really cute

Friendly reminder that my commissions are open

[iucidaus]

homeward bound

[iucidaus]

maan... it's been so long since i last write something here..

[iucidaus]

The Heliobus Sweet Lies

Pair: Jing Yuan x fem!reader

Genre: Hurt-No comfort (well, there was an attempt at angst)

Word Count: 1,754

Warning: -

Summary: The heliobi were capable of manipulating its host, taking advantage of their deepest desire. It's hungry for every human desire including love.

You did not know that it would be this painful.

To see a green fire-like creature coming out from your lover's body, it was, for the lack of words, devastating.

No, you were not even sure if he still sees you as one, or you should see him as one since you know that everything that has happened for the last 35 years was the heliobus doing.

The sweet, raspy morning voice that would greet you first in the morning.

The sweet, lovely words he would say to reassure you.

The sweet, passionate kisses and pecks he would give to you.

The sweet, warm hugs he would provide without question.

It was all but the past now.

You froze in silence upon realization with hands still firmly-gripping Jing Yuan's shoulders, intended to help him stand up, but the scene of the green fire-like creature, the heliobus, coming out and stopped possessing Jing Yuan's body kept replaying in your head.

You internally shook your head, in an attempt to regain your composure, that matter should be dealt later. What was more important was the ball of heliobi in front of the two of you.

"General, are you okay?" You asked as you help the General to get up from his prostrated position. It was quite a thing to do to help him get up, he was exhausted and was bigger than you, so his weight was something you need to carry yourself.

Jing Yuan forcibly had to put almost all of his weight on you, and you understood why. Without ever the need to say anything, you simply commanded the Knights present to hold the heliobi while you attended the General.

You started moving your feet, bringing the limp General towards the nearest shade where a doctor was stationed by the Judge. It felt weird. For the General to stay silent, for Jing Yuan to just follow you, for your lover to-- No, he was no longer one.

When you arrived, you sat Jing Yuan down on the nearest chair, then quickly called the Warden to, "Please get him the beverage I had told the Knights to bring," and they nodded their head before leaving their place.

You turned your body to face Jing Yuan who looked like a kitten drenched in water. Though your gazes did not meet, you knew that he held this apologetic gaze that he often used when you were mad at him for not taking care of himself.

You wanted to say something, but you quickly disposed the idea as something you wanted to say was rather intimate than of concern between colleagues. Whether it be he remembered it or not, you did not want to push the idea that you and Jing Yuan used to have something.

"I--," you started which immediately gained his attention. You stared at him for a little while, daring yourself to make eye-contact with the eyes that used to hold so much affection, so much love towards yours, before breaking the eye-contact by averting your gaze towards where you two had stood.

But before you even could say anything to the General of the Luofu, some of the Knights that were holding off the Heliobi came and stated, "Greetings," one of them started. "We're sorry to interrupt you, but we came to inform that the heliobi escaped. Though the Judge were sure that they won't escape the Fyxestroll Garden, we will keep our guard up, and provide help to the Judge and their Wardens."

Ah, so you must be by Jing Yuan side at all times.

"Understood. You might rest a bit, fighting a sly creature with no physical body must be tiring," Jing Yuan said understandingly, even without you looking, you know he had that signature smile of his plastered on his face. The Knights abided his words and returned to their post after giving him a bow.

Thus, left only you two. You pondered, 'Must it be that I am the one who have to accompany him? But if I asked the Knights, the Wardens, or any of the Judges present that would be disrespectful not only for me, but for Jing Yuan and the Judges too,' so you stopped thinking after having the answer to your question.

Although you stood quite far from your General, you noticed his glances on you, you were unsure how you got this sixth sense kind of thing, but you were sure that he had something he wanted to say. However, you decided to ignore it as you currently had no intention to talk to him.

Alas, he wanted to talk to you.

"Are you okay, (y/n)? Something troubling you?" He called you by your name. His voice was sweet, or maybe it was just your biased opinion, and full of concern. Perhaps your face showed a clear expression of distress, well, you would not say you were shocked, he got a sharp eyes.

When you two first met and the relationship was simply between colleagues, he would call you by your family name. Thus, the fact that he called you by your first name gave you hope. A hope that perhaps he remembered everything ever happening between you two for the last 35 years.

But, then, another realization hit you, in the last 35 years, he called you by 'my dear' and only ever occassionally called you by your first name.

Thus, all hopes had been lost, and somehow you felt like you were already used to this despite only ever experiencing this roller-coaster of emotion just a few minutes ago.

You sighed, readying yourself to engage in a conversation with someone you did not wish to see. "Sharp eyes as ever, General," you began, putting a fake smile on your face. "Of course I have something in my mind, we're dealing with heliobi and they're scattered across the Luofu as we speak, how could I not think of them?" You tried your best to reason. It sounded logical, but he also had sharp senses and you knew it. Any lie he could sense easily, and you could only hope that he would not find out and pry.

Thankfully, he did what you wished, although by the looks of it, he knew you were hiding something. "I see, I too think about the heliobi. How did they manage to escape the matrix, I wonder?"

"I'll go see to it," you volunteered, willing to do anything but facing Jing Yuan, so you left without saying anything else without waiting for permission from Jing Yuan.

15 meters from where the pavilion Jing Yuan was in, there was a broken matrix. As unsure as you were if this matrix was the main cause of the problem, you were sure that this matrix has something to do with the incident. You noticed one or two missing talismans which could only signify that the seal was weaken due to some ignorant parties.

You mentally take note of the condition of the matrix to later inform the Judge and Jing Yuan.

"My dear," a familiar voice called you, and your body stiffen. You hoped that it was not clear enough lest he would notice, and that was precisely something you did not want. You turned your head slowly, and there stood Jing Yuan, seemingly to have recovered from his injury.

"That seems to be your contact name in my phone," he added, right when you thought he remembered every 'good morning's he told you, every kind words he said to you, every kisses he planted on you, every hugs he gave you.

Just when you thought.

You forced a laugh groggily, the first time ever since you stood by his side. "Ah... that. I was just messing around with your phone," a terrible excuse, you knew, and he did not let your life easier anyway.

"But, the chat did not suggest so."

"...H-how are you doing? Feeling better than before?" You desperately tried to change the topic of the conversation, but he was persistent on keeping the topic. Your question was ignored by his own musings.

"It's... the heliobus doing, isn't it?" And there was this glint of sadness in his voice, a sadness that made you pity your state. A silence was the only kind of answer you could give to him, not wholly ready to face the truth.

"Sorry, I don't have any recollection on this part," Jing Yuan said, looking at you right in the eyes. You averted your gaze once you saw that same sadness in his voice present in his eyes.

"Haha... don't be sorry for something that is not yours, General," you tried to reassure him, and you let silence filled the air. It stayed that way, until Jing Yuan said.

"We can start it anew."

You were unsure whether it was because he was purely oblivious or he felt guilty or he pitied you, all you were sure was that you did not want to force him into loving you or force yourself to be comfortable around him while knowing full well that his heart was not there for you.

"Haha..." your dry laughter died down as fast as it appeared. How pathetic you must have looked right now. "Sorry, but if your heart isn't there, then I don't want to give it a chance."

"I don't want to taste another sweet lies," you ended your sentence with voice just above whisper.

This whole conversation hurted you, you did not want to converse with him, but seemingly had no other choice since he seemed to deliberately ignoring all your signals. Seeing his face alone hurted you, it forcefully made you recall everything that happened in the last 35 years, every smile he once gave. Hearing his voice hurted you more, it forcefully made you remember the way he used to call you. Looking into his eyes hurted you even worse, it forcefully made you remember every love it once held.

Seeing it now was no longer would do nothing but cut your heart.

Another silence fell between you two, and you knew he was still looking at you with that same gaze, with that same emotion it held.

You let out a chuckle, "Don't look at me like that, you're making me look pathetic," and you did not know what kind of emotion he displayed, but you could only pray that this time he would let you go.

"Yes, I'm feeling better," he said. "The matrix, what happened to it?" He finally relented.