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Longlegs (2024)

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god id let the grinch hit it nefariously

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Imagine a person who only consumes Batman-related media. That is, they only watch movies and TV shows that have Batman in them, only read books that are novelisations of Batman media, only play licensed Batman video games, and so forth. This is not so absurd an idea; Batman-related media is sufficiently popular, varied and widespread that restricting one's media consumption in this way is completely feasible. However, I trust we can agree that if you actually do this, you will be left with very strange ideas about what popular media looks like.

The next step in this analogy is undestanding that if the only tabletop RPG you're acquainted with is Dungeons & Dragons, you have the same grasp of the tabletop roleplaying hobby as our hypothetical Batman Guy has of popular media.

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One of my favorite Crazy Frog pictures. He has such a kindness in his eyes

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Combat log: The effect Ibuprofen has ended.

Me: *instantly ragdolls*

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"Jeez, i sure need to charge my smash meter quick, lest I be defeated by my opponent!"

The opportunistic smash ball:

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that is a concorde

that is specifically an air france concorde

france exists in gundam??

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Every time I come across the nefarious anglerfish he's acting infinitely more fucked up

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This is so fucking funny

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Gus Fring (childless gay male drug lord blatantly trying to manipulate Walt into cooking meth for him by appealing to his masculine vanity): "What does a man do? A man provides for his family."

Millions of self-declared "alpha male" chuds at home: *nodding along* "Oh my God, that's so true, I can't believe that bitch Skyler doesn't appreciate Walt for all he does for the family"

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I've remarked in the past that one of the problems with Dungeons & Dragons under Hasbro is that they want to downplay a lot of the uncomfortably horny elements which have historically characterised the game's implicit milieu, but certain key parts of the game's brand identity are tied up with those horny bits, and they're not willing to give that brand identity up, so they end up doing daft shit like keeping dragon-blooded sorcerers as a core class while acting like "one of your parents fucked a dragon" is the least likely explanation for how you got to be that way, resulting in a text with a strangely coy tone.

The 2024 Player's Handbook carries this policy – and the resulting tonal incoherence – forward. This is how it describes draconic sorcery:

As we can see, it even walks back the 2014 Player's Handbook's oft-mocked discussion of "bargaining" with dragons for power, in favour of proposing scenarios involving accidental exposure to draconic magic – as though a draconic sorcerer is some sort of dragon-themed Spider-Man – while grudgingly acknowledging the possibility of actual dragon-fucking almost as an afterthought.

And then it uses this image to illustrate the Draconic Sorcery subclass:

"Might".

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the duplicitous and scheming radical left tricked me into eating too much rice and now my tummy hurts

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I’ve been waiting a year to post this

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