jlkor-blog

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“Once the soul leaves the body, you will see that, all this time, we have been worried about the appearance of a bag of bones. Life is preserved by the soul, the body was for practical purposes only. It belongs to earth and to earth it shall return. The soul, well, it travels on.”

— r.iver - Oracle

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instagram: whosnatalia 👼🏼🕊✨

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Diver convince octopus to trade his plastic cup for a seashell

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This week I’ve been numb. I’ve been on autopilot. Mourning. And waiting. You see it’s been not quite two weeks since we heard that a jury say that Gerald Stanley was “not guilty” of Colten Boushie’s murder and we, as a community knew this next verdict was forthcoming. And, we’ve all been on edge. This evening a jury came back to say that Raymond Cormier, despite boasting of what he did to Tina Fontaine was found “not guilty”. I immediately threw up what little I’d eaten today. I threw up until I was throwing up bile.

While sitting on the bathroom floor the phone went off, my best friend Em, an amazing Mohawk woman who’s children call me Auntie was wanting to know if I knew. We cried. We cried for this senseless loss of life, out of frustration, out of fear, out of mourning, and out of anger. Tina could have been her daughter, my niece, an auntie, a friend or even one of us.

Tina was one of thousands of missing and murdered Indigenous women in Canada; however, unlike thousands of others they located her murderer and caught him on tape confessing to such.

During this trial, much like the Gerald Stanley trial the victim was dragged through the dirt. Victim shaming headlines from prominent news outlets. Vile comments on articles calling a 15 year old child a whore. More attention was paid to Tina and her life’s circumstances than that of her murdered.

For the second time in two weeks the justice system has come back saying that despite overwhelming evidence and a confession you can be found not guilty of murder, if it was an Indigenous person.

I put down my phone and focused on my son, this beautiful Indigenous boy that I brought into this world 12 years ago. We smudged saying our prayers to the Creator and filling the house with the scent of sage and cedar. And, then I handed him the brush. And there I sat as he pulled at my hair time and time again while he practiced braiding my hair. He recited teachings during attempts and laughed when he did his cleanest braid yet.

He moved wordlessly from behind me to in front handing me the brush. I quietly brushed his hair, and then did a beautiful French braid that goes ¾ down his back. And tears fell down my eyes thinking about the what if’s. What if this was the last time I braided his hair because he was shot and killed? What if this was the last time he braided my hair because I went missing and was later found in a waterway murdered.

This is my reality as an Indigenous woman and as a mother to an Indigenous child in Canada. And it’s taking its toll.

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hahah yessss

Who did this 😭😭💀

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No Justice, No Peace.  Quote from Emiliano Zapata

Art by Liberal Jane

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✨An Altar to Yourself ✨

Feeling especially down or inadequate about something? Not sure where to currently go in terms of your practice? Then, why not dedicate an altar to yourself? If you are anything like me, you began dabbling in witchcraft for deep personal reasons - it is a flexible practice in which you can choose a truly independent practice that is all your own. I have found that, in times of feeling stuck (“Witch’s Block,” if you will), I realize that I need to draw my spirit back to myself. Why did *you* become interested in magick? Who *is* the person that is so fascinated by this realm? In those instances of self-hatred, remind yourself of who you are. Of why you love the things you love, and of just how beautiful it is to be your own person, completely “you” in every way. Dedicating a small sacred space to your own unique spirit is a simple, lovely thing to do for yourself. Items to Include: 

 • Do you have an absolute favorite crystal, stone, or rock? Take some extra time to really charge your little pal with your own special energy, and place it in the center of your shrine. ✨

 • The same goes for incense or oils - what smell *always* makes you happy? Treat yourself to the beauty of smell by including a sentimental incense, oils, flowers, or candles that are extra special to you. 🕯

 • Altars don’t need to be limited to crystals, candles, and incense. Why not add some photos of people or things you love (including yourself)!!! Include some happy, visual memories - notes from loved ones, favorite quotes, photos of your pet, or even just clipouts/printouts of random things that make you smile. 🖼

 • Fill a small bowl with salt! Salt is protective, and adding some to an altar all about you will assist in the strengthening and guarding of your spirit. 🔮

 • Add anything - literally, anything - that is close to your heart or speaks to your soul. This could include special gifts you’ve received, an award that you’re proud of, a book you love, a statue of a favorite deity or animal, something passed down to you from a family member, a favorite toy or stuffed animal, a tarot card that is sentimental to you, a movie ticket from a film you adored! There are no limits here. :-) 💖

 • Get mushy - write a love letter to yourself! There have *got* to be things that you like about who you are, no matter how easy it is to get down on ourselves. Make a list of the little quirks that you fancy about yourself. On the other side of the paper, write a list of things you wish to change. 💌 ♡

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Self Image Jar: Positivity & Confidence 🌻 Ingredients 
- Dried sunflower petals 
- Dried and ground sunflower leaves 
- Dried amaranth seeds 
- Dried lavendar petals - Dried red rose petals 
- Dried rose hips - Dried & ground bittersweet 🌻 Layer Ingredients: The order is unimportant - do what feels right to you. You’ll want to cleanse your jar prior to adding your ingredients; ensure that your jar is dried completely. You can store on your window seal or by your bed. 🌻 Pro Tip: • Do not add fresh flower petals in to your jar. Drying them prior to adding them helps avoid fuzzy mold from building up in your layers. • Bittersweet (Nightshade) is poisonous - be cautious when handling and do not ingest.

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earth witch self-care tips 🌿

- take a therapeutic walk through nature, allowing your soul to wander and yourself to breathe

- meditate outdoors, paying extra close attention to the surrounding sounds and the feel of the sun on your skin

- place fresh flowers or a cute succulent near your bed to greet you each morning

- keep a small “boost bag” in your purse or pocket, filled with dried petals and herbs, a favorite crystal or stone, and a leaf/tree/animal shaped pendant

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Google search: how to fill the mother shaped hole I have in my chest. What do I fill it with? I’ve tried taking the most maternal pieces I’ve found in my therapists and stuffing it into my chest like toilet paper in a bra but something always goes wrong. Blood seeps deep into toilet paper rapidly & then becomes more danger than gauze & I can’t help but remove it from my heart because the maternal parts of the therapist didn’t belong there in the first place & everyone knew it except for me. Google search: how to accept the fact that I will never have the mom that I have always needed. That no matter what I do or say, or how much I plead with whatever power lives up above and decides what happens here on earth to give me a re-do or to give me a woman here who will take on the mother role, I will never have the mom I have always needed. Google search: what is it going to take for me to move forward knowing I will never have what I need? What has to happen for me to stop taking a blade to the soft flesh of my wrist every time I don’t get what I need?— every time I look for a mom in the eyes of the nice woman working at TGI Fridays or the dental hygienist who cleans my teeth & wipes a tear from my cheek while I shake in the dentist chair & tells me I did a good job when it’s over or every time a person who my mind has already labeled “fill-in mom” doesn’t fit inside the mother shaped gaping wound in my heart. What has to happen in order for me to stop searching for love inside eyes that do not have what I need inside them? What has to happen in order for me to stop emptying myself out when those people who I want to love me like a mother loves her daughter don’t have that capacity? Google search: tell me a good story about your own mom. Tell me about the time when she rubbed your back & sang a lullaby to your sick, aching heart. Tell me about how she made you chicken noodle soup & stayed home from work with you because she loved you & wanted to do nothing more than help you feel better. Tell me about the time when you fell down & scraped your knee & you went crying to your mommy & she grabbed a pretty baindaid & kissed your bruise & said, “all better!” Tell me about your first break up & how your mom came home early that day with ice cream & trashy movies & held you in her arms as you cried until you had nothing left in your heart but the love of your mommy’s soft touch. Google search: how to make it stop hurting so much. I can’t go a day without feeling this missing piece inside of me & some days it aches less than others but on the days when the aching has total hold of me there is no relief. No one can do anything to make it better; there is no word in the world that could save me from the pain of knowing that I will have to live the rest of my life without the love I needed maternally. I need to find a way to stop hurting; a way to make the world stop turning on the days when the pain takes control of my body & all I can feel is the way my mom’s touch was a bullet & she was the gun & I need to find a way to make the noose around my neck loosen its grip before I suffocate inside the truth. Google search: the truth is that I’ll never have a mom. How do I accept this? How do I move on? How do I live without that love? Google search: the sadness is overtaking me. One night, my mom was in a good mood & she came into my room to sing me to sleep—she never did this, it was a new thing. I was laying in bed & she was sitting on the carpet next to me, leaning her back against my nightstand when she began to sing. “Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you, remember I’ll always be true.” I felt my eyes begin to fill up with tears, though I wasn’t sure why & feelings were never safe so I hid it & pretended I was fine. “And then while I’m away, I’ll write home everyday, and I’ll send all my lovin’ to you.” I could not control it, I let out a loud sob & said, “Please don’t leave me mommy! I promise I’ll be good, I’ll do anything!” & my mom grabbed my hand & said, “don’t worry, Baby, I’ll never leave.” & when she left my room that night I laid in bed & cried & cried & didn’t know why. Google search: why do the good memories hurt more than the bad ones? Why am I still crying at that song by the Beatles & the memory of my mom grabbing my hand & assuring me she would never leave when I’m now an adult & can see all the awful things that my mom did to me? Google search: how to stop wanting a mommy like the version of my mommy who randomly sang to me.

GOOGLE SEARCH: MOMMY, by han hyland (via volcanicpoetry)

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my instagram

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It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.

Rob Bell (via quotemadness)

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