jenegetoutdaway - Tumblr blog

[jenegetoutdaway]

They are so funny they come up on the porch at dusk to come in the house after playing outside all day lol https://www.instagram.com/p/B_04p33hS8J/?igshid=ivjs07swnxr8

[jenegetoutdaway]

😍😘🥰🐣 https://www.instagram.com/p/B_p1nykhaV9/?igshid=1mt6t7cz0hyf0

[jenegetoutdaway]

Good morning 😃 https://www.instagram.com/p/B_mlN9yhwMx/?igshid=1ngzpafjgquio

[jenegetoutdaway]

Reasons I hate it here... #1: 😂😂😂😂 https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Lj35vB5Ei/?igshid=1pwu1wwvv4qvv

[jenegetoutdaway]

My husband is “Transgender”… I hate labels, and I had a best friend who made me hate pro nouns, so I don’t even call him baby or honey anymore. Now he is simply London. I love London and oddly, my love of and for London landed me in anger management…London is FTM, and I am F and because London still is, biologically and physically female, I’m having problems… Now number 1, when I met London I was a Lesbian, nothing about any man, turns me on, especially the fact that they have a penis, I feel like men are terrible people in general, I have yet to meet one that can change my mind, I love them and can appreciate them, respect them, and all that but partnering with one is difficult if not out of the question… Now for the next thing, London is still physically and biologically female, and I don’t care much for them either… There is something in London that vex, me so and I can not for the life of me, figure out what that is. What ever it is, is driving me crazy because I wanna pin point it and put a stop to it, but.. I can’t control London…London also has anger issues, just because a person doesn’t yell or scream doesn’t mean, that they aren’t mean or do harmful things, and those things draw an anger in me that landed me in jail… I didn’t have to go… I lost control and felt unsafe, with the police, which we will get into later….anyway, so I will get mad and curse your ass out, and tell you all I feel, at the end of the day on your end the relationship is damaged, but at least you will think about your behavior… on my end the relationship is damaged, but you have no one to talk too until people stop being butt hurt over what you said, if ever… I don’t care either way I got enough pissing me off I don’t need extra….and London is Extra… Ive been with London a year… I can tell the type of little girl, and woman she was and I can’t stand it… Every time London Pisses me off I be ready to fight, cause in girl world bitch I will beat your ass, for the things you doin cause Im a woman myself, and I know why you do it…WOMEN ACT LIKE THAT!!! MEN DON’T ACT LIKE THAT!!! Then there are days when my mental health will allow, me to be normal, for a second, and London is the best husband in the world… HOW SWAY!!! Im not having an easy time, on top of that my father is past, and I am trying to navigate life on my own, with no one to talk too, or who cares what Im going through, and thats absolutely fine, except, holding everything in makes you a psycho, and I don’t wanna be that anymore, if I ever was… Keep in mind Im not blaming London for anything… I love my husband, but when he’s being a “girlfriend” I can’t like joseline in the delivery room… the petty shit females like to do, and hen pecking, the talking about people behind their backs, the all kinds of other shit That London does, that bitches like to do, I don’t be with it… I be ready to fight and London doesn’t want to fight, so here we are… angrily managing and I don’t know…London the person is fine, but between the man shit I don’t like, and the woman shit I don’t like, Im looking better being by myself before I end up in jail. Not only that, I have a son, and grandson… London in my personal and professional opinion is going through puberty.. I want badly to relate to London the boy/man, because one day my son and grandson are gonna be men.. I don’t know, As much as I hate to admit it I am for the first time in life admitting that I am confused, about sex, and sexuality, this confusion is causing frustration, and that shit is making me angry

[jenegetoutdaway]

Angrily Managing

I used to cry really bad, I still do, Im a bag of water. Im sensitive, if you yell too loud at me Im probably going to cry...depending on what the situation is. I feel like I am a fairly reasonable person... I don’t feel like I have an anger problem (so I probably do) but stop playing with me. I am a person who has really intense feelings... I also feel very intensely, Im currently taking a Reiki class.. to figure out what to do. I feel like anger is supposed to be felt, and the ultimate anger management rule is that thou shalt not Kill.... why is punching someone in the face that has been disrespectful to you frowned upon? I mean it was ok for you to offend me right? You was chillin, while you was doin you, you wasn’t feelin abused while you were lying so why is it not ok for me to beat your ass?

I absolutely hate bullies... I hate them with a passion, and I have never, no matter how badly I got beat up ran from anyones fight, and if you ever said you wanted to fight show up and show out, cause im tired of you anyway by that point!!! why do I have to walk away, if someone is baiting me into battle... gotta be for me to have the strength to win the war cause baby im so tired of folks..... I went as far as taking an anger management course lord, and that shit didn’t teach me shit I didn’t know... but because of recent events, I have to learn how to not put my hands on other peoples children cause these bitches wasn’t raised like me, they like to run their mouths, and then call the police when you call them up on shit, and I don’t like jail, so here we are....

Im not sure what it is, but I don’t like confronting someone on their bullshit, and have them laugh or smile in my face like im a joke, I fade gums fa shit like that...I also don’t like liars, and don’t steal from me....those are all things at the top of my list of commandments to follow if you fuck with me, cause I HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM, and I don’t like those types of things. I will definitely get angry, at what you did to offend me, but I will have more respect for you if you tell me the truth. Some people feel like its ok to lie about little shit... its not, I feel like if you would lie to me about something small you would lie about something big, and I don’t trust people like that... I also don’t like to be lied on...just because things are hard to say, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be said... your gonna hurt feelings regardless of how you say the ugly truth... because its a persons pride you hurt, not really their feelings if that makes any sense, I don’t play with peoples intelligence like that, I absolutely expect for people to do the same or don’t fuck with me its really as simple as that. I don’t have conversations with people in front of other people that’s rude, me and you, anything can be worked out with me through talking if we can be honest with one another I guess, and at least if it ends up in a fight, whats done will be done... and you can deal with me or not after that how you want, as long as you keep ya distance...

[jenegetoutdaway]

People I love and care about all live in my neighborhood. Like in a circle. I took buckets to them, to make water stops for Bailee and Ike, (my dogs). Our walks, go by their houses. I have always loved animals and babies.

I think I was about 14. I don’t know where this lady came from. a white lady, She was a waitress or something like that, and she worked a breakfast shift. She had a baby, her name was Baily. Baily was a beautiful baby, and good too. Her mom needed a baby sitter, and I don’t know how I came up but, I did, and she would bring the baby around 4am, I would get up, and get her, lay her back down and we would go to sleep til time for me to get up for school. I made 140 dollars a week. I was able to go to the plaza and get clothes, and stuff for my hair...Then she was gone... I don’t know why, but one day she just stopped coming. Bailee (my dog) is white, with a brown patch at his eye...so cute. I love him to death, we really went through a lot together. I had to learn how to communicate with him...When Tootie wanted him, I did not!! I didn’t want a pit bull, I wanted a small dog, a dog that was easy to care for, didn’t make alot of noise, and omg cant reach the garbage. Why do you want a pit bull? but once we were able to communicate, we were good. I trust Bailee, and I use him sometimes to make good choices....Therapeutic...we love each other lol...

Ike is copper colored, with a white stripe down his front. He is the laziest dog, not even physically, he’s aggressive, likes to fight...go for good walks lol.. but he also enjoys eating, and his most favorite past time is laying in front of tooties heater. When I worked at the cordial, the bouncer there was Ike. he was Puerto Rican, copper colored, and greying. he passed away around 2010, he was my favorite person. Everybody and they momma, thought I was fuckin around with that man, I never slept with him. I know other girls that did, I saw the looks they gave, certain ways they behaved. I didnt care I was still gonna be with, and around Ike... plus as long as yall was sleepin with him, I didnt have too lol and that was my favorite, cause I never had to have sex with him, and he still does everything for me that he does for yall (shrugs shoulders) I was young too.. I was probably 20 or something. Ike loved me I know love. I know what that looks like.... healthy love isnt fighting, and it makes you mad, but it doesn’t make you angry. I doesnt rape you, or make you uncomfortable. Ike never did any of that... Like any man, he made his jokes, and told me once how one night with me, and he would change my life... but often we parted, he would kiss my cheeks, or my forehead and bid me goodnight. I used too wonder like if somethin really popped off in there, would he really be able to do anything about that? like would he be able to really throw somebody out? lol he would sit on the stool and charge people and barely pat them down lol...Ike, the dog, is 5 months old, im sure he already weighs 60 lbs. Hes a puppy, and hes huge, and its really cute becuase he doesnt know that hes as big as he is, hes a baby, and hes clumsy... today he made his first angry face today... I gave him a dog cookie (shrugs shoulders).... we love each other lol...

I started to think of the girl Baily, and my good friend Ike, when I saw them, this morning, sadness, triggered, “Run around” played in my phone, and I began too think of the revalation I got when I found out that my husband had indeed been unfaithful, and I became angry. Ike and Bailee, playing on the floor, my husband, on the phone, seemingly in good spirits. My daughter and grandson, snoozing peacefully through the morning, I had already fed the dogs, and taken them out, I took a cocktail last night, and I slept well, I dont even have any aches or pains, today really is great!!!! and its only a little after 10... I dont wanna fight and ruin everyones day... I went through the songs on my phone yesterday on mine and Londons long ride.. wondering what I was going through, all of my music seems so sad. I looked for more. I had too start over, and didnt have my favorites, like Corinne Bailey Rae, and Louisa Wendorf, Colbie Callait, and Taylor swift... Micheal Bolton is Belting to love somebody, and Im gonna excercise at home today... the dogs dont have jackets and theres snow on the ground...we are staying indoors today.

[jenegetoutdaway]

A Moment.....

I was listening to a brandy song...I’m yours, it was on her very first album, which I owned, along with several others because for 1 cent you could get 10 tapes. I had just learned too braid my own hair, I was practicing back then...alot lol... I was struggling to figure things out... ugh...tween years are really tough... that”s why I don’t give my kids a lot of crap lol... anyway here comes Brandy and she wears braids lol... I was lit, for whatever that was in the 90′s...95.7 Jams had a radio show... and, the Birmingham Heritage Festival was going to be in event for that or the next weekend.... I spent all the time I had, on the phone, trying desperately to win tickets.... I mean... I was relentless..... I won!!! I won 2 tickets, To the Birmingham Heritage Festival.... I was High!!!! I mean I was very High!!!! My mom and dad argued... who’s gonna take me, and always, anytime something like that happened, He took me... He couldn’t take just me though... the way the devil works is... 2 free tickets, dad agreed to take me... ok...we are going... now... He has to take my little brother and sister.... he has to buy them tickets... ugh I cant remember how old they were... elementary school age... young too... and they have to go...my sister cried most of the day... my little brother kept running off constantly we dragging  crying sister looking for a busy brother... lol.... we had lunch... I think my dad bought 2, we all had to share... he didn’t eat much of his, he fed the most to my sister, I think by that time, he was over it,it had been all day...then it started to rain...That was it we had to go, Brandy be damned... I laugh about it now, cause I got kids of my own... but that shit was absolutely not at the time... I was pissed, I didn’t say shit the whole way home...my dad came to my room after a couple days, I was Not talking to my dad.... that would get him... that would get him good... he hated when I wouldn’t talk to him... most times it was because he always took up with girlfriends or wives, like why when you got a whole daughter with kids, and here I am struggling to keep it together, I wonder if he once thought... let me just go stay with my daughter cause she got kids.... and do this as a unit cause she needs me, and I need the woman I raised in her, this is ridiculous....like I laid next to so many of the wrong partners at night and thought...I was not talking to my father!!!! I was maaaaad at him.....He got married again!!! and he left me again!!! and I was pissed I was not talking to my father!!!! I went through a marriage with my dad, I did what he said, I prayed, and I left, and My father had just gotten married... I couldn’t trouble him...I couldn’t trouble him... I don”t date men with daughters... I was a daughter of a man, and I know the bible... My fathers money, belonged to his daughters until they were married, off and I made it my business when I had daughters of my own to make sure that I gave them everything it was they needed, so they wouldn’t have to ask no nigga that wasn’t they dad, for nothin... My father felt like I only called him when I needed something, and if he was around... but I know that he knew... news about me doesn’t take long to get around, it never has...He was my last resort....cause if you were raised properly, you would know that you can’t daughter or not, call upon a man with a wife....and ask for anything, and I would rather struggle than call and ask them people for anything...the same way I would struggle before I asked my mom for anything... I respected the women my father was “WITH” and before I’m anything Im a woman so there you have it... I was pissed.... the last few years of my fathers life... he lived with my ex-wife and I...people stayed in my business... about my dad not paying rent... he doin this...he doin that... I didnt care I was just happy to have my dad....My father saw, first hand, what I went through, who I was, and he would argue with me... My dad was the only person in the world who was not afraid of me... the only person who could make me shut my mouth, just by things he would do... As soon as I told him I had separated....He was angry and said...”I knew that shit was gonna happen”. Im mad. Im mad because I need my daddy and he not here, Im mad because I need his honest opinion, cause all I got around me are people who lie.... When I heard that song I thought of him, and I laughed... like I told my dad, “if you ever leave me again for a woman, I will not ever speak to you again”... my father left me... the last time I talked to my dad... he did what no one asked me to do, he asked me not to leave” I didn’t believe him when he said he wanted to work it out... bar-b-ques, and Sunday dinner... he begged me to stay...and I ignored him, because I was mad at him....I never talked to my dad again...He brought home my grandson, to my moms where I was staying at the time, 2 days before he died... and I didn’t go down and see him, I couldn’t... I didn’t want him to see me in the state I was, I would have broken down.... then he died, and I thought I had accepted that, and today I think is the day, because “where the fuck is my dad?” has been building up in me.... and all I can think about is how one day he said I was gonna have to use the skills he taught me because he wasn’t gonna be here.... I was talking to my aunt... she said that it was funny cause her and my mom was, just talking... and the question was “what was I gonna do now that I can’t run to my dad”.... Tuh 🤣 bitch run wit my dogs.... cause that’s what my dad taught me to do. Anyway, My father came to my room that day, and was laughing but said he was mad, we left to come home at like 1 when it started raining after lunch, it didn’t rain for that long, and “THE GIRL” (Brandy) came on at 2 as scheduled... and if we would have been able to wait...then we gave each other the look... and we knew what it was hittin for...