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Edward: Bella I’m dangerous for you, I could kill you instan-

Bella: oh my god EDWARD. So can literally anything else. Jessica almost killed herself the other day because she mixed Clorox and Fabuloso together in her windowless bathroom. You’re not special.

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I know it’s been a while but can I shout out this great Fanfic: Heal by tinybasilisk on AO3.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56467468

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No matter what canon and normal eyesight tells me, Jasper is strawberry blonde/ginger, that man is not pale blonde, he has orange hair *points*

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i bet being a fish whips ass. smooth and wet as fuck. well except for the bears

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edward in the movie: *softly* you don’t know what you’re talking about–

edward in the movie: *in a monotone* why are you doing this to me. you know what this means.

edward in the movie: *leans head against wall and stares into space*

edward in the book: *fist bumps emmett*

edward in the book: no, No, NO!!!!! *stalks out of the room*

edward in the book: *breaks TV*

edward in the book: *screeches at the top of his lungs* are you INSANE??? have you utterly LOST YOUR MIND???????????

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I hope you're alive and well 💗

I

I am alive. Just busy with work and social obligations, trying to squeeze in Minecraft and hermitcraft episodes.

I’ll see if I can squeeze in some time. Thanks for thinking of me! ♥️

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Dear everyone,

All I want for my birthday is for LittlePhee to upload the next chapter to her fanfic on AO3, A Reversal of Fortune.

That is all.

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Rosalie: nags Carlisle about changing her for the wrong reasons instead of letting her die constantly

Carlisle:

Rosalie Rosalie Rosalie. Rosalie whose life was going to be perfect. Who was ready to die, after what happened to her. Who was "saved" against her will.

She was going to die that night. She did die that night. She can smell the death inside her every time she opens her mouth. A sweet, rotting stench that ferments inside of her.

She used to be soft. Her mama's precious little girl, always fawned over, pinching the soft skin of her cheeks, constantly fussing over her hair. Now she's stone, and her skin is cool. There's a blankness inside of her, a lack of that life-making heat she'd taken for granted as a human. There was nothing in her. Nothing but the venom that brought her to purgatory, and animal blood, settling slightly wrong in her guts, not quite what she needs.

The Cullens don't touch her. They're very respectful of her space, so understanding of her need for time. They stay far enough away that she can't smell the death in their own bellies. She knew Edward was in her head, heard the hints of whispered conversations where he reassured Esme. They would wait for her to feel family - they had more time than most. She resents them for for their understanding.

Maybe one day she would forgive them. She might later understand them, when she found a young man fighting a losing battle with a bear. But she would never forget what Carlisle had done to her. Carlisle, who was so uncomfortable with his own undeath. Carlisle, who through his thoughts couldn't help but pass on his misery to Edward. He was rotten, and he had spread that rot to the rest of them.

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i can't get a welcome mat. what if the vampires

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I have many opinions, and I doubt anyone would like them.

Rosalie Rosalie Rosalie. Rosalie whose life was going to be perfect. Who was ready to die, after what happened to her. Who was "saved" against her will.

She was going to die that night. She did die that night. She can smell the death inside her every time she opens her mouth. A sweet, rotting stench that ferments inside of her.

She used to be soft. Her mama's precious little girl, always fawned over, pinching the soft skin of her cheeks, constantly fussing over her hair. Now she's stone, and her skin is cool. There's a blankness inside of her, a lack of that life-making heat she'd taken for granted as a human. There was nothing in her. Nothing but the venom that brought her to purgatory, and animal blood, settling slightly wrong in her guts, not quite what she needs.

The Cullens don't touch her. They're very respectful of her space, so understanding of her need for time. They stay far enough away that she can't smell the death in their own bellies. She knew Edward was in her head, heard the hints of whispered conversations where he reassured Esme. They would wait for her to feel family - they had more time than most. She resents them for for their understanding.

Maybe one day she would forgive them. She might later understand them, when she found a young man fighting a losing battle with a bear. But she would never forget what Carlisle had done to her. Carlisle, who was so uncomfortable with his own undeath. Carlisle, who through his thoughts couldn't help but pass on his misery to Edward. He was rotten, and he had spread that rot to the rest of them.

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He’s seventeen forever and stupid.

Edward Cullen, Olde Worlde Gentleman & romance extraordinaire, really thought to himself, "i'll take my new girlfriend of 1 (one) day to a secluded field in the woods to meet my vampire family & have her sit in the rain & watch us play a sport she hates. surely a good time will be had by all"

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This is the skin of a killer bella

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Wait— so how are we making it Greek Mythology?

The Cullens and their powers but make it Greek mythology

Edward can read minds but is now doomed to never truly connect with someone because he involuntarily violates their thoughts whenever someone gets close (literally)

Bella can shield herself so much so that no one can ever get close to her and in turn she can never connect with people or form real meaningful relationships

Alice can see the future but is doomed to never really appreciate the present. Her dream was to be a Cullen, and yet she is never truly present and enjoying what she once longed for

Jasper

Emmett’s strength is his entire identity. The guy has invested zero time in anything else. That’s all he has to offer. Being butt hurt over newborn Bella winning the arm wrestle was glossed over way too much imo.

Rosalie is so beautiful she is doomed to be valued only for her beauty- cue her adoptive father who looked at her beauty and couldn’t let her die (instead damning her to vampirism), her new adoptive brother who hated her on sight because of his preconceived notions of her beauty + personality, her husband who only had to look at her golden beauty to be in love, etc.

Esme loves passionately but at the cost of being able to do heinous things without batting an eye. She loved Edward so much in Midnight Sun that she was a-okay with the very likely possibility of him killing Bella so long as he stayed in Forks… even though there was literally nothing stopping her from leaving with him for the year and a half it would have taken Bella to graduate and leave Forks

Carlisle has this superhuman (for lack of a better word) control that saved him from being a true monster, and yet it is the very thing that enables him to play God with the others and decides who lives and dies. Don’t tell me he’s gotten over it when he literally drugged a soccer mom because she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sanctity of human life my ass

Lastly, Nessie, who has more humanity in her tiny finger than they do in their entire stone bodies. And yet, she was never human like the rest of them were. She has no morals or memories or even feelings to draw upon. All she knows is the supernatural world, and she can never fully join it like her mother did before her

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There’s CLEARLY no favorites at all.

Esme: I love all my children. There’s Edward, the best and brightest of us. There’s also *looks at smudged writing on hand* Roslyn, Emmanuel, Alicia, and Casper

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The one thing we know about Elizabeth Masen is that she bullied convinced Carlisle to turn Edward, and the main driving force behind the four saga series is Bella determined to be turned into a vampire omfg

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“Let’s-a go!”

ADHD pro tip: Use psychological warfare on yourself.

For example, in order to do long tasks, like folding laundry, I put on the Mario Hat:

The main feature of the Mario hat is that my headset does not fit over it, so when The Bees™ try to put me back in front of the screen, the headset issue forces me to remember why I put the Mario hat on, and back to the task I go

As a bonus, the Mario hat is also a very clear indicator to my housemates that business is getting done, and they have learned not to distract me when I'm wearing the "goofy-ass cosplay hat"

It's not stupid if it works.