jackeestrad

[jackeestrad]

I hope that when you think of me you can't breathe

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BQilG7oBG-L/

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

How is my soul today?

As I got ready for bed all I can think about is you. Not too long ago I was getting ready for bed to sleep next to you in our hotel room. I so convincingly thought that was the beginning to our forever And now I'm laying in bed alone. Missing your embrace and the warmth you gave me. Your presence alone is all the peace I've ever needed in my life. Now I have to be my own warmth and my own peace. And I hope you have that too. But for now, I have to be all I need.

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

How is my soul today?

Grateful. Thankful & Able.

[jackeestrad]

How is my soul today?

“Just as a snake sheds its skin, we must shed our past over and over again.”- Buddha

Note to self: this is a process. 

Transformation doesn’t happen over night, it happens with time. It’s exactly what I don’t want to hear since I’d prefer to magically wake up feeling brand new. But I’ve realized that the big picture doesn’t happen spontaneously, it’s not a random act of time, it is composed of small miracles over time. All to make the big picture that much more meaningful. Time is my teacher, it will show me the art of patience and the value of hard work.

I am only as strong as I am weak. To deny myself my weaknesses is to deny the progress of my strength. No more hiding, no more running away. I will not let my weaknesses define me. What I choose to do despite my hardships is what will define me for who I am and who I will be. 

I am strong. I am a powerful. i am an overcomer. I am light. I am determined. But most importantly,  I am and always will be loved. 

With strength in my heart and perseverance in my eyes I will press forward. Over and over again. 

[jackeestrad]

How is my soul today?

It’s funny how quick we are to change when we are removed from comfortable situations. It’s when we lose everything that we have that we realize we need to lose everything that we are. I was content with myself. I thought I was prepared. But when it struck me that the outer parts of me were better than the inner parts of me, it was too late.

As much as I want to beat myself over it and drag it along with me, I can’t. Not for you and not for me. So now I read poetry and I listen to music to try to make sense of what I feel. It’s difficult because at one point you were the one that helped me make sense of things and now I have to do it on my own. I read a quote that brought me to tears, someone famous said, “It’s hard to speak of someone in past tense when at one point they were your present and your future.” How freaking depressing is that? I thought you would be everything except my past. And look at us now, look at what we’ve done.

And so now, I look to what Ernest Hemingway wrote, “Life is unpredictable, It changes with the seasons, Even your coldest winter, Happens for the best of reasons, And though it feels eternal, Like all you’ll ever do is freeze, I promise spring is coming, And with it, brand new leaves.”

You are my coldest winter. You are the sorrow and pain I feel in my heart. You are the burn I feel in my chest. You are the tears that fall down my face.

At once I felt powerful and now I’m powerless. I’ve gained a new focus, I’ve accepted my mistakes, and I hope one day I can accept that what happened was the right decision for our lives. And one day I hope it doesn’t hurt to say it was the best, but for now I know it was right.

So I look at my reflection with faith in my heart and remember that endings are just new beginnings, even if they’re ones we didn’t prepare for.

So in case you’re wondering, me and my soul are doing just fine. Sometimes you have to find your light in the darkest of times.

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

[jackeestrad]

As Ernest Hemingway wrote, - “Life is unpredictable, It changes with the seasons, Even your coldest winter, Happens for the best of reasons, And though it feels eternal, Like all you’ll ever do is freeze, I promise spring is coming, And with it, brand new leaves.” 🍃