jayjay5015

[jayjay5015]

Hate Me Yet?

Pairings: Bob Reyolds x f!reader

Summary: Bob is reminiscing on the times he had with you before he left. Wondering if he made the right choice…

Warnings: NONE

Word count: 3.1k

DISCLAIMER: Based on the song Hates Me Yet (222) by The Band Camino - got to support my boys. 

...·.·*.✵.*·.·…

BOB’S POV:

It’s been 3 years since I disappeared from her life. The hardest decision I ever had to make. It took months for me to get my mind sober enough, but it was for the best. Right? These thoughts have been taking up my head ever since the whole incident with the Void and me almost destroying the world about 6 months ago. Especially when the tower is quiet and the team is getting their well-deserved rest. I can’t sleep. Not without her. 

Yelena was the first to notice the dark sags under my eyes. I quickly made up an excuse that it was John’s snoring, but that didn’t last. It’s so embarrassing to tell her the truth: that every time I try to close my eyes, all I see is the love of my life's laugh. I love her laugh. Always sounded like a choir of angels that no one should ever hear. 

Of course, Yelena, being the worried mother, told the rest of the team about my lack of sleep. After another night of no sleep, I dragged my feet into the kitchen for some tea. I was met with all of them hushing as soon as they noticed me.

“What’s going on here?” I asked.

“Bob…” Yelena started, “We are worried about you. All of us can tell that there’s something on your mind. You can talk to us.”

I sighed, “Look, it isn’t anything that is going to make me blow up and turn into the Void. I’m fine. I promise.” The lies slipping through my teeth. 

“Is it something about your past?” Ava asked.

She was my everything. “Yeah, but again, it isn’t important. Can I make my tea?”

They all just nodded as they dispersed from the kitchen. Weirdos. I went on with my usual morning routine, making my favorite: lavender tea with honey. Then, walked over to my usual reading corner with my collection of books and plants. A memory flooded my mind.

Waking up to the sun slowly coming through the curtains. My hands instinctively reached over to her, only to be met with nothing. Panic rose. I leaped out of bed, praying that she was alright. I turned the corner to the living room to see her. She was watering my plants in nothing but my t-shirt. 

“Babe, everything okay?” She asked.

I sighed as I walked toward her, “More than okay.” 

I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, and pulled her as close as possible. Putting my chin on her shoulder, taking her in. She always smelled like lavender and honey. 

“Damn…” I muttered as I looked out into NYC. “Y/N…” Her name leaving my lips for the first time in years, “...do you hate me yet?” 

...·.·*.✵.*·.·…

That night, I had woken from an awful nightmare. I reached over to check the time on my phone: 222. My heart sank. Her angel number. Y/N, I miss you. I walked over to my closet, where I kept my most prized possession. Our first photo together. She had it printed for my birthday. We were stuck on the side of the road on the way to the bar when my car broke down. I thought she would leave right then and there. The memory came as my eyes were heavy.

“I’m sorry. This was such a pathetic date. Can’t even get there.” I said, shaking my head.

She laughed. That was the first time I heard her laugh, “This is way better than getting drunk. I get to know you, sober.” 

Sober. I smile grew on my face, “Yeah? What do you want to know?” 

She asked me all kinds of questions as we waited for the tow truck. I asked her too. The way her nose scrunched ever so slightly when she was thinking deeply, and how she tucked her hair behind her ear when nervous. Her habits were burned into my mind that night. I never believed in true love or soulmates until her. 

Her favorite chocolate is M&Ms. She loves ice cream and specifically Iowa football. Also loves her brother's dog more than him. Every detail she shared was forever remembered. 

...·.·*.✵.*·.·…

A few days later, Yelena had dragged me to do errands with her. Saying something about not letting me be all depressed in the tower. I refused, but as a former assassin, she threatened me. I had a choice: I went with her. My feet dragged along the sidewalk as we passed by shop after shop. My head down to avoid eye contact with anyone, still not great with crowds. Suddenly, she stopped. 

I looked at her, “Hey… why’d you stop?”

She didn’t respond as she walked into a flower shop. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in after her. The smell of a million different scents flooded my senses. Some nice, some awful. I shook my head and spotted the top of Yelena’s head. I walked over to see what she was smelling.

“Look!” She quickly turned to me, “It’s a white rose! It smells like heaven.”

I reluctantly smelled it. Shit. I stepped back.

She tilted her head. “Do you not like it?” 

My head started to spin, and my heart started to pound. I looked around to see roses everywhere. I ran outside. The fresh air and sun started to calm me down. 

Yelena’s voice was muffled as my head was still spinning. I quickly closed my eyes and practiced my breathing exercises. Another memory.

“Bob, breathe…” Y/N said. 

I was having a panic attack. I was sitting on the floor, head in hands. I could feel her holding me as I was breaking. 

“It’s okay…I got you.” She kept repeating. “Breathe in….”

I breathed in.

“...And out….”

I exhaled.

“Breathe….” 

After what felt like hours, my breathing was back to normal. I opened my eyes and met her beautiful E/C eyes. I remember how tender her kisses were. They felt warm, where everything around me stopped. I held her hand. The one with that damn rose tattoo - her favorite flower.

“BOB!” Yelena snapped her fingers in front of my face, “Are you okay?”

I turned to her, “I need to be alone.”

“Okay, I understand. But are you okay?” 

Does Y/N hate me? I was about to answer her when my eyes suddenly drifted to a coffee shop across the street. Y/N. She was drinking tea, most likely peach, with one teaspoon of honey and one packet of sugar. The sun was hitting her in the most celestial way as she read a book. She loves books. 

My heart felt as if an invisible string was pulling me toward her. So I started to run across the street. 3 years. About got hit by 7 different cars, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was getting to Y/N. I couldn’t wait another second. I got to the median when the honking made her look my way. She dropped her book. Our eyes locked. I held my breath as time stopped. She looked at me as if I were a ghost. Suddenly, she got up but was stopped.

“Y/N?” An unfamiliar man had walked over to her table, “Y/N, are you okay?”

Her eyes still on mine, “Y-Yeah…”

He sat down and picked up her book. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” 

She shook her head as she sat back down. “Just…something too good to be true.”

Don’t say that. Y/N I’m right here. 

He laughed as he took her hand, “C’mon, I know you. What’s up?”

I wanted to fly over and beat the living shit out of this dude. No one knows her like I do. Right? I wanted to run up and hold her and tell that idiot to back off. But I didn’t, I ran. Far away from her, just like before. Sentry’s powers didn’t do anything for my personality. Deep down, I’m still the same cowardly Bob that broke her heart. 

...·.·*.✵.*·.·…

Y/N’S POV:

It was a typical day in New York City. I woke up alone, as usual. Ate alone, as usual. And went about my day, as usual. The morning passed by as I decided that it was time for some deep cleaning. I put on Radiohead as I got to work. A couple of hours passed before I finally got to my room. After sweeping, dusting, and vacuuming the whole room, I tackled the closet. As I picked up all the clothes and either threw them into the laundry basket or hung them back up, I spotted the box. 

That cursed box that I couldn’t throw away, but wanted out of my sight. Just one last time. I pulled it out and opened the lid, instantly the smell of him filled my mind. My eyes started to water as I pulled items out. The first memory hit as I grabbed the white photobook, the one he got for our 1st anniversary. 

I woke up that morning, knowing it was October 18th. A smile grew as I was wrapped in his arms, feeling the warmth engulf me. 

“What’s that smile for?” His deep, groggy voice asked.

I looked at him with his eyes half open, “Just knowing that I have gotten a whole year to call you mine.”

He planted a kiss on my forehead, “Happy anniversary, love.”

“Happy anniversary,” I said as I shuffled closer as humanly possible. 

We lay in silence, embracing one another, not wanting to let the moment end. Our breathing was in sync, my ear on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. 

An hour had passed when he said, “Love, I hate to ruin this perfect morning, but I've got to get your surprise ready.”

“Surprise? That can wait, I just want to stay here. With you.” I hated being away from him. The joy he brought into my life was something I dreamed of since a child. 

“I know, but you’re going to like it. Plus, if we stay here, we won’t be able to do what I have planned for the day.” 

I sighed, “Okay, only because I love you.”

He smiled and kissed me, “I’ll be super fast.”

He then bolted out of the room and closed the door behind him. I always loved the way he got excited about the little things. He made me feel special. About 15 minutes I hear him yelling from the living room that I could come out. I smiled and got out of bed, and walked to him. I turned the corner and saw him standing in the middle of what looked like a hundred white roses. 

Tears formed in my eyes. “You did this? For us?”

“No, I did this for YOU.”

I walked up to him and hugged him, “Thank you…”

He wrapped his arms around me, tight. “Always.”

I looked at the coffee table and saw the book, “What’s this?” 

“Open it.”

I did, and saw that it was filled with every single photo since our disastrous first date. My smile grew, and tears fell as I flipped to look at each page. He wrote a sweet note next to each picture. I had never felt more loved. 

I got myself back together until I grabbed one of his many apology notes he had written after a bad argument. My 2 years with him were filled with happiness and love, but there were some days when it was full of darkness and anger. 

There had been so many times I caught him using when he told me he was clean. I was never upset at him for it, just hurt that he kept lying to me. I wanted him to trust me and let me help him. Each time I would confront him, it always ended the same: him storming off and leaving me sobbing on the floor. Yet, each time he would come back, shaking, and break down into my arms. And each time I held him. 

I slammed the box shut and shoved it back where I would forget where it was. The memories were too much, knowing that it all ended. I’ll never get him back. I hate that he just left me. Why. Why me? He left like everyone else. Please come back. I still love you. Do you love me too? Or do you hate me. 

I had texted my best friend, Luke, that I needed to get out and distract myself from him. Luke immediately understood and was over in less than 15 minutes. Luke and I first met each other when I was at a bar the first day he left. I was drunk out of my mind and making a scene. Luke had gone out with a group of friends and they all drove me home. Since the Luke has always been my person if I ever needed anything. He was only 3 years older than me but treats me like his younger sister. 

“Y/N, get yourself off the floor. We’re going out.” Luke announced as he walked into my apartment.

“I don’t want to go to a bar or club.”

“No you idiot, we’re going to get coffee.”

I complied, got ready and we left. We arrived at our usual coffee place where I ordered my favorite peach tea with one spoon of honey and one sugar. Luke ordered a black coffee - guys and their black coffee. I had brought along my book and he brought his laptop to work. There were some talk of what happened but I avoided the topic. Luke understood and brought up his girl problems. We laughed then sat in silence most of the afternoon. 

Luke had gotten up to use the restroom, leaving me looking out onto the busy New York City streets. I looked across the road and saw the floral shop I had always wanted to go visit, but couldn’t ever since he disappeared. I sighed and dove back into the intriguing story as the sun warmed me up. 

Suddenly a bunch of cars were honking and I looked to the commotion and saw him. He was running toward me but stopped at the median. Our eyes locked together. It can’t be. He was just standing there, wanting to come running. I felt as if I was in a trance, my hand went numb and dropped the book. 

He isn’t real. I stood up, trying to see if it was true. His hair was longer, still the brown curls I loved to play with. His eyes were still the same shade of blue that I could drown in. He looked happier, healthier, sober. What happened in these 3 years…without me? I was about to call out his name when I heard Luke. 

Luke mumbled my name, then said it again louder, “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah…” 

“You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” He said as he picked up my book. 

I shook my head as I returned to my seat “Just…something too good to be true.”

He laughed as he took my hand, “C’mon, I know you. What’s up?”

I looked back at the road. I saw him running away, my heart stopped seeing him slip through my fingers again. I couldn’t let him leave. I wouldn’t. 

I stood right back up, “Luke. Please get my things back to my place. I got to do something.”

Before he could argue I was already running after the love of my life. He was getting too far ahead, where I couldnt catch up. The sidewalk was crowded and I was weaving between people, hoping he would wait. I shouted for him to stop, but he couldn’t hear me. Tears were forming. My heart breaking. I just stopped. I couldn’t stop him then. What makes you think you can now. I sat down on a nearby bench, and for the first time in 3 years, I whispered his name. 

“Bob…”

...·.·*.✵.*·.·…

BOB’S POV: 

I was running so far, trying desperately to get away from the aching feeling inside my chest. I ran into about 100 people, I couldn’t even apolgoize I felt my mouth was glued shut. She’s better off without me, I knew that. So why does it hurt seeing her with someone else? I had drowned out the world, I was alone. Just when I felt the darkness creeping up, I heard her voice. 

“Bob…”

My whole body stopped. It’s impossible. I slowly turned around to see if she was really there. I saw her. I saw Y/N, the love of my life. She was sitting on a bench with her head in her hands. We are so close. I walked over in front of her, knelt down as I grabbed her hands. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, seeing who had her. Her eyes widen. 

“Hey…” I whispered, “You okay-”

She jumped into my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed. I caught us from falling down, and I held her still. I buried my face into her neck and let all my emotions out. I didn’t care who was watching. I finally had my world back, and I wasn’t letting go. 

“Y-You’re here…like, you’re actually here…” She said.

“I’m here.”

She pulled back to look into my eyes, “Why? Why did you leave me? I-I was devastated when you didn’t come back…I waited. Every. Day.”

“I’m sorry…I wanted to come back so desperately. I felt so guilty that I was dragging you down into the grave with me. You deserve to be with someone who won’t leave you and break your heart a million times. I thought of you. Every. Single. Second.”

“Bob, I don’t want anyone else. If you were drowning, I wanted to drown with you. I love you. I never stopped; I couldn’t. All these years, I thought you hated me, I thought that I wasn’t good enough-”

“Stop. Don’t say that. Don’t say that you still love me, you should hate me. You shouldn’t think that I hate you because I could never. Y/N…you were everything I want and more. I loved you that night you laughed because my car broke down on our first date. I loved you then and I love you now.” 

She started to laugh through her tears, “You, Bob Reynolds, could never make me hate you.”

I smiled, “Also, who was that dude you were with?” 

“Aw, someone jealous? Don’t worry, you’d like him. He’s become an older brother for me.”

“That’s a relief, can’t wait to meet him.” 

Then, I kissed her. Not rushed, but slow. Slow but full of love and passion. My body was filled with her light and joy she always gave me. She tasted like honey with a hint of salt. She kissed me back, her soft lips against mine. I had waited so long to feel her again, and here we are. Fate brought us back to each other. This time, we weren’t letting go. 

...·.·*.✵.*·.·…