jazandhoney

[jazandhoney]

a cry to myself for remembrance

There will be nothing beautiful about this post.

There are so many things I have written, but I cannot go on without talking about what the fuck is going on. 

Because how can you function, how can you not cry when trying to look deeper within yourself. 

Because you know that when you get down to it, what’s wrong, what you’ve been holding in, why the chronic stress has felt exasperated lately…

Gaza is starving. Palestine is starving. They are being absolutely starved out. They are being murdered. There is a genocide going on. There are GENOCIDES going on. US Imperialism + Zionism + White Supremacy + The Patriarchy must be held responsible and stopped. 

The Congo, Sudan, Somalia, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Yemen, Hawai’i, Cuba, more. Everywhere people are not free and living a life unimaginable. Something my nightmares could not even conjure. 

People are being taken from their families. Their homes. Their workplace. Their safe places. People are being HUNTED. Immigrants are being HUNTED.

Our beautiful blue and green earth is dying. Women are globally losing what little rights we already have. The LGBTQIA+ group is being targeted by policy and violence. They are being hunted.

Books are being banned. Libraries are closing. Literacy is falling. 

Children are no longer sacred. Women are no longer sacred. Men are no longer sacred. Life is no longer sacred. 

We are not going backwards. We are going forward. It's just absolutely the wrong path for the collective.

We are being overtaken by technology, and not in the iRobot kind of way, or the fear of AI killing humans dystopian kind of way. 

I’m talking the things that make us human. Connection, intimacy, interaction, love, empathy, shit even anger, and sadness and fear. Emotion. Intelligence and critical thinking. There’s tech for that. There are no more ups and downs. There is no joy to recognize fear. There is no fear to recognize joy. There is only constant dopamine. 

I don’t mean to be doomist here, but I am reminding myself what is real. Because I’m forgetting to feel what joy and love and empathy and intimacy and walking barefoot in the grass and smiling at the sun feel like.

I’m forgetting what it feels like to have fear and do it anyway. Because there’s distractions for that. Or because there’s answers for that. There’s formulas, I’m sorry, prompts, to position the fear and give you a step by step on how to overcome and eventually get exactly what you want. And blame it on the way of the world when you don’t.

There’s no figuring it out any more. 

There’s no intuition, no finding alignment.

I don’t want to forget to be human.

I don’t want to forget how to be human. 

I want to be human. 

I want to be human.

I want to be human. 

—speaking from outside genocides

[jazandhoney]

Stephen Shames. The Black Panthers and Revolution: James Baldwin, San Francisco, California, 1969

[jazandhoney]

another rebrand. haha sue me.

lmao. here we are.

yet another creative venture of mine.

you know what though… I give myself a ton of credit for the hard pivots and total lack of embarrassment every single time haha. the creative ventures and the relationships lol.

I love and create hard, what can I say? Not only do i believe these are my God-given superpowers, love and creativity, but... I’m a leo... soooo yeah, confirmed.

anyways, i think this time i’m finally narrowing in on how to actually express myself to the world in a way that feels authentic to me.

at my best, I design spaces with the power of words, centered around radical love. a radical love that i have not only for the life that exists on this planet, but a radical love that i have for myself.

& lemme tell ya, that took too much time to figure out...

but before we get into the deeper topics of life, let me just make this post easy and about what’s going on here. 

I’ll be, simply, blogging my life! Words come easy to me and I’ve been writing at least since the age of 12, I didn’t try creative writing until I think a deep bout of sadness in 2020, and when I looked back on my writings in 2023 I was like wait… holy shit this is actually kind of fire. that’s where the honey comes in. 

The “jaz” piece of jaz + honey will just be a whole lot of me and my thoughts, but sometimes you’ll get the honey… that’s my soul writing. That’s my favorite part of me. 

backstory on jaz + honey:

jaz + honey comes from my favorite cold cafe drink that i order back home at Peerless Coffee in Oakland, CA-- an iced jasmine green tea with honey. they wrote jas + honey one day and it stuck. I thought it was cute af. (Yes, with magic I changed the s to a z lol). 

Also cool, my favorite bible verse is Proverbs 16:24, ‘Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.’ I feel like anyone gifted the superpower of finding an infinite, divine love in language and words would understand why this one is my favorite. for as long as I can remember, words have been a tether to my soul. being a person who knows how to love deeply and create through an intersectional lens… honestly… grief is always present.

but while it’s important for me to feel that grief, it’s just as important to know that sorrow will pass—and there’s so much love and joy to live for. Love and joy last. My soul is made of this light, love and joy (and I believe this for everyone). when I write creatively, it’s like my soul comes alive, the love and joy that she is comes to the surface, the paper or the notes app becomes her voice... She speaks out loud. And she’s so beautiful. Yeah... we can get into that another time, but I love her, and I’m excited to share maybe a little bit of the honey as time goes on. 

But seriously for now expect a whole lot of jaz. Most of this blog post is for me to feel like:

 1) I’m actually sharing content—because I’m genuinely grateful for the support from people who want to see more of me and my life (we’re in a social digital age so yeah, it’s only right)

And MORE IMPORTANTLY & aside from what other people want or think they want from me,

2) I'm creating in a way that feels authentic to me. my goals here are to just get my creative energy out. my best friends know my mind haha. I NEED a creative, playful outlet. I miss myspace fr. 

Also like.. jumping back on Tumblr is just… soo…. hopelesssapphiccore vibes and I’m so happy to be back. 

ciao, adios, doei, byeeeee honeys <3

—jaz