jensrose

[jensrose]

Hi, everyone. This is Ira. I used to be @/jensrose and @/jenovious on Tumblr.

I’m sure most of you know what I did. I did some really problematic stuff on Tumblr. I plagiarised. I stole someone else’s hard work. I did some other really messed up stuff on a previous account. 

All for some sort of weird, twisted sense of satisfaction I got from receiving attention. 

Truthfully, I was in a really bad place mentally. It was the middle of the pandemic. I had just changed schools and I didn’t have any friends. It was a time when I felt well and truly alone. I got into k-pop during the pandemic and I found Tumblr in the early half of 2021. I made about 3 to 4 accounts during my time on Tumblr and quickly started to thrive off of the attention and online friends I made. I figured that even if I didn’t have any friends in real life, it would be fine because I had found a community of people online with the same interests as me. 

I now know how flawed my thinking was.

But that’s not an excuse for any of the things I’ve done. What I did was inexcusable. I hurt and lied to so many people, all for the sake of getting “fame” and notes on a piece of writing.

The guilt of what I did still continues to haunt me. I’ve lost sleep over this, my relationship with my family was deteriorating, and my academic performance was steadily dropping. I couldn’t focus on anything other than this.

However, thanks to my family and a few trusted friends I’ve had the privilege of making in real life, I’m slowly and gradually learning how to be a better, kinder, nicer human being. I’m trying my best to learn from my mistakes. I’ve learnt that it’s nicer to get attention for good things, and receiving praise and recognition for something that you’ve created on your own is a million times better than getting recognised for something that’s not yours. What I did was horribly, inexplicably, wrong.

My conscience isn’t going to rest until I apologise properly to all the people I’ve wronged. I know saying sorry now, after several months have passed, won’t undo the damage I did. But it is, quite possibly, the least I can do.

I have a long life ahead of me, and I will consider this experience a stepping stone to becoming a better person. Learning from a mistake means owning up and taking responsibility for one’s actions, and that is something that I must do. Most of you may not forgive me—and that is okay. I know forgiveness is asking for a lot. 

But either way, I hope you recognise this as a sincere attempt at making amends.

To @luvdsc – I’m sorry for plagiarising your work and then lying to you when you confronted me about it. I should’ve just come clean and admitted to my mistake. I regret it more than a lot of things I’ve ever done, and I hope, someday, you can find it in yourself to forgive me.

To @choerrypuffs– I’m sorry for stealing elements of your fics and incorporating them in mine. I had no right to leach off of your creativity just for the sake of some notes on a piece of a fan fiction. I hope that someday, you can forgive me, as well.

To @jaeyunverse– I’m sorry for repeatedly trying to contact you through two other blogs and hiding the truth from you yet again. I’m sorry for how hypocritical my behaviour was. Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I hope that one day, you accept my apology.

I have one last request to ask of you: please delete the photo which contains my full name and the name of my educational institution for the sake of respect for my online privacy. Thank you.

To @lebrookestore– I’m sorry for breaching your trust and disappointing you multiple times. I lied many times, but you still gave me many chances to redeem myself—much more than I deserved; for that, I am truly sorry. You have been nothing but a good friend to me, and for that, I will always be grateful. I hope you can accept my apology, someday.

To @liliansun, @alohajun, and @doublesung– I did not deserve friends like you, truly. Thank you for sticking by me despite my horrible actions and being concerned for my well-being. I will always be indebted to you. I’m sorry for disappointing you, and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Lastly, to all my ex-mutuals, followers and readers: you have all been nothing but kind to me, despite everything. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done and for disappointing every single one of you. I wish for nothing but the best in all your endeavours and I will pray that you, too, can accept my apology someday.

You don’t have to acknowledge this. You don’t have to accept my apology or forgive me, though that is something that I hope for. 

My time on Tumblr has been filled with good and bad, and it is an experience that I am growing and learning from. Thank you for everything.

Logging off Tumblr for good,

Ira.