jkbard

[jkbard]

[jkbard]

los angeles california 1940

[jkbard]

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

[jkbard]

the real antidote to the problem of "everyone is beautiful and no one is horny" is watching old horny shows like mash. nothing but perfectly normal-looking, homely, average people in that show who hook up with each other or unseen partners on a regular basis. hawkeye is absolutely drowning in sex and the man has such a bizarre mismatched set of randomly strong and weak facial features on a noodle body with dogshit posture. and it's GREAT. you can't tell how soft his jawline is because there's always a woman kissing his neck and blocking the camera. i know i riff on people saying they want to fuck mulcahy until he has a religious epiphany but as a butch lesbian with that exact face shape it's been so healing to be like. ohhhh ok so sexuality and attractiveness isn't just limited to the perfect beautiful poreless people on netflix. i understand now

[jkbard]

“Covid game me narcolepsy” no you fucking pervert it didn’t. You’re just a weirdo with a gross fetish. Covid didn’t make you suddenly want to fuck dead people. Keep that shit to yourself you gods damned weirdo

I have type 2 Narcolepsy. Studies have shown that serious viral infections can cause people to develop Narcolepsy if they are already genetically susceptible to having it. This includes covid. That is what happened to me.

You on the other hand might want to google the difference between Narcolepsy and Necrophilia….

[jkbard]

irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

[jkbard]

Looking up Discworld quotes and it's always so fun because one quote will be like

"Homo Sapiens? You could keep it."

And the next one will be

"LORD, WE KNOW THERE IS NO GOOD ORDER EXCEPT THAT WHICH WE CREATE... THERE IS NO HOPE BUT US. THERE IS NO MERCY BUT US. THERE IS NO JUSTICE. THERE IS JUST US. ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION. AND EVEN OBLIVION MUST END ONE DAY. LORD, WILL YOU GRANT ME JUST A LITTLE TIME? FOR THE PROPER BALANCE OF THINGS. TO RETURN WHAT WAS GIVEN. FOR THE SAKE OF PRISONERS AND THE FLIGHT OF BIRDS. LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?"

And now I'm crying because of one man's overwhelming love for humanity and the fact that he wrote 44 books in which one of the overarching themes is just... take care of one another. Even the bad ones.

[jkbard]

“protect children” <- reactionary drivel basically every time

“be kind to children” <-radical thinking that causes way more arguments than you would ever imagine

[jkbard]

[jkbard]

You know, despite the internet’s best efforts, I still believe that people are inherently good.

[jkbard]

I have applied to over 75 jobs in the last two months. 75 position. I have a 4 year degree I got in 3 years to get into the work force faster.

Not A NIBBLE.

I got told today "You are a very Inspiring and Intelligent Candidate but unfortunately you aren't a good fit."

If you have any hints at a job for someone with zoological illustration specialty please hit me up.

Commissions are open I guess... Still need the mobility service dog.

[jkbard]

Love havelock vetinari bc he’s introduced as a terrifying tyrant that will cut off your finger if you wave it at him and is inhumanly calm and collected but then you realize he’s actually just LARPing as a villain. He asks to be handcuffed so he can be arrested properly. He disapproves of his aunt’s cat because it’s not the kind you can pet sinisterly while waiting in the dark. He tries to do “tis but a scratch” about a fucking gunshot and collapses on the spot.

[jkbard]

this should have been me

[jkbard]

captain afab is honestly a very relatable character because whomst among us does not have some great beast that has eluded us all our lives. mine, for instance, is a decent night's sleep.

[jkbard]

December is really busy so I was able to finish this Drawtectives Season 3 Hype fanart only now. But maybe it's a sign for everyone who missed it to go and watch the first episode!

[jkbard]

Chibified Angua and Vimes

[jkbard]

i fr can't pass by a dynamic between a cool unhinged threatening woman and a chaotic little silly freak of a man <3