jeronemalangen - Tumblr blog

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

You hated you being marshal and now you’re barney. 

[jeronemalangen]

“I think you should tell me the story of you and my mom.”

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

Based off of this post by @lovelysuggestions

[jeronemalangen]

Based off of this post by @scorpiogy

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

Which of your lies holds you closest to your biggest truth?

Friedrich Nietzsche (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[jeronemalangen]

Some nights I wish I could take it all back; my kisses, my sex, my love, my time, my adoring admiration for you…  all of it. But there will forever be a part of me that will never regret you because, at one point in my life, you were everything I ever wanted and were exactly what I needed.

 (via we-were-inevitably-inlove)

[jeronemalangen]

AHMM

I just wanna Rant today..

1. I found out that he is already seeing someone and he honestly told me that he’s gonna risk it and i was shocked as fuck cause i honetly didn’t expect that and yup it fucking hurts. 

2.I wanna be really happy for him cause after all i spent 5 years and 6 months of my life with him and it wasn’t that bad and most importantly he’s the father of my child but why should i? when i also know deep down that i felt betrayed and i wasn’t over it. so why be a martyr?

3.You know what’s fucked up? EXPECTATIONS AND FAITH. I really thought i could change him cause I’ve given everything there is to give especially love, support, trust and something i thought he valued which is FAMILY.

4.I’ve watched celeste and jesse forever and i was crying like fuck cause i was hoping that our closure would be like theirs. and when celeste asked jesse “why didn’t you changed for me” my heart was hurting cause i know i have the same sentiments as her like why the hell didn’t you change for me.

5.I should be happy beacuse this summer all my lies that only he knew would be done because I’ve finally made it and he promised me that he will be there for me on that special day and now i have to celebrate it alone with bitterness cause i will only remember those broken promises. #jokesonme 

6. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOUCHE BAG. its your birthday today and as much as i hate it and as much as i hate you, hope you had a good one and i hope i crossed your mind today. 

7.You know what’s hard seeing our baby and knowing that at an early age we are no longer a family and for now i think we have failed her. 

8.God knows how much ive given you and it was really exhausting to love you but for what its worth I NEVER GAVE UP ON YOU EVEN WHEN THERE ARE TIMES THAT I COULD JUST LEAVE ESPECIALLY AT YOUR DARKEST MOMENTS BUT I STAYED cause i promised you and i promised myself that i will be the rock of this family but you left anyway.

9. I’m not saying that i was the ideal girlfriend and that i was perfect because i know that i am far from that. I get mad at you when i feel like it and i keep on questioning you when i should have just trusted you and i keep on bringing back issues we’ve already solved and worst of all i’ve hurt your pride so many times but despite all that you also knew that i was always the one chasing you and i was the one who was always there for you for countless times. I MAY HAVE AN ATTITUDE BUT MY HEART WAS ALWAYS WITH YOU I DEFENDED YOU AND I LEFT MY COMFORT ZONE FOR YOU EVEN ENDED A FEW RELATIONSHIPS JUST FOR YOU, ALL IM SAYING IS THAT NO ONE IS PERFECT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT CAUSE GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH IVE PUT UP WITH YOU BUT MAYBE  IT WAS ALWAYS ONE SIDED WITH YOU AND ME. ME BEING THE GIVER AND YOU THE TAKER.

10. I am not okay with everything that’s happening and I am not proud of the person you are becoming but you are not my problem now. Our relationship will always be a reminder for me that giving your all to someone and expecting that they will reciprocate that kind of love is bullshit. You taught me the hard way but i know myself, One day this will all be gone the anger, the questions and everything will make sense again. We will always have a connection through our baby and i hope that she will not experience a dad that will only disappoint her so my only prayer for you right now is to be the father that she deserves and as for you and me, I know that eventually i can look at you and be civil or even be friends with you but you have to prove yourself first. 

11. on an unrelated note, I don’t cry anymore when i see places or things that reminds me of you and i know even if you deny it that a part of me will always stay with you and likewise for me and that’s not a bad thing. We’ve said goodbye for so many times this past few months but now is different because you’ve broken that one rule and now there’s no going back. 

12. I’m new to this set up because it's the first time that someone left me and what’s worst is that he was also my besfriend,. I will miss the really weird things between you and me like your fetish on feets and smelling my hair before i take a bath but I’m relived also that I am starting my new life without you I’m leaving all our baggages in the past. I will move on from this cause i know myself and i also know that someday someone will make me believe again and i hope that someone will share my values and weirdness cause all i want in life is a family i can call my own and a love that feels right.

#J&BFOREVER #FEELINGCELESTE&JESSE #ULOLNIYAFORNOW #BYE

[jeronemalangen]

Note to Self.

WHEN CHANGES AREN’T HAPPENING AND CLIENTS GET IMPATIENT

[jeronemalangen]

ACCURATE AF

I’m trying to change.

[jeronemalangen]

[jeronemalangen]

ACCEPTANCE. MOVING ON

So it has been years since my last blog entry but this one is and probably will be the most meaningful one.                                                                         

HONESTLY I don’t really know where to start or if should still continue with this knowing someday my future self will be able to read this and recall what i felt today. but here it goes

Its been a month and a half since he ended our 5yrs and 6months of being together and only GOD knows how much pain it caused 

It was really hard for me to accept it because i truly trusted our relationship knowing we’ve been through hell and back together so it is really hard for me to process how can someone just throw you away like you never mattered? or what changed? is it me? or is there someone else? and the never ending what ifs are gonna haunt you and you will lose your mind thinking of the right answer to all of your questions and what ifs and you’ll eventually get tired because THERE IS NO ANSWER FOR IT SO YOU EITHER STOP OR YOU LOSE YOUR SANITY.

So I was not strong enough at first and i literally did some pathetic begging and so on but could you blame me it was 5 years and he was the father of my child so i tried to save my family knowing im also destroying myself #MARTYR 

I TRIED TO CONVINCE HIM to give me a chance but he was so sure of leaving that i didn’t have a choice anymore. I never experienced pain like this before its like my heart was breaking and im losing my breath and my eyes are hurting from crying so much, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE COMFORTING ME BUT AT THE END OF THE NIGHT ALL I CAN EVER THINK ABOUT WAS OUR SHATTERED DREAMS , MY BROKEN SELF AND THAT I HAVE TO RAISE MY DAUGHTER ALONE. i was back to literally nothing. 

Everyone kept telling me that only I can help myself and so one day i did.      

I realized that i was blinded for so long that i actually thought that we were happy but we weren’t. I gave him everything a partner could ever give because i was trying to save him from all the baggage's he had in his personal life. I WAS TRYING TO BE HIS SAVIOR HIS SHOULDER TO LEAN ON BUT I WAS ALSO EXPECTING HE’LL NEVER LEAVE OR THAT HE’S HAPPY WITH ME BUT HE DID SO I GOT MY ANSWER NOW AND I HAVE ACCEPTED IT.

i already gave 5 years of my life and i was also the one who begged you not to leave, but this time i know that goodbye is the only thing left for me to do. i loved you like i never loved before, i never pressured you nor restricted you in anything in  fact i have always supported you even if sometimes i want to reprimand you. THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER made me realize that the person i fell in love with was long gone, you're becoming a distant memory that i know ill be forgetting soon.

this is me remembering that my heart was broken but i survived it, I’M NOT PERFECT BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE LOVED YOU LIKE NO OTHER PERSON HAS. I’M LETTING YOU GO AND I’M MOVING AND I THIS TIME ILL BE A MUCH BETTER PERSON 

there is a good in goodbye #trusttheprocess