jmreynolds

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Beta Ray Bill by Daniel Warren Johnson

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koh: ok we need to visit this planet, let’s dock and—

bile: nah i don’t feel like paying the toll

bile: let’s take this alternate, secret route

koh:

koh: that’s how daemons get in

bile: uh huh

koh: you want us to use the daemon road. which is full of daemons

bile: uh huh

saqqara: if we go that way, we will walk a path of madness, minds will splinter and souls will fray

bile: wow you’re such a poet *sarcastic applause*

bile: also did i mention that we gotta turn off the gellar field to do this

koh: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND—

arrian: hey it’s a new experience! don’t you slaaneshi types love new experiences? >:)

koh: I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS BEFORE AND IT SUCKED

saqqara: how do you not understand the magnitude of this. traveling this road will blast us with unfiltered, high-octane Lovecraftian Elder God mindfuck. this is blasphemy and it is—

bile: shut up saqqara we’re taking the daemon road. mama bile didn’t raise no tax-paying punk

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Hey, look, new free story to ring in the weekend. Artemis Whitlock answers the age-old question: where wolf? There wolf. Maybe. Possibly.

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Funicular of Montmartre, Paris

French vintage postcard

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Hey, I won!

The winners of the 2025 International Association of Media Tie-In Writers Scribe Awards were announced at San Diego Comic Con: among them, Tim Foley, David Mack and Una McCormack

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'A Clutch of Vampires' by Edward Gorey, 1974

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“…does another challenger approacheth?“🗡🌿✨

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vegans make peace with honey

no shut up do it

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Wraparound cover art for RETURN OF THE MONSTER MEN (by me!) by Brian LeBlanc. Available for preorder now! https://edgarriceburroughs.com/store/product/return-of-the-monster-men/

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Street scene in the 4th district of Paris

French vintage postcard

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Colonnade of Amenhotep III in the Luxor Temple, Egypt

British vintage postcard

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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Midnight Pals: V O I D

Edward Lee: ok bro Lee: trust me you're gonna have so much fun Jordan Shiveley: i bet it won't be as much fun as the v o i d consuming my flesh Lee: naw naw i's gonna be lit [shoves cassette tape in slot,'Baby Don't Hurt Me' starts playing]

Lee: bro just look at this club Lee: so many eligible singles, bro Lee: you just gotta take your pick, eh, bro? eh? Shiveley: i bet none of them would consume my flesh Lee: i bet some would bro Shiveley: i bet not Lee: Lee: bro you're really bringing me down bro

Lee: bro Jordan is really being a buzzkill Lee: like even more than you bro Lee: ugh bro that feelings shit is for chicks Lee: ooo you look at the abyss, the abyss looks back Lee: it's no big deal bro! Lee: everyone goes through that! Lovecraft: do you think he might be Italian?

HP Lovecraft: the funky beats of this pounding club music are actually quite compelling Lovecraft: what do you call this music? Lee: oh that's italo-disco, bro Lovecraft: Lovecraft: [sweats]

Shiveley: i Shiveley: Shiveley: oh shit Lee: what, bro? Shiveley: shit the v o i d is here Lee: what? Shiveley: over there, over there Lee: over there? Shiveley: DON'T LOOK

Lee: damn bro THAT's the v o i d? Lee: you never said the v o i d was smokin Shiveley: yeah well Shiveley: why do you think we were a thing Lee: i don't know man, maybe the v o i d had a really good personality or something Lee: shit how am i supposed to know Lee: i mean, am i wrong, howard? Lovecraft: i don't understand what's going on

Lee: bro would you or would you not say Lee: that v o i d over there Lee: pretty easy on the eyes, eh, bro? Lovecraft: Lee: thick with existential dread, huh, bro? Lee: or should i say Lee: thicc Lovecraft: i still don't understand what's happening

Lee: they say the v o i d is shapeless and formless Lee: but bro that's got a pretty nice shape and form Shiveley: hey are you putting the move on the v o i d?? Lee: bro you said you broke up! Lee: fair game, bro!

Lee: Yo! over here! Shiveley: don't Shiveley: don't call the v o i d over here Lee: yo the bro is HOT Lee: hey v o i d you come here often V O I D: [screaming eldritch gibberish] Lee: [blood streaming from eyes & ears] cool cool cool Lee: so what's your pronouns

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Entrance of the Sultan's Palace in Tangier, Morocco

French vintage postcard