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Here are a few lines I penned (took out/amended few lines/phrases, to remove the element which may help identify the concerned person) for a girl, towards whom I’d developed a mushy soft corner in my heart.. Incidentally, they’ve come to 21 verses, an auspicious no. in India, especially from a religious angle. But the bond didn’t turn out so.. Sigh!

Even though I’m having cold sweat;

Unsaid, don’t want to live with that regret

With great trepidation I have to confess;

Gorilla in the room, one has to address

On you, I have developed a massive crush;

In my blank canvas, you filled colors as a brush

Everyday I make failed attempts to sleep;

Your face flashes & stays there deep

First time I saw you, my heart skipped a beat;

You had totally swept me off my feet

For you, I’ve fallen head over heels;

That you’re the one, my heart squeals

Whenever you are around, I go weak in my knees;

You came into my life like a fresh gust of breeze

You I absolutely adore,

Right down to the core

You’ve cast a spell over me like an enchantress;

You draw me towards you like you are a temptress

We’re mere mortals, while you’re a goddess;

We’re full of imperfections, but you are flawless

There’ nobody else in the world like you;

Your face is like the fresh morning dew

Your beautiful, bright, soft skin;

Your fabulous face, cheeks & chin (alliteration unintended!)

Your petite, pink set of dewy lips;

Like a rose has been cut by snips

Staring into your alluring, big, dreamy eyes;

Makes me feel like a kite flying in the high skies

In your eyes, one sees a mischievous glint;

In my heart you’ve left an indelible imprint

Your 1000 watt luminous smile;

Heart which is pure with no guile

Your personality is so effervescent;

Your presence is magical & magnificent

Love when you put your fingers in your thick, luscious strands of hairs;

Am spellbound & intoxicated by the lovely scent your body wears

I cherish our long walks;

Our fun-filled animated talks

I know you are totally out my league;

But, think of you more than a friend/colleague

You’ve totally got me smitten;

Ever since I’ve had this written,

Know more than I can chew I’ve bitten.

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Back again: 4-3-3

There were a spate of occurrences/events in last few days especially, which I’d like to state (4-3-3, like a typical football/soccer game formation), which led me to rekindle the old lost habit of blogging:

My role & team change at workplace

An office senior exhorting me to turn my life around

Spanish Professor Change from A1 to A2 levels

Things like shoes, sandals, belt, wristband getting frayed/torn/lost

Wishes, card & gifts from my sis on my birthday on 10th Sep’, and old family photos found

Krishna Janmashtami on 3 Sep’, visits to many religious shrines on 10 Sep’, RadheKrishna show

My mother suffering a brain stroke in Aug’18

Befriending & Estrangement with a girl at work

Demise of Fmr. Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee

Ambition to get my poems’ collection/auto-bio published told, ‘Gully Boy’ movie trailer out

The aforesaid have led me to believe in 3 things:

Change (like death) is a necessary evil, making way for the new (1st 4 pts. above)

I managed to get a much-needed role & team change at work, after almost 9 months of mental torture, pressure, harassment, injustice, prejudice/bias (running out of phrases!) – a metaphor for a new birth out of darkness, a new phase of life even amidst visible cries & pain.

An office senior asked me to do 2 things, for next 6 months and see for myself better things manifest in my life, instead of status quo & cribbing about things (like not getting a job switch): take care of my grooming (trim/shave beard, unkempt hair), attire (formal v/s casual), weight; and to learn/get better at 1 area/concept of my choice (e.g. my shortcoming in job interviews)

I’m studying Spanish at Instituto Cervantes, Delhi since 9+ months, weekend 5-8 pm batch.  I was under the tutelage of Prof. Jesus Gustavo Lozano Antolin (Spaniard) for A1.1 & A1.2 levels.  When he told me that he’d no longer be taking weekend classes, I felt a great sense of dismay.  But, he told me that, I shouldn’t worry about a change of a teacher & that it’s in fact better to experience different teaching methodologies/mannerisms/styles due to a change of teachers.

As frivolous it may sound, seeing small non-living articles of clothing getting lost/torn apart/frayed like shoes, sandals, belt, wristband et al.; have reinforced my belief in the eternal cycle of decay/loss & their subsequent replacement/renewal at a broader philosophical level.

2. Religion/Spirituality & Family are enduring support systems (next 3 pts.)

It was a bolt from the blue witnessing my mother suffer a brain stroke restricting her physical mobility, which could’ve been fatal too, if not treated on time.  Just the mere thought of the grave consequences which could’ve ensued, made me kick myself, for all the pain & hurt I’ve caused my parents so far by my apathy, rudeness, foul language, jibes, unsupportiveness etc.

My sister gifted me many shirts over my recent birthday & I stumbled across a handwritten card from her on my earlier birthday, where she had penned lines which tugged at one’s heart. And I found a set of old family photos from my days as a toddler which rekindled old family memories of togetherness & love of yesteryears which had dissipated over the years.

Seeing the Krishna Janmashtami celebrations in temples across cities like Mathura, Vrindavan, Dwarka, Delhi et al. over the TV set on 3rd Sep’, visiting 5 different religions’ places of worship over my birthday on 10 Sep’ (details in my next blog post), and watching a newly telecast TV show ‘Radhe-Krishna’ on Star Bharat TV channel – have all veered me full circle back towards religiosity/spirituality away from recent flirtations with atheism denouncing a supreme power

3. Written Words are my best or perhaps my only companion (last 3 pts.):

Former Poet-Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee left for his heavenly abode recently.  He was a master orator & poet, who could win over his staunch political enemies & disarm them with his gift of the gab through his speeches, play of words in his conversations, emotions manifested in his poems et al.  He was loved & respected by everyone across party lines, countrymen across religions & casted, despite having no immediate family (he didn’t marry).

I’d met a girl recently at the workplace, for whom I’d started developing one-sided feelings. I’d even gone to the extent of penning down my emotions over a piece of paper (some lines of which, I’d share in subsequent blog posts of my poems written over the years) but it felt futile sharing so with her upon realizing that the sentiments weren’t reciprocated.

In Dec’18, our Spanish A2.2 Class Teacher, Arka Panda, asked us what our hobbies are, what we’d like to do next yr.  I mentioned poetry, that I’d like to get my collection of poems & my autobiography published.  In Jan’19, the trailer of a movie ‘Gully Boy’ was out on youtube based on the lives of young underground Mumbai rappers Naved Sheikh (pseudonym ‘Naezy’ – Naved + Crazy) & Vivien Fernandez (pseudonym ‘Divine’ – his mom often took him to church) which stoked the cold embers in my soul again to blurt out my repressed emotions, tell my life story via written words, to unburden, unshackle me, to have a cathartic release et al.