jakewantscake

[jakewantscake]

gimmick accounts are fun until they start piping up under my posts. you think you can write a punchline better than mine with your bag full of a singular trick? and then have your little goons reblog it so the majority of the instances of its existence are only as an accessory to your peanut-gallery-tier commentary, defiling my post for your own ejaculatory conquest? i oughta gut you.

[jakewantscake]

[jakewantscake]

IM SO PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO EAT SWEETS AND CHOCOLATE BUT THERE ARE NONE IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOVIANS: GET IN THE TARDIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRAB YOUR SWIMSUITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOMESTUCK

[jakewantscake]

the original leeroy jenkins video was posted may 11th 2005… 10 years ago today… yowee

[jakewantscake]

Sonic the Hedgehog but nakey boys get dressed up

[jakewantscake]

every moment of your life, from birth to death, constantly, while you aren't looking, there's some kind of weird shapes just moving around in the ocean. and the shapes are eating eachother sometimes too. and they might even dig holes. and all of this is happening during everything else that's going on. like think about the most important moment in your life. the thing that shaped you as a person. the entire time that was happening, far away, deep in the ocean, where no human has ever seen, there was some kind of wet sack with a weird protrusion flailing about in the water. maybe it even grabbed a fish. who knows. i don't. just think about that for a bit

[jakewantscake]

feel free to cite the deep magic to me witch i was there when it was written but my memory is like REEEEALLY shitty

[jakewantscake]

I really like this website because somebody will be like “there’s nothing wrong with darting out from behind a parked car into traffic, bootlicker” and you can be like okay this clearly evolved from a valid point about how the US is too car-centric. But something happened to it.

[jakewantscake]

this and 8 hours of screentime

[jakewantscake]

Thank you @nitewrighter for your post lmao

[jakewantscake]

Photobomb by an adorable street cat in Montañita Ecuador.

[jakewantscake]

really enjoying calling chatgpt a 'magic 8ball' because while far from a perfect analogy i feel like it is a very good deflationary weapon against both hype and antihype that helps bring things into perspective by detaching the actual thign from the cultural object it's attached to. "this magic 8ball is going to become sentient" i dont think thats true. "if you talk to a magic 8ball it will kill your soul" that one doesnt sound true also to be honest

[jakewantscake]

It’s so funny how people forget what certain dog breeds were bred for. A dachshund named Valerie has been marooned on a remote part of Kangaroo Island since she ran away from a campsite in 2023 and everyone in the comments was like “that is the last dog breed I would expect to survive on its own for 500 days”. Hmm. I don’t know if it’s just me and I’ve met absolute freak dachshunds my entire life but they’re tenacious little motherfuckers with an incredible prey drive. I’m more worried about the critically endangered endemic Kangaroo Island dunnart population than I am Valerie. No large predators, several species of small mammal, temperatures consistently between 55° and 75°? She’s the queen of the island now. All small marsupials quake at the sound of her footsteps.

[jakewantscake]

drawing deltarune every day until chapter 3&4 drop ✨(day 88)

i miss them so bad

[jakewantscake]

how common is it for people to have crushes on their teachers (% estimate?)

sorry are you under the impression there are hard numbers on this

[jakewantscake]

woah mama i'll help you start some stupid discourse: how many holes are in a straw?

Woah mama straws have two holes

[jakewantscake]