jilyyall

[jilyyall]

Y'all, I finished it. It's D-O-N-E DONE and posted.

My Sydrian longfic, which I just posted the first chapter of, has passed 100k words. :’) 

Currently in the editing/posting phase, which means it will only grow from here as I have never mastered editing down, rather expanding. 

[jilyyall]

The Sorority House scene kills me. Sydrian just need each other so much <3

Adrian Ivashkov & Sydney Sage from Indigo Spell by Richelle Meade - part of the Bloodliens series

[jilyyall]

All of my Book 2 The Golden Lily fanart from Richelle Mead's Bloodlines series :) Finally finished all the stuff I started. I need to do more weird group scenes because I love them every time I make them

Group Shot at Spencer's Cafe: Sydney, Adrian, Eddie, Jill, Angeline in the foreground, Sonya, Dimitri, Jackie, Trey & Brandon Brayson Braden Brayden in the back

My fave underrated Sydrian scene, after Sonya and Sydney are attacked by the Warriors of Light for the first time and a drunk Adrian tenderly wipes blood from her cheek while she cries into his chest

Halloween Dance image (not totally accurate, obviously) Adrian in the foreground (Werewolf Costume), And then Bradley Brayden (Greek Man), Sydney(Greek Goddess), Jill (Fairy), Micah (Peter Pan), Eddie("The Phantom"), Angeline (Masquerade & Hotpants) & Trey (Bedsheet)

The Red Dress Scene (Sydriannnn)

The Malachai Wolfe School of Defense. Why isn't there more fan art of Malachai Wolfe and his 13 Chihuahuas? alt title, Adrian and the very sudden boner Image shows Sydney jumping Adrian with Malachai in the back giving a thumbs up with the 13 chihuahuas scattered in the back

Sydrian First Kiss <3 I know this scene doesn't happen at night, but I also don't care.

I hope my art is ok for y'all in the smol fandom

[jilyyall]

My Sydrian longfic, which I just posted the first chapter of, has passed 100k words. :’) 

Currently in the editing/posting phase, which means it will only grow from here as I have never mastered editing down, rather expanding. 

[jilyyall]

okay i've just been really curious about this for a while so i wanted to make a poll about it

[jilyyall]

I just finished the first draft of a longfic I’ve been working on for about a year.  Now it’s time to start editing. :’) Shouldn’t take too long, but there is one major plot point I need to change, so... 

Disclaimer: Not Jily or HP at all. It’s for a much smaller fandom that doesn’t get a whole lot of traction, hence why I need it to be 100% complete before I start posting or I will lose all motivation even though I love these characters. 

[jilyyall]

Hi! I know this is a late answer, since you posted the question over two weeks ago, but YES I still use FFN, because it's the only fanfic place I can still read on the phone without hurting my eyes 😭😭 But you can ignore me, just wanted to answer the question in general 😭

Also, can I just say I'm so happy you'll be posting again? I love your works!!!

Thanks for answering! It's useful info to know that some people do still prefer FFN! I suppose I will continue crossposting so no one is alienated. On another note, I don't want you to get your hopes up. I'm 99% sure you're a follower of my Jily stuff (most people who say they like my work are talking about Jily lol), and what I'm working on at the moment is for a different fandom entirely. But if you happen to be a Vampire Academy/Bloodlines fan, boy oh boy do I have something in the works for you lol.

But also, I'm not over Jily, in the most likely case that's why you're following me. I think I'll always go back to them. So I will likely post more Jily eventually.

[jilyyall]

Adrian Ivashkov and Sydney Sage - Series

I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden.

All of You, All of Me, Intertwined - Adrian doesn’t want Sydney to leave. Sydney doesn’t want to say goodnight. If it weren’t for Zoe, they might just have gotten away with it.  Posted 02/01/2023 Rated M. Word Count: ~4700 Read it on AO3 / FFN 

Things Will Never be the Same - I was single-minded in my purpose: I would dedicate every waking hour to seeing Sydney free from the hellhole her father had sent her to, and I would spend my rare moments of rest dreaming of her. Eventually, the Alchemists would slip up, and I would get through to her. Then I could finally track her down and with the help of Rose and Dimitri, we’d have her out in no time. We just needed someone who could think like an Alchemist to get us there.  Posted 3/3/2023; Completed 1/28/2024 Rated Explicit.  Chapters: 20/20 Read it on AO3 / FFN 

[jilyyall]

Adrian Ivashkov and Sydney Sage

Oneshots

Series

[jilyyall]

Adrian Ivashkov and Sydney Sage - Oneshots

Tough Love - An unexpected conversation with Jill offers Sydney some insight into her own heart and leads her right into Adrian’s arms, and his bed. Posted 04/17/2022 Explicit. Word count: ~16k Read it on AO3 / fanfiction.net

[jilyyall]

question: does anyone actually use fanfiction.net anymore or have we all developed standards and transitioned to AO3?

I’ve barely posted anything lately, but I’m probably going to start again and I want to know if it’s even worth it to post to ad-infested ffn.

[jilyyall]

So is Jake Gyllenhaal okay? I don't care on a personal level. He's pretty shitty. I'm just curious.

[jilyyall]

That a-spec Sydney Sage post I keep promising

Some notes on why I'm convinced Sydney is on the aro/ace spectrum, specifically demisexual.

Throughout the series Sydney shows no signs of attraction without previous emotional attachment, and plenty of feelings of inadequacy due to not feeling what she's "supposed" to feel. Romance is not on her radar at all and frequently catches her by surprise.

When Sydney first describes Adrian she uses comparisons to classical art, she admires his looks in a more detached way, rather than describing her reaction to him. I believe this was meant to show the hang ups she has about vampires, she then says she can't admire him like she would a human guy, HOWEVER, she never does admire any human guys in a more involved way.

While we have some toxic cultural assumptions about women in general not really having a sexuality, or having a single target sexuality directed at her One True Love, her husband or soulmate, we know that isn't the case here bacause we have a very interesting contrast to Rose, who is sexually assertive and isn't demonized for it. She's clearly capable of feeling attraction right away and to people other than the man she's in love with.

The descriptions of Rose and Lissa's attraction in the first series are more involved and reactive, more similar to Sydney's attraction to Adrian once she has emotionally connected to him, as opposed to Sydney's objective descriptions of people in aesthetic terms in the beginning.

She didn't notice Ian's crush on her until it was pointed out to her even though we later see he's obnoxiously obvious. When a boy tries to ask Sydney out she assumes he's asking for her opinion on silent cinema and gives him a lecture about it, while what's actually happening is very obvious and hilarious to everyone around her. Even as her general social skills improve and she learns to navigate other situations better, she cannot confidently tell if a situation could be romantic. She reacts with panic when the possibility occurs to her and relief if it turns out that isn't the case, like when she thought Trey was asking her out in TGL.

While she's frustrated her job might stop her from actually connecting with friends and even her family, she doesn't seem too bothered about the obstacle to her romantic life before her relationship with Adrian. She doen't consider dating until her friends impose it on her, and she doesn't notice she actually agreed to a date with Brayden until Trey celebrates it.

During her relationship with Brayden she feels zero attraction to him and focuses on what is socially expected of her, not any of her own desires. Brayden is just as socially inept and inexperienced as Sydney, but he's clearly attracted to her and enjoying their kisses, while she finds all their physical contact underwhelming and unconfortable:

"Still, I was very conscious of being so close to someone. I didn’t think I was getting any romantic vibes. My pulse didn’t race; my heart didn’t flutter. Mostly I was aware that this was the closest I’d sat to anyone, maybe in my life. I wasn’t used to sharing my personal space so much. I soon forgot about that as the play started."

"As we sat there, I realized we’d come to another critical dating milestone. What was the correct procedure here? Was he supposed to kiss me? Was I supposed to let him? Had that been the real price of my salad?"

"I was so surprised, I couldn’t even move. My heart raced, but it was more from anxiety than anything else. Was I doing it right?"

"Why didn’t I have the same reaction? Maybe I’d done something wrong after all. Or maybe I was deficient?"

"I felt a little guilt that I had a greater emotional reaction to seeing the coffee than him." TGL, passim.

This is supposed to contrast with her already blooming feelings for Adrian, but other girls in the series (Rose, Lissa, Jill, Angeline) are clearly capable of feeling attraction to people other than their main love interest. Jill is just as inexperienced as Sydney, younger, and has an awkward first kiss with Micah due to concerns about her fangs, but she still found Sydney's description of her reaction to Brayden being like kissing a brother strange.

Sydney worries that she's cold and unfeeling, which indicates this isn't a new development due to falling in love.

The only thing I knew for sure was that this kiss had been a lot like the last one. Nice, but it didn’t blow me away. My heart sank. There was something wrong with me. Everyone was always going on about how socially inept I was. Did it extend to romance as well? Was I so cold that I’d spend my life never feeling anything?

This quote is very relatable in a sad way, a lot of a-spec people feel that they might be broken and that there's something wrong with them. It could also have some toxic implications, if you think it's only meant to be wrong because Sydney does have romantic and sexual feelings towards Adrian, but I don't believe that's the case. I think at that point you're supposed to think Sydney's worry is unfounded because she has shown herself capable of caring about and connecting with a lot of people already.

TGL has a lot of nice moments showing how the gang is becoming a found family and how much they all care for each other, including everyone's reaction to her first date with Brayden. In the opening Sydney is away for just a weekend and she misses all of them, and all of them seem supremely happy to see her when she comes back. Sydney's devotion to her family and friends has been highlighted plenty of times.

By TIS Sydney is clearly experiencing plenty of sexual and romantic attraction to Adrian, despite being in deep denial about it. While Jill is worried about a possible relationship with Marcus, and Kristin and Julia do not understand how she could possibly not be attracted to him, she seems dumbfounded by the idea that she would be.

Then Adrian, the person in the series who's portrayed as the most perceptive about people's feelings and how they work other than Sonya, while using his Magical Spirit Insight to look at her aura, describes Sydney in a way that's basically the definition of demisexual:

"My body doesn't know any better. I'm as susceptible to lust as anybody else." There was probably a book about that or at least an article in Cosmopolitan.

The hint of a smile played over his lips. He was fully in tune with me again. "No you aren't. I mean, you are, but not without reason. I know you well enough to realize that now. You're not the kind of person who's 'susceptible to lust' without emotion to back it." TIS, p. 243

Compare and contrast: "Demisexual is used to refer to someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction unless or until they've developed a close emotional connection with another person, according to sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D."

That's as close to canon as we could get from an author who I imagine has never heard that definition, and the narrative definitely frames Adrian's take as correct. It's never implied that Adrian fixed Sydney, or that she's a late bloomer, or that there's something wrong with her. That's just the way she is and that's okay.

The most convincing arguments I've seen that Sydney feels attraction to someone other than Adrian are toward Rose and maybe Dimitri. While there's nothing wrong with people simply having different headcanons, I'd like to point out that I don't think that would be incompatible with Sydney being demi, as she already has an emotional attachment to both of them. I think no one in the VA universe has been able to describe Rose and Dimitri's looks in a non fawning way, so they're probably so reality bendingly hot that that's just how you would objectively describe them. But she already considers Rose a friend and likes Dimitri, so she could be demi and be attracted to one or both of them if that's how you interpret it.

Someone on Discord asked some good faith questions about asexuality and demisexuality and why people feel it's important to them, and I might post my answers here if anyone is interested. I'll happily answer any questions anyone might have, but I'll not engage with anyone who tries to invalidate or exclude other people's sexuality. I didn't use the SAM here because I don't think it applies in this particular case.

[jilyyall]

Everything Has Changed

One evening on the shore of the Black Lake as they bathed in the orange glow of the setting sun, everything changed. Or, the first ‘I love you.’

They hadn’t been officially dating very long, but they’d shared a few snogs before they started dating – if just about every day since the beginning of the school year counted as a few snogs –  and they had been open and frank about their feelings for each other for weeks before they’d made it official, and she’d known him since they were eleven, so when James was silent all day, Lily knew something was on his mind. She didn’t think he was upset with her; it wasn’t an angry silence. It wasn’t as if he was trying to hurt her feelings or punish her by not speaking to her. That wasn’t something that James would do – it was what Sev would have done, back when they were friends and he thought she had done something wrong and was trying to guilt her into apologizing to him.

Rather, she got the distinct impression that he was wrestling with something in his mind, taking his time mulling it over. It was so rare that he took the time to think things through rather than diving in head first that she let him have the day, the whole damn day, even though it drove her mad. She would even let him have the night, if she thought he still needed it. Tomorrow, however, all bets were off. Her boy was going to get this off his chest, whatever this was.

They were in the Great Hall having dinner quite early tonight, their two separate friend groups sitting near each other, but not entirely together – James sat on Lily’s right, and his friends sat to his right with only Sirius sitting across the table from Remus, two bodies down from James. On Lily’s left sat her friends Mary and Dorcas. The only indication that the two groups were at all connected was how close Lily and James were sitting, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder, knees knocking, feet tangled beneath the table, even as they turned their heads away from each other to focus on their respective friends.

If he were physically distant, she thought, then she would have worried because anyone who knew anything about James Potter knew that he could not keep his distance from the people he cared about. Be it an arm slung over a mate’s shoulders, fingers threaded with hers or carding through her hair or dancing down her arm or brushing down her side, or the simple disregard for personal space, the boy was incapable of not showing physical affection. She doubted the idea of not touching her or Sirius or Remus or Peter at any given time ever even crossed his mind.

Not ten minutes ago, for instance, he’d walked in with his mates, a dejected Peter tucked under his arm, spotted her seated at the table and sat all but on top of her with nothing more than a graze of his lips to the side of her head in greeting as he continued to devote his sympathetic attention to Peter’s woeful tale of rejection. He’d even had to pull his place setting over in order to maintain his proximity to her. So, no, she didn’t have cause to worry that he was upset with her, or contemplating ditching her or anything of the sort.

Still, she was having a difficult time concentrating on Mary’s story about the Muggle boy her mum wanted to set her up with back home. Instead, she was wondering what exactly could be taking up so much space in James’s head. Currently, she knew, it was Peter’s heartbreak. She tried not to be very obvious as she studied him; none of the boys were paying her any attention. She could hear James’s soft, earnest, comforting tone as he spoke to Peter, told him not to worry about Melinda Sprockett, the pretty sixth year Ravenclaw girl who must have turned him down earlier. It should have comforted her to know that James wasn’t being quiet with everyone. It only made her more concerned that he seemed to be holding something back from her.

“Right, Lily?” Mary said loudly.

Lily snapped her gaze to her friends, embarrassed to have been caught not paying attention. “Er, yeah, of course!”

“I told you she wasn’t listening,” Dorcas giggled as Mary rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I was!” Lily insisted, but she knew she was arguing in vain. She had been caught out, but she wasn’t going to just admit it.

Dorcas wanted to drag it out - Lily could tell by the smirk on her face and the mischief in her eyes - but Mary, sweet, sweet Mary, took pity on her. “I was saying it might not be such a bad thing, you know? There’s obviously nothing wrong with Muggles on the whole - I am Muggleborn; it would just be stressful trying to keep magic a secret.” 

“But do you even want to date him?” Lily asked. 

Mary shrugged. “Well, he’s cute enough, I guess. But I don’t even know anything about him.” 

“Well, it may not be a terrible thing to just have some fun getting to know him; then you can decide if he’s worth potentially breaking the Statute of Secrecy for,” Dorcas said around a mouthful of Yorkshire Pudding. 

“Certainly it’s not really breaking the Statute of Secrecy?” Mary said, looking shocked at the thought. “If you fall in love with a Muggle, there’s got to be some sort of bylaw that says you’re allowed to tell them. Just like the Ministry told our parents about it when we got our Hogwarts letters.” 

Mary looked at Lily as if expecting her to argue with her or confirm that surely it wasn’t illegal, but Lily simply didn’t know. She’d never dated a Muggle.

“You’re probably right,” Dorcas hummed and lifted a shoulder. “I really don’t know much about it, honestly.” 

James’s fingers tangled gently in Lily’s hair and she glanced over at him, distracted, expecting it to have been an unconscious thing he did while still deeply invested in his own mates. She was surprised to find him staring at her, eyes soft and warm and glowing with something akin to awe behind his glasses. There was a small, fond smile on his lips as he let his hand fall from her hair to twine his fingers with hers. 

“D’you want to go for a walk?” he murmured. 

“Sure,” she said, and was about to stand and eagerly lead him away when she noticed the plate in front of him. Before she could say anything else, he was standing and gently pulling her to her feet. “But you’ve hardly touched your dinner.”

He shrugged and began to lead her towards the wide doorway.

Their friends watched them go without a word. Despite the fact that they had both been at least somewhat involved in conversation, there were no protests from either the boys or the girls. Though she hadn’t said anything, she knew the girls were aware that something was on her mind and she suspected that the boys knew much more than she did about what was going on with James.

“I’m not hungry,” he told her.

“What?” Lily couldn’t honestly remember a time James had turned down food when he wasn’t deathly ill or on the brink of collapsing from sheer exhaustion. 

As if reading her mind, he gave her a look as they reached the Entrance Hall and headed out onto the grounds. “I’ll go to the kitchens if I get hungry later. It’s not a big deal.”

Lily let it go, but she still found it rather odd until she noticed how jittery he was. James was never one to sit still, was in constant motion be it a bouncing leg in class or long slender fingers tapping the desk during Prefects’ meetings. But this was a bit more than usual, she thought to herself as she watched him drag his hand through his hair for the fifth time since they��d walked outside. His head was swiveling this way and that and Lily would have worried he was looking for a getaway were his hand not so steady and secure in hers. 

She realized as he gnawed on his bottom lip that he was nervous and despite the fact that she had been so convinced all day that he wasn’t planning on ditching her, ignoring the warm, fond look he’d given her just moments before, Lily suddenly felt herself growing paranoid. What in the world could possibly have James Potter feeling nervous around her? Unless he was planning to break up with her. Or had some other likewise bad news to share.

There weren’t very many people out; it was that time of year where it was beginning to get cold out and the sun was just starting to sink beneath the tree line of the Forbidden Forest so most of the student body was inside. 

James led her over towards the Black Lake, and Lily watched him closely as he cheerfully greeted Martin Greene, his fellow Gryffindor Chaser, who was on his way up from the greenhouses. He didn’t seem nervous as he promised to see the younger boy at their early morning practice the next day, but his hand immediately jumped to his hair when Martin was gone. 

“You’ve been quiet today,” Lily said softly, bumping her hip against his gently as they ambled along the shore of the lake. They had made about a half-circuit by the time she spoke. 

James hummed, and she saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. 

“A lot on your mind?” she asked. She had told herself he could have as much time to process his thoughts as he needed, but he’d invited her on this walk, hadn’t he? He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t want to talk to her. 

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighed, and his thumb stroked along the back of her hand. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to be pensive sometimes,” she assured him. Then that awful nagging worry struck again. What if she was reading all the signs wrong? What if his hand in hers wasn’t a sign that everything was fine after all? “As long as you’re not trying to ditch me.” 

She tried to make it sound like a joke, but she knew she failed when he halted in his tracks and pulled her around to face him. His eyes were wide behind his glasses and his jaw dropped as if nothing had ever shocked him more than that one suggestion.

“What?” he said, still gawking at her. Then, “What?”

“I was only joking,” she lied weakly.

Though his shock had done more to assuage her sudden worry than anything she imagined he might say, she still felt oddly vulnerable. Ever since she had accepted her feelings for him at the end of Sixth Year, she wasn’t used to feeling off-kilter around him. Even before they were officially dating, when they were in that odd will-they won’t-they limbo, she hadn’t felt nearly so uncertain than in that moment.

When she tried to turn away to keep things light, he held her there by the hand, once more turning her to face him. His free hand lifted, stroking her face, cupping her cheek as he stepped closer and peered down at her, that same awed look as before mixing with the confusion. 

“Lily,” he breathed, then shook his head as a bemused smile played on his lips. “Honestly, that’s the farthest thing from my mind. That’s the last thing I would ever do.”

She didn’t try to convince him she was joking, not again, not knowing that he could see right through her. Instead she bit her lip and tried to duck her head, but his nimble fingers on her cheeks kept her eyes on his. She felt her face flush, and she sighed. 

“I’m mad for you, Lily,” he mumbled, and brushed his lips gently over hers. 

“I feel the same about you,” she whispered, but she realized quite suddenly that maybe it was a bit more than that, actually. Maybe she a bit more than fancied the boy before her, judging by the way his silence had nagged at her all day until it had her on the edge of panic, fearing the worst even though she knew, logically, that her fear was unfounded. 

And since when had being single again been the worst possible outcome her brain could conjure? It had only been a few weeks and already she couldn’t imagine her life without James Potter taking up so much space in it. 

He smiled at her soft admission and then let go of her hand to bury both of his in her thick auburn hair. He kissed her, gently again, but much more solidly than a mere brush of his lips to hers. His mouth fit perfectly over hers, moving overs once, twice, thrice, before he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. 

A piercing wolf-whistle broke them apart after what may have been several minutes and they looked across the lake towards the castle to find their friends, his blokes and her girls, gathered near what was widely considered the best tree due to its full foliage and location mere steps from the shore of the lake. It was fairly obvious who had made the obtrusive sound as Dorcas was currently hitting Sirius’s arm none-too-gently. 

Lily looked up at James, surprised to find him looking somewhat disappointed by the arrival of their friends. She couldn’t recall ever seeing him anything less than thrilled to be reunited with his boys regardless of how brief their separation. 

“Shall we?” she asked when he met her gaze. 

He sighed, and his hands trailed slowly down her arms until their fingers were linked once more. “I suppose.” 

They continued on their course, not bothering to speed up despite Sirius’s distant and persistent urging. James tugged her to a halt again just as they were about to round the last little curve of the shoreline, mere meters from their friends. 

She peered up at him, mesmerized by the way the orange glow of the setting sun bathed him. He looked unreal; he looked perfect; he looked like a figment of her wildest dreams.

“I am sorry for worrying you today,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to be distant. I was just… thinking about something.” 

“It’s okay,” she told him again. “I didn’t actually think you were going to ditch me all day. I don’t know why I suddenly got afraid of that.” 

He smiled at her, and there was a slightly manic look to the way his lips curved up. “It’s just that… I got myself all worked up and nervous over it.” 

She laughed at him because, well, she’d already realized that, hadn’t she? Almost as soon as they’d left the Great Hall he’d made it obvious how nervous he was. As he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her just a little bit closer, his expression dead serious, she suddenly realized why he was so nervous. And it was so obvious as well, wasn’t it? Hadn’t she all but come to the conclusion for herself mere moments before? Her breath hitched as he opened his mouth. 

Suddenly, the wild Gryffindor in her wanted nothing more than to beat him to the punch. The softer, more caring part of her recognized that he had been struggling to work himself up to this all day and she had only had a few minutes of the realization, and she couldn’t take that from him. So, she smiled up at him and waited. 

He was quiet for another second, then took a deep breath, and on a sharp exhale said, “I love you.”

Though she knew it was coming, the declaration made her heart sing and a little relieved giggle passed unbidden from her lips. Lily beamed up at him and it wasn’t until she registered the lingering anxiety in his eyes that she realized he was waiting for a response. 

“I love you too, you idiot,” she said with a fond shake of her head. “I can’t believe you’ve spent a whole day stressing about saying three little words to me when it’s so obvious how I’d respond.”

“I’ve fancied this girl for four years and finally got her to date me and she thinks I want to break up with her,” he shot back, but he was grinning now, a mischievous teasing glint in his eyes. “Honestly, and all these years I thought you were clever.” 

She rolled her eyes and he shook his head at her, splitting grin still in full effect, before he slid his arms around her waist, pulled her to him, and lifted her off her feet to swing her around in the air. Lily wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and threw her head back, laughing freely as he made her dizzy with all his spinning. 

“I love you,” he said again as he finally set her feet back on the ground. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

“You know it doesn’t make it any more meaningful if you repeat it incessantly,” she teased, but he clearly wasn’t bothered as he lowered his head, his mouth covering hers completely, hands leisurely trailing up her body until one rested tenderly on the side of her neck and the other cupped her cheek. 

He jerked away from her as a stream of water from the lake suddenly shot out and struck him in the side of the head, magically missing her by inches. They both whipped around to see their friends all laughing at them, Sirius’s wand hanging limp in his hand at his side as he was all but doubled over. 

James took several hurried steps away from her, clearly intent on retaliation, before he turned around again, kissed her quickly and with a flash of a grin, and repeated, “I love you.” 

Then he was gone, and was nothing more than a tangle of limbs as he wrestled Sirius to the ground Muggle-style. Remus and Peter stood close by, laughing, as Mary and Dorcas retreated hurriedly to avoid falling casualty to the boys’ roughhousing. They stopped in front of Lily and all three of them watched warily as James and Sirius rolled into Remus’s legs, causing the poor boy to fall on top of them as Peter dashed a few steps back. 

“Boys,” Dorcas said, shaking her head as she watched Remus, usually the most composed of the lot, laugh and throw himself wholeheartedly into the pile of wrestling limbs. 

“So immature,” Mary agreed with a little dismissive sniff.

But Lily couldn’t stop smiling as she watched James play with his mates like children. “Still love ‘em, though.”

[jilyyall]

Everything Has Changed

One evening on the shore of the Black Lake as they bathed in the orange glow of the setting sun, everything changed. Or, the first ‘I love you.’

They hadn’t been officially dating very long, but they’d shared a few snogs before they started dating – if just about every day since the beginning of the school year counted as a few snogs –  and they had been open and frank about their feelings for each other for weeks before they’d made it official, and she’d known him since they were eleven, so when James was silent all day, Lily knew something was on his mind. She didn’t think he was upset with her; it wasn’t an angry silence. It wasn’t as if he was trying to hurt her feelings or punish her by not speaking to her. That wasn’t something that James would do – it was what Sev would have done, back when they were friends and he thought she had done something wrong and was trying to guilt her into apologizing to him.

Rather, she got the distinct impression that he was wrestling with something in his mind, taking his time mulling it over. It was so rare that he took the time to think things through rather than diving in head first that she let him have the day, the whole damn day, even though it drove her mad. She would even let him have the night, if she thought he still needed it. Tomorrow, however, all bets were off. Her boy was going to get this off his chest, whatever this was.

They were in the Great Hall having dinner quite early tonight, their two separate friend groups sitting near each other, but not entirely together – James sat on Lily’s right, and his friends sat to his right with only Sirius sitting across the table from Remus, two bodies down from James. On Lily’s left sat her friends Mary and Dorcas. The only indication that the two groups were at all connected was how close Lily and James were sitting, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder, knees knocking, feet tangled beneath the table, even as they turned their heads away from each other to focus on their respective friends.

If he were physically distant, she thought, then she would have worried because anyone who knew anything about James Potter knew that he could not keep his distance from the people he cared about. Be it an arm slung over a mate’s shoulders, fingers threaded with hers or carding through her hair or dancing down her arm or brushing down her side, or the simple disregard for personal space, the boy was incapable of not showing physical affection. She doubted the idea of not touching her or Sirius or Remus or Peter at any given time ever even crossed his mind.

Not ten minutes ago, for instance, he’d walked in with his mates, a dejected Peter tucked under his arm, spotted her seated at the table and sat all but on top of her with nothing more than a graze of his lips to the side of her head in greeting as he continued to devote his sympathetic attention to Peter’s woeful tale of rejection. He’d even had to pull his place setting over in order to maintain his proximity to her. So, no, she didn’t have cause to worry that he was upset with her, or contemplating ditching her or anything of the sort.

Still, she was having a difficult time concentrating on Mary’s story about the Muggle boy her mum wanted to set her up with back home. Instead, she was wondering what exactly could be taking up so much space in James’s head. Currently, she knew, it was Peter’s heartbreak. She tried not to be very obvious as she studied him; none of the boys were paying her any attention. She could hear James’s soft, earnest, comforting tone as he spoke to Peter, told him not to worry about Melinda Sprockett, the pretty sixth year Ravenclaw girl who must have turned him down earlier. It should have comforted her to know that James wasn’t being quiet with everyone. It only made her more concerned that he seemed to be holding something back from her.

“Right, Lily?” Mary said loudly.

Lily snapped her gaze to her friends, embarrassed to have been caught not paying attention. “Er, yeah, of course!”

“I told you she wasn’t listening,” Dorcas giggled as Mary rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I was!” Lily insisted, but she knew she was arguing in vain. She had been caught out, but she wasn’t going to just admit it.

Dorcas wanted to drag it out - Lily could tell by the smirk on her face and the mischief in her eyes - but Mary, sweet, sweet Mary, took pity on her. “I was saying it might not be such a bad thing, you know? There’s obviously nothing wrong with Muggles on the whole - I am Muggleborn; it would just be stressful trying to keep magic a secret.” 

“But do you even want to date him?” Lily asked. 

Mary shrugged. “Well, he’s cute enough, I guess. But I don’t even know anything about him.” 

“Well, it may not be a terrible thing to just have some fun getting to know him; then you can decide if he’s worth potentially breaking the Statute of Secrecy for,” Dorcas said around a mouthful of Yorkshire Pudding. 

“Certainly it’s not really breaking the Statute of Secrecy?” Mary said, looking shocked at the thought. “If you fall in love with a Muggle, there’s got to be some sort of bylaw that says you’re allowed to tell them. Just like the Ministry told our parents about it when we got our Hogwarts letters.” 

Mary looked at Lily as if expecting her to argue with her or confirm that surely it wasn’t illegal, but Lily simply didn’t know. She’d never dated a Muggle.

“You’re probably right,” Dorcas hummed and lifted a shoulder. “I really don’t know much about it, honestly.” 

James’s fingers tangled gently in Lily’s hair and she glanced over at him, distracted, expecting it to have been an unconscious thing he did while still deeply invested in his own mates. She was surprised to find him staring at her, eyes soft and warm and glowing with something akin to awe behind his glasses. There was a small, fond smile on his lips as he let his hand fall from her hair to twine his fingers with hers. 

“D’you want to go for a walk?” he murmured. 

“Sure,” she said, and was about to stand and eagerly lead him away when she noticed the plate in front of him. Before she could say anything else, he was standing and gently pulling her to her feet. “But you’ve hardly touched your dinner.”

He shrugged and began to lead her towards the wide doorway.

Their friends watched them go without a word. Despite the fact that they had both been at least somewhat involved in conversation, there were no protests from either the boys or the girls. Though she hadn’t said anything, she knew the girls were aware that something was on her mind and she suspected that the boys knew much more than she did about what was going on with James.

“I’m not hungry,” he told her.

“What?” Lily couldn’t honestly remember a time James had turned down food when he wasn’t deathly ill or on the brink of collapsing from sheer exhaustion. 

As if reading her mind, he gave her a look as they reached the Entrance Hall and headed out onto the grounds. “I’ll go to the kitchens if I get hungry later. It’s not a big deal.”

Lily let it go, but she still found it rather odd until she noticed how jittery he was. James was never one to sit still, was in constant motion be it a bouncing leg in class or long slender fingers tapping the desk during Prefects’ meetings. But this was a bit more than usual, she thought to herself as she watched him drag his hand through his hair for the fifth time since they’d walked outside. His head was swiveling this way and that and Lily would have worried he was looking for a getaway were his hand not so steady and secure in hers. 

She realized as he gnawed on his bottom lip that he was nervous and despite the fact that she had been so convinced all day that he wasn’t planning on ditching her, ignoring the warm, fond look he’d given her just moments before, Lily suddenly felt herself growing paranoid. What in the world could possibly have James Potter feeling nervous around her? Unless he was planning to break up with her. Or had some other likewise bad news to share.

There weren’t very many people out; it was that time of year where it was beginning to get cold out and the sun was just starting to sink beneath the tree line of the Forbidden Forest so most of the student body was inside. 

James led her over towards the Black Lake, and Lily watched him closely as he cheerfully greeted Martin Greene, his fellow Gryffindor Chaser, who was on his way up from the greenhouses. He didn’t seem nervous as he promised to see the younger boy at their early morning practice the next day, but his hand immediately jumped to his hair when Martin was gone. 

“You’ve been quiet today,” Lily said softly, bumping her hip against his gently as they ambled along the shore of the lake. They had made about a half-circuit by the time she spoke. 

James hummed, and she saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. 

“A lot on your mind?” she asked. She had told herself he could have as much time to process his thoughts as he needed, but he’d invited her on this walk, hadn’t he? He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t want to talk to her. 

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighed, and his thumb stroked along the back of her hand. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to be pensive sometimes,” she assured him. Then that awful nagging worry struck again. What if she was reading all the signs wrong? What if his hand in hers wasn’t a sign that everything was fine after all? “As long as you’re not trying to ditch me.” 

She tried to make it sound like a joke, but she knew she failed when he halted in his tracks and pulled her around to face him. His eyes were wide behind his glasses and his jaw dropped as if nothing had ever shocked him more than that one suggestion.

“What?” he said, still gawking at her. Then, “What?”

“I was only joking,” she lied weakly.

Though his shock had done more to assuage her sudden worry than anything she imagined he might say, she still felt oddly vulnerable. Ever since she had accepted her feelings for him at the end of Sixth Year, she wasn’t used to feeling off-kilter around him. Even before they were officially dating, when they were in that odd will-they won’t-they limbo, she hadn’t felt nearly so uncertain than in that moment.

When she tried to turn away to keep things light, he held her there by the hand, once more turning her to face him. His free hand lifted, stroking her face, cupping her cheek as he stepped closer and peered down at her, that same awed look as before mixing with the confusion. 

“Lily,” he breathed, then shook his head as a bemused smile played on his lips. “Honestly, that’s the farthest thing from my mind. That’s the last thing I would ever do.”

She didn’t try to convince him she was joking, not again, not knowing that he could see right through her. Instead she bit her lip and tried to duck her head, but his nimble fingers on her cheeks kept her eyes on his. She felt her face flush, and she sighed. 

“I’m mad for you, Lily,” he mumbled, and brushed his lips gently over hers. 

“I feel the same about you,” she whispered, but she realized quite suddenly that maybe it was a bit more than that, actually. Maybe she a bit more than fancied the boy before her, judging by the way his silence had nagged at her all day until it had her on the edge of panic, fearing the worst even though she knew, logically, that her fear was unfounded. 

And since when had being single again been the worst possible outcome her brain could conjure? It had only been a few weeks and already she couldn’t imagine her life without James Potter taking up so much space in it. 

He smiled at her soft admission and then let go of her hand to bury both of his in her thick auburn hair. He kissed her, gently again, but much more solidly than a mere brush of his lips to hers. His mouth fit perfectly over hers, moving overs once, twice, thrice, before he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. 

A piercing wolf-whistle broke them apart after what may have been several minutes and they looked across the lake towards the castle to find their friends, his blokes and her girls, gathered near what was widely considered the best tree due to its full foliage and location mere steps from the shore of the lake. It was fairly obvious who had made the obtrusive sound as Dorcas was currently hitting Sirius’s arm none-too-gently. 

Lily looked up at James, surprised to find him looking somewhat disappointed by the arrival of their friends. She couldn’t recall ever seeing him anything less than thrilled to be reunited with his boys regardless of how brief their separation. 

“Shall we?” she asked when he met her gaze. 

He sighed, and his hands trailed slowly down her arms until their fingers were linked once more. “I suppose.” 

They continued on their course, not bothering to speed up despite Sirius’s distant and persistent urging. James tugged her to a halt again just as they were about to round the last little curve of the shoreline, mere meters from their friends. 

She peered up at him, mesmerized by the way the orange glow of the setting sun bathed him. He looked unreal; he looked perfect; he looked like a figment of her wildest dreams.

“I am sorry for worrying you today,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to be distant. I was just… thinking about something.” 

“It’s okay,” she told him again. “I didn’t actually think you were going to ditch me all day. I don’t know why I suddenly got afraid of that.” 

He smiled at her, and there was a slightly manic look to the way his lips curved up. “It’s just that… I got myself all worked up and nervous over it.” 

She laughed at him because, well, she’d already realized that, hadn’t she? Almost as soon as they’d left the Great Hall he’d made it obvious how nervous he was. As he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her just a little bit closer, his expression dead serious, she suddenly realized why he was so nervous. And it was so obvious as well, wasn’t it? Hadn’t she all but come to the conclusion for herself mere moments before? Her breath hitched as he opened his mouth. 

Suddenly, the wild Gryffindor in her wanted nothing more than to beat him to the punch. The softer, more caring part of her recognized that he had been struggling to work himself up to this all day and she had only had a few minutes of the realization, and she couldn’t take that from him. So, she smiled up at him and waited. 

He was quiet for another second, then took a deep breath, and on a sharp exhale said, “I love you.”

Though she knew it was coming, the declaration made her heart sing and a little relieved giggle passed unbidden from her lips. Lily beamed up at him and it wasn’t until she registered the lingering anxiety in his eyes that she realized he was waiting for a response. 

“I love you too, you idiot,” she said with a fond shake of her head. “I can’t believe you’ve spent a whole day stressing about saying three little words to me when it’s so obvious how I’d respond.”

“I’ve fancied this girl for four years and finally got her to date me and she thinks I want to break up with her,” he shot back, but he was grinning now, a mischievous teasing glint in his eyes. “Honestly, and all these years I thought you were clever.” 

She rolled her eyes and he shook his head at her, splitting grin still in full effect, before he slid his arms around her waist, pulled her to him, and lifted her off her feet to swing her around in the air. Lily wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and threw her head back, laughing freely as he made her dizzy with all his spinning. 

“I love you,” he said again as he finally set her feet back on the ground. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

“You know it doesn’t make it any more meaningful if you repeat it incessantly,” she teased, but he clearly wasn’t bothered as he lowered his head, his mouth covering hers completely, hands leisurely trailing up her body until one rested tenderly on the side of her neck and the other cupped her cheek. 

He jerked away from her as a stream of water from the lake suddenly shot out and struck him in the side of the head, magically missing her by inches. They both whipped around to see their friends all laughing at them, Sirius’s wand hanging limp in his hand at his side as he was all but doubled over. 

James took several hurried steps away from her, clearly intent on retaliation, before he turned around again, kissed her quickly and with a flash of a grin, and repeated, “I love you.” 

Then he was gone, and was nothing more than a tangle of limbs as he wrestled Sirius to the ground Muggle-style. Remus and Peter stood close by, laughing, as Mary and Dorcas retreated hurriedly to avoid falling casualty to the boys’ roughhousing. They stopped in front of Lily and all three of them watched warily as James and Sirius rolled into Remus’s legs, causing the poor boy to fall on top of them as Peter dashed a few steps back. 

“Boys,” Dorcas said, shaking her head as she watched Remus, usually the most composed of the lot, laugh and throw himself wholeheartedly into the pile of wrestling limbs. 

“So immature,” Mary agreed with a little dismissive sniff.

But Lily couldn’t stop smiling as she watched James play with his mates like children. “Still love ‘em, though.”

[jilyyall]

Do you think Ginny immediately took Harry back after the war or do you think she was mad and kept him dangling, waiting for him to fight for her?

Well, it’s taken me so long to reply this that I’m quite ashamed, honestly. I had to take my time because English is not my native language and I wanted it to be as well written as possible (if you see any mistakes please let me know so that I can correct them). Also, I’ve reread it about a hundred times, and felt insecure all of them. I feel I waffled too much. Anyway, really thank you so much for this ask! It’s the first one I have ever received and I’m very excited about it!

I really think that Ginny immediately took Harry back after the war.

And there weren't many words about it - no romantic speeches of feelings and love. They weren't like that. They just knew.

They always understood each other perfectly, just one look in the eye and they didn't need to talk to know what the other was thinking or feeling. Any little doubt they could have had after nine months apart immediately faded away when Ginny stepped in the Room of Requirement and they looked at each other. After all, their last kiss on Harry's birthday had been a silent promise that wouldn't be broken. They knew. 

That's why neither of them immediately ran after each other once the battle had ended despite how much they wanted to, there were other things to do first. Harry had to talk to Ron and Hermione, go to the Headmaster's study, take some rest himself before fainting. Ginny's place was beside her family, they were living the worst moment of their lives, Fred was gone and the grief was overwhelming. They both knew there would be time later - there would be hours and days and years in which to talk about what had happened, and to be together.

They had missed and loved each other so much while being separated, and were so sure about their feelings that, in the future, when talking about their relationship, they counted that year as if they hadn't broken up, as if it had only been a period of time during which they couldn't be physically together. In fact, some days after the battle, finally back in The Borrow, Ginny wished him a happy anniversary, and Harry kissed her blissfully and whispered the same words in her ear, the first wide smile on his face after the war. They had had some very happy weeks at the beginning of their relationship - the happiest of their lives at the moment, and then months of a nightmare, but those horrible months had been part of their love story as well.

So when Harry woke up in his four-poster bed some hours after leaving the Headmaster's study, still exhausted as hell, his mind was clear enough at last to know that seeing Ginny was what he needed the most. 

He found her down the stairs in the Common Room, with her family and Hermione. Their eyes met and didn't look any other way while they both walked decisively to each other, and hugged so tightly that barely could breath, saying without words that they would never be separated again. 

Then, just like when Harry first kissed her, in that same place, he didn't mind at all that there were people watching, neither that most of those people were her own parents and brothers. Harry took Ginny's face in his hands and kissed her. The kiss wasn't as happy and cheerful as the first, nor as passionate as the last, but it was the most precious they had shared. 

Harry and Ginny still had difficult and sad days ahead but, at last, they were back in each other's arms again. 

This is how I think it happened but, oh, I really enjoy reading fics where Ginny makes it much more difficult for Harry to get her back! It’s much more amusing!

[jilyyall]

Hey for the prompts thing, number 72? Thank you !!

are you drunk? | jily

“Haven’t you had enough drinks already?”

In spite of the words that come out of his mouth, James is pouring Lily yet another shot of vodka. Not like it is his choice, of course. If she payed for it, it was literally his job to do so.

Still, she knows that, if he could, he wouldn’t be giving her any more alcohol. But she knows he underestimates her tolerance and she knows she’s still fine and still needs a few more shots before she starts to lose her senses. So she drinks all the transparent liquid in the cup all at once before she says anything.

“My ex is having a baby, James,” she finally answers. “I can have as many drinks as I’d like tonight.”

He grimaces as she slides the glass once again through the wooden surface between them, asking for more vodka. He pretends he doesn’t see it and looks around, looking for some other costumer to attend, but his search is useless.

It’s Tuesday night, and the bar is mostly empty. There’s just the usual drunk old men absorbed by their bottles of whiskey and a couple of groups of friends or coworkers talking calmly, their beers still half full because they don’t really intend on getting drunk in a weekday.

“James,” Lily calls him and shakes her glass in front of his face when he looks at her.

He sighs and unpleasantly pours her another shot of vodka. “Can you at least eat something?”

She rolls her eyes. “You just want me to spend more money.”

“Lily, please. Just order some fries, it won’t even cost a quarter of the money you’ll be spending on alcohol.”

“Fine. Get the fries.”

He walks away to the kitchen and it’s not long before Sirius hands him a fresh portion of french fries and says he’ll clean everything up and leave in a few minutes. Putting the bowl in front of Lily, he grabs a couple of fries before leaning back and watching her eat. She doesn’t say anything about him stealing her food. Instead, she just slides her glass again towards him and starts eating the fries.

Rolling his eyes, he grabs the recipient but leaves his hand there, fingertips touching hers as he stares at her.

“So. Your ex is having a baby.”

Huffing, she glances at their hands and then looks back at him, slightly annoyed. “Yes. And that gives me the right to drink as much as I want to.”

“Technically what gives you this right is the law.”

“Whatever.”

“Right,” he finally pulls his hand away with the cup, but leaves it standing a few inches away from where it was and leans back, arms crossed. “So, tell me about this ex of yours.”

“Ugh. Don’t pretend you don’t know him, James, you were my ex before he was my boyfriend.”

He chuckles, but sustains his gaze. “Right. I was your high school sweetheart.”

Something about her eyes changes when the subject comes up, and she looks away. “Yeah. We really were something, weren’t we?”

“Sure. I always thought you were the one.”

Their eyes meet again, but there’s too much tension in their gaze for it to last long. There are too many feelings, too many thoughts and things left unsaid between them.

“Yeah. That would’ve been fun.”

He clears his throat, eager to change the subject. “So, your ex’s baby.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Yeah. Dylan’s having a baby. And really, I’m fine, like- I really am over him, you know?”

“Well, I imagined you would be. You were the one who didn’t want to marry him after college.”

“You had to bring this up, hadn’t you?”

He shrugs. “I’m just stating the facts.”

“Of course you are,” she sighs. “Anyway, I’m doing good, you know I am. I love my job and I have a good life and lately I’ve been on some new shit. It’s cool, I like my life. And I guess I’m happy for him, it’s just-,” she reaches for her glass and notices it’s still empty. “James can you please give me some more alcohol?”

He makes a face and tries to protest, but ends up leaning down to grab the vodka bottle.

“Thanks,” she says, after she drinks.

“Hm. So you’re happy?”

“Yeah, I guess. I am, it’s just... It’s frustrating, you know. It feels like a door is locking and it’s okay because I didn’t even want to open it, but- It feels lonely outside. And it reminds me of everything I could’ve had.”

He reaches out and grabs her hand, holding it softly. “Hey. It’s not like you can’t have it anymore. You just can’t have it with him”

“U-hum.”

“And damn, Lily, that guy...”

“I know.”

They stay silent and eat the rest of the fries, listening to the familiar noises of the bar.

“Do you ever think about that?” She suddenly asks.

“About what?”

“About like... What it could’ve been?”

His eyebrows come together. “You mean you and Dylan? Why would I?”

“Not me and Dylan. Us.”

The air gets denser and he stares at his own hands. For a while, neither of them speaks again.

“Yes. I think about it.”

“And what do you think?”

He lifts his eyes to meet hers. “I don’t know, Lily. A lot of things. We couldn’t have known back them, that we’d still be close by now. We were going to different cities and I didn’t think you’d come back to London and be my favorite costumer.”

“And you messed up.”

“Yeah. I messed up.”

Another round of silence, and this time they realize they are the only people left there.

“It must be getting late,” she says, finally.

“Probably.”

“I guess I should go home.”

He nods slightly and they stare at each other’s eyes for a few moments longer. She keeps looking at him in a strange way, as if waiting for him to say or do something, he doesn’t quite know what it is. She hesitates before reaching for her purse stops to look at him.

“It’s fine, you know? I mean, you messed up, but I forgave you a long time ago. Sometimes I wonder too... Maybe if some things had been different-,” she shook her head, as if to dismiss her line of thought. “Well, it doesn’t matter. How much do I owe you?”

He shook his head. “Consider it on the house.”

She stares at him and they have a silent discussion about this with their eyes. He wins.

“Fine,” she says. “Bye, then, James. And thank you for the drinks and the food and the talk.”

She turns around to leave, but something about the air and the way she walks makes him have the urge to call her back. “Lily?”

She turns her head around.

“Are you drunk?” He asks.

She furrows her eyebrows. “Drunk enough to be dangerous behind the wheel. Sober enough to know that and make the decision to call a cab.”

He just stands there for a moment.

“Don’t worry James, I’m fine. And I’ll remember all of this tomorrow.”

She starts to turn around to leave again, but he moves fast this time, almost running and coming to the other side of the bar, reaching her in a few steps.

“James?”

He stands right in front of her, and instead of answering he just keeps staring at her, at those green eyes and light freckled nose and rosy cheeks that were so familiar. Slowly, he takes her face in his hands, holding her jaw and the back of her neck softly and tilting her head slightly up.

Almost trembling, he leans in a soft motion, giving her time to say something or back away if she wants to.

She doesn’t. So he brings their lips together and kisses her gently, but passionately. When their tongues meet, it’s like they’re finding an old path, a road they hadn’t traveled for years, but still know exactly all the details from. It doesn’t take long for them to be breathless and itching for more. More of their mouths, their bodies, more of that. More of them.

“Oh, shit,” she mutters when they break apart, his hands still on her head and hers lost on his hair.

“That is what I think about, Evans. When I think about us,” he says, firmly, before stepping away and starting to clean the place.

She gulps. “Oh. Okay.”

He lets a side smile show. “Maybe we can figure it out, you know. What it could’ve been.”

She blushes as he smiles at her.

“You can call me, if you want to... do something different.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stand there staring at each other. She breathes in and out several times. Then she turns around and leaves, the door making a soft noise behind her.

A second after, his phone rings.

“Hello?”

Lily’s voice is soft on the other side. “I thought we could do something different. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow sounds great.”

prompts list