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Me :>

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*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

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no piece of teen media has ever accurately depicted the quiet psychological warfare of bullying. bullies on TV are always dumb brutes and not the evil geniuses of emotional manipulation that they are in real life. being given a wedgie and having your lunch money stolen is nothing in comparison to a classmate quietly creating a taboo against speaking to you that they intend to enforce against all the other kids. it’s nothing like continuous cutting comments from people you thought were being nice to you. that way that the work of one kid can make you feel like every person on earth silently hates you and that you are dirty, disgusting, worthless, creepy and useless. that you can have friends but many of them will not speak to you at school for fear of the social consequences on their end. how that damage lasts in any social setting for the rest of your life

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when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever

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Whatever happens, I’ll never regret loving you

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suicide sounds so cathartic right now

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I LOVE being autistic and trying to communicate because every time it’s

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My biggest sexual fantasy? Having the people in my life to actually want me instead of tolerate me.

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They should invent a new kind of Being Alive where it's not painful and it doesn't hurt constantly and actually feels worth it and you're happy for more than a few hours at a time

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BTW you don't need to have been physically bullied (punched, kicked, things thrown at you, shoved, etc.) to have bullying related trauma.

If your trauma comes from verbal bullying, that is very real and very damaging trauma. And I don't just mean people who were yelled at or threatened, I also mean people who were constantly insulted, belittled, laughed at, had their 'flaws' pointed out daily and were made to feel alienated no matter how hard they tried to fit in.

You are not weak for being traumatised by insults and anyone who tries to make you feel like what you went through wasn't bad enough to be traumatising is a fucking asshole and is defending your bullies.

I hope your path to healing is as easy as possible xxx

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Crazy how bullying is not really acknowledged as a real trauma like you really have to endure years and years of lord of the flies and then just move on like it never happened

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happy autism awareness day to all the girls who had “ friends” growing up who were actually bullying them . to the girls who always sat alone in the grass and wondered why nobody wanted to talk . to the girls who spoke to animals like they were listening . to the girls who created a little world in their room . to the girls who always felt ashamed for how deeply they love things and how passionately they enjoyed media . to the girls who covered their ears when they were overwhelmed by everything . to the girls who carrying a special thing around to feel safe . to the girls who never understood what they did wrong to feel so lonely . to the girls who were diagnosed later in life because they weren’t little boys who liked trains. you are so special and beautiful and you’re not worse for it, you love deeply and that is so wonderful please never try to push that down . I LOVE YOU !!!!!

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what scares me most about loneliness isn't the possibility of having nobody around me but rather the fact that i kind of WANT that to happen. i once was a little girl on the spectrum with no friends and being alone is the only way i know how to live. i wish i could be a person that just happened to be a little lonely in life but no, i will always willingly chose to be alone because i like it. i dont like having other people around me. i wish i was normal

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Surviving mentally ill teenagehood is a bitch but you can do it! A collection of tips from our friends

1. you have to get weirder and also realize the people in your class suck and if they don't like you that means your cool

2. let urself be as weird as possible because it's better to be happy than force urself to fit in

3. distract urself with fun things Constantly (but talk about the tough times too)

4. find a cool thing you wanna do tomorrow or later in the week, have something to look forward to! Maybe even a couple things!

5. Start a craft! It’s nice seeing that you’ve Made Something With Your Hands

6. try to recognize that even tho some coping mechanisms might not be the healthiest they might be what's saving you, and they are still important. The time for unlearning them is when you are stable not when they are still serving you

7. Failing classes is fine, it won’t end your future if you fail a little

8. Anything worth doing is worth half assing! an essay you write in a half delirious state that's absolute dogshit is still going to get you a better mark than nothing

9. write fanfiction for English creative writing assignments

10. If people don’t communicate why they’re upset with you that’s not your fault