ivansergeyevichturgenev

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

😭 how do u win the idgaf war when it comes to shipping

i'm 28

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

okay tell me why i served one of my student's parents AND my boss's boss and her wife 💀 but it was chill actually she said she LOVED my pride special line up, adored my drinks, and left me a cash tip...which i don't think has ever happened. PRIDE MONTH SLAY!!!!

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

i got a chocolatey dessert from the kitchen because i'm a sweetie and then housed it while sitting in the walk in. i do feel better

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

pre period times are so stupid and horrible. cool i'm starving, my body looks ridiculous, and i'm breaking out. soooooooo cool and sexy ❤️❤️❤️

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

my body is so sore from movinggggggg

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

and my tummy hurts

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

i had to go to my house this morning before summer school because i had a few trash bags to throw away. i've been up since 5:30. soooooo tired. plus i work tn

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

the carolina gold bbq chips are back at trader joe's ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

i finally feel like i've been divorced long enough to say this. i hated being in my marriage so much. it was so unfulfilling on every single possible level. every single day i knew i was living a lie and was absolutely terrified i'd die one day having spent my whole life this way. at the same time, i was petrified to leave. i was petrified to break his heart, start over, and face a lot of judgement for the reason i left. like i'm going to be a cunt over some low hanging fruit i know but omg do people on the internet love to be so cruel to lesbians because they're all so biphobic and mean 🙄 but like in my situation why the fuck would i care about your man or have any sympathy for your feeling like you're not brave enough to commit to a woman. Like i'm sorry. i did the thing. i went to therapy to "fix me" and ensure i wasn't a lesbian. i dated the first man who talked to me after that and we got married. i went through so many workbooks to try to "heal" and enjoy having sex with men and i still hated it. eventually i couldn't live my life like that. i don't have a relationship with half of my family because i was kicked out and even before that, this is the family that made me go to "therapy" so i wouldn't be this way. and i am quite privileged. but after a certain point like there was no other way i could live my life even though for a long time i felt like i was drowning

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

major change of topic but i just saw a tiktok that was like "pov: toxic masc invites you over" (🤢) not to be a massive cunt but like what do you think is going to happen or what do you think the vibes are if your FIRST DATE IS AT EITHER ONE OF YOUR PLACES. is that mean. like am i dumb but i thought universally that let's watch a movie at my place means let's hook up? like are you stupid??? and if you didn't know that and you don't want to participate in that have some self respect and don't go to "first dates" that are at someone's residence

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

and before i decided to #heal and live a life that was meaningful despite what had happened to me (and then of course i'm actually quite numb about the fact my ex husband raped me repeatedly towards the end of our marriage after we'd already had the conversation that this is over) and also i've matured substantially since that time. i used to be so bitter and angry when other women would say "but you know it wasn't rape so i feel like i can't be upset." i used to be a little bitter about it because i'd be like BUT IT REALLY IS SO BAD! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! i've come to understand and this is just my opinion and my experience and my perspective so if it doesn't land....carry on. the more i've reflected on it the more i empathize with that feeling because all women have this fear. we all walk around knowing men view us as public property. we know that whatever happened to us can always be worse! so why feel anything for what we've endured. there's always a man ready to remind you he could hurt you even worse!

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

if you think too deeply about existing as a woman in the world it's so absurdly depressing. and that's not even including all of the times i've been inappropriately grabbed at the bar or when i worked as a sports bar. when i went to paris alone a homeless man came up to me and put his hands on me by grabbing my arms and i ran away from him. and yet i share most of these stories with very little fear. if i had more than an appropriate amount of fear (un/fortunately? i no longer have nearly debilitating ptsd) how would i even manage to function in my life? how would i begin to have the courage to navigate my life as a single woman? we should all be paralyzed by fear. but i think most of us aren't because duh. we know it's all men. we know it's the ones we see on the street and we know it's the ones that even we trust. like literally shut up. I get it. the one men who have actually raped me knew me first!

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

two years ago i was drunk and convinced by someone to get in his car, claiming he was my uber driver, and i did because i was intoxicated. i didn't realize he wasn't and was taking me somewhere else until he got on the highway. at that point, i started screaming and acting absolutely insane so he would let me out of his car. i then walked an absurd length to my home on the phone with a friend. i don't think i've told this story on the internet because i'm really embarrassed i got separated from my friends that night and i am so grateful i am still alive to tell the story. just a few weeks ago, my friend and i had to be driven home by the police because a man followed us from a bar and he wouldn't leave us alone until i was on the phone with 911. sure, none of these experiences ended with me being sexually assaulted or murdered. are you really going to tell me, and other women, to get over ourselves? like you are being FREAKISH. you are being FREAKISH!!!

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

my best friend is currently doing an internship required for her librarian program and yesterday she helped with a kids group that was like maybe 10 kids and she was like they didn't listen! and kept trying to take a million snacks!! and i of course was a little smug about it because it's always a reminder that not everyone can do my job but of course i commiserated with her a little bit because i KNOW IT'S CRAZY!!

[ivansergeyevichturgenev]

whenever i break apart the word parts in "homophone" and "homograph" so we know that homophone means same sound and homograph means same writing i feel like i'm going to get arrested and fox news is about to come in and film a live segment about liberal indoctrination