jeremiahgrey

[jeremiahgrey]

NATURE was something that grounded Jeremiah. It was hard to explain, but it seemed like the most real & tangible parts of existence. He usually re-visited the same spots though. Over and over. It was comforting to memorize the landscapes... familiarity and a sense of control maybe. And then once that spot had been committed to memory he would venture out and find something new. Julian was the perfect companion for that. He always knew the right tempo, the right pace. It didn’t seem to be a learned trait, either. Maybe it was just a sense. Whatever it was, Jeremiah had come to appreciate it.

The redwoods were truly incredible. The sort of thing you’d see in a fictional world. Something only a cinematographer could dream up. But no, here it was, leaving every pedestrian awestruck. “Three years.... and counting.” A crooked grin.

“Here,” Jeremiah was suddenly blocking his friends path and redirecting him, “stand over there, in front of that one—-“ his finger jabbed out, indicating the largest of the trees that surrounded them. He wanted to take a picture and send it to his mother. She lived hours away in Nevada, and she loved seeing California through the eyes of her son. And, well, he loved making her happy. CLICK. The shutter of his phone went off, immortalizing the moment. And jeremiah resumed their conversation without skipping a beat.

“I’ve been good, staying outta my head. Just walking, but I can feel it getting more and more narrow, man, you know?” His conversational counterpart probably DIDN’T know, but sometimes these rambly sentences were all that jeremiah could manage. “It’s like-----  the sky is up, right? But I can’t stop looking at my feet.” He didn’t mean it LITERALLY of course. Just words meant to convey some sort of feeling. “Did you know the human brain is always trying to anticipate what other people are going to say before they say it? It’s like... a systematic prediction or something. And our accuracy is based on a lotta factors, like how well we know the person... I don’t know. Something like that, I was reading about it. Makes me wonder how much I confuse people’s brains sometimes.” A thoughtful expression, but it was fleeting. This is why jeremiah had been looking forward to this little jaunt with Julian. No judgement, no unrequited advice, just a back and forth that didn’t peak anything negative within himself. “How have you been? How’s work?”

✗ closed starter || julian x jeremiah ( @jeremiahgrey​ )

Californians were spoiled. Julian had heard about this concept before, but it usually only extended to Angelenos and out-of-touch celebrities who paid $13 for a green juice every morning. But, as he stood, neck craning as far as it could to see the mountainous redwood trees crowded around him and Jeremiah, Julian knew that he was spoiled, along with the rest of the people who lived in San Francisco. They were a stone’s throw from the ocean and a car ride away from the most breathtaking trails he’d ever seen in his life. It was a miracle anyone got anything done with all the beauty surrounding them.

Julian had met Jeremiah a few years prior. He was a bit of an oddball, but Julian was pretty odd himself, so the two of them made the perfect team. Jeremiah was always the person he thought of when he wanted to go hiking, or when he, for whatever reason, wanted to torture himself by going on a run. The two hadn’t caught up in some time, and once Jeremiah had mentioned he hadn’t been to the Muir Woods, Julian knew it was time for another outing with his curious friend.

“I still… don’t understand how we live in the same world as these trees,” Julian murmured, awestruck by the power of the redwoods around him. “I also can’t believe you’ve never been here before. You’ve lived in SF how long? We’ll have to do the super long trails around here. It’s mindblowing.” Finally looking back down to Jeremiah, he flashed the other boy a bright smile and continued walking along the path. “How have things been with you?”

[jeremiahgrey]

@cassiiehq​

Jeremiah had never really been one for POP CULTURE. He didn’t have anything against it, the opposite actually. He enjoyed his little couch fests with Cass. But he’d never really been a big consumer of fiction. Reality was enough for him. More than enough. The credits to Mean Girls were rolling onscreen, and now Cass could no longer bombard him with gasped disbelief’s such as “oh my god, how have you never seen Mean Girls?!?” while simultaneously threatening him not to tell anyone it was one of her favourite guilty pleasures. “How many times have you seen this movie anyway?” A look of amusement on his face, “I bet you could recite the whole script from memory.” Sure, he was taking a jab at her, but it was actually a bit impressive.

[jeremiahgrey]

JEREMIAH GREY ##STATS&BIO

Basic Information

Full Name: jeremiah grey

Nickname(s): jay

Age: twenty-four

Date of Birth: march 23, 1995

Zodiac Sign: aries

Hometown: las vegas, nevada

Current Location: san francisco, california

Ethnicity: his mother is caucasian, his father is african american

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: heterosexual

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: justice smith

Hair Colour: dark brown

Eye Colour: dark brown

Height: 5′10″ (178 cm)

Weight: 149 lbs (68 kg)

Health

Physical Ailments: none

Neurological Conditions: borderline personality disorder

Allergies: none

Sleeping Habits: varies, depending on level of anxiety/current state of mind.

Eating Habits: varies. tends to snack frequently, rather than eat large meals.

Exercise Habits: goes for a run 1-2 times a day.

Emotional Stability: it varies, but overall about a 5 or 6.

Sociability: likes to be alone, or in the company of 1-5 other people. but he doesn’t fear public places or crowds and doesn’t have social anxiety (typically). just a preference.

Addictions: cigarettes, usually stress related.

Drug Use: none that he consumes habitually. he’s experimented with psychedelics and marijuana, but it’s just a once in while type thing.

Alcohol Use: about once or twice a week on average.

Personality

Positive Traits: adaptable, adventurous, amusing, charming, determined, quick witted, resourceful, tough

Negative Traits: detached, finicky, moody, obsessive, quick tempered, stubborn, unstable

Hobbies: swimming, running, conspiracy theories, hiking, visiting abandoned towns/buildings & old cemeteries, people watching

Habits: smoking, whistling, biting the skin around his nails, fiddling with objects or his clothing, tapping his foot

BIO:

TRIGGER WARNINGS: CHILDHOOD ABUSE, SELF HARM & SUICIDE IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED, MENTAL HEALTH

Jeremiah grew up in Las Vegas

His father left him and his mother when Jeremiah was 12. He had been verbally and physically abusive to both of them up until his departure.

The trauma stuck with Jeremiah and later led to him being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

When he was in middle school he would have “episodes” of social and mental withdrawal. They would last a few hours typically, and without the clinical resources to diagnose it, he would always refer to it as being “trapped in himself”

Being trapped meant he was disassociating. He would basically just “blank out.” An inability to focus on one thing, just racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep track of or characterize. Often times he would have to physically escape as well, isolating from other people. A lot of the time he had urges to self harm, or even suicidal fantasies.

His personality for the most part was bubbly and charismatic, he was adventurous and always starting a new hobby or interest. And then he would become “trapped” in his mind.

His inability to characterize his mental illness, and his childhood trauma, culminated in a short temper.

He was suspended from school in his junior year for getting into a fist fight. He was sent to mandatory counseling sessions, where he was formally diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder.

For a few years he faded in and out, never quite having a quick fix or remedy when he felt trapped or angry. And he refused medication, or any forms of continued therapy.

His senior year of school he just couldn’t put up with it anymore. The bouts of aggression, being labelled a freak, the lost sense of loneliness that accompanied being “trapped.”

Every time he’d have an “episode” he would journal. An attempt at collecting and manifesting the racing thoughts. He would smoke a cigarette, hold his breath, count to ten, and write everything he possibly could. Then he would go for a run.

It worked, at least a little bit. It made him feel more in control. A way to cope. And whenever he feels it coming on, he has to get away, and chase that ability of control. He doesn’t always have to write, but he needs to do something. Go to the top of a building and yell his thoughts, or to a creek to throw rocks and count out his feelings. It’s not a one hundred percent fix, and he still has outbursts that mimic rage. But he can clench his fists and disappear and try to deal with it.

He moved to San Francisco when he was twenty one. Just to get out on his own, face the world. His mom had a new boyfriend, someone better than his father. And he felt okay leaving her, finding himself.

Today he’s still the same guy with borderline personality disorder, but it’s not a ghost that unwittingly haunts him. He just lets it happen, redefines it. Yeah, a bit unstable, but he doesn’t fear it anymore. Of course, he still has the traumatic threads of his pasts that still weave into his character from time to time. But he feels more free than he’s ever felt before. He has an apartment, and a job, and a different outlook on his mental health. It doesn’t feel like he’s trapped anymore, it’s just a burst of  inward thinking that he can channel into something recognizable and bearable.

Jeremiah works as a delivery guy for the businesses on Carroway Street.

FAST FACTS / HEADCANONS / PERSONALITY:

Goofy and lovable, unless he’s in a “mood.” Sometimes he may seem a bit odd or scatter-brained, jumping from topic to topic in conversation.

Likes memorizing random facts, and sprinkles them in when talking to people. He doesn’t naturally have a very good memory, so he tries to purposefully improve on that.

Often comes up with nicknames for people.

Sometimes he’ll just say some cryptic, vague shit. Something ominous or nonsensical. This is just him thinking out loud usually.

The way he interacts with people is usually pretty vibe based. If someones a dick, he’s a dick. If someones acting tough, he’ll probably try to get under their skin or irritate them a bit. He’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind, and usually the thought of “filtering” himself isn’t even present. It doesn’t feel controversial to him to say some of the things he says. He doesn’t think of himself as bold or brash, but he’s come to learn over his entire lifetime that it’s the reason he’s so often branded as a freak or a weirdo.

ALSO just because he doesn’t “filter” himself in conversations, doesn’t automatically mean he’s an asshole, or saying rude things constantly. A lot of the times he will say stupidly sweet things that the average person would find cringy or awkward to say to another human being so brazenly.

He’s also pretty good at reading people, just he’s not very good at acting accordingly and appropriately?? I guess? Like he can pick up on vibes, but that probably won’t change the fact that he’s gonna say what he’s going to say. 

And lastly (I promise this is the end and I’m sorry this got rambly oops) he’s kind of stubborn and can be bossy, like once he gets something in his head like THAT’S IT, he’s doing it and he wants you to do it. And you can call him bull-headed or balky but he’s just going to insist he’s passionate and determined. And it’s probably annoying to the people around him but he doesn’t really care honestly he’ll probably just rant and rave and somehow convince whoever he’s with because he has a sort of cheeky charm about him. but also he’s a pain in the ass sometimes i guess.

PLAYLIST:

coming soon

WANTED PLOTS/CONNECTIONS:

any of these can be platonic or romantic, depending on how we develop them!!!

a friend that he can just “shoot the shit” with. someone who will go on little adventures with and sit in the woods with or sit on the beach with and listen to music. they never pry about his mood swings and they give him space and stuff?

someone who works at jukebox records and doesn’t mind when he loiters around all day and recommends music to him, and sometimes they’ll sit at one of the listening booth things at the store and listen to each others recommendations together.

a drinking/karaoke buddy

someone he met when he first moved to san fran (3 years ago), and maybe he’s told them about his past and his mental illness and his coping mechanisms and they’re good at recognizing the signs and they kinda help him out and let him vent and they’re just supportive and understanding. but also respect when he just needs to be alone or escape, but checks up on him cause < 3 < 3

a neighbor (in his apartment, and im assuming he lives in the calloway apartments i guess) but they started off as enemies kinda? like maybe one of them would blast music and then the other would bang on the walls and be mad and leave little passive aggressive notes telling them to stop being annoying. but maybe the loud music stopped or something?? and then the other person was like “whoa are they okay?” so then they started leaving notes that were caring and supportive and maybe little gifts or knick knacks or food for them, or little scavenger hunts, and then they just kinda started hanging out one day. IDK, this can be discussed more in depth/particular in dm’s i guess. this would be cutesy i feel!!!

an ex girlfriend or ex fwb. but it didn’t work out because they couldn’t really deal with jeremiah’s mood swings or his need to disappear sometimes, and how vague he would be about it. or maybe they suggested he should go to therapy or a support group, and since he is such a stubborn little pain in the butt he just became distant and felt judged and went cold on them. maybe there’s still some lingering feelings there, either positive or negative. we can discuss the particulars in dm!!!

someone with mental health issues, that he met at a support group when he first came to san fran. but jeremiah stopped attending the meetings after only a few. this relationship could be a lot of different things! maybe it’s hostile/confrontational, because they have differing viewpoints on how to treat mental illness. it could be supportive. or maybe it’s like a secret?? like maybe this other person was at the support group for reasons that they’ve never told anyone, and like, jeremiah can be their trusted friend or confidante.

NOTE: if there are any connections that aren’t mentioned here, but you feel like would really suit my muse, please feel free to message me!!!!!! with anything!!!!!!!