jasperstan408 - Tumblr blog

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🎶 When Ghosts and Goblins by the score Ring the bell on your front door You better not be stingy or your nightmares will come true 🎶

TRICK OR TREAT (1952) dir. Jack Hannah

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♫ This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween ♫

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) dir. Henry Selick

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🌸CAT BAKERY PINK!🌸 I made a pink version of my Cat Bakery sweater design! Pre-orders are now open over at sarahgraley.com/shop!

We had these at MCM London this weekend and we almost ran out of our first print run! Thank you so much to everyone that picked one up!

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Succession 3x03 - The Disruption

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instagram | prints

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instagram | prints

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little blessings

instagram | prints

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♫ There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts, and because of you I have the strength to start ♫

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Top 15 Disney Animated Films (as voted by my followers): #11 — Peter Pan (1953) ✫ Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.

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Night thought 2/4 12:50 am

Dating apps make me so depressed. I was doing okay thinking i could date again but listening to dating podcasts like i like to do and finally download hinge and bumble again. With hinge it was okay and ill get into that later but I decided to try bumble tonight and now I’m crying when i should be sleeping.

They just remind me that I’m going to be alone forever. I’ve been seeing the same people on there that i have seen since i became single 3 years ago…its been 3 years, jesus christ. Ive just been in such a shit spot for the past couple of months. So much anxiety and such a deep depression that i haven’t felt in a long time. I decided to take January off from socializing and social media and it was going so well. I finally am getting back to feeling like myself and ready to hang out with friends again. I went on a date Friday and idk why. I got back on hinge 2 weeks ago and he asked me out right away. I said yes because he’s cute and I thought i was ready. We talked for leas than a week and went out Friday. I had a good time but i didn’t want to get my hopes up because i tend to do that. So we said we’d like to see each other again and parted ways. We’ve been talking all week but no plans for a second date? I don’t want to ask because I’m trying not have another scotty situation but still nothing. I feel like i keep dating the same person. Guys who i have food dates with and so much in common with but it never leads anywhere so whats the point? I might just quit dating apps soon. Id rather be alone than deal with anxiety from dating. It’s not worth it.

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02/01/2022

Journal prompt #1: if you were able to leave without hurting anyone, would you and if so why?

Whether this is asking in a very depressing 13th reason kinda way or a move out of your hometown kinda way, the answer is honestly yes and the reasoning is simply because i think there is no room for my life to grow anymore. i feel like i am just going along because i have to in order to not break anyone’s heart and cause them to go to therapy about it for like the next 5 years. but what a beautiful way to think about the impact i feel like i make on my loved ones, why would i ever want to go away?

in the non depressing way, i think about if i would ever want to leave as in moving away and everything be okay with it. the answer is yes. i think this because i feel like there is so much out there in the world and i feel stuck in one place, a place that i have been for 20 years. i’m 28 and feel that if i don’t get out of here soon, my life is over. for some reason, i keep feeling like my life will end once i turn 30. sometimes i’m okay with staying here but most of the time, i’m not. i want to raise my children here so what if i move to another city and then i only have a couple of years there before moving back. i wish i could restart my life at 19, never date A (of course it always comes back to him) and then go away to college, have an amazing dating life, settle down, and maybe i’d be married with children by now or living somewhere exciting. something different. but then again, i wouldn’t know the people i know now and i love those people. but that's what i mean. sometimes i think about my life and how better it could be but i feel like i can't make it better like i want it to be because it would hurt someone whether it be my parents or my friends, someone. so i feel stuck. 

as for the depressing way, something in quarantine did something to my brain that feels this way. like sometimes a person should feel like there’s nothing they can do to improve their life and they should be able to just go and sometimes i feel that way. i feel like i keep running into this wall that i can’t get over. i feel like i keep getting lemons that i’m counting as lemonade and i’m tired of it. why can’t i get what i want? to live in a nicer city or have a very nice love life or have more excitement in my life. i’m not really satisfied. i can get by day to day but the overall picture isn’t what i want. i feel stuck. 

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1/1/2022

Happy new year! I decided one of my goals for the year is to explore myself mentally more. I want to start doing things like journalling to learn more about myself so here’s the first one!

Journal prompt #66: how does it feel when you put someone as your first priority but they only see you as a second?

Fucking sucks. It’s funny because this is something i struggle with a lot. I feel like I put a lot of people first and it’s not reciprocated or people put me first but i don’t do the same with them. It’s the worst feeling and i really do hope that if i am doing that, i don’t make someone feel the way i feel when that happens. i do feel like this happens a lot with me, especially in love. sometimes, i feel like sometimes i wont find someone romantically that puts me first and it hurts so bad because when i love, whether it be platonically or romantically, i love so much and so hard and sometimes it’s hard to find someone to do the same. it hurts. A was definitely a great example of that. he said it himself, i was on the back burner for him whereas other things in his life, got put before me. i did so much for him and it never mattered. then i went to go date other guys and it’s always anything else goes before me. with mr. washington dc, he wanted to move somewhere new and it was all my fault. with hinckley, he was still in love with his ex and it’s my fault i wasnt her. with the scotty, he had more going on that he didn't want to pursue anything further. i wasn't even worth a text to let me know he didn’t want to be with me. i’m finally coming to terms with how shitty that was and i like that. with my friends, i feel like that happens. with B and K, they put M before me whether they want to admit it or not and i was ok with the friendship falling out because of that. it is what it is. but it was always her before me until B and M had a falling out and sometimes that bothers me that B and I are so close now because would we be close if they were still friends? The nashville crew came up for christmas and I only got to see them for 1 day and the thing is it’s fine because they were probably busy but i usually see them more so its confusing? maybe that’s me being selfish. J and R said they cant hang out for thanksgiving because of covid and then couldn't hang out for christmas because they were quarantining..understandable but then i see them hang out with their baby friends and i couldn’t help but be upset. we were so close at one point but i feel like i got pushed to the side. i asked them the other day if i can come over to drop off their gift and never got a response. no merry christmas, happy birthday, or happy new year text either. that bothered me more. i spent so much money on people’s gifts this year and i feel like it was pointless if they didnt even want it. 

i guess it feels like shit. i do feel like i do so much for so little from some people. i will drive around until i get a text back or wait around for people. i dont mind doing things solo but i hate it also. it feels lonely but comfortable. i just want someone to put me first like i deserve to but i dont know what that would even feel like. 

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by Morgan Faulkner Follow her on Tumblr~