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[janegerdelacruz]

MODERN HEROES: FRONTLINERS

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[janegerdelacruz]

“Father, I am sorry”

”You need to go home.” The first message I received as I open my phone.

               I made a mistake, now I’m living with the consequences. I regret it, I really do. And I’m sorry. We had a lot of chances and opportunities to change, to explore, but sometimes it only takes once. We cannot bring back the time as well as the moment. Sometimes we missed those chances that in the end we will regret in our whole life. The twenty seventh of November year 2019 is the lowest point and unforgettable moment of my life.

               It was past ten in the evening and I just got home coming from my work immersion. I felt so tired and my feet are already aching due to walking in the office back and forth. I was about to gear up to bed, when I found out and realized that it was the twenty seventh of November and it’s my “Papa’s” birthday. How come in this world, I forgot the most special day. I felt guilty and mad to myself. I grabbed my phone and started to compose a message to my “Papa”.

               “Happy Birthday, Papa. I’m really sorry if I greeted you so late. I was really busy and occupied in school activities and immersion. I hope you understand. I wished that God will give you more blessings and good health. I love you Papa. Please take care.”

               “Thank you, anak. I understand, don’t worry. You take care also. Papa loves you,” he replied.

               I felt relieved. I thought he was going to get mad at me or worst he will never text me for a week. I will never forgive myself if it really happens. I started to fix myself so I can finally take my rest. As I checked my phone, I received a numerous calls from my siblings and aunts. I was really confused, why they’re calling me this late at night. I also received messages from my brothers, asking where am I. As I open the first message, it was from my brother.

               ”You need to go home,” he said on his text message.

               “Why? I told you I’m on my work immersion,” I replied to him with a little confusion. I waited for a couple of minutes for his reply, but he didn’t. Then another message popped in my phone, it was from my sister.

               “Tatay is GONE.”

               I instantly froze as where I am standing, as I read the message. My whole body is trembling, I feel numb and speechless, I don’t know how to react. After a few minutes, I recovered my senses, still I'm trembling. I was cold as an ice that time. I asked myself, “What is going on?” “Is it really happening?” I instantly grabbed my phone and made a call to my two friends. That moment, I can’t hold myself anymore, I instantly burst into tears as I talked to my friends. Maybe it’s a little off, but I choose to talk to my friends rather than my family. I don’t have the guts to talk to them. I feel the pain, loss, guilt and even regrets inside of me.

               A month ago, we were just having our video call, my brothers together with our father. I know he is already ill that time. His well-build body is nowhere to be seen, he is pale and his wrinkles are now obvious. I can see in his eyes, his happiness and longings, because it’s been a year since we had our last conversation. We had our misunderstandings, especially when it comes to my choice of career. Then, a week ago, I received another video call with my brother. He showed me the current situation of our father. He is sleeping that time. We are both crying; looking at the situation, our father can no longer walk, talked and even eat. The only way he can eat is through the tube. I also talked to our mother and I can see in her eyes the pain and sadness; she’s helpless.

               “When are you planning to go home? Tatay is already ill. He keeps on asking and looking for you?” my brother asked.

               “I’m going to start my work immersion this week. Maybe after this, I can able to visit Tatay.” I replied.

               A day before I start my work immersion, I got another message from my brother. They were in the Hospital, because our fathers refuse to eat the food through the tube anymore. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and at the same time an internal problem. Again, he asked me the same question.

               “When are you going home?”

               I was crying the whole time. Thankfully, I have my friends who always there by my side.

               “It’s up to you, Jane. The decision is yours. But you have to brace yourself, especially what is going to happen next. We’re not saying that, he’s going to die, but we want you to be ready,” she said.

               When my work immersion started, I get even busier. Aside from the office works, we still had our home works, research and school activities. On my sixth day in the office, it is the day that I will never forget. The day I missed a lot. The day that I can no longer return back, because what happens, happens. I missed my father’s birthday and I lost my biological father at the same time. The pain is unbearable.

               Now, I have all the regrets. I don’t even give him a chance, nor myself to be together for the last time. I don’t even ask for his forgiveness. I can no longer say the word “sorry”, that I know he waited for the longest time. “Tay, inumin mo lagi yung gamot mo ha! Kumain ka lagi, sumunod ka kay Nanay. Hintayin mo pa ako mag-Engineer, kahit ayaw nyo. Hihintayin mo pa yung mga apo mo sakin di ba? So, magpalakas ka Tay!” The lines that I usually said to my father to encourage him and to continue his life. But now, he's gone and all I got to do is to move ahead and bring all the memories when the time we were still together. I just said to myself that, he is now in the safe place; to our Saviour. In the end, I only regret the chances that I didn’t take, the things I was afraid to have, and a decisions I waited too long to make.

[janegerdelacruz]

Circle of Life

Reflective Essay

    It is hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter; but the story must go on. People are lucky to have a full time supportive parents around them. But what if the most treasured people, broke into pieces, you do stop or continue? When my parents decided to set apart, I was really broke and hopeless. The separation of my parents contributes numerous pain and hardships that made me tougher and a better version of myself as a young adult.

    I was seven years old when my parents decided to do the separation agreement and from that moment my life turns into a roller coaster. I live with my father, and every time I look at him I can see through his eyes how sad and painful the situation is. As I grew up, I encountered numerous struggles and pains without having a mother right beside me. I’ve been bad mouthed, judged and received hurtful words from the people who misunderstood me and my situation. At first, I cried because I’m not used to it. But as the time goes by, I realized that why would I care if it will not help me grow as a person. They are just trying to pull me down, and I will never give them the satisfaction. By that, I learned to ignore and stand on my own.

    I understand how painful the situation was, especially to my father. Behind those smile is a deeply wounded soul. That moment I made promise to myself that I will make my father proud. As his daughter, it’s my duty to bring back the happiness and joy he forgotten. My father provides everything I need in school, and in return I study very well. I strive to do better. I joined different clubs, organizations and competition in our school, that helps me to boost my confidence and improve my talent. Since then, I value education because it’s the only way I can pay back my father’s sacrifices and hardship.

    When I was a little girl, used to skip “siesta”, and went to a nearby convent. I loved to visit the nuns and stay there till the sun bids goodbye. I still remember their names; Sister Tess, Sister Mercy and Sister Connie, who are dear to me. They always say that I’ll be a nun someday. However, when my parents make the agreement of separation it is also the time when the nuns transferred to a different place, far away from our place. I feel like  I was a jinx. That time, my faith has been lessened, I hardly go or visit the church despite that it’s just a few walks away in our house. I keep on asking, why would I had to suffer like this, I’m too young to handle the situation. I even refused to attend mass when my relatives and my friends invited me to come. Then one day, “Papa”, approached me and told me that, it’s not the God, nor me why we end up in this kind of situation. I was enlightened and felt guilty at the same time, because I blame myself and even God in that problem. From then on, I started to bring back the faith I had lost. I become a member of the parish choir (MHCPC) and I also joined a bible quiz which I received an award.

    The separation of my parents leaves a deep scar in my heart and at the same time a lifetime lesson that I will carry until my last breathe. I’ve been hurt, judged and even criticized by other people. And  now, that I’m old enough and I can handle things on my own, I realized that the situation of my parent’s molds me as who I am today. I’ve been strengthened by pains, regrets and struggles that I had been faced throughout my journey as a young adult. I promise to myself that I will never give up no matter how many challenges life throws to me, I must push through until I reached my goal in life.

-February 16, 2019

[janegerdelacruz]

My Sanctuary: Baguio City

“Take every chance you get in life because some things only happen once.” Great opportunity comes in our way once, and when we miss it, we cannot take back the time. Sometimes we had to look for something that is new to us, searching and having an adventure is such a great experience. Traveling and enjoying the nature is great way to relax and calm our senses. Baguio City is the one of the busiest place in the North. It is also called  as the summer capital and most visited tourist destination in our country. As you walked around, soaring green pines filled  the city. Thick fog and cold breeze greet you at the morning as you step outside or as you open the window. Baguio City is my sanctuary, a place where I can relax and escape from the reality.

  Long journey won’t matter, cinematic view entertains us and filled our eyes with the beauty of nature along the way. But, once we enter the zigzag road (Marcos Highway), the feeling suddenly changes into an exciting, not just it’s a hint that any moment will be in Baguio, instead the road itself. Every turns, ups and down give me a feeling as if I was in a roller coaster ride. If you had a chicken heart, I recommend you to sleep. After an hour, finally the long wait is over: Welcome to the City of Pines, welcome to my sanctuary; welcome to Baguio.

I remember the first time I stepped in Baguio, the hotel we’ve been stayed has no aircon, so I asked my friend, ‘we don’t have an aircon”? They all laugh at me instead of answering my question. And how did I get the answer? Its, already 4 pm, and the sun is still out; shines brightly along with the clouds, but the icy cold breeze started to blow. After an hour, the whole place is now covered with darkness adorned with the twinkling stars; and the funny thing is, I’m already freezing to death.

The first place we visited is the Strawberry Farm in La Trinidad Valley. The climate suits with the place, the ambiance is overwhelming and gives you the relaxation that calms our stressed out senses. The farm is crowded with locals and tourist, enjoying picking and buying different accessories along the stores. A small red oval shaped fruit makes my mouth watery and succumb myself of temptation to suck its sweetness, though it still on its little branches. Picking strawberry is such a great experienced, it gives you the feeling of being light and contented.

  Although, I’m not fond watching horror story, I got the chance to see the famous Laperal Mansion. It is famous not just in Baguio, but all over the country due to its chilling story that is featured in different television shows. The house is inspired in a Victorian Architecture. It is made of narra and yakal wood—wooden planks and steep roof. According to the believers, the house is haunted because during the World War II the house was occupied by Japanese soldier and was used as a garrison. The motorists slow down as they pass through as a sign of respect. But now, the Mansion is transformed to a Bamboo Foundation Museum were Filipino art works based on bamboo and woods.

Next stop, is the Burnham Park. It is one of my favourite spot in Baguio. Didn’t you know that this place is named after Daniel Burnham, an American architect who was city planner of Baguio. The parks overlooks the region’s tallest mountain, Mount Kabuyao. The park also played an important role when it served as a place of refuge for the people of Baguio following a devastating earthquake in 1990. The roses, marigolds, daisies and hollyhocks which thrive in Burnham Park’s temperate environment are an unusual sight in the mostly tropical in the Philippines. It includes a man-made lake lagoon, lawns, wooded areas, paved roads, and many flower beds. The place is a field with soaring green pine trees added up with the sun rays passes through its branches and leaves giving the place a mellow dramatic view. Pedaling a personalized bicycle along the park together with the other tourist gives me adrenaline rush. Laughing out with their heart and lungs filled the whole park. I feel like I’m a battery that is now fully charged. Recharge by the environment, recharge by the nature. And if you’re tired on cycling, riding on a boat is great way to rest the tired feet. The first time I ride in a boat, I freaked out and turn my knees into a jelly. But I finally made myself calm and make myself appreciate the beauty of the place. If you don’t know how to paddle, you can hire someone to accommodate your 30 minutes ride with a cheap price (50 pesos). 

The most important thing I’ve always looked for every time I visited Baguio is the famous strawberry taho. I prefer to savour it at morning because it serves hot and it gives me warmth I needed on a cold foggy morning. It is a cup made delicate soya bean curd or tofu and custard pearl cutting beat with rich dark syrup. And just like Taho vendors, they’re cashing in on anything with strawberry in it, including ice cream. Clanking of the bells, calling the attention of  all passers-by. The creaminess with a little chunks of the strawberry as it melted in your tongue. Ice cream vendors omnipresently pedaling this unique flavour around Baguio City and they can bug you to buy them.  

Truly, visiting Baguio is such a great adventure. Getting along with the other people, experiencing their nature and culture is a great opportunity to us. Pampering our self, feeding our soul with a nature experiences is such a great self reward. So, if you had the opportunity, go travel; relax and take a break from the busy city.

References:

·         WheretogoPhilippines. (2019). Baguio’s Extraordinary Sweet Strawberry Taho. Retrieved from: https://www.wheretogo.com.ph/food/baguios-extraordinary-sweet-strawberry-taho

·         The Poor Traveler Official Site .(2013) Inside Baguio’s Most Haunted: The Laperal White Mansion. Retrieved from: https://www.thepoortraveler.net/2013/08/laperal-haunted-house-bamboo-art-gallery-baguio-city-philippines/

[janegerdelacruz]

My Travel quote

" TRAVEL IS OUR LIFE; FEEDING OUR MIND through EXPERIENCES, PAMPERING OUR BODY through sumptuous foods AND CLEANSING OUR SOUL through the peacefulness of the place and cinematic views".

[janegerdelacruz]

"Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer."

I can aquire everything I have money, clothes, shoes ect. But I can't let the opportunity to slip in my hand in terms of travelling. Those adventures, memories, and moments can't be bought by money but can be experience if you grab the opportunity.

[janegerdelacruz]

DELA CRUZ , JANE: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

My name is Jane Mataya Dela Cruz and I was born on December 14 in the year 1995. My birthplace is Buenavista, a Municipality in  the province of Marinduque. My parents are Jenelito and Cristina Dela Cruz. I have five siblings named Jaypee, Jay Ann, Christopher, Jay Cris and Cristine. I was the fifth child. In our home, my parents and my siblings used to call me "neneng". I didn't grow up with my original family, instead I grew up with my aunt's family. They adopted me two weeks after I was born.They are Evangeline and Primitivo Maling, and I used to call them Mama and Papa. My Mama is a plain housewife, while my Papa is a Laborer.

I was really close with my Papa, he serves as my first teacher, mentor and my hero. He is the one who introduced to me the arts and  mathematics. He gives me a candy doll when I was a little girl. It is soft as a pillow and I named it ‘TIMI’. Papa, was really dear to me, I love him more than Mama. There’s one thing i don’t like with my Mama; she’s ‘authoritarian’. My mama used to hold the ruler every time she asks me to study and read my notes, it feels like I was in a hot seat and in one mistake I’ll be shot to death.  At the of age three I was enrolled in a learning center, my classmates called me "saling pusa", because I was the youngest and at the same time the smallest in our section. I was seven years old when my parents separate. It was the darkest part of my life. Even though I was young back then, I feel the pain and longingness, especially every time I look at my father's eyes. Sorrows and heartaches are now living in every corner of our house. Cold breeze welcomes us every time we enter the house, it feels like we are living in a cave, everything has now been dark and in a deep silence. No more piece of happiness, no more chuckles and laughter to be heard; our house is no more paradise to me.

As I start school, I always belonged to the section 1. I joined different contest in  arts, in journalism and even in science. I'm an active member of different clubs in our schools, (TLE, Arts, Science). I'm also part of our school paper named "Ang Pintig" and a Supreme Student Government official. My schooldays wouldn't be colorful without my childhood best friend. We were friends since we are toddler, maybe it's because we live next door. Her name is Vangie, and now she's a licensed teacher. We had our special nicknames, I called her ‘Vanj’ and she called me Juana. Their backyard serves as our playground. We played 'sungka', 'lutu-lutuan' and even 'bahay-bahayan'. Cold droplets kissed our tiny cheeks as we played under the pouring rain. She knows everything about me; from my likes and dislikes, my crushes and she even knows I cried a bucket in my first heartaches. We had plenty in the commons. I remember, we were in our second grade,  when we both fell down in a musty canal, were like kittens in a damp which smells like a rotten egg, we cried a bucket in front our neighbor's house  and that's so embarrassing. And when I was on my first grade I fell down on a greenish muddy pond in our school. I smell like a stinky fish that time. It is really unforgettable and also a great lesson for me.

Now, I'm in the 12th grade, section HUMSS at Maximo Estrella Senior High School. Although, I'm not in the STEM section, which I planned before, still I'm grateful with my section. I now enjoy being a HUMSS student, I really like politics, thanks to our subject teacher, Mr. Arnold Chan. In my 24 years of existence, my life is like a roller coaster ride, many ups, downs, turns and loops; many struggles I had been gone through. But still I'm looking forward to face new obstacles through my journey as I take my path to my goals in life.

[janegerdelacruz]

THE GIFT OF GOD

“Being kind isn’t always easy. Or convenient. But it has be potential to change everything”. Overtime, as I look around I saw people carrying great pains, burdens and sorrows. Then I asked myself, what can I do? How can I helped them? Do I have do an act or do the same as what my name being defined? Jane is an English name, meaning “Gods gift”. I tend to be creative and excellent at expressing myself. I’m drawn to the arts and often joy immensely. And according to the bible, God has seven gifts and what I possess is graciousness, fortitude and charity.

First is graciousness. It maybe superficial, but sometimes what is on the surface is good enough. A graceful person is someone who least attempts to hurt other feelings with clumsy words or thoughtless deeds.For example, I'm giving a comment on something that I really don't like, I used polite words because I know I may hurt others feelings. 

Second is charity. I used to help other people. I'm willing to help everybody as much as I can. I give my helping hand and not asking for anything in return. For an instance, every month I used to fix and clean my closet. I removed my old and small clothes, put it on a small back and donate it to the homeless and in needs.

Lastly,  is fortitude. I give courage to everyone as well as to myself. I keep on believing that everything happens for a reason. I keep on moving, fighting and brave enough to face new challenges despite of what of what I have been through; the pains, sorrows and loss. I believe that it made me stronger that made me who I am today.

To sum up, being named as Jane is such an honor and a blessing. I have been sent and asked to  bring kindness, help and courage for those who are in needs. Because I believe, I am a Gods gift.

[janegerdelacruz]

NAME GAME

1. Your real name __JANE_____.

2. Your gangsta name (First three letters of real name plus “izzle”): ___JANIZZLE___

3. Your detective name (favorite color and favorite animal)

_BLUE HAMSTER_______

4. Your soap opera name (Your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it’s a number):

__________MATAYA  MASANGKAY_________

5. Your Star Wars name (The first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name): _DELJA___________

6. Your superhero/criminal name (Your second favorite color, plus favorite drink):       MAROON COFFEE_________

7. Your Iraqi name (second letter of your first name, third letter of your last name, first letter of your last name, second letter of your mom’s maiden name, third letter of your dad’s name and last letter of your mom’s first name): _ALDANC_______________

8. Your witness protection name (Parents’ middle names):

__ORLANDA PERALTA________________

9. Your Goth name: (black, plus the name of one of your pets):

_BLACK YUMI______________

10. Your hood name (First three letters of your first name then add “aqua”): __JANAQUA

november 11,2019

[janegerdelacruz]

Sun, Moon and EARTH

How are you my friend?

I know youre exhausted, so don't pretend

I can see in your aura the great pain

Despite of that, you don't complain.

Where is the beauty that lies into you?

Your bright colors, the Amethyst, the zircon and the blue?

Day by day, as I look at you, it fades away

Why? What happened? What did they did to you?

My friend, I was abused! I was harassed!

The only thing I can do, is to cry

Killing me slowly, day by day

But what can I do? I'm their home and nowhere to stay

I can't take it any longer

I don't know what to do,

Myself, is like a flower that loses its scent

Yes, Im dying, and there's nothing you can do.

- cross poetry

[janegerdelacruz]

OCTOSYLLABIC

07/15/19. SCORE: 5/5

My heart beats fast, when I’m with you

As we hold our hands and we kiss

I feel the spark inside of me.

[janegerdelacruz]

HAIKU

07/15/19. Score: 5/5

The sky is crying

Everything is in darkness

Light cannot be seen.

-Rainy Season

[janegerdelacruz]

CONCRETE POEM

                                              Our

                                        Home is my

                                    Sanctuary, taking

                                 away all my pains and

                            agony, making me feel relax

                                  and free, protecting

                                 me through the dark

                                  ness gives me peace

                                  and S E C U R I T Y.

July 20, 2019

[janegerdelacruz]

Imagery & Meaning

Diaz, Bill Howard Dela Cruz, Jane 06/28/19

• Tiny bits of sand touched our faces as we drove right pass the boiling climate in Egypt last summer vacation.

• I remembered when I entered the movie theater, my mouth immediately watered as I smell the sweet and buttery scent of popcorn.

• The dark grimmed weather turned into bright mellow day in an instant.

1 note

[janegerdelacruz]

All About Yesterday

06/25/19

My friend and I went to Guadalupe yesterday. I helped her to find or to look for a uniform that would fit her. And yes, we made it. After that, we went to a bookstore to buy some art materials for our project. It’s really hard to find and at the same time to decide what we really wanted to buy. After an hour, we finally gathered all the art stuff. We’re both tired and hungry, so we decided to stop by at a convenience store to have some snacks. It’s around five o'clock when we decided to part ways.

[janegerdelacruz]

Our real poems are already in us and all we can do is dig.- Jonathan Galassi

People has its own story, talents and ability. Our minds is full of ideas which we cannot express verbally. But once we release it and convert into writings we can create our own masterpiece. All we have to do is to elaborate, to practice and be passionate.

July 20, 2019

[janegerdelacruz]

EXPRESSIVE

It’s really hard to express our ideas and thoughts in life. We are hesitant to speak, because we are scared to be criticize, to be judge by others. We keep it to our self. But through writings, we release all our ideas, thoughts, feelings and even our intentions. We do it passionately, freely and whole heartedly, making our very own masterpiece. Aside from that we can inspire other people to do the same. Because for me, writing is not just a bridge of ideas but also a connection of feelings.

July 20, 2019