jephanz

[jephanz]

You know what would really boil Joanne's piss?

This weekend is the Quadball World Cup in Belgium and all of the toilets are completely gender neutral.

Men, women, non-binary, trans people all in the same loo and- surprise- nothing happened.

(Quadball, formerly known as quidditch, the sport that is so transconclusive it has a dad name)

[jephanz]

I should call him

[jephanz]

based shadow

[jephanz]

As someone who is divorced and now never gets to see their nieces again, also kind of sucks

mildly funny when someone gets divorced out of your family and your relationship status becomes like. ex-uncle. ex-stepsibling. yeah we shared holiday dinners for years and now you're just some guy to me. c'est la vie.

[jephanz]

something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch

[jephanz]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[jephanz]

Fun stupid fact from our TikTok brainstorm session at work today, TikTok are cracking down so intensely on any iteration of the word "trans" that we can't post anything that mentions Hotel Transylvania, you know, the kids movie where Adam Sandler plays Dracula?

Because it contains 'trans' and that will it get shadow banned. This just immediately made me think of "the buttbuttination of Franz Ferdinand"

[jephanz]

luv how male animals gotta fucking dance around and cry and shit for female attention and sex. and then men irl complain about fat women and body hair like get on ur fucking knees and beg me actually

[jephanz]

[jephanz]

[jephanz]

So-called "free thinkers" when their friend has to pee

[jephanz]

[jephanz]

im going to explode in the kiln

[jephanz]

the problem with watching buffy the vampire slayer for the first time when you're 13 is that it will fundamentally reshape your brain chemistry to the point where literally all fiction becomes buffy the vampire slayer in different fonts. "watch another show!" you might say, and believe me i have! i promise i've watched many other shows since i was 13. but the problem is that all those other shows as well as films, books, podcasts etc. are simply deviations of buffy the vampire slayer to me. it's the holy text, the primary source. everything else is just commentary.

[jephanz]

[jephanz]

I spent the day cleaning my house top to bottom

Thinking maybe that would clean out what's rotten in me

I know I need work, but so does my garden

If I plant the right flowers do you think you can love me?

I can't change what I did but I can change the sheets

Even the mouse in my cupboard seems upset with me

If I replace the water filter and clean out the pantry and mop the floor and paint my hallway and remove every trace of the filth that was here

Do you think you can love me?

[jephanz]

Language is universal