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[jai-elle-blog]

See that rug just laying there

take the Broom and place me there.

So gentle you sweep

that the gesture seems sweet.

It is because of you

That I have become myself.

I deserve better.

Some days it is so clear to me,

but the feelings of the sounds, the words, the imagery you have left with me

They intrude.

even when I begin to feel my best.

You keep me somewhere in the deep confines of your heart and mind,

To what extent is unknown

[jai-elle-blog]

If you date me, you’re dating my loud laugh. You’re dating my constant nervousness. You’re dating my happiness for little things like flowers or drawings of dogs. My 2 AM sadness. My once a month period pains. My overwhelming thoughts that make me panic. If you date me, you’re dating everything about me. And if you can’t deal with everything about me, don’t even bother.

(via haunted–palace)

Word...

[jai-elle-blog]

Watch: Lillian is a burlesque dancer and her TEDx talk nails the key to positive body image

[jai-elle-blog]

"They alive damnit!...IT'S A MIRACLE!"

[jai-elle-blog]

[jai-elle-blog]

THE FUCKING TRUTH!

"I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours."

Just because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and a distorted body image doesn’t mean that the things I see and feel aren’t real.

Reality is subjective.

What we experience is real to us. Mental illness isn’t an excuse to invalidate what someone says is real.

[jai-elle-blog]

[jai-elle-blog]

Confidence is not ‘they will like me’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’

things everyone should know (via this-is-realitea)

Yes!

[jai-elle-blog]

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off. If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.” On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off. The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem. There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail? Yeah. He does. About every two weeks. This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well. So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights. For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)

HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.

Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.

(via lil-ith)

It’s also just rude and disrespectful to patently ignore what someone has told you regarding their personal space, body, and time. Get a clue.

(via geekdomme)

I will always reblog this. Always.

(via myherocomplex)

Every time I reread this post, it makes my life better.

[jai-elle-blog]

Hey babelies.  I wanna talk about this UVA/Rolling Stone mess for a second.  To recap, from what I understand, Rolling Stone reported Jackie’s story about her rape in November.  The story went viral.  Then, Rolling Stone received a statement from the frat challenging details of the account.  After this, RS issued an apology saying they’re sorry and that Jackie cant be trusted.  It’s a truly bizarre chain of events, especially for such a high profile magazine.  A few preliminary thoughts:

Many verbal accounts of trauma have inconsistencies, it’s a well documented neuropsychological phenomenon.  That there are details being disputed doesn’t mean she wasn’t raped.  This is why 3rd party details can and should be corroborated in a sensitive manner.  Objective evidence is notoriously hard/nearly impossible to come by in rape cases, but it doesn’t mean all we have is someone’s word against another’s.  Corroboration of details is usually the job of the sexual assault advocate helping the victim, the police, or in this case - the journalist.  In light of this mess, it’s important not to dismiss Jackie’s story outright, especially since the facts in question —the exact date and the day job of one of the accused—doesn’t actually have much to do with the crime itself.  (Although the media is for some reason acting like it does).  

False rape allegations do happen, though they are quite rare.  Hundreds of studies with a sound experimental design have been done on this topic, and the number consistently hovers around 3%.  Into the “false allegation” category falls people who were drugged and raped but incorrectly identified the perpetrator as well as people that the police just didn’t believe.  Logically speaking, we are far more likely to be wrong by assuming the victim is lying than by assuming they’re telling the truth.  This is not to minimize false allegations - they are serious and can ruin lives - but to urge a careful and data-based approach to widespread false rape paranoia.  Often, this paranoia is used to dismiss real crimes and the voices of people coming forward about their experiences.  This is a harmful way to think about and contextualize false rape allegations.

UVA was already under federal investigation for failure to handle sexual violence on campus before any of this happened.  This story should not be used as a distraction from what’s going on — campus sexual assault is still a problem, at UVA and at a lot of schools.  It’s not the massive conspiracy of student lies that Rush Limbaugh and his cronies would like us to believe.  Roughly 20% of undergrad women and 4% of undergrad men experience sexual assault in college.

If there’s one thing for sure, it’s that nobody wins from this situation.  Rolling Stone has tarnished their reputation and effectively blamed Jackie for their irresponsible reporting.  Those in denial of rape culture will construct this story to fit their paranoia and continue to dismiss sexual assault on campus.  Many of the public voices dismissing the story had done so before the conflicting stories.  Still, I’d call this a setback in the fight to encourage people to listen and trust survivor’s stories.  Ultimately, it is survivors that will pay the price for this as I’m certain it will make it harder for some to come forward and be believed.

I also read (but cannot confirm) that the Rolling Stone article was released without Jackie’s consent, which, if it’s true, adds another layer of shittiness on Rolling Stone’s behalf.

Let’s not forget Jackie’s voice in the chaos.  The devil has enough advocates.  She said in an interview: “I never asked for this…What bothers me is that so many people act like it didn’t happen. It’s my life. I have had to live with the fact that it happened every day for the last two years.”

Ok I wrote this in a rush cuz I’m late for an appointment, but a lot of y’all were messaging me about this.  It’s important to talk about.  I’ll probably update this with more thoughts when I get time!

xx

laci

[jai-elle-blog]

Omg the truth

Denying the importance of your own feelings leads to denying the importance of your thoughts, which leads to denying the importance of your actions, which leads to denying your own importance as a human being. 

If something is causing you pain, it matters. It’s not invalid or unimportant.

[jai-elle-blog]

I needed to see this today :)

[jai-elle-blog]

WGST 201: Section 6

Elementary school all the way to high school gym class was often very uncomfortable for me. When I was a kid I started out trying my hardest at everything because I was interested in learning about and sports and games ie.) tag. In grades 1-3 gym class was pretty fun, but then when I hit grade four everything started to change gradually. Boys were getting more competitive, rough, and mean. I joined a girls basketball team in grade five, that is one sport I really enjoyed. In gym class I didn't enjoy it as much because the atmosphere was much more rough playing with boys, but I still enjoyed games like dodgeball and kickball.

Grades 7-9 were the worst for me, gym with exclusively girls was competitive while playing and on the sidelines. Some days I was terrified to go to gym class because I was afraid what mean things people would do and/ or say to me. Gym with boys was rough and competitive at times, but I feel like having co ed gym at that age would have been beneficial because then people have to learn to cooperate, work together, tolerate each others differences, and so on. I also feel that separating people based on gender is kind of degrading and that could be part of why the girls in gym class were so mean to each other. If boys and girls are equal then they should be treated as such. Sure the majority of boys are stronger than girls, but i think it is important to learn how to engage in healthy competition ie. cooperate, don't be a sore loser or a conceited winner, etc.

I took jazz lessons when I was 10 after school and hip-hop when I was 13-15 and again at 17. Dance class when I was younger was awesome, everybody was nice and we were all praised for trying our hardest. In my teenage years, every dance class I took there was some group of girls who bullied me. My family, friends, instructors, and teachers would tell me I was doing great, but these girls seemed to think I was “trying too hard” while these girls came to class in tight fitting jeans and barely put effort into their choreography. I wondered to myself is this how I am supposed to act? Is this what I need to do in order to fit in? It made me sad to think this way, but it seemed that in order to survive junior high and the remainder of high school I needed to give up. So I did and I regret it.

My experience is representative of norms in society in the sense that it is unsettling to watch a girl try because they may succeed. Amongst a group of teenagers that are all struggling with self confidence and figuring out who they really are, I suppose they could be jealous or maybe thought I was doing something wrong by trying. Everyone deep down wants to achieve greatness but it is hard when society ie. Family, friends, school, church, media etc. Informs you that other things should be more important ie. Getting a boyfriend, partying, alcohol, drugs etc.  

[jai-elle-blog]

WGST 201: Section 4

Married with children: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z6Atrcyofk

is a sitcom featuring a nuclear family: dad/ husband Al as the bread winner, mom/ Wife Peggy as the home maker, their daughter Kelly as a ditsy, blonde, teenager, and their son Bud as a macho, rambunctious, boy. Peggy and the kids all take money from the Dad. Peggy is quite self absorbed, she rarely cooks but when she does it is a complete disaster ie. Drops her cigarettes into food. She is unemployed and enjoys feminine things like, shoes, dieting, talk shows etc. Kelly is a ditsy, unintelligent, naive blonde (a common stereotype across media even today) who is very girly and loves to shop. Kelly also fights with her brother frequently. Bud likes picks fights with his sister, play with his toys ie. He uses a plastic knife to scare his sister into thinking he is going to kill her.

Two and a Half Men  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1BLY0WRFI0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2L5U6KjmJs is a sitcom in which Allan moves in with Charlie after his separation with his wife Judith. Judith is portrayed as unreasonable, greedy, self-righteous regarding her decision to pursue divorce and her right to alimony. Judith is always ruining the boys (Charlie, Allan, and Jake) fun by taking things too seriously. Allan has joint custody of his son Jake who lives with him on weekends.

Charlie is a womanizer, an alcoholic, and a wealthy man who is afraid of commitment. The first real relationship Charlie has is with a dance instructor named Mia. The main reason why Charlie pursues Mia is because she wants nothing to do with him (he wants what he can't have). Mia eventually gives in and they start seeing each other more frequently (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbwqJeMEAfQ ). It does not take long for the two to fall and love and for Mia to try and make Charlie a “better man” ie. cut back on alcohol consumption and quit smoking, eating meat etc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZI-4nIUGBc). Sooner rather than later Charlie throws in the towel and calls it quits on the relationship. 

Charlie and Allan always make fun of their mother behind her back and blame her for their relationship problems. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peTdUFH4lc4 Their mother is portrayed as greedy, self-absorbed, manipulative, an alcoholic and a neglectful mother. They express true hatred towards her and repeated make jokes about how much they wish she would die.

Both of these Sitcoms portray stereotypes that are common throughout the history of television and are damaging. The women are all low in intelligence, moody, and are either unemployed or have stereotypical feminine jobs ie. Mia is a dance teacher. In Married with Children, Peggy's character seems to be a satire of an unfit housewife. The audience always laughs when Peggy messes up on chores around the house, and she is too useless and lazy to get a job of her own. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that Peggy’s character is designed to socialize women to play their roles properly as women; housewives, girlfriends, mothers etc.The beginning of scene one episode one bud holds a toy knife to Kelly's throat and exclaims “Die commie bimbo!”, Peggy only tells him not to surprise people like and mentions nothing of the bimbo insult. Also while having an argument with Peggy about going to the ball game, Al says “trust me I am your husband, know best.” In attempt to end the conversation. Peggy does not get mad at his conversation but simply pouts and asks “Isn't staying home with me fun?”. When Al still persists that he is going to the game, Peggy threatens to go shopping with his money.

In two and a half men women in general are portrayed as gold diggers, masters of manipulation, seductive etc.( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r9er8I_Fqs). When the male characters have sex with someone and regret it later on, the men are portrayed as unable to control themselves. Charlie and Alan make fun of Jake's naivety and often see him as stupid. Charlie encourages Jake to be a ladies man and to not grow up to be like his father ie. Get married, put your heart and soul into a relationship. The episode where Jake tends his boy-girl party is a good example of how Charlie raises Jake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgT9m1usinM. He teaches Jake to be macho, indulge his sexuality, and to hide his true self. Alan confides in Charlie that he wishes he would have taught him what he has jake about manhood when they were younger.

In the old sitcoms like Married with children, it was common and acceptable to have actors play stereotypical characters that perpetuate strict gender binaries ie. females like shopping, talk shows, etc. and males like toy weapons, sports, drinking beer and so on. Promiscuity in female characters was implied but not so explicitly, same for men. today's sitcoms like Two and a half men feature characters engaging in frequent one night stands, with unintelligent, skinny, beautiful, at times emotional women being lied to and blown off for the purpose of “getting off”. Those who are committed to the idea of seeking and committing to an honest and loyal relationship always end up taken advantage up ie. Alan gets sucked into leasing candy a new car and paying her dental bills. The fact that Alan gets taken advantage of by multiple women in this show perpetuates the myth that “Nice guys finish last.”. Charlie and at times Alan encourage Jake to follow in Charlies footsteps with regards to dating women. Also, there are underrepresentations of ethnic minorities in both TV shows.

Both shows contain caricatures that socialize people to assign themselves and others one strict gender binary or another. Married with Children is a satire of the concept “nuclear family” that encourages the “laws of the father”/ patriarchal hierarchy in society and in the home. Two and a half men basically reinforces the clichés “boys will be boys” and “boys will sew their wild oats”. Charlies life is a series of risk-taking behaviours ie. Unprotected sex, binge drinking, cigars, poor diet, etc. And he encourages Alan and Jake to follow in his footsteps. It doesn't take long for Alan to follow suit and to give in to his desires to have a sexual, infantile relationship with someone young enough to be his daughter (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMqWEgFcgzI). Ethnic minorities are so under-represented in both shows its as if they do not exist, which suggests that living in a male dominated, white society is ideal.

[jai-elle-blog]

WGST 201: SECTION 3

Even though Beyonce Knowles identifies as a feminist, her portrayals in music are problematic. One of her music videos I will be talking about today is the one titled “Flawless” :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBe9Vtodzg4

The video starts off by showing clips from the episode of “Star Search” that 12 year old Beyonce and the group titled “Girls Tyme” competed against a group named “Skeleton Crew”.When I watched the clips of each performance, I felt that Girls Tyme did a better job than did The Skeleton Crew, because they used their space well, their choreography was in sync, their vocals were exceptional considering how out of breath they were from dancing, and they were all very talented for their age. This is the link to their performance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWXPl18psZA

as well as The Skeleton Crew's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnwsnDUVG5s

The announcer introduced Girls Tyme his facial expressions and voice were very unenthusiastic compared to his introduction of The Skeleton Crew. This clip at the beginning of the Flawless video is a good way to express the differences in the intersectionality of race, gender, and age and access to political, social, and economic resources then versus now. Back when Beyonce was 12 the intersectionality of these things prevented her from pursuing her career as a musician, now she is even more successful than the so called “champions” of Star Search, The Skeleton Crew.

In music today many different ethnicities are represented in music, but whether or not they are accurate portrayals is another issue. Woman of color are typically represented as animalistic, primal, erotic and hypersexual, and Beyonce does not do much to combat this stereotype. She is dancing sexually, half naked amongst other people partying, and making out. I do appreciate the gender-bent representations in this video ie. Flannel shirt she wears that portrays the working class man in contrast to her booty shorts and panty which is symbolic of women as objects. She also has white men beneath her on either side of the couch, and the people dancing in the crowd are made up of made different ethnicities. The audio except from the feminist Chimamanda Agozi Adichie helps to set the tone for the video. I like this video, but looking at it through a feminist lens there are portrayals in this video that could have been done differently.

Just hearing the song by itself it sounds almost condescending to women: “I know when you were little girls, you dreamt of being in my world...Respect that, bow down bitches (Crown!)”. All the talk of being flawless could be interpreted as Beyonce thinking she is better and above people of lower classes. I appreciate subtlety and symbolism in both the video and lyrics, but some people might not be able to pick up on that kind of stuff, especially young kids. “don't think I am just his little wife” sends the message that women shouldn't let their boyfriends, husbands, etc. hold them back from pursuing their dreams, a very positive message.

Overall I enjoy this song and video and I understand that lyrics are subjective and can be interpreted in so many ways, but it is important to exercise our critical thinking skills when consuming media and ask ourselves why the creators of this video chose to do things the way they did. Knowledge is power and the key to a better future. 

Beyonce pens equality essay, proves she’s the woman’s studies professor you wish you had

Just when you thought your one-sided relationship with her couldn’t get any better, Beyoncé wrote a feminist essay entitled, “Gender Equality is a Myth.” If this makes you want to go back to school and write about the movement that will ultimately be known as Beyoncism, “the interdisciplinary study of how to make feminism the coolest thing ever,” you are not alone.

Read more excerpts

[jai-elle-blog]

WGST 201 Section 2: The Brave Merida

                Merida is not your typical Disney princess. In the movie Brave she spends her spare time practicing archery and riding her horse, despite her mothers disapproval. Throughout the movie her mother pressures her to be more lady-like and marry a man.

Merida is an awesome role-model for young kids everywhere! She has messy hair, doesn't wear makeup, is gangly, tall, and awkward at times, like most teenagers are. This is good for kids to see and idolize because it takes off the pressure to grow up to be perfect. The storyline is unique too because she ends up spending a lot of time with her mother and as a result, they become closer and her mother accepts her for who she is. I think this is really good for kids to see because as we grow older our relationships with our parents change, and it takes some effort on both parts to maintain them.

While this movie is good in that is it a step up from the beauty myth: the "use images against of beauty against women", The images above are still gendered and still somewhat perpetuates the beauty myth. If you take a closer look at the images above you will see that she hardly looks directly at the camera, she is always looking at and reacting to someone or something else. This is a common theme in photographs and cartoon stills of feminine characters, whereas men in pictures typically display a more proud, focused, and composed stature. Her emotions being displayed most of the time are warm, open, silly; feminine. She also has clear skin, is almost always smiling, and takes up very little space.

When we look at this gender-bent photo of Merida, the stance and posture of this particular portrayal brings to mind the words challenging, assertive, tough; masculine. The freckles are more accentuated, the hair is shorter, and the clothing and lighting is darker, and the character is front and centre of the photo.Why do these particular features distinguish whether or not this character is feminine or masculine? These characteristics are not just exclusive the gender, they determined by personality and situation.

This movie is a step up from your average Disney princess movie because it does not send the message that a woman's main goal should be to look as perfect as possible, marry a man, and do your gender properly ie. Cook, clean, have babies, raise them, and start the cycle over again. This movie sends the message that you can be whatever you wish to be, but it still assigns gender roles and socializes children to perform them the way they always have been.

[jai-elle-blog]

250 posts!