iwouldratherprocrastinate

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There’s only one thing I took away from ‘Army of Thieves’ is that Sebastian…Dieter…needs some time alone with his safes…seriously…

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Stolas: Well, remember when Y/n made a romantic dinner for me?

Blitzo : Stolas, they microwaved you a pizza.

---

Y/n : Hey, Stolas you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.

Stolas: Have you ever been to a mortuary?

Y/n : Yea, my grandma lives there.

Blitzo : That is the worst response to that question.

---

*Blitzo teaching Y/n to drive and taking Stolas along for the ride*

Blitzo: That's a pothole. To the left!

Y/n : Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Stolas, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Y/n : I don't think that's how the song goes.

Blitzo, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Y/n : Country Roads.

Stolas: To the place.

Y/n and Stolas in unison: I Belong!

Blitzo, crying harder: What the fuck?

---

Blitzo: Stolas-

Stolas: *sighs* Y/n used to call me Stolas...

Blitzo: ...Because it's your fucking name.

---

Y/n to Stolas: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are.

Blitzo, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Y/n : 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

---

Stolas: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Blitzo: What's wrong with you??

Stolas: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.

Y/n : No, they mean other than that.

Stolas: Ohhhhhh.

Stolas: I haven't slept in 4 days.

---

Blitzo, knocking on the door: Y/n , open up!

Y/n : It all started when I was a kid.

Blitzo: That’s not what I-

Stolas: Let them finish!

---

Y/n : Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Blitzo?

Blitzo: No.

Stolas: I do!

Y/n : I know, Stolas.

Stolas: I’m sad.

Y/n : I know, Stolas.

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i’ll be like “need him so bad it makes me stupid” and it’s this guy:

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same energy

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Peraltiago + relationship tropes

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He’s been an adult for 1000 years now

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I’ve noticed that I have fictional character types

Dangerous and sexy:

Hot nerd:

And then just girls:

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I love this 😂

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[ ☆ ]

local goat lady caught grabbing a lil midnight snack while patrolling liyue

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Reasons why Brooklyn nine nine is an important TV show:

* 4/9 main characters are people of colour (Holt, Amy, Rosa, Terry / Jake, Boyle, Gina, Hitchcock, Skully)

* 2/9 are a part of the LGBT + community

* The main person of power (captain holt) is a black, gay man - this in particular shatters typical stereotypes

* It shows interracial couples

* It speaks about important subjects such as homophobia, racism and sexism both within the workforce and within everyday life

* It shows healthy, positive relationships between characters (Jake/Amy)

* Gives positive portrays of strong, independent women within the workforce and their willingness and ability to excel and grow within their work field (Amy and Rosa)

* It shows strong, positive and encouraging friendships between characters (Jake and Boyle)

* It shows people to be unapologetically themselves and to enjoy and embrace their passions (Gina)

* It shows positive relationships between men and women without any ‘drama’ or ‘sexual tension’ (Jake and Gina, Jake and Rosa)

* IT’S MAIN CHARACTERS ARE OF VARIOUS AGES, RACES AND SEXUALITYS

* It shows people being in multiple relationships (not just straight away finding ‘the one’ and devaluing their current relationship based on the number of previous relationships they have had)

* It shows a couple with an adopted child

Please feel free to add!

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Whoever made this deserves fourteen medals and a trophy

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BorderBooze

Had some fun writing these up today after a chat with a friend, a lot of people are a bit nervous about trying out cocktails based on the price, but here’s some very tasty, cheap Borderlands surprises to try at home: Hammerlock (Hot Toddy)

½ filled regular sized mug with boiling water

2 big ass tablespoons honey

2 equally big ass tablespoons brown sugar

½ squeezed lemon

Sprinkle of cloves

2 shots good quality whiskey

Warm, spiced, sweet and soothing. If you have a cold or sore throat, or just want a nice nights sleep, he’s got your back.

Wainwright (Whiskey and Ginger)

Can of high quality ginger ale, the spicier the better, poured over ice

Teaspoon brown sugar

½ a lime squeezed

2 shots good quality whiskey

Tangy and sweet, with a hot finish. A Jacob’s should only need one shot, but the second is to make sure the job gets done.

Calypso (Do not twin these)

Tall glass with handful of ice

½ fill with fresh Pink Grapefruit Juice

½ fill with fresh Orange Juice

Dash of fresh squeezed lime

2.5 shots Malibu coconut rum

Looks sexy, smells sexy, tastes sexy, will flat out murder you instantly if you try and take down 2 at once. Stick with one at first and see how you feel. I’m serious. You’ll see Troy and he’ll pull your heart out of your kneecaps.

Keep reading

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MC: *hugs Lucifer*

Lucifer: What is that?

MC: Affection

Lucifer: Disgusting

Lucifer:

Lucifer:

Lucifer: Do it again

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MC: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Lucifer: Well it didn't fucking feel pleasant!

MC:... Let me rephrase that...