jenamnng

[jenamnng]

Betrayal

Why? Of all people, I treated you as a family; you were like a sister to me. And then out of nowhere I will find out that you’re backstabbing me? Creating shits about me. After every thing I showed you, I’ve been such a good friend to you, and this is what I get in return?! I even fcking kept your nasty secret. I don’t deserve this.

Lord why? Why are there people like this? It is so hard to be a good person in this world that is full of this kind of people. I can’t.

It’s so painful. #01042020

[jenamnng]

The End - 2019

2019 — You are the worst, yet the greatest year of my life in many levels. Too many heartbreaks felt; not just in relationship, but also between friends and family.

I’ve lost the person whom I thought was the greatest love of my life. It was painful but really thankful that it ended.

I’ve lost friends, yet gained real ones. Someone who doesn’t judge and willing to accept all the flaws I have. My mains who are there thru thick and thin.

I’ve been in the worst state of myself. But learned alot from there and made me stronger than I used to be. Some shits to reminisce and laugh with in the future.

Almost had a broken fam, but God is super duper mega great for not letting it happen. This is the biggest highlight of my year; my Father’s turning point. Thank you, Lord.

The greater part is; I was able to tick Dubai off of my bucket list. Had a really wonderful times with my BFF and Ate. Those were really great memories.

Lord, I pray that my Dad will continue the way he is now. A healthier and happier family. A bountiful new year.

Let’s do this, 2020. I am ready!!! 🤟

[jenamnng]

Whoever you are, however you are going to spend Christmas and New Year's, I really hope you are safe and content. Take care of yourself, take breaks as much as you need to and put yourself first. Your well-being is important, my love. Everything is going to be just fine. No matter how you feel, it is going to pass and you are going to heal. Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you. I love you so much.

[jenamnng]

“Battle”

...a battle I’ve been fighting for my whole life ever since I understood what’s going on in this world; what’s wrong with my Dad; what’s going on with him.

...a battle between my heart and my mind; Which to choose? My heart that feels the love for him, that still choses to respect him above all the worst things he had done. Or my mind that’s telling me to turn my back on him.

And today, the choice have been made. I’ve had enough. The battle is done. For once, I’m letting my mind take over, I’m letting it win.

I’m not gonna wait until something worst will happen. Your time of torture for her is done. But don’t worry, you still have my respect. It will remain forever. That’s for sure.

#12062019

[jenamnng]

“The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday.”

I miss you...

I miss it when you tell me not to put red lipstick or nail polish, not to dye my hair bright, not to wear mini dresses and ripped jeans. And whenever I do the opposite, you will scold me damn much, and I never thought I would miss that.

I miss it when you get pissed whenever I missed your calls, when I’m going out alone, when I missed on telling you my whereabouts.

I miss the texts/calls I received from you that always starts my day, the long talks that we had, the chitchats we always had either in person or VC.

I miss it when you ask me how my day was, whenever we tell each other’s happenings at work.

I miss our favorite bonding moment: eating or watching movie at the sala while my head is resting unto your chest.

I miss the silly acts or your ways to cheer me up whenever I feel down, most especially if it’s about my family.

I miss your voice, your hugs, your touch, your kisses..

I just really miss you, my panget. Out of all the shitty things that had happened between us, I thought that hatred is the only emotion I’m gonna have towards you.. but boy, I was wrong. I’m longing for you. I miss you so damn much.

#11212019

[jenamnng]

Learning how to love and forgive yourself is a very powerful thing to do. You deserve to be at peace with yourself. Be patient with yourself as you continue to grow. Everything will work out in the end.

[jenamnng]

“You would never understand it because you were not in my place.”

People can easily say.. “move on”, “it’s just a phase”, “you will forget him soon”.. but I wish it is that easy. Until unless you are in my place and you know how painful this is for me, then that’s the time you can have the authority to tell me those words.

#11182019

[jenamnng]

Friendship comes and goes but what stays is how you treated them and how they treated you.

[jenamnng]

take it slow. be patient with yourself. if you can’t get out of the house today, that’s okay. if you can’t get out of bed today, that’s okay. if all you can do is breathe today, breathe. you’re allowed to take it slow.

[jenamnng]

What I really feel right now..

You are allowed to admit that you are hurting, my love. It does not mean you are weak and it does not mean that you give power to whatever it is that makes you feel this way. You can understand that other people’s actions have nothing to do with you - and everything to do with them - and still feel hurt. Just because you find a way to see the good in a bad situation, does not mean that you have to process it right away. You still need time to heal, darling. Even though you might have found a way to forgive the other person, does not mean your pain just disappears. So, do not act like it never happened; do not pretend to be okay, when you are not. No matter what you are going through, please take some time to address your wounds; be gentle and kind towards yourself and take all the time you need to heal. Let yourself feel, my love. Let yourself feel.

[jenamnng]

💯

You are not perfect, nor will you ever be perfect. But that is not why you were born, my love. You were born to be unapologetically yourself and embrace every little feature about you. Stop chasing an ideal, for "nearly all those ideals are driven from insceurity and a desire to feel confident - or to sell something." (Vex King, Good Vibes, Good Life). You are good enough just the way you are. Do not compare yourself to others - flowers and stars are two completely different things but equally breathtaking. Embrace who you are and do not hide your 'insecurities' any longer. You are everything you are need to be and it is time to show the world, my love.

[jenamnng]

things to live for

the people you have yet to meet and love 

sunsets and sunrises

stray dogs 

cats who fall asleep in your lap

lava lamps

the shitty cookies they sell in the cafeteria 

getting to know a happier you

cutting your own bangs

dyeing your hair

empty libraries

seeing movies with your friends

rereading your favorite books

meeting the love of your life

stargazing 

riding home while the rain pours

nighttime car rides

learning to love yourself

dogs who pull at their leashes to say hi

bunnies

the smell of freshly baked pastries

ferris wheels

getting your eyeliner right

staying up with your best friend

[jenamnng]

how to feel alive

do something kind for someone else

write down everything you’ve ever wanted to say

sit outside in the sun and feel your feet on the ground

dye your hair

do something you’ve always wanted to do

if you have the means, travel

tell someone something you’ve always wanted to say 

look at the stars

open a window and feel the air on your face

stand outside in the rain

go out at night with friends

listen to music that you can get lost in

read a good book

take a long, hot shower

change up your wardrobe

know that it will get better

[jenamnng]

“Be forgiving. Be understanding. But don’t be a fool.”

— Unknown

[jenamnng]

two-faced

Kapal ng mukha mong mang-spread ng chismis about me, akala mo naman e napakalinis mo. FYI lang girl, ang dami mo din baho. I know some, but I never talk shit about you. I even defended you from my friends because I thought I knew and that I could trust you.. but the joke’s on me. You just betrayed me and worst is, you’re bullshitting my image in front of your friends. What will you even benefit in doing that? Such a btch. Why do I always trust the wrong persons? #09242019

[jenamnng]

“He likes her with a long hair, so she cut it short.” #09202019

[jenamnng]

...it is the memories that crushes your soul.” #09192019