jerrardsjournal

[jerrardsjournal]

i saw you in my dreams last night.

the first time in a long time.

i woke up and got upset immediately.

i forced myself back to sleep.

just to feel your presence one more time.

[jerrardsjournal]

as a man you really have to be perfect for a woman to stay around. you could give them damn near everything they ask for but just because it ain’t all they will bounce whenever they wake up and decide “that’s it”.

[jerrardsjournal]

AN OPEN LETTER TO BLACK WOMEN.

i wanna open my letter to y’all by saying I love y’all. My life is dedicated to finding me a beautiful black woman and loving her in ALL WAYS always. i am a flawed man that has definitely disappointed a few women along this journey of understanding what truly matters in regards to love. BUT IM STILL HERE. finding new layers to love and to myself all with one goal: to find me a black woman who i can give my all too.

a quick search will show you that historically speaking black men go for other races way more than black women. On the flip side, y’all stayed looking for love from a black man and that type’a loyalty should be rewarded from us. And i’m deeply sorry that we’ve let a lot of y’all down.

I hope that whoever reads this knows that, while we (black men) DEFINITELY need to improve, it’s not all without reason. It’s widely documented that as a black man we’re at the bottom of the hierarchy and that position comes with its own unique set of plights. i’ll use the most overused example: money.

For a black man finding a career that leads to success is like finding a needle in a haystack. From family dynamics, environment, and a lack of proper educational resources, black men are at a disadvantage when it comes to finding a career.

And as it becomes more difficult to live comfortably in america without high skill level jobs (one’s that we don’t get because america has deemed us incapable) black men are pushed further behind. Our value as a black man in America is deemed by how much more money can we make the establishment than other black men. Imo, that’s the only way to get these top tier jobs. Whereas other races just show up as themselves because america has accepted them. that’s how they keep blacks in the rat race.

Shit goes even deeper when you think about how society puts so much emphasis on money determining the value of a man only to offer black people less for simply being black. i’ve seen the stories of black people applying for jobs and getting offered less compensation than their peers with similar credentials.

a lot of discourse online right now is in response to Tyler Perry and his stance on relationships. I do believe he’s right when he suggests realigning your priorities to find love. i simply wish he wouldn’t have solely directed his comments toward BW and accepting less when they deserve MORE.

His example of a man only being able to pay the light bill and for BW to be okay with that is irresponsible. It’s based in hyperbole and doesn’t truly address the nuance of dating and finding love as a whole.

now i’m sure there are situations where, depending on relationship dynamics, a BM might only have enough for one bill because of other financial obligations and hardships. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, not all of us are destined for 6 figure lifestyles. & not all of us are going to be able to overcome the handicaps that come with being black.

If a man finds a woman to accept him and his circumstances then HE HAS to pour into her in other ways. He has to remove himself from the idea that money/sex is the only thing that determines his value. because i guarantee you that only being able to pay one bill will make him insufferable. He’s going to look past all the other ways he could bring value simply because he’s not able to provide in the way he wants. Then he’s going to take it out on his partner because his ego is bruised which causes him to be spiteful. AND…in all of that STILL expect the BW to be there to make him feel better. THATS WRONG!

we need to be teaching our BM how to overcome these obstacles built to tear down black people as a whole. Financial literacy, proper support of our BW, changing societal influences, etc. Its not the responsibility of BW to accept less. It’s our responsibility to do more.

i think people as a whole need to remove the importance money/success plays into their lives. Stop using what white people have historically done and trying to mimic that for your own lives. They operate within a set of rules that we’ve never been afforded. And even with the rules in their favor not all white people get to see the generational wealth we all so desperately want.

Harsh truths are helpful towards progress. so i think it’s important to say that some of us aren’t going to acquire crazy success to live an above average life by financial metrics. Most BM are going to need the help of a BW to build a lifestyle that suits their needs and desires.

if you don’t want to accept that then i see one of two outcomes: you being alone until you get where you want be in life cause you don’t wanna waste time/hurt someone. or you hurting someone cause you can’t handle being alone while also devaluing your worth because you don’t have money to back it up.

with all that i leave off with two things:

BM - it’s time for us to start correcting each other properly. It’s time to spread the message that it’s on us to do more. and that doesn’t have to always mean money. work on your character, your mindset to relationship commitment, your ability to love your BW fully on a consistent basis and what that truly means.

BW - my questions to you all are: when can we discuss the adverse effects of y’all loving black men so much that y’all treat us as a monolith when we all aren’t the same? When will black men get grace for being brought up in a society that historically disenfranchised them? being brought up in a society that doesn’t promote the highest levels of love and companionship but instead promotes surface level intimacy disguised as love. all the while stripping black people of a family unit to protect us from that influence. yes, we have hurt so many of y’all countless times. but grace isn’t y’all sticking around because you love us. grace isn’t attributing mistakes to a black man’s character in perpetuity. For example if a man lies, that doesn’t make him a liar FOREVER;he just lied in his past. but a man that murders is a murderer FOREVER because that’s too extreme to shed off. however, i feel like there’s no difference between the two with y’all.

PS: i hope one day we can all see that america destroyed the black family and left black people to fight amongst ourselves over who’s to blame for that. and who’s to blame for us hurting each other from the pain of living our reality for the past 400+ years.