izayasworld-blog

[izayasworld-blog]

I never want to leave this place, right now, I see it in a different way.

[izayasworld-blog]

I see it in a different way right now, I never want to leave this place.

[izayasworld-blog]

A dream

Every day is just the same. I wake up, I check out my messages, I reply them. Might chat with people for awhile if feel like it or if they happen to be online. Next I watch videos from youtube or scroll my facebook wall. I stalk other people’s posts and look for funny memes. They give me a smile for a moment, sometimes also make me laugh. Usually at this part our dog comes to wish me good morning, then he leaves, mom might say something to me if she is at home, then she leaves too. I go and make some breakfast during afternoon or eat lunch or dinner. I don’t feel hunger anymore. I haven’t felt hunger for a long time. It’s been 2 months now.. Yes.. I think it’s been 2 months for now that’s been going on like this. Rest of the day I talk to random people in net or do roleplays.. Write stories with random people who I don’t personally know. I keep telling myself that I’m not lonely. 

Even though, that 2 months ago, when he still was in my life, I was happy. I talked with him every day. I just didn’t know that I was living a dream. It wasn’t real. It never was real. In fact I was alone when I thought that I wasn’t alone. It’ just the same as now. I’m alone. Days pass. They are all the same. I don’t even feel anything anymore. I can’t feel excitement over the things I like. I let my mind go on.. I let ideas come and go. They are just visiting my mind, just like other people. Nobody and nothing stays. I still keep telling myself that I’m not lonely. I’ll meet new people tomorrow again. Right? Just need to remember to not get attached to them too much, because they won’t stay. They are there just because they need something from me or because of some coincidence. They are visitors. Just smile and treat them well.  

Keep it positive. That’s what I’ve been told. “ Don’t show your tears.” “ You are imagining it all, you’re just fine.”  Am I? Am I really fine? Is feeling empty same as being fine? Is pretending fine same as being fine? I don’t know. I guess so. As long as I don’t try to kill myself or harm myself otherwise, I should be fine right? The choking feeling in throat, what is that? Why am I physically feeling that way? Why does it feel like I can’t breath? Why are tears falling from my eyes? What’s wrong with my body then if I’m fine? Why is my body sick? Tell me someone... 

[izayasworld-blog]

Being yourself

I’m going to write about being yourself and why it is hard to yourself in this world. 

Media gives us information all the time. It gives certain type of information which is truly just a piece of what all this world of ours contains. There are stereotypes about genders, trends that you have to follow to be socially accepted person or just become popular. If you are different from people around you. For example if everyone in your school like ice hockey and you like soccer and you don’t like ice hockey at all. You are already different from them. It’s harder for you to make friends if there are no any other common interests between you and those people. Since humans are pack animals, most of them end up pretending just be socially accepted and not leaft outside of the group. That’s just how the society works, if again they are openly different, in some communities they get bullied and end up mentally or even physically hurt depending on how hard the bullying is. It is one of unsaid rules to not be different because most people are cowards. They have weak mind, emotions take control and they don’t dare to be themselves. Of course there are exceptions like myself. 

At first as a kid I was like other kids in my class til I was 12 years old. I had already been leaft outside of groups in my class and I didn’t know how to make friends with my classmates anymore. This happened already when I was 10-11 years old. I was often standing alone and doing something alone. I was different from them. I didn’t like same music as they did. Also I lived in different area and I was completely separated on my free time. At school I was only let play with them because our class’ teacher was very strict and didn’t accept any type of bullying in our class. However in 6th grade I became depressed shortly. I started change. I wore a lot black, I got into Visual-kei, kpop and anime. I started karate and I became sort of goth and emo mix. Maybe more of emo. In end of semester I didn’t have any friend from my class. I didn’t even know whose name should I write on paper that was a wish list about who to put into same class to junior high. Well, I was put on same class with one girl who often hanged out with me. I was actually happy that she came to same class as I did. My changing continued in junior high. I became even more V-kei influenced even though I wasn’t able to create those amazing fashion looks yet. I tried but it was too hard at that time. My parents didn’t support me with it, I know that they thought that it was just a phase, but for me... It changed my life. During those 3 years I understood what kind of person I was, not completely but I started to understand slowly. However I didn’t accept it. I was sad that I had become a loner in end of the school and when I went to upper secondary school I promised that I would become normal. I never did. I didn’t get any new friend in the new school. Of course I got along with people as always, but I didn’t really get any new long term friends. I still have only one friend who has been my friend a really long time. Thats because we are both loners. We are different from other people. I’m still happy to be friends with him. Most of my other friends are from around the internet and from abroad. I believe that they are my friends because they don’t got to deal with me as daily basis and also they don’t know me as well as the friend  from school. Well, I am quite different case anyways so that’s why I am not the best example of person who dares to be himself. First of all I have never been very social person, I’m antisocial person, I observe people more than socially interact with them. However I am able to interact socially very well and make people enjoy my company. I can also make them not enjoy my company. It depends on the situation and person. Humans are individuals after all. 

Anyways what I want to tell you guys is that you gotta have guts to be yourself. You shouldn’t be afraid of what other people think about and be depended on their opinions. Just be yourself. You can find true friends for yourselves and enjoy your life much more freely when you do not lie to yourselves. I have accepted myself the way I am and trust me it wasn’t easy at all. Now I know what I want to do and what I am interested in. What I like to do. It is what keeps me alive even though I’m alone for most of the time and don’t have any close friends around me. I have learnt to enjoy of my life and also developing those traits that I like in myself. For example fashion, creativity, intelligence, sport... etc. The truth is that no one is going to stay with you til the day you die. You have to be independed and trust in yourself only because that’s the only person you can trust, that’s also the person with who you are going to be spending your life with so as cliche as it is, love yourself. 

Have an awesome day!

[izayasworld-blog]

Using non-verbal language in order to seem confident

We use non-verbal language every day without even realizing it. It tells more than we can verbally tell to other people, but the key is to be able to read and use non-verbal language to express ourselves. Here i’m going to talk about some very basic non-verbal moves that will make you seem confident, also if you simply just want to hide what you are truly thinking these are useful for that. 

Stand straight and hold your head up straight neutrally. If you want the other one to believe you more easily, show your palms, if again you want to dominate them show the back of your hand because it symbolizes domination. Pointing with fingers usually just pisses off other people but it is one super powerful symbol about dominating and ordering. Still easier way is to offer ideas to people and showing your palms symbolizes submission and innocence. Even just one palm is enough. It all depends on what kind of expression you want to cause on other person. If you cross your arms over your chest, it’s actually a sign of self protection and negative thinking. If you want to seem confident, I suggest you to put your hands into your pockets and leave the thumbs out. That’s sexual sign actually but it can also show off confidence, and as you just stand straight and look straight to the other person and smile. That’s already enough. Don’t cross your legs either. That’s usually sign of refuce too. Also for example leaning against wall legs crossed shows that you are uncomfortable and don’t feel like you fit in to the group you are in. If you want to make effective social expression just walk to the group and let your hands hang beside you or hold the other one on your pocket just relaxedly. Also just keep your voice neutral and nod your head more than shake it. These are all positive signs. Depending on what kind of expression you want to make on other person, in official matter look between the other person’s eyes and forehead, if you are sexually interested usually anywhere between legs up to eyes is alright, neck is most common if not straight into eyes. And between friends, neck to eyes is good place to keep your sight directed to. 

How do you see if people are interested in you? If they turn their bodies towards you and not just their heads. Also usually at least one foot will be pointing towards you if the person is interested in talking with you. If someone puts his hands on his waist that is a symbol of being aggressive and ready to attack by words or just being annoyed over something. Among men it’s usually sign of showing off to each others. 

Usually when you are talking with someone they tend to take same positions as you do. It also means that they are comfortable with talking to you. With these simple things you can improve your social expression on other people. The most important thing is to stand straight and hold your head up straight. 

Did you know that cops who don’t have a gun usually stand with their arms crossed over their chest to protect their chest but also to seem threatening / the ones in boss’ seat. 

Special: Signs about lying! Usually person tends to hide his ears, eyes or mouth depending on the lie or if he doesnt believe you. If he is about to lie he might cough, rub his nose, just taking hand on the mouth or even fixing his clock (politicians usually use the last one), if he hears something he doesnt believe he usually may scratch his ear and same if he sees sth he doesnt believe true. Some people do scratch their neck when they lie. So if you are about to lie, dont do these things and try not to reveal anything by blushing. Best way to lie to other person is to look straight into their eyes calmly and show your palms with normal expression. I still don’t encourage anyone to lie but it’s everyone’s own decision how to use these advices. 

Hopefully this will give you some tips about how to be more confident socially. 

[izayasworld-blog]

The shame

In my last post I promised to tell how to build yourself a category of yourself and develop your own confidence. However we can not start that without first knowing some basics about human’s ability to feel shame. I will talk about different types of shame’s. There is shame that is considered good by majority of therapists and then there is shame that is considered as bad one by this same majority of therapists. 

What is good shame? Good shame and feeling of guilt walk with hand in hand. When a child does something bad he normally feels guilt of it, also possibly a bit shame which can be considered as embarrasment. However sometimes these children feel the bad shame. It is shame about existing. Feeling of wainting to get accepted by their parents because they need their parents and they are afraid that their parents will abandon them. Why do these children feel that way? What in parents’ behaviour causes it? 

Well, usually these humans are referred as ‘shame humans’. They got scared already when they were born or incest, raping, abuse... Such things cause this shame. It is deep shame and it affects the whole person’s personality. The way he thinks and feels. Usually children who were separated from their mother right after their birth into world don’t get the needed connection with their mother. The first days and hours of the baby’s life outside of the womb are extremely important. Even though the baby was separated by taking him to some emergency room or such because he was too small for breast feeding, it still caused the baby a damage to his personality. He got the emotion of ‘not being wanted’ that he was broken or damaged and just not good enough to be accepted. Necessary connection with baby and mother wasn’t there then. On those first hours the mother draws the baby’s lines and basically the baby becomes a whole but if the mother is not there, then the baby won’t have these lines and he might never become completely independent from his parents as an adult. This is a very difficult issue to explain. But this is just one of the cases. 

Other cases are such as raping, abuse or incest. They all cause different types of shame but basically this shame in its purest model is the need of being loved and accepted. Parents can easily damage their children’s minds by just using certain type of sentences. For example when the children wants to dress up somehow the mother might say ‘ No, you certainly won’t do that, what will the neighbours think of it too? ‘. Here the mother is expressing that the child is somehow damaged and causes shame for the whole family. It’s the worst kind of sentence to say to a child. For a child the parents are like gods because they need them for surviving. Their words are universal truths for the children. So if the parents judge and criticize their children for how they look like or punish them from showing themselves. The children’s minds become shamehumans’ minds. They try to be good children because they fear that if they don’t they will get abandoned. A big part of the children’s own personality is thrown away. For a good girl her bad sides do not exist anymore. Which leads into stress, anxiety even depression as an adult. The good girl won’t say her own opinions. dress up the way she truly wants to or such because she is afraid of being abandoned by other humans and she is constantly looking for acceptance. With some others it might be opposite. They become rebellious. They isolate themselves from other humans because they don’t want to face any criticism and this leads into more shame. The humans think that they are not supposed to even exist because it’s way too shameful. The shame leads into chronical loneliness, emotional loneliness and social loneliness. Which again causes depression, anxiety, panic disorders and other mental diseases and disorders. Narcissm is also caused by huge shame that the narcisst got to experience during his childhood. 

There are different types of shamehumans. 

Successfull one - Tries his everything to success but doesn’t feel any satisfaction of things he succeed in. 

Victim - victimizes himself and blames others for his suffering and himself for not being accepted. 

Leader - Thinks that others cant survive without his organizing skills.

Clown - the one who is always talking and amusing others. Looking for acceptance and attention by this. Can’t stand quiet house or peace, always needs some noise around him. Usually they steal the show alone. 

Intelligent one - Looks down on emotional people, only interested in science, very lonely usually because cant find company that matches his intelligence level, doesnt like chitchatting, isnt really interested in other humans. 

These stereotypes are just few of many shamehuman stereotypes and I can find many of them in myself as well. When I was a baby, I was separated from my mother right after the birth which lead into me becoming a shamehuman. I was constantly criticized and judged by my mother, grandmother and so on trough my childhood and even still nowadays am. I was the first child in our family. Obviously I got to experience the hardest since my parents were.. well new parents obviously. My parents probably never knew how their actions affected my mind when I was a child. Top of that I got to experience bullying at school during my first years and this is how I became very insecure and almost invicible. I was afraid to open my mouth in the class during my primary school life. It also led me to practice karate which helped me trough junior high school. I had developed myself a role in junior high and that’s why most of other pupils didn’t dare to pick on me. However I was also kind of lonely wolf. I didn’t feel comfortable in groups of people at all. I was rebel and dressed the way I wanted because I was mostly pissed off at my mother from judging me from dressing however I wanted. I did a lot, I had many hobbies and I was very active, constantly looking for my parents acceptance but it was never enough. Even nowadays it feels like I have not gotten it and actually I’m bad at taking criticism from other humans as well. Here I’ve got to tell one case that happened during my high school life. I was assigned to create application lists for our school’s wintersports day and I didn’t know how to do it. Still, I tried to do it and did my best with it. Those weren’t good enough lists so our teacher took me to laptop so that we would do them again together. She was criticizing or more like judging me for doing them wrongly. Basically saying that I hadn’t tried or such. I tried to explain that I didn’t know how to do them expressing that I knew that they weren’t good enough. Then she said to another teacher who was sitting beside us ‘ she can’t take criticism at all and becomes all defensive’ they laughed. Of course this felt really really bad to me and I was seriouslt about to cry. I didn’t understand why didn’t that fuckin’ teacher understand a goddamn word I had said? Was she that full of herself? That’s what I thought of during that moment and I was seriously on the edge of walking out from that room and going home without explaining a thing. I felt that ashamed. After that I started to hate this teacher til the day I graduated. I won’t tell her name here since I respect her privacy, but if she ever got to read this, I really hope that she wouldn’t EVER treat anyone of her students like that again. 

I finally got that said. Time to move on forward now then. 

How to fix yourself from this shame then? What do you need to understand? I tell here now, those have been raped, abused physically or mentally a lot etc. You guys really do need to meet up with psychologist because you need personal directing and therapy to get over those events. But maybe this will also help you guys understand something very important. 

Here’s the key:  You are not walking on this planet to please anyone or to be accepted by anyone else, but yourself. Your life is in your hands. Not anyone else’s. You must love yourself and be brave. Be yourself, do what you want. You’ve got only this life here and now. If there is something you want to do but have planned to do it later on during your life, think. The life is here now. Nobody knows what happens tomorrow. Life is unpredictable since everything affects everything. This is the reason for just start doing the things you want to do right now instead of leaving it for ‘better time’. The moment is now. 

Also, other people will be there and always judge and criticize you, but the thing is that you mustn’s listen them. Their words are just opinions. Your own opinions are your opinions. You are not perfect human-being. No one will ever be perfect human. We are evolving every day. We are always in ‘the process’. We’ll never be complete. After you can accept this, that you are not perfect, you are not going to be ‘ good human’ or such since like I told in my older post, goodness is not in us. It’s just a substance that we deliver. Still even though we are incomplete, we are all important. We have born into this world for one reason. We are here because of evolution, we are here because of the beauty of life, we are here because we are lucky, we are here to ENJOY of our lives. Enjoy the challenges of our lives, enjoy the happiness in our life, enjoy all the different experiences in this life and the best part is that we will never need to be complete. We can still be satisfied in ourselves just the way we are. The key in developing your confidence is to NOT CARE other people’s opinions. Their opinions do NOT define us. Only WE define ourselves. We are the royals on this planet.  Remember this people! 

Then here is few practices you can do in order to develop yourself. Go to shower. Let the water fall down on you for 10-15 minutes straight and make sure that it touches every part of your skin. At same time think about how it feels, enjoy its gentle touch. Imagine seeing the waves of the ocean that hit the seashore or small waterfalls somewhere in the forests. Try hear their sound and let it calm you down. Imagine how the fresh wind of these places that you can hear hissing in trees’ leaves, blows new air into you and gives you energy for the near future ahead of you. If you want you can also take some relaxation music like this to the shower room, the key is to not let the shower be too loud so that you can focus on listening. After this, dry yourself and go lay into your bed naked. Cover your body with your blanket and lie on your side the way you would in your mother’s womb. Close your eyes. Focus on how the sheets feel against your skin. If you fall asleep or become comfortable, change position. Lay on your back. Wait til you are comfortable and eventually remove the blanket and just lay there. Focus on how the air feels on your skin. After this go stand front of a mirror and look at yourself. That’s you. Only you in this world. You are a human. Just a human. Nothing more, nothing less. You can do whatever you want with your life. No one else can ever tell who you are or what you want to be or do. They can not tell what is good or what is bad as universal truths. Only as their own opinions that reflect their own life. You must focus on your own life. Look at the parts of your body from mirror that you like and smile. You are incomplete but you can always develop yourself to the direction you want to. Even though you’ll never be complete totally.. You can still be the way you want to be or at least close to it. It’s not good, It’s not bad. It’s just you. 

In my next post, I will probably talk about how to use non-verbal communication for evolving your mental confidence in social situations. 

[izayasworld-blog]

How to handle all the information that comes to you during day?

Every day our brains gather countless amount of information. We see advertisements, read text messages, listen other people talking to us, smell different type of odors, touch different materials etc. Most of the information that comes to our brains does not affect us very strongly. For example odors or flavours and such. However other humans and their verbal and non-verbal messages usually do affect us in various ways. Now I’m going to talk about how to filter these messages. 

Let’s say that our mood is like a frequency. Normally it is high.The frequency in our brains is high and we are basically on good mood. When we meet another person whose frequency is going low for some reason, he is basically just on bad mood or upset. Messages he is sending affect our frequency. It makes it vibrate. So our frequency goes like a roller coaster. Up and down and up and down etc.  So how can we keep it from doing that? How can we keep it staying stable and high? 

Most people do not filter the information that comes to their brains. Let’s imagine that in our brains is a tollgate. The information, messages from our environment are things. Lets say that they are cars. So there is cars coming to the tollgate and usually on the tollgate is checked an official informations of those cars. After the tollgate is different roads that take.. Well for example different cities tha symbolize different areas in our brains.

In brains there are synapsis that are connected with electric line. This electric line delivers different type of substances and message. So that’s how it neurobiologically works, but lets stick with the simple model from before. 

So, these electric lines are those roads to different cities, aka different areas in our brains. A car comes and its official information should be checked and then it should be directed to the right way to get into right city. However, most humans don’t have this gatekeeper checking out the car informations and cars just pass the gate and go wherever they want to go randomly. This means that the human doesn’t control the information let into his brains, which is why the other person is able to make his high frequency to vibrate. 

So what to do then? How to hire a gatekeeper analyze cars that come to your tollgate? It’s very simple. First of all, you need to have a category about yourself inside of your mind. What kind of person do you want to be? Let’s take this example human here. 

So, Anna wants to be confident, beautiful, social, have friends and good at playing piano. 

She believes that she can play piano, that she is beautiful, confident, social and she has friends. These things make her have a high frequency trough the day. She can keep the high frequency by making this category of herself to be a base of herself. Then she gives the gatekeeper this category so the gatekeeper is able to analyze the cars. Some of the cars are considered as criminals. They do pass the gate but they are led into prison straight. Prison means a place that gathers the negative or hurtful things but it is locked away from the person’s normal mind and doesn’t affect the frequency. Also soon these criminals are led out from the prison and out from the brains. Forgotten. They were only passing by, but because they were analyzed and controlled, they didn’t get to cause any ruckus or damage and that’s how Anna’s frequency stood high even though she was for example criticized because of her style or because she got negative feedback from a classmate about her piano skills that are still evolving since she is studying. 

Then, where do the other cars go then? Well, they go to the cities and the cities grow as there goes more cars. Of course if more people moves into city, it’s going to become a rich city. So, if anna practices a lot piano, studies and learns music, the city where musical things are, let’s say its name is Los Angeles now. L.A is well-known of its music. So L.A grows the more cars, talented musicians moves in L.A.  Same goes to other cities. They grow due to cars that contain people who are professionals of the specific businesses that the city is well-known.

 On the other hand, her frequency doesn’t suffer because criminals don’t get to break or steal anything in these well built cities. 

Now to sum everything up. Know who you are and what do you want. Believe in yourself. Save this information into your category and give this category to the gatekeeper on your tollgate to keep criminals from destroying your cities. Also, by having a high frequency you are capable to tune other people’s frequency as well and make them smile instead of sulking! 

I hope that this will help you guys to understand a bit better about your own mind and also learn how to be able to control what kind of information you want to take in and what to block out!

In my next post I will be telling how to believe in yourself and make this category of yourself! It might actually become a serie of posts, but let’s start with just how to be confident! So, In my next post I will be talking about confidence and believing in yourself. 

[izayasworld-blog]

Surviving in the modern world?

In my previous post I talked about Charles Darwin’s evolution theory. Here I will talk about it a bit further. 

So basically, the evolution theory shortly is that trough the time different species have developed themselves to survive trough various  environmental changes that happened during our earth’s life line. Species had to develop biologically and genetically to adapt into new type of environment. Those who weren’t able to adapt, died to exinction. Later on evolution can be seen in the nature. Carnivores eat herbivores and omnivores. There are predators and preys on this planet. 

How does that connect to humans and surviving in the world? Well, as many of you may have been taught in school at biology lessons, humans are also animals. We are just really far developed animals. However nature’s laws rule in our society as well. We don’t eat each other even though many of us are omnivores. Still, we do kill each others in different ways. Also our society is developing really fast. Science has gone really far, so has education. In my country education is extremely good in general. The civilization here is developed and humans are smart and well-educated.  However there are also those people who are not so well-educated and they have much harder to live since everything costs a lot and even some people live on streets. Why is this happening? Well, it happens because they have gone bankcrupt. I do not mean their companies by this, I mean their own life budgeting. They didn’t get job because they didn’t have enough determination to educate themselves and they were not smart enough to stay away from drugs which is why eventually they ended up on streets without any money on their bank accounts. Also one reason is that there were not cheap enough rent apartments for these people to live in. In the cities this is a common problem is jobs are there but there are not places for the people to live in. However mostly the reason is alcohol, depression and other mental disease issues. The education level that is required from employees nowadays is just really really high. Then after we add there all the social relationship problems and other pressures, we get a real mass murder weapon. 

This is the reality nowadays. The strong ones, those who are determined and smart enough to develop themselves on next level and stay away from drugs survive. Those who are not easily broken down in this world. The world is truly cruel. There is no such thing as kindness or altruism among humans. Doesn’t matter how much you tell yourself that you are a human, you are still just an animal named human. You care only about yourself in the end. Surviving is most important thing for you. If you are weak-willed and simply just weak-minded person who doesn’t have confidence or will to fight. You lose meaning you die early. The funny thing is that all this is totally up to you! You can choose the path into success whatever success might mean to you or path to the destruction. Those are the options you have for yourself in the simplest. Most people do not know about these two paths and they end up in the path of destruction. Some people are simply just genetically, physically and mentally not capable to even make that choice and they automatically end up to the path of destruction. Environment these people live in affects mostly to what happens to them and this also means people they are with. If someone comes from poor home and parents do not encourage the person to study, he is mostlikely to end up on the path of destruction and depression unless if he has really strong mind. But even that can be broken with drugs that usually come in handy when the person is facing big challenges in his life. The other ones again, they might live in slums and don’t have option to even educate themselves. These people’s options are to try to go to another country or find some way to educate themselves and after that it’s completely up to them that what they want to do with their lives. Most of these people do not have faith into better life and they die young or do crimes and end up killed or in jail. However that’s how nature works. That’s how our society works. Weak ones die away and strong ones evolve and survive. That’s life in its simplest. 

I know my post this time might sound really sad and depressing to people who read this and have strong beliefs into things like religions and goodness etc. However, if you want to take this in accompanied with negative emotions, that’s your desicion. On the other hand, you can also take this in as educative lesson, think about your life and understand that your life truly is in your own hands. You can do whatever you want with it. If you want to success in your life, you can do it! It just means that you will need to work really hard to achieve your goals. Nothing is impossible that isn’t against the physics laws. 

I sincerely hope that you will take this as educative lesson and let it make you think. Truly think about your life and things you want to accomplish. 

In my next post I will be talking about how to handle different information that we get from our environment as a daily basis, how you can prevent negative emotions and how you can choose what you want to let in and what leave out. Stay tuned! ;) 

[izayasworld-blog]

Are you really a good person? #2

We have this idea of ourselves inside of our minds usually. For example some people consider themselves kind and good people who are helping others just because they are good people, but is this really the truth? I don’t think so. 

Generally humans are selfish creatures. We want to feel good and consider ourselves better than others. When we feel good about something in our brains dopamin called substance moves around. That’s what makes us feel good. After all our feelings are actually just different substances and electricity moving around inside of our brains. 

I have an example of my own life to tell here. 

So, during my school on one lesson there was this project that my teacher asked from our class that who would take the lead and form a project team to do it. Nobody wanted to do it because the project itself was seen as bothersome and uninteresting. Also it required to go meet immigrates. Basically we were supposed to hold a christmas party for refugees who were staying nearby in one security house. I took the job since no one else wanted to take it. Why did I take it? To be a good person? No, actually I was pitying our principal and I thought that maybe I could get some additional points and such to update my grade. I didn’t get anyone from the whole course to help me with it but instead I used my connections inside of the school and I got an older woman who was also a student, but she had been sick so her studies had been stopped for some time. She had a car and she agreed to help me. We went to the security house center, just the two of us and we told what we had planned to do with the party. So then we shared between us the jobs. Which one would do and what. 

However our principal made kind of a mistake by telling the classmates that if someone didn’t want to come to the xmas party, they could send him a message where they told the reason because some of the students’ parents had contacted the school worried and didn’t want the girls’ to go to the center because of the news that had been going around in the media lately. Most of the classmates decided to not come and also my partner was really angry and she said that she wouldn’t participate on such ‘fooling around’ stuff. Our principal was very worried that he would need to go there alone with the bus he had ordered for us. I kind of felt bad towards him and I decided that since I had given my word to be the team leader, I would go. I thought it trough the night. At school, I was told by my principal that I was really brave girl. I didn’t really understand this compliment since I didn’t feel scared about going to there. Those refugees were just humans. Why should I be afraid of them? 

However the party was a success. There was even media reporting that event to my country’s national news. 

I was really proud and didn’t regret of going there. I don’t consider myself as a good person because I had my own motives to do this. Those were very simple ones, I wanted good grade, I was curious and I like it when something different happens. I simply wanted to see what would happen. 

If it was someone else doing this, they might have considered themselves as good and kind people. Some people do tasks for others because they think that they are kind and good people but truthfully, they just don’t want to face the fact that they are not kind and good people for real. This causes them anxiety, stress and depression. Because for people who do not recognize their own bad sides, when these bad sides come out for example, being too tired or busy to do some task to help some other person. They don’t say ‘no’ and instead they become angry. Anger builds up inside of them and it keeps on gathering but they can not unleash it because they are the ‘good and kind people’ who are not supposed to feel that way over helping other people. 

There’s a different way to think about goodness. Actually, we are not good people but we are the deliver service for the goodness itself. It’s like the goodness is one big substance that we deliver around in the world. Which is actually connected to the biology and evolution. To our survival instict. 

Darwin’s evolution theory is based on this: The strong ones survive and weak ones die away. 

This means that those who are able to evolve constantly in their life will survive trough the life. So educating yourself and developing yourself in all areas of your life will help you to survive trough the life even tho no one will survive trough this life alive. Still, if you want to catch up on that idea of yourself whatever it might be, you have everything in your hands to reach that idea, but one thing you can not be is to be good person. After you understand this, you are already a step closer towards your idea of yourself as a human. You do help others and such in order to let different life events, chemical, biological and just other situations happen. It’s part of your own life line, but if you want to prevent yourself from feeling useless stress and anxiety, you’ve got to face yourself, face the facts like ‘ I don’t want to do this ‘ and say it out loud. You’ve got to respect and appreciate yourself more. See yourself as  a valuable human even though you are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. Think wisely and do what you want to do. Helping others is alright sometimes, they’ll have a good image of you, but if you agree on everything what they say, they will think you as weak-willed submissive person. Like a dog. So let’s not be dogs but humans instead! 

[izayasworld-blog]

Are you truly a good person? #1

Lets take this situation as an example.

Parents of a teenage girl. The father is much more demanding than the mother and the mother thinks that the father is too demanding, but she doesn't say anything even that the girl and father have a conflict every day. However the mother and daughter get along well.

In a relationship people rarely think further before they already blame one and another of various things. One reason for the mother's silence could be bad experiences of earlier attacks towards the other one's faults.

There is still a possibility that why the mother doesn't try to help the father change his attitude due to their daughter. She may want to keep feeling superior over the father. As long as the father is demanding and uses wrong approach towards the daughter, the mother can think that she is more skilled parent and closer to the daughter.

In this case the mother's idea of being " a good person " comes before helping the other one to solve the situation.

This type of situations come at workplaces as well. We are jealous when we think that our workmate would evolve, success and rise his popularity or that the one we blame behind his back, changed his habits and we weren't able to blame him anymore. We kind of enjoy other people's problems because then our own mistakes don't feel so big.

Is there a person in your life whose mistakes you feel enjoyable? Why? Would it be so bad if this person evolved himself? Which area of yourself could you develop, learn new and go forward?

[izayasworld-blog]

How to give negative critic or an advice?

When I was in my first job place and there came a situation where I said my thoughts out loud to my boss. She didn't tell me that my attitude was wrong and would be clear that I wouldn't make any profit that evening. Next work day I quit my job after I had talked with my boss and she had told me about problem with my attitude.

At jobs and other human relationships is a common problem that we don't dare to give advice to their problem even tho we see it by ourselves. We don't even talk about the advice or negative feedback.

We are blind to our own problems usually and a tip from an another person could be very helpful for our development as humans. Why do we not give it? It's not true friendship or good boss job when you don't dare to say truth even to the one asking for it!

What if my boss had told me about my attitude problem already on that evening? I could have done something about it during that shift and make some profit for myself and the company? Instead she was afraid that I would walk out immediately and then no one would be taking responsibility of the evening shift since the evening shift boss had quit his job suddenly. Also she had already asked me to take the leader's role temporarily so she wasn't able to back up in her words anymore because of her pride. Also I understood that she wasn't very good at f2f communication and since I had shown some temper she was probably lil afraid about my reaction. However as my boss she should have told me immediately about my attitude problem because it would have helped our cooperation in general and maybe I wouldn't have quit the job so soon. I do understand that she had stress over the sudden situation and she just didn't want to get things even more complicated. This tells me that her communication and leading skills were not very good ones and I had my own opinion about the job already plus my own problems which led me to the final desicion about quitting even though I didn't think it over very well.

I decided that since I'm still a student and I don't have to pay any bills, even if I didn't get any other job I wouldn't stress myself over it. Instead I would take my time this summer and use it for developing my social communication skills, understanding about human behaviour, philosophy and also my physical fitness. After all, this will be my last free summer. Next autumn I'll start studying for new profession and from then on, I won't have long vacations anymore where I could focus fulfilly on myself as a human-being.

We often act the way that friendship is the kind of relationship where you do not hurt each others' feelings by talking the truth. However think by yourself, would you be happier to hear truth from person whom you consider as your friend or would you rather hear lies?

Try remember a situation where your friend asked for your honest opinion or view. What did she ask and what did you reply? If you weren't honest, why?

Your friend was probably kinda satisfied with your answer, because its meaning was to make her happy right? However your friend probably sensed that you weren't honest. If you had told her the truth she/he might have considered you as her/his true friend. Think how could have you told the truth in the way that the other one would have understood it as help, not criticism.

How about so called 'white lies'? Your friend has bought a new clothing and you don't think that her choice was very good one. Think what you should do in that kind of situation.

I wish everyone a great day and happy summer!