jessirobertson

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 22: Baku-san, come eat my dreams

A sleepless night can leave me crystal clear

in the cool gray morning as the clouds evaporate

Shifting focus, the whole world wears a haze

But me? I am constantly ablaze

I try to solve the puzzle of memory

but the words keep startling, soaring up like cranes

I reel them back, but there's no order to the phrase

Me? I'm still constantly ablaze  

Each night my chimera comes to visit me

to beg of me a sacrifice, to feed it with my dreams

ravenous it stalks me through the white heron's maze

while I hold on desperately to my desire and dismay

I choose to own the pain of all my nights and all my days

I am constantly ablaze  

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 21: Resolution Blue

​I see your face everywhere 

in pixelated ash and slate 

Drifting coal and water ink 

a tainted portrait, the mimic fades 

False dawn, roses and rust 

Afternoons, amber and dust 

Evening falls, violet tattoo 

All this time I'm resolution blue

In your eyes I see the slow collapse

recursive nightmares, gunmetal gray

a ghostly ship moored just offshore

a spectral hand performs the switch and bait

False dawn, roses and rust 

Afternoons, amber and dust 

Evening falls, violet tattoo 

All this time I'm resolution blue 

When history recalls your fading name

All its branches shudder and shake

Slumber through reality, unaware and unashamed

One day may you find yourself awake 

False dawn, roses and rust

Afternoons, amber and dust

Evening falls, violet tattoo

All this time I'm resolution blue

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 17: False Awakening, Type 2

In the dim half-light

Shades come to whisper their good nights

A menacing prayer ushers in the dawn

awaiting sacrifice, your dutiful pawn

Make something wild and strange

from the dull residue of familiar pain

You can steal my sleep, keep my dreams

Trade me a reality that glitters and gleams

You came to me in spirit and fire

You who feel the phantom limb of unmet desire

bowed beneath the weight of wasted days

Now you waste my nights with your shadow plays

Make something wild and strange

from the dull residue of familiar pain

You can steal my sleep, keep my dreams

Trade me a reality that glitters and gleams

The sun floats up on silent wings

Draining off the last dregs of a dream within a dream within a dream

The day wears a hazy monochrome sheen

Trade me a reality that glitters and gleams

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 14: She is Looking For Her Heart

​ I came upon a black lake in a forest of shivering trees I saw a world within a world its countours lazily unfurled bringing me swiftly to my knees Somewhere in there, another holds my heart Running the forking paths from finish back to start Watching lives form, then crumble to dust The hollow cage that held my heart is brimming over with lust I heard a honeyed whisper say "come in closer so we can speak" I lost my grip on up and down my ears rang then started to pound as beauty consumed me with a shriek Somewhere in there, another holds my heart Running the forking paths from finish back to start Watching lives form, then crumble to dust The hollow cage that held my heart is brimming over with lust I want to know the course of every star, each moment of light and shadow the shape of every choice, the outlet of each branching road but the cage that held my heart is haunted and hallowed my bones have splintered, crumbling to dust and my heart is still lost to longing and lust

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 13: In Dreams, Awake

​Before I swam to the surface it looked like two moons were racing toward the center of the sky Maybe I'll stay submerged sound here travels slow & all the things I don't want to know become liquefied If I close my eyes it still feels like yesterday I can twist the world into endless colors and shapes It's easy to dream but sometimes it feels so hard to stay awake Before I fell to the surface it looked like the earth was a spinning ball of violet, gold and green Maybe I'll stay up here where all the arguments seem small freed from the magnifying thrall of glowing screens If I close my eyes it still feels like yesterday I can twist the world into endless colors and shapes It's easy to dream but sometimes it feels so hard to stay awake

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 9: Retrograde

I thought I had closed that book after I signed my name in blood I cried when I scribed “The End” and the cover came down in a cloud of caged dust

I kept steady, circling, course correcting until one day my path was ripped away my black hole went retrograde Saturn returned to me 10 years too late

I stowed that book on a shelf behind some clothes from a lost season With all the things I want to forget blinding colors I’ll never wear again

I kept steady, circling, course correcting until one day my path was ripped away my black hole went retrograde Saturn returned to me 10 years too late

Now my book has a thousand new pages written ages and ages ago it smells of old thunder and roses and the dark earth hidden under the snow

if I read my unwritten past how will I ever find my way home? will I ever find my way home?

I kept steady, circling, course correcting until one day my path was ripped away my black hole went retrograde Saturn returned to me 10 years too late

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 6: Persistent Memory

Sand slides through my fingers then gravity takes over plummets to the seabed no ripples in the water but the grains whisper in my head I tried so hard to wake up

shaken, voiceless screaming I can't tell if this is real maybe I'm only dreaming I force myself to stand but the room looks like it's fracturing I can't feel my feet or hands

the furniture is melting like golden clocks upon the sand I keep looking for the ocean while the room continues spinning I can't see where I am going then I wake up in my bed

I can't see where I’m going then I wake up in my bed with a mouthful of sand

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 5: Childish Things

Once I thought of you as a child

your words passed by like a fitful wind

and dissolved into nothing

You never grew up. Like a twisted Peter Pan

you want to make the whole world dance

chasing after shadows

I’m done being your plaything

I’m done waiting and listening

I will fight with every fiber of my being

until I can breathe again

I am not a Wendy to soothe your wounds

while you clutch at my apron strings

and try to pull me back to an older century

To all those Lost Boys swept up in your wake

I’d say, “Boys, it’s time to be men.

Don’t let this bully take you down with him.”

I’m done being your plaything

I’m done waiting and listening

I will fight with every fiber of my being

until I can breathe again

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 3: Rise

​I woke up this morning and the mirror showed me a stranger's eyes.

What did I become while unraveling my tangled dreams last night?

I don't want to be your enemy but I must rise, I must rise.

When you look at me can you see the turmoil I've been living in?

How can I find a place where failing to love is held the only sin?

I don't want to be your enemy but I must rise, I must rise.

Every day the pressure builds, a crescendo of calls for compromise

and when I woke this morning I'm pretty sure I wore a stranger's eyes.

I don't want to be your enemy,

I want to know your life,

I want to know your name, your dreams,

your disappointments and your drives

Oh Universe, grant us the grace and grit and will to survive

We must rise, we must rise.

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 2: Howl

​Tried to twist me into shapes that fit with what you know

A plasticine figurine, a doll of ice and snow

I never knew the secret rage that quiet fires stoke

Till in a dream it rose like a scream from my gut up to my throat

Howl, howl, howl until you choke

In days of yore, I shut the door on the baying wolf within

Sometimes I feel it shake and shiver just beneath my skin

Sold my soul for self-control, to hold this demon quiet

But my bonds break down when the moon rolls round, and the beast begins to riot

Howl, howl, howl until you choke

I won't stay silent anymore

About what happened to me

Fled through airless corridors

I fled, then fought my way free

And I vowed when I escaped

I’d never let anyone take my voice

Never take my voice from me

Howl

[jessirobertson]

FAWM Day 1: We Could Find Home

​Never knew what home meant, never had a safe place to go

Lost myself within words, spun a daydream from the overflow

Some say I'm a danger and I wonder if they know what real terror is

Nowhere to lay your head, witness as life and death are wed, and find the strength to bear it

I see the grinning cheshire cat whisper in your ear then fade away

His smile hangs behind while his poison does its work and beggars the day

Come meet me by the sea, we'll speak about the oceans we hold limitless inside

In this way we're the same, the ebb and flow untamed when the moon brings the tide

Let the waves break and subside

Let our fierce hearts heal the divide

We never had a safe place to go

Together we could find Home

We could find Home

[jessirobertson]

FAWM

I’m attempting February Album Writing Month (14 songs in 14 days). More info at http://fawm.org/fawmers/jessirobertson/. Here goes

[jessirobertson]

Analog / Analogue - Recording live to tape

I spent the last two days live tracking the lion's share of my new record with Omer Leibovitz, Layton Weedeman, and Alex Picca at The Bunker Studio.

The Bunker Studio. Photo by Jessi Robertson.

We've been prepping for this for months and it really paid off, especially when we found that we could do without the click on most songs and just let it breathe.

Recording to tape. Photo by Layton Weedeman

I'm trying to think of the best way to describe the two days we tracked: intense, dream-like, frustrating, rewarding, funny, emotional. It was a beautiful, insane whirlwind and I can't even wrap my head around the fact that it's over, although there is still so much to do before this record makes it out into the world.

Jessi Robertson playing a Farfisa Compact Organ at The Bunker Studio. Photo by Layton Weedeman

Most of all I feel immensely grateful for the band. They supported me through this entire process and have been completely focused on serving the song and making my vision come to life. I can't wait for you all to hear this record.

Alex and Layton listening to the final track of the album as Aaron Nevezie engineers. Photo by Omer Leibovitz

Omer and Layton in the control room. Photo by Jessi Robertson.

[jessirobertson]

#bar44ever

You might wonder what I'm doing up at 7am, and why I'm sitting at my computer and not safe in bed sleeping off that last whiskey after The Funk Machine's triumphant Bar4 set last night. I wondered the same thing when I saw the time. But I realized that tonight will be my last show at Bar4, and that demanded more than a tweet or status update.

Bar4 is not simply a place, and that's why it's so hard to let go. We traveled from small towns, cities, and even across oceans to a room on the corner of 7th Ave and 15th St. And somehow, because of this bar, we found one another. My dear friends, my family.

I've heard from a lot of people this week, memories of their first gigs. For so many of us, Bar4 was the first place in NYC that was willing to take a chance and let us play our music. For me, it's the place where I found myself as a writer and musician, the place where I went from a shy girl to a confident woman. For me, it's hallowed ground.

When I first moved to Brooklyn in January 2003, I came with a head full of dreams. Throughout history there have been cities where the creative energies just explode, where artists are drawn together and inspire one another. As I wandered around the city, I kept dreaming of finding the musical equivalent of the NYC beat poetry movement. I wanted to find my Kerouacs and Ginsbergs, the people who would make me want to be a better artist.

I had a lot of silly dreams, but the best one, and the most unlikely one came true. I found a community of songwriters that inspired instead of competed. I found friends with character that I respect and talent that I'm blown away by. I found a place where my usual drink is poured for me almost before I sit down at the bar. Basically, a real life version of Cheers, if Cheers was about a group of musicians, comedians, photographers, painters, dancers, actors, and DJs.

All these memories have been flooding back, Tanya singing Homeward Bound, Greg's incredibly infectious laugh, Larry's frenetic energy, Paul's Further North, the whole bar becoming a percussion section for Matt Singer, and Isaac's "FUUUUUUCK YOOOOOU, that was so good!"

Today my heart is full, and tonight it will be running over. It's not our last goodbye yet, not until we're sitting in front of the bar on August 15th, playing songs on the street in protest. Until then, I'm going to make as many new memories as I can.

[jessirobertson]

Coasters

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with Lara and Chris, working on homemade coasters for the upcoming CD Re-Issue Party and Gallery Show (September 17 at Bar4. More on that later).

We used the front covers from the original run of faulty Small Town Girls CDs and a custom stamp I had made by Stamp Out Online.Thankfully Lara had a rotary blade for cutting, because my Xacto knife was absolutely pitiful, and we all know I can't draw a straight line, let alone cut one.

Yes, these fine coasters can be yours, free, as part of my campaign to drink whiskey when life gives out lemons. See you September 17.

[jessirobertson]

Check out this peek behind the scenes peek at Saturday's photo shoot from the blog "Robyn Happens" by Robyn Shepherd.

"Because what could be more satisfying, more decadent, than destroying your own artistic efforts on film?"