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[jesica-chr]

These few days are those kinds of days when I feel like the world is chewing me up.

I always know that I am a good motivator. Not necessarily a good listener, but I surely good at motivating people. Contradictory, I am the harshest critic to myself. I put myself down more than anyone ever did. 

Maybe it’s not the world. Maybe it’s me, chewing myself up all over again. 

[jesica-chr]

every time i feel miserable, i remember that one night in Helsinki, 

it was 5 ° C and even the wind hurt my face, however, the moment i walked into that building, i felt a particular warmness inside. 

i still remember the slow-played acoustic music  along with the song leader’s angelic voice indulge my ear, 

then, i cried. not the hysterical crying, just tears running down my face. i experienced heaven kind of peacefulness.

Helsinki, you’re so hard to forget.

[jesica-chr]

overwhelmed.

Is it possible to feel loved this much?

Oh, it’s because you’re still in your early stage of your relationship. You’ll get bored and annoyed in like -- 6 months? 

Yea, that might be the case, but. ... can we talk about right now?  I acknowledged myself really well. And he -- He knows most of my flaws already... yet he still chooses to love me this much. 

Well, if that’s the case... he must be so into you.

I think it’s more than who’s into who. 

Then, what? 

He told me about this consistency thing when we’re getting serious about our relationship... And I think he wants to practice what he promised to me. He stays true to his word. 

You are very lucky.

Yes, I am indeed. 

[jesica-chr]

all this time i had said that i don’t believe in luck, only in blessings.

but i never thought someone would make me feel this happy and loved ever again. moreover, i never feel as lucky as i am right now. 

i guess we can believe in both luck and blessings. <3 

[jesica-chr]

People are asking why would I want to step out of my comfort zone. 

Why would I do some “inconvenience” efforts while I can just stay here and get everything so effortlessly?

So here’s my answer.

There’s a strange pleasure in wondering things.

“I wonder how it feels to stay and live here, like, permanently.”

“I wonder if it’s as stressful as these people said.”

“I wonder what kind of people I would meet.” 

“I wonder if I can prove to those people that I can survive, living on my own.”

“I wonder if God really wants to put me here.” 

Truthfully, I am still wondering. 

One more thing, me and you might have different perspectives about what’s comfortable for us. 

Truthfully, I am just tired of explaining. 

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 25 : Think of any word and google it, write something inspired by 11th pic

Someone out there is being such a cutie for the past few days, so I typed the word “cute”.

Am speechless.

P.S It’s been 342837482 years since I defined someone as cute.

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 24 : Lesson I’ve Learned the Hard Way

Don’t. Keep. Your. Expectations. High.

Nevertheless, I guess we can’t help it. When we really aim for something, of course, we will expect for it. We’re human after all.

Maybe what we should learn about is acceptance instead.

[jesica-chr]

Like a swell window, 

I will wait for you 

We’ll ride the moment ‘till I catch you again

‘Till I catch you again. 

- “Swell Window” by Zee Avi

Picture was taken by Christopher Juliano 

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 23 : A Letter to Someone

Dear, me. 

Stop getting too caught up in things that don’t matter. It’s not worth it.

:)

[jesica-chr]

Thinking of changing my writing platform as things are too messy here....

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 22 : Put 10 Songs on Shuffle

I don’t have any specific music preferences so I basically listen to everything, and that’s exactly the reason why I created playlists for each type of music. The result might be so random but let’s just try.

Here we go..

The Sound - The 1975 

Atlantis - Bridgit Mendler feat. Kaiydo

I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Daniela Andrade 

Ku Ingin Kau Tahu - TheOvertunes 

Where You Wanna Be - Charles Williams

Time After Time - Eva Cassidy

The Only Exception - Paramore

Reason - Eva Celia

A Love That Will Last - Renee Olstead

Speak for Me - John Mayer 

 Yay.

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 21: Three Lessons I Want My Child to Learn

Put God above everything. Like literally everything.

My little boy should be a gentleman. It’s like, the most important quality as a man. I don’t need you to be the smartest or the most handsome guy in the world, I want you to be sympathetic towards others, especially your family. My little girl should learn that the world doesn’t revolve around boys, so do your own thing, focus on yourself and the right boy will come at the right time.

Dream. I’ll support you to find your passion, so feel free to figure it out! You want to draw? Cool. You want to sing? Do it. You want to dance? I’ll put you on the lesson. It’ll make me happy beyond anything if my child is passionate about something. 

I have other things I want you to learn but let’s find your daddy first. 

[jesica-chr]

a discovery of cutest song title ever

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 20 : Celebrity Crushes.

Okay, you know I have lots... But as it was said to only mention three, so here’s the list:

1. BIGBANG

Not into kpop anymore, but BIGBANG will always be one of my biggest celebrity crushes ever. Being with them until they became as big as now was just amazing. I love each member almost equally, something I never did with another group, particularly any Korean group that I liked.

2. Kiko Mizuhara

aka every girl’s girl crush. Let’s make it simple by saying the reason why I chopped my hair off (and planning to keep it short) is her

3. John Mayer

Never forget.

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 19 : My First Love

First love is a very tricky topic for me. As I grow older, “love” contains a heavier sentiment than before.

So I guess I’ll make this post as a tribute post to my little brother. Aw, sweet. 

My older sister and I are only one and a half years apart. As we both girls, she was very envious of me. She wanted more time as an only child but, sorry sis, I was born later. Then, four ears later, my mom got pregnant again and this time, a boy. I don’t remember if I got excited that time, I only remember that I used the opportunity to skipped school when he was born. Such a badass. 

At first, I was glad because now my sister found another victim than me. However, this new victim was so cute, if only Instagram already existed back then, I’m sure he would be one of those phenomenal insta babies. Even his name is cute. Timothy, and we decided to call him Moti. How cute. Funnily, in the end, it’s me and him that teamed up against our older sister. Hahahahahaha. 

We have so much in common. We have a similar sense of humor, love and hate the same things, similar preferences in almost everything, then I have to say that he’s like a guy version of me. 

I’m happy that as we grow up, we became closer rather than growing apart. Sure, some things changed, and sometimes I miss how naive my little brother was when he’s a child, but I’m glad I teach him many things and he became a quite reliable guy.  Well, I’ll keep pushing him to become a gentleman I always wanted him to be.

As I don’t have a boyfriend now, I have to say that he is currently the guy I love the most. And even when I finally find one, I know for sure that my baby brother will always be my first love. ♥

[jesica-chr]

It’s 10.42 AM and the sky is still gray. Been raining since last night and it stopped for a while, but I can say it’s gonna rain again, soon.

Seems like God is saying to me,

“Here, I know you’ve been missing Finland for a while, you have been through lots lately and you couldn’t sleep last night because of gastric pain; so let me recreate today’s weather as similar as possible to what you’ve been longing for.” 

Dear, God. 

What did I do to deserve You?

[jesica-chr]

#30DaysWritingChallenge Day 18: 30 Facts About Me

A Sanguine-Melancholic. A bit weird, yes, I know. A happy-go-lucky person but also sensitive at heart.

I am the second born to my family. The middle child.  “Most independent one”, they say. 

Being a woman is probably my most favorite fact about myself. Yes to makeup and ultimate dress up, without being judged.

I have this resting-bitch-face look so people got this scary impression from me but hey, you’ll have a lot of good laughs by the time you know me better. ;) This statement had certified by many people.

In my third year of being single since the last relationship I had. And enjoying it more than I actually should. Haha!

I write movie reviews in Secret Cinema Club along with my good friends. A lil’ bit of promotion, haha! Add us on @eqj9420w at Official Line. 

Went to one of most prestigious business school in Indonesia, and officially graduated October last year. Majored in Marketing and interested in Branding. Let me be proud of myself because I went through hellish years and to finally graduated from there is one of my major accomplishments in life.

I have a soft spot in life-related topics. Life is always an interesting issue, isn’t it?

Words have such astounding effect on me and I might say that I fall in love with words even more often than I do with people.  

 Navy blue is my favorite color. 

Living abroad is one of my biggest dreams since whenever and I’m still wishing till now.

Finland is my epitome of happiness. If you read my blog, you know why.

I love listening to music and discovering new music every day. Sadly  I have no talent for it. (I WISH I COULD SING SO I CAN SING MYSELF TO SLEEP) okay thats creepy...

I cry easily when it comes to touching stories, old people, and love between family members.

 I have deep affections for flowers. People said it don’t match with my outgoing personality (they think flowers are only for girly & feminine woman, c’mon, what’s with the stereotype?) but kindly take a look to my instagram feeds, flowers are blooming there. 

I’d prefer tea to coffee, anytime. #TeamTea

I hate being lied to, inconsistency, being forced to do anything against my principle. 

Definitely have a thing about guys with eye smiles. And guys with specs. And guys who sing. And guys who write. And guys who create good playlist. And guys who take good pictures. And and and and….. the list goes on. Jk, they’re superficial. Guys with good manner and good relationship with God are ones that attract me the most. 

 There is a story behind this but in short, it became a habit to me to turn on my phone earliest at 11.00 am. When I’m on my day off, I usually turn it on at 3 pm. Haha! My closest ones do hate me for this.

My closet is pretty much filled with boring colors; black, white, grey, navy blue, and maroon. #BasicGurl

I favor Japanese food. A lot.

 A Sherlockian. Until I was introduced to Agatha Christie and her antique character, Hercule Poirot. Still a Sherlockian, though, but with huge admiration towards Christie’s works.

I always love Twitter and am still tweeting. A lot.

I’m so into Spotify’s acoustic playlist. Saved 3 of them (Morning Acoustic, Afternoon Acoustic, and Evening Acoustic) even they basically contain similar songs. Yes, I play them according to the time of that day. And I made my own, too! Here. 

To think of it, I do have soft spot for acoustic music. I might listen to trending music today, and going with pop tomorrow, but acoustic music is special. 

Major love for brownies and kue putu pisang from me.

Gloomy Bandung is the reason why I love my hometown. 

I put John Mayer in my thesis’ acknowledgment page. HAHA. #penting. But hey, it’s true that his songs helped me through the difficult nights?

 I really wish I could meet our president someday. I need to tell him how cute he is and he needs to eat a lot.  Because, pak.. Nanti sakit loh. :(

 I believe that there’s no such thing as luck. I only believe in blessings.

Wow, that’s surely a lot! Glad I made it till #30. :))

Cheers,

J