jjbalice

[jjbalice]

Finally got a proper summer job through tutoring Korean and English. After being extremely anxious for the first few lessons, I feel like I've gained a huge amount of confidence in myself. It only took a few big, scary steps for me to feel like I belong in society and know what I'm doing.

Making decent money. Don't have much free time but feeling productive and good about myself. Went to a teahouse with a bunch of friends today. Life is good.

[jjbalice]

Hi author, It's been a while since I've read Marty'rs folly and I just want to say that it was- still is a wonderful fic.

It was so heartfelt, every single line is full of warmth and as someone that used to struggle with SH, it was literally everything I could've hoped for when I was still in that part of my life.

Much like how it gave me comfort- I wish you the same as well, Thank you dear author for writing and for existing 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Hi anon!!! You've come at just the right time, I swear. I've been feeling a bit down today, but your lovely ask cheered me right back up (and will continue to do so for a while)!! I'm so so glad to have brought you some comfort, and I'm even more glad to hear you're doing better now ♥ ♥ ! Whoever you are, wherever you are, I wish you only the best ♥ Thank you so much for this beautiful ask and take care!!

[jjbalice]

It's one of those days

[jjbalice]

mingi (and his notebook) for anon (fancam cr.)

[jjbalice]

Also also thank you so much for the freebies, everyone!!! That was so cute and kind, I'll cherish them forever <33

Ateez concert successfully felled

[jjbalice]

Also ate like two small pastries today and same thing yesterday oops gotta fix that tomorrow with a good meal and water

Ateez concert successfully felled

[jjbalice]

Ateez concert successfully felled

[jjbalice]

why do i always do the same shit even when i know how it's gonna end every time?????!!!!!

[jjbalice]

Another really bad wave is hitting :((

[jjbalice]

i'm really sorry to that one anon i haven't responded to

[jjbalice]

can you write a ateez members head cannon of them finding out the reader is struggling with self harm? If so, thank you and I understand it is a sensitive topics and may be uncomfortable to write.

Hi!! Thank you so much for the ask! I thought about your request for a long while, but in the end, I don't think I can write it right now, sorry.

It's not because I'm uncomfortable writing about the topic or anything, I've literally written a Yunho oneshot about self-harm comfort and I'm still very happy with how it turned out. However, I currently have a lot of different drafts about mental health that I'd rather work on and get out before I do another SH-related story.

I know how comforting it can feel to read fics about things one struggles with, I also do it a lot! But I feel like the quality and originality of the scenarios I'd be able to come up with would deteriorate if I were to write multiple new ones at once.

So, again, sorry for rejecting your request, but hopefully someone else could write some headcanons for you! I'd love to read them too, haha.

Also, if you want, you can always send me an ask or a DM with your username and I'll tag you in the future in case I write anything SH-related again. Thank you and have a nice day!! <33

[jjbalice]

ugh

[jjbalice]

I hate myself so much

[jjbalice]

I feel insane

[jjbalice]

A Night to Forget

Summary: Mingi wakes up to a feeling he's never experienced before, and he's pretty sure he's dying.

Genre: a reverse hurt/comfort Mingi x reader oneshot

Word count: 1 123 (8-9 min.)

Trigger warnings: descriptions of a panic attack (shortness of breath, feeling nauseous and scared, crying)

A/N: Somehow, the biggest struggle while writing this was the concept of puke bowls?? I thought that was a universal thing but once I started googling the proper term for it I found out it's not?? So if you're one of those people who don't have a designated bowl for throwing up at home, now you do, lol.

You awoke with a startle, eyes blinking rapidly as they tried to focus in the dark room. You didn't remember having a nightmare, so why were you suddenly awake?

The answer to your question came in the form of a sharp, deep inhale from beside you. Immediately, a shaky exhale followed, just as loud and forceful.

"...Min?" You called out quietly, turning to your right. You could see the rough outline of your boyfriend, lying on the bed with his back to you. The sheets he usually liked to bury himself in were pulled down to his waist, revealing his broad, pajama-clad back.

Despite the darkness, you could see his chest and shoulders rise and fall with every tight breath, looking almost painful with the clear tension in each movement.

You quickly sat up, leaning over to place a gentle hand on his hip. "Mingi? Baby, are you okay?"

All you got in return was a small, watery whine, making you that much more concerned. Worrying at your bottom lip, you leaned back to turn on your bedside lamp. With the room now cast in a warm, soft, yellow light, you shuffled closer to peer over Mingi's shoulder.

If the labored breathing wasn't enough cause for concern, the tears rolling down his cheeks definitely were.

"Honey please, talk to me. What's wrong?"

Mingi's breath stuttered as he tried to get his voice under control, eyes squeezed shut. "I- I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Fuck," you muttered, quickly straightening back up. "Can you stand up? No, wait, let me go get the bowl-"

"No!" Mingi suddenly caught your hand before you could remove it from his hip, grip surprisingly tight considering the tremors in his arm. "Please, please don't leave, I don't want to- I can't- I'm scared."

You quickly put your hand back on his hip, holding him securely while you lay back down. Even if Mingi's frantic behavior gave you an idea of what might be happening, it didn't ease your inner panic whatsoever. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm right here, alright? It will pass soon, don't worry."

Mingi just weakly nodded in return, clearly unconvinced. His breaths slowed down just a bit but grew that much deeper in turn. "Y/N, I-" his voice cut off as he choked on something between a gag and a sob, making him heave even more. "I can't breathe."

Despite the fear in his statement, Mingi's words further confirmed your suspicions.

"Honey, are you having a panic attack?" You asked softly, watching his body exhaust itself with more labored breaths. The sight pained you, but you knew you couldn't give in to your own panic right now. You had to be here for your lover.

"I don't know," Mingi whimpered, bracing himself as another wave of nausea hit him, "maybe?"

Okay, you should be able to work with that. Hopefully.

You moved to lie right against him, chest pressing into his back. The hand on his hip traveled upward, resting against his waist and stomach. Like this, your fingers felt every rise and fall of his chest, keeping track without putting too much pressure on his ribcage.

"Try to breathe with me, love," you whispered into his neck, pressing a chaste kiss to the skin. "I know it feels like you're suffocating, but you'll be okay, trust me."

Despite his inner doubts, Mingi replied with the tiniest "Okay". The room fell silent again, save for your slow, calm breaths and Mingi's hard, tight ones. For the first minute or two, Mingi couldn't match you for the life of him. Every time he tried to slow down, he felt like he was going to pass out, throw up, or both. Only after you spoke up again, whispering small words of love and encouragement, did his breathing finally start to calm down.

"There you go," you cooed in his ear. "I'm so proud of you, baby, keep going."

Mingi's heart warmed at your praise, easing the nauseous anxiety churning within. The feeling that he was going to throw up began subsiding, along with the tightness in his lungs.

"Thank you," he muttered a few moments later, relaxing into the mattress. At last, the worst of it seemed to be over, easing his panic about possibly dying.

"There's nothing to thank me for," you replied softly, snuggling further into his back now that he was less likely to be uncomfortable by your touch. "How are you feeling?"

He hummed to himself as he assessed his state, grabbing your hand on his waist to fully wrap it around his middle. "Definitely a lot better. It's still a bit hard to breathe but it's going away, I think."

"Good," you sighed into his neck. "I'm sorry you had to go through that in the first place, though. Waking up to a panic attack is anything but pleasant, but you did really well."

"...You really think it was a panic attack?" Mingi questioned, turning around to look at you. "I mean, it would certainly be one of the better reasons for why this all happened, but still... What is there to panic over in one's sleep?"

You chuckled at his question, squeezing him tighter in your hold. "I don't know, babe. You have been pretty stressed lately, so maybe something in your dreams triggered it, who knows. I'm just glad you got through it."

"That makes two of us," Mingi agreed absent-mindedly, too focused on the bright moon outside. "Not gonna lie though, I'm kinda afraid to fall asleep again after this."

The tone of his voice and the small chuckle told you it was supposed to be a joke, but you knew better than that. Despite the tough-guy persona your boyfriend often liked to put on, deep down, he was just as sensitive as everyone else, if not more.

"Don't worry, love," you consoled him, nuzzling your nose against his shoulder. "I'm sure everything will be fine now. And even if not, I'm right here to calm you down again. I've got you, always."

Mingi didn't respond for a while, too busy fighting the tears suddenly springing to his eyes. How did those few words from you bring him so much comfort? And what did he do to deserve such a beautiful, loving person by his side?

Mingi didn't know and didn't dare ask. All he needed to know right now was that you were here - with him, for him.

Please, don't hesitate to reblog or comment!! Any kind of feedback is much appreciated!! <333

[jjbalice]

I need to hurt myself so bad but I have nothing useful with me

[jjbalice]

Why do I have to be the most annoying bitch to have ever graced the earth