joestreng

[joestreng]

Stunned Jolts Sign Confused Shohei Otani

At a hastily scheduled news conference outside the Napa Tune & Lube, a shocked Joltin' Joes owner announced the team had signed two-way global superstar Shohei Otani.

“Yeah, we placed a bid, but we didn’t think we’d actually get him,” said flummoxed Jolts Dictator-for Life Joe Streng. “Isn’t there a process to sign a guy like this? A form to fill out? How the heck did this happen?”

“Honestly, I assumed I’d be on the October Knights,” a baffled Otani said through a Google Translate app he’s using while his best friend is doing 5-to-7 at a minimum security facility. “My agent tells me the Joltin’ Joes are a team that plays in the PSX league. Is that correct?”

Spurred by the sudden signing, the Jolts went on a sumptuous spending spree. In rapid order, the team signed Pete Alonso, Bryan Reynolds and Max Fried. The plethora of purchases perplexed and perturbed the rest of the PSX. 

“I had no clue what was happening, but I ate too much SPAM for dinner last night, so I might have blacked out for a while,” said rookie owner Richard Santana from his Hawaiian bungalow.

Following the team’s stunning Draft Day dominance, the Jolts promotions team announced its most ambitious promotional schedule ever:

Edibles Night on 4/20: All fans over the age of five will receive a grocery bag filled with THC-laced treats. The seventh inning stretch will feature a four-hour concert from legendary jam band Phish.

Roman Empire Night: All men wearing a toga to the game will be given the right to pillage the village of their choice. After the game, a group of Jolts interns – armed with rolled up newspapers and shields made of balsa wood – will try to fend off hungry tigers.

Turn Back the Clock Night: The Jolts will celebrate the anniversary of their one-and-only PSX championship in 2001 with a celebration of the Stanley Kubrick classic 2001: A Space Odyssey. The PA announcer at Jolts Park will be replaced by HAL and a group of Jolts interns will be placed into an airlock until the team wins another championship.

The Jolts wrapped up their news conference by announcing Trevor Bauer has received the inaugural John Rocker Award for the worst human being in the world to play baseball. 

[joestreng]

PSX Picayune: Kangaroo Court

As we enter the final third of the season, the PSX Disciplinary Committee has initiated its first-ever Kangaroo Court. The Commish serves as Prosecutor and Judge in all of the following cases and no Defense is allowed. The Charges and Punishments are herein:

Chin Music

The Charge: Failing to accumulate draft picks in a last-place season

When the first place team has more draft picks than you, you’re doing a poor job tanking. At this time last season, October Knights had 40 picks, purchased a minor league team and opened a training facility in Japan. Andy will enter the 2024 with three picks, although he should get a long-term stud with his #1 overall. But…

The Punishment: Andy must use his #1 pick to draft the winning pitcher from the team that wins the 2023 Little League World Series 

Roid Rage

The Charge: Tanking during a season when the Cardinals suck

On Draft night, Stacey-the-Younger executed his usual strategy of drafting as many Cardinals as possible and then watched his beloved team sink to the bottom of the standings. This immediately raised red flags in the Commish’s office, which dispatched investigators to the Gateway City and found a clear-cut case of collusion, as the Roids’  timed their tank season to align with the Redbirds decline.

The Punishment: Roids must draft all Cubs in 2024

Joltin Joe’s/The Commish

The Charge: Abusing his transaction authority

In a wine-fueled stupor, the Commish entered a trade that he desperately wanted to make on behalf of the Joltin’ Joe’s without actually confirming it with the other team. To his eternal chagrin, he was forced to reverse the deal and accept a far less attractive offer that involved saying goodbye to his future-son-in-law-for-a-daughter-he-doesn’t-have Spencer Steer.

The Punishment: None. The Commish pardoned himself.

Scott’s Tots

The Charge: Continuing to have Victor Victor Mesa on the roster

The League Secretary regularly combs through PSX minor leaguers to release those who are no longer in the league. In some cases the player has retired. In others they decided they could make a better living selling tires. And then there’s Victor Victor Mesa, the player about whom legendary Draft Auctioneer Jimmy Fields once said, “The player so nice, they named him twice.” This one-time Cuban prospect has been in the minors since the Nixon administration and yet he hasn’t been dropped by the big league club, which means the Tots can continue to hold out hope that he will one day become the world’s oldest rookie.

The Punishment: Scott must name all of his future offspring Victor Victor

Kiss My Astros

The Charge: Relinquishing Fourth Place without League approval

Much like the sun rising in the east and Buck Showalter scowling at an umpire, we’ve expected KMA to finish in fourth place. Steve’s crew scraped out enough prize money to pay his league fees in the two seasons after the pandemic, but the streak ends this season. KMA should have informed the rest of the league that he would be relinquishing the not-quite-bronze medal in 2023, which would likely have resulted in a collective shrug of the shoulders and a half-hearted thank you from the other owners.

The Punishment: KMA will be credited with a tie for fifth in any future season they finish in fourth

Vicious and Delicious

The Charge: Failure to tank

Daryl drafted a pretty darn good team on draft night and then proceeded to do a crappy job dismantling it. One owner of a team with a name that rhymes with Shmoltin’ Shmoes was so confident V&D would finish in the bottom three that he grabbed the team’s first-round draft pick in a trade that once again demonstrated the total ineptitude of the Shmoes front office. The pick was later given away in return for a pack of big league chew and a bag of sunflower seeds. Thanks a lot, Daryl!

The Punishment: Probably a run at the championship in 2024. Life is unfair.

Savage Ropes

The Charge: Managing a team from Hawaii

Is it me or does Scotty B. always seem to be phoning in his roster moves from the Aloha State? On draft night, he always has a laid back island vibe and consistently smells of cocoa butter. He says he lives in the Central Valley, but the Commish has decided to fly to the islands and search every sandy and sun-kissed beach until the absentee owner is found.

The Punishment: Serve bottomless Mai Tais to all owners at 2024 Draft Night

Scotch and Water

The Charge: Wasting a career year from Lane Thomas

Other than the aforementioned Spencer Steer, Lane Thomas was the pride and joy of the Jolts ownership. A scrap-heap pickup who provided solid production for two seasons, the Jolts granted his wish to be traded to a contender. Promised a championship ring and a lifetime supply from Dan’s personal distillery, Lane has put up the best numbers of his career. Sadly, he will likely have to settle for a fourth place finish at best and a six pack of Schlitz.

The Punishment: The road leading to S&W Stadium will be renamed Lane Thomas Lane

Shibe Collective

The Charge: Pretending to be overwhelmed on Draft Night

New owner Chip appeared to need medical attention after the first hour of Draft Night. The wild-eyed rookie was seen frantically dialing 911 during the first break screaming, “It’s too damn fast!” Little did the rest of the league know that it was all a ruse with the wily owner and his mystery partner lulling the other owners into a false sense of security. Chip later showed his true colors by forcing the Jolts owner to wash his car every weekend for six months in return for accepting Kyle Schwarber in a trade. That man is a monster and should not be trusted.

The Punishment: None, but Shibe co-owner Steve Cooper must continue to abide by the judge’s order to stay outside of a five mile radius from benevolent A’s owner John Fisher

Ugly Finders

The Charge: Copying the Jolts’ formula from 2022

Mike Martin looked at the Jolts’ All-Bat/No-Arm strategy from last season and said, “Hey, that looks great! I’ll give it a shot!” Although the offense has cooled a bit in the second half, the Uglies at one point had a Nob Hill offense and a Tenderloin pitching staff, despite the Jolts generously donating one of their strong-armed studs to the cause. Mike and the front office are now pinning their hopes on prospects named Pint and Warming for a future championship.

The Punishment: Uglies must copy the Jolts’ 2023 formula next season

Diamond Bumms

The Charge: Making a run at the championship

The first half of the year looked very promising for the long-suffering Bumms. Mark had a strong draft and traded for some marquee names, including one of the largest deals ever with KMA. Although the pitching staff has continued its strong performance, the Injury Fairy made his annual visit to Kris Bryant and Starling Marte and the dream is starting to fade. There’s still some time left, but the champagne that was on ice is now floating in a bucket of lukewarm water.

The Punishment: Drink the champagne anyway

October Knights

The Charge: Rubbing it in

Listen, we get it. The Knights have built a juggernaut that will continue to rule the league for another century. But trading for Juan Soto with a nearly 20-point lead? And pulling off an incredibly rare three-way deal to grab another #1 pick and Marcell Ozuna? Everyone in the league knows that Rob possesses a Jedi mind trick that convinces other owners to hand over their draft picks and unwed daughters without question. But this is getting ridiculous.

The Punishment: The Jolts give Rob all their draft picks through 2025. (Dammit, he did it again!)

[joestreng]

PSX Picayune – Year-End Edition

Another exciting PSX season is wrapping up and this one was a doozy. Congrats to the V&D crew for grabbing first place by the throat at the end of April and never letting go. The only drama in the last few weeks was the race for second, which – as of this writing – is still to be determined between Joltin’ Joes and Ugly Finders. A big shout-out to KMA for finishing in the money for the second year in a row.

Rather than break down each team’s performance, this edition of the PSX Picayune is dedicated to the Joltin’ Joe’s journey through the season.

April

The Jolts blow the draft day budget on big sticks and speedsters. The team also stocks up on horse steroids, Nugenix (because as the Big Hurt says, “She’ll like it, too”) and a mystery cream that makes hitters extremely rageful when they see an off-speed pitch. The investments pay immediate dividends as the Jolts offense blasts out of the gate with a historic run. Meanwhile, Aaron Nola and Adam Wainwright are seen throwing baseballs off a brick wall outside the Jolts training complex and asking if anyone has a bottle of water they might be able to use for basic hygiene purposes.

May

The Jolts offensive onslaught continues. A conga line of Bryce Harper clones is seen marching across home plate. Freddie Freeman slugs a rare six-base hit that scores eight runs. Waiver-wire claim Jon Berti is seen leaving Wile E. Coyote behind in a plume of desert dust. Meanwhile, a bleary-eyed Jolts GM comes off a six-week peyote binge and asks, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DRAFTED TWO ROCKIES PITCHERS?” Meanwhile, a team of Ivy League interns are seen transporting Jolts Castle stone-by-stone from Pleasanton to an undisclosed location in Napa.

June

The offensive juggernaut is unstoppable, posting a perfect score of 60 across all batting categories. Jolts Owner and Dictator-for-Life installs a 10,000 square-foot spa staffed by nubile masseuses to soothe weary hitters. Meanwhile, the Jolts GM decides it might not be a bad idea to add a starter to the staff and trades every player under the age of 25 for Max Scherzer. German Marquez is thrown to a pack of hyenas hopped up on Mountain Dew. Morale improves.

July

Undaunted by an injury to Bryce Harper, the Jolts offensive machine continues to plow through the competition like a deleted scene from Mad Max: Fury Road. At the trade deadline, the Jolts GM trades the future of the franchise for a super-closer and another stud starter. A massive amount of champagne is ordered and street closures are planned for a victory parade through the streets of Napa. The Jolts are a lock to celebrate their first championship in 20 years.

August

OhGod … OhNo … NONONONONONO … WTF Josh Hader??? Pablo Lopez has a 6+ ERA??? We cut Kyle Finnegan, then traded to get him back? WHY??? When did Alex Wood start to suck so badly??? Blake Snell remembers how to pitch after he’s traded? What do you mean we spent $25 on Brandon Marsh? And who the hell is Jason Delay and why is he catching for us? Why has God forsaken me? Oh, how I long for the sweet release that death will bring!

September

Like the last janitor in the Red Sox clubhouse after Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, the Jolts stagger aimlessly through the final month of the season. In the last few weeks, the Ugly Finders pull alongside the Jolts’ team bus and honk as they speed past. The Jolts give it a little bit of gas to catch up, but they know this race was lost on that Saturday night in early April when the GM went all-in on offense and tried to build a pitching staff on the fly.

As the last great Commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti wrote: “[Baseball] is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall all alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.”

And as the great teacher and philosopher Crash Davis said: “Well, fuck this fucking game.”

Enjoy the off-season and congrats again to the 2022 PSX Champions Vicious & Delicious!

[joestreng]

PSX Picayune – Mid-Season Awards Edition

Like crazed raccoons who fell into a barrel of fermented berries, PSX owners have been wheeling and dealing for an exciting stretch run. As we hit the All-Star Break, it’s time for the first-ever PSX Mid-Season Awards!

(By the way, this was written by the Commish, not a CBS Sports bot.)

“We Suck, but Not for Long” Award: October Knights

Nobody tanks better than the back-to-back-to-back defending champs. It’s hard to find a team that’s better prepared for another run of dominance than Rob’s motley crew of massively talented youngsters with affordable contracts. You have been warned.

“Man with a Plan?” Award: Scott’s Tot’s

In their second year in the league, the team with arguably the best name is still defining a winning strategy. Is it built around solid group of prospects? A hodge-podge of guys who outperform their contracts? A couple of core vets having career years? Only Scott Dub knows for sure. (Or maybe he’s just making it up as he goes along. It’s a coin clip, really.)

“Let’s Make a Deal” Award: Scotch & Water

Trader Dan has been working the phones, emails, faxes, landlines and carrier pigeons to offer any player with a pulse to the rest of the league. If history is any indication, S&W could be battling for the Fields Cup again in the near future. 

“I’d Give My Right Arm for an Arm” Award: Diamond Bumms

With savvy trades to net some top prospects, the Bumms GM has assembled the building blocks for a future contender. In the meantime, his pitching staff of $2.50 cast-offs would be the worst in the league, if it weren’t for the Knights’ deliberate ineptitude. Mark might be bummin’ in 2022, but maybe he rebounds next year. Or not.

“How Soon Is Now?” Award: Savage Ropes

Every year, the Ropes scour high school and college baseball fields to find uncut gems that will serve as the foundation for a run of championships. The guys with the stop watches and clip boards grabbed another young stud selected in the 2022 MLB Draft this week. Will the strategy pay off in 2023? 2024? When the earth is swallowed by the sun? Time will tell.

“We’re Still In This?” Award: Chin Music

The 2022 season has had an unusual number of teams who still have a chance to finish in the money. Andy saw the opportunity and made a bold move to give up a long-term keeper for players that will serve him well in his dash for cash. What’s that? The Nat’s closer is done for the year? Oh. Bummer.

“No Sleep ‘Til Autumn” Award: Roid Rage

How does he do it? He’s got a young family, business responsibilities, anniversary trips to Vegas and Cardinals games on 24/7. Yet, the Young Stacey consistently finds himself in the top half of the PSX standings almost every year. Don’t be surprised to see this sleep-deprived GM make a couple of additional moves before the end of the year. Unless he nods off into a jar of baby food.

“Inaugural Austin Slater” Award: Vamanos Pest

Regardless of how the Pests finish in the standings, the 2022 Draft Night highlight was the bonkers $5.50 contract the team awarded to Austin Slater. In honor of this mind-blowing buy, The Commish has announced an annual award will acknowledge the most WTF? bid on draft night. (But hey, excellent job with the pitching staff, Craig. Really!)

“Walking Wounded” Award: Kiss My Astros

Has there even been a pitching staff that’s been as snake bit as KMA’s? Elbows. Shoulders. Heart problems. COVID. I’m pretty sure one guy was put on the IL with scurvy. And yet, if the season ended today, Steve would be counting some cash, thanks to … ummm … I don’t know, actually. Let me get back to you on that.

“I Drink Your Milkshake” Award: Ugly Finders

The Uglies ripped a page out of the Savage Ropes playbook on draft night and picked a bunch of post-pubescent prospects. Did it work? One out of four ain’t bad, especially if the one is an 18-year-old who swings a mean stick. Still, if you’re going to try to pull a Daniel Plainview on someone, bring a longer straw, since Scott struck oil with two out of three. (Oh, and Mike’s having a nice year, too.)

“Catch Me If You Can” Award: Vicious and Delicious

Daryl was EXTREMELY thoughtful on Draft Night. How thoughtful? Let’s just say his final picks took roughly the same amount of time as a Mike Hargrove at-bat in the late 70’s. (There was a reason Grover was called the Human Rain Delay. You can look it up.) The strategy might pay off with a third championship for V&D. Unless…

“ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?” Award: Joltin’ Joe’s

Only one team has finished the PSX season with a Perfect 60 across Batting categories: Scotch & Water’s 2015 champs. Next in the record books with 58 Batting points: October Knights’ 2011 champs. How about 57 Batting points? There are your 2011 champs S&W AND your 2018 champs October Knights. Does the trend hold up for 56 Batting points? Yup. That would be October Knights’ first championship in 2004.

What’s my point? I swear to God, if the Jolts’ pitching staff doesn’t turn this damn thing around, I will feed Max Scherzer and Aaron Nola to a pack of meth-addicted zombies.

Enjoy the rest of the season.

[joestreng]

PSX Picayune - All Star Break Edition

The All-Star Break is upon us, so it’s time for check in with the PSX owners and see how they’re feeling about the 2021 season and beyond. The League Historian reached out to each owner for a brief interview. Here’s a recap:

Diamond Bumms: Mark Spiller was reached by phone while digging through the bargain bin at a local Dollar Store

“I feel awesome. The Bumms are successfully executing on our plan to build a championship roster made entirely of $2.50 mid-year acquisitions. We’ll be unstoppable and still be $7.50 under the salary cap in 2022.”

Savage Ropes: Scott Bittner was reached while scouting a tee-ball league of five-year-olds in the Central Valley

“I feel awesome. My roster of minor leaguers is going to blossom into a juggernaut in 2022. The leftover salary will be used to supplement the high cost of juice boxes, fruit roll-ups and orange slices our players require.”

Ugly Finders: Mike Martin was reached in the waiting room at Stanford Medical Center where most of his team is currently housed

“I feel awesome. Everyone knows the way to build a championship club is to have as many injured players as possible in one season. My boys will be rested and rejuvenated after receiving new internal organs and other donated parts.”

Scott’s Tots: Rookie owner Scott Willard was reached while hunched over a spreadsheet and wearing a green visor while evaluating player contracts

“I feel awesome. If I’ve learned one thing in my first year at the league, it’s that math rules. I plan to propose shifting our auction format in 2022 to allow bidding in five-cent increments to maximize player value. I’m sorry, I have to get back to my abacus.”

Chin Music: Our other rookie owner Andy Spinola was reached while negotiating three separate trades involving the same player on his roster

“I feel awesome. The way to win in this league is to trade, trade, trade. If I have a player on my roster for longer than two weeks, it’s time to flip him for an even better one. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to help Darin Ruf pack his locker.”

Joltin’ Joes: The Commish was reached while feeding his latest analytics intern to a hungry lion at Jolts Castle in Pleasanton

“I feel awesome. I’m reading this amazing book by Farhan Zaidi about how to build a roster for the future, along with Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. The Jolts are building a team that will dominate for the next 100 years.”

Vamanos Pest: Craig Tole’s phone was answered by an AI-generated text

“I feel awesome. Roster good. Baseball is sport. Win next year.”

Roid Rage: Steven Stacy was reached while experiencing hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation

“I feel awesome. My team is my primary focus in life right now. Sure, I have a toddler and a newborn and I’m only getting 35 minutes of sleep per night. But it will all be worth it to once again drink baby formula from the Fields Cup in October. Wait, I mean champagne.”

P.S. Congrats on the new arrival, Steven!

Kiss My Astros: Steve Schirado was reached while rubbing a lucky rabbit’s foot and counting down the days to the MLB trade deadline

“I feel awesome. I’m fully expecting my roster to stay completely intact and not lose anyone to the American League. Trevor Story? Anthony Rizzo? Will Smith? They’ll be KMAs for life!”

Scotch and Water: Dan Mori was reached while using a second phone and speaking to an owner who is higher in the standings

“I feel awesome. I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that I have acquired over a very long career managing my team. Skills that make me a nightmare for a team like yours. I will find you in the standings. And I will overtake you.” (Click.)

Vicious and Delicious: Daryl Stacy was reached while clearing some space from his mantle to accommodate his next trophy

“I feel awesome. I have so much talent on my roster, I don’t know what to do with it all. Who will I drop when Carlos Carrasco, Mike Moustakas and Nick Senzel come off the IL? Seriously, is anyone interested in Bryce Harper? He’s totally expendable.”

October Knights: Rob Pecot was reached while staring blankly at an MRI of Ronald Acuna’s right knee

“I don’t feel so good.”

[joestreng]

Joltin’ Joe’s Offseason Update

The Joltin’ Joe’s brain-trust gathered at the spring training compound in Port-au-Prince this weekend to begin planning for the 2021 season. The meeting began with an overview of the team’s transactions over the past few seasons. Following a lively discussion, a consensus was reached that Trader Joe is without question the crappiest GM in the league. To prove the point, the Jolts’ intern – and eighth-year Sac State undergrad – put together a list of the team’s worst deals over the past few years, with a particular focus on the go-for-broke 2019 season.

Here they are listed in order of awfulness:

April 26, 2019

Traded Keston Hiura, Austin Riley, Drew Pomeranz and Todd Frazier to Ugly Finders for Manny Machado and Noah Syndergaard

OK, Manny and Thor had good years, but the long-term price to have them on a team that finished in fifth place was pretty high. Mike gets to enjoy at least another two years of low-cost certainty for a couple of potential all-stars. You’re welcome, Mike!

May 9, 2018

Traded Kyle Schwarber to V&D for Nick Kingham, Sean Rodriguez and a #3 pick

It’s hard to know what Trader Joe was thinking on this one. Schwarber had a solid season with a reasonable contract and in return the Jolts received a player the team had dropped a week earlier (Rodriguez). The Jolts used the #3 pick to draft Dodgers catching prospect Will Smith, which would have made the trade a qualified success … except:

May 7, 2019

Traded Will Smith, Corey Dickerson and Jerad Eickoff to Roid Rage for Stephen Strasburg

Strasburg got Cy Young and MVP consideration, but again, the Jolts traded away a potential building block for the future for a futile run at the Fields Cup.

April 6, 2018

Traded Starling Marte to Roid Rage for Steven Duggar, Jimmy Nelson, Juan Lagares and #2 pick

Roid Rage continues to wield strong powers of hypnosis. Marte is a long-term stud. The three guys the Jolts received in return are all selling tires someplace. Oh but, what did you do with the #2 pick? I’m glad you asked. We grabbed Daulton Varsho! Don’t ask me how he fell to the second round in the 2019 minor league draft. So, it worked out, right??? Well …

June 8, 2019

Traded Daulton Varsho, Steven Duggar and Calvin Mitchell to Kiss My Astros for Jay Bruce

Oof. Clearly, Trader Joe was huffing paint. Pretty bad, right? Well, there’s one that was even worse. But before we get to it, please enjoy this masterpiece from five years ago.

August 27, 2016

Traded Madison Bumgarner, Joey Votto, Jason Heyward and Eduardo Nunez to Savage Ropes for Patrick Kivlehan, Ty Blach, Mac Williamson, Braden Shipley, Touki Toussaint, AJ Cole, Daniel Descalso, Jung Ho Kang and #2 and #3 picks

The Jolts were trying to rebuild (again) and decided the best way to do was to trade seasoned major leaguers for a massive pile of spare parts. The most memorable thing you can say about the Jolts haul was that one player set a record for DUI arrests and another sued his former team for tripping over the bullpen mound.

OK, I can’t put it off any longer. Here’s the worst of the worst:

May 3, 2019

Traded Brandon Woodruff, Nico Hoerner and Jazz Chisolm to V&D for Sean Doolittle

Triple oof. V&D scores again. Sure, the Jolts needed saves, but Woodruff’s in the second year of his contract at $0.25 and he’s the stud of the Brewers rotation. Nico will likely start at second for the Cubs and he’s still on a minor league contract. The Jolts then threw salt on the wound by giving up Ketel Marte to get Jazz back from the Knights this off season.

After several shots of grain alcohol, the Jolts leadership realized the team could have entered the 2021 draft with the following keepers:

C – Daulton Varsho (Minors/$1 in 1st)

C – Will Smith ($1 in 2nd)

1B – Keston Hiura ($1 in 2nd)

2B – Nico Hoerner (Minors/$1 in 1st)

SS – Jazz Chisolm (Minors/$1 in 1st)

3B – Austin Riley ($1 in 2nd)

OF – Ketel Marte ($3.25 in 2nd)

OF – Garrett Hampson ($1.75 in 2nd)

P – Brandon Woodruff ($0.25 in 2nd)

At this point, Trader Joe was tied to a stake and fed to the local Haitian cannibals.

[joestreng]

Time to Log Off

I was texting a friend on election night and we were stressed out, to put it mildly. As I write this on the following day, the outcome of the presidential race is still in doubt, but there’s a good chance my candidate will win - probably after a long and painful process. Regardless of the final result, my friend and I were confused and sad about how many people couldn’t see things the way we do.

(Stay with me through the next paragraph. I’m building to a point.)

How could more than 65 million Americans want four more years of this administration? The drama. The incompetence. The scandal. The massive mishandling of a pandemic that has resulted in nearly a quarter-million deaths. The blatant racism. The divisiveness. The hubris. The exhausting self-centeredness. How can people not see this?

The answer is, they don’t. They literally don’t. And I don’t see what they’re seeing either.

Social media is largely to blame, of course. Our feeds and sources of information are tailored to our personal preferences and amplified to keep us engaged. When Liz and I started working at Yahoo! more than 20 years ago – Yikes, has it been that long? – the fledgling company was always trying new ways to make the site more “sticky”. Heck, it’s the same model of mass media that’s been in place since the radio was invented more than a century ago. Give people content that will make them come back and then sell the eyeballs to advertisers. There’s no mystery here. If the product is free, then YOU are the product.

But it’s different today. And I’ve come to realize I’m part of the problem.

By participating in these platforms, I feel like I’m doing a disservice to my community and myself. Sure, I’d love to do nothing but share non-profit updates and run goofy brackets to help people kill time. But I’m also engaging in dialogues that are unhealthy. When I share a snarky comment or blast an opinion, I’m doing it to feel the rush of approval from others, and those folks in turn have their own biases confirmed. (Even writing this feels like I’m desperately seeking affirmation. Gross!) And occasionally, my comments will spark an ugly argument or insult. On top of that, the constant barrage of updates and outrage can be triggering for someone like me who has struggled with depression and anxiety. It’s not a healthy relationship.

So, on Friday, Nov. 6, I’m going to delete my Facebook and Twitter accounts. I can be reached on email at joestreng @ gmail.com and my friends can hit me up via text. I’ll keep my LinkedIn account for professional purposes. I’d love to say I’m going to put the extra time to amazing use by working out until I’m totally jacked or reading a book a day. But I’ll probably just hang out in my backyard, drink beer and do crosswords. Or play golf on my PS4. Or go for a walk with my wife. (Hi Lizzie!)

By the way, I totally get the importance these platforms can play in helping people stay connected. Everyone has valid reasons for posting and sharing. And some may interpret this as virtue signaling or that I feel I’ve risen above those who keep their accounts. That’s not my intent. This is just a personal choice.

I hope this is useful for anyone who reads it. Take care of yourself!

[joestreng]

For Brad

I’ll start with my first memory of Brad and end with my last.

My first memory was when we worked together at KGO in the late 90’s. I was a producer for one of the newscasts and he was a writer. One day I gave him a story. I don’t remember the topic, but I know it was kinda complicated and he needed to cover it in less than 30 seconds. We went back and forth and finally he said, “This story is making my butt itch” and stomped away. I don’t think I ever thanked him for giving me a catch-phrase that I still use to this day. Whenever I’m frustrated about something or someone’s ticked me off, I just say “That makes my butt itch” and then I smile and laugh and feel a lot better.

I feel lucky - and a bit unfortunate - to have only seen the best of Brad during our years together. The Brad I got to hang out with was always a fun, loving and great guy. His laugh had a way of making you feel like he truly enjoyed whatever you were doing together. He was always genuinely interested in you. He asked questions. He really engaged. He also seemed to have a pretty charmed life.

During our time together at Yahoo, we enjoyed celebrations and vacations that seem almost surreal looking back on it. Company parties. Trips to Las Vegas. Game nights with lots of swearing. Too many dinners to count. After we left Yahoo, Liz and I were living in Sacramento and I asked him to fly me up to Redding for a new business pitch. I’m pretty sure we won it because the client couldn’t believe we had a private pilot at our beck and call. And a few years after that, he and Molly and the girls wanted to get out of the Seattle weather one weekend. So they flew down to a local airport and spent the day with us at the Alameda County Fair. How could anyone be so lucky to have all of these amazing experiences? There were times I was just happy to be along for the ride with this wonderful guy.

The other part of Brad’s charmed life was that he looked the same on the first day I met him as he did on the last day I saw him. He had a Dick Clark quality. Whatever he went through, he seemed to never age – at least in his face anyway. The fact that he left us when he did means we get the gift of having him frozen in our memories. For me, he’ll always be smiling. He’ll always have that great laugh. His bright blue eyes. His ridiculously boyish good looks. I will always have wonderful memories of Brad.

I say it’s unfortunate that I only experienced the awesome and amazing Brad because while I always knew about his struggles, I didn’t suffer through them with him and Molly and the girls and his family. Brad and I had plenty of conversations about his ups and downs – mine as well. Brad played a big role in helping me learn more about myself and be healthier.

But even in those conversations, we always held something back. Or in the rare times we saw each other later in life, we just wanted to enjoy the moment and not dig too deeply into what was really going on. The truth is, people are never just one thing. They’re messy and complicated and troubled - and sometimes, addicted. And as hard as it is for those who are close to someone who may be battling terrible demons, that’s also when you truly know someone and love them more deeply because you see them in their totality. And that is the loss I feel with Brad’s passing. In the end, I knew just one part of him and only caught a glimpse of the rest.

I shared my first memory of Brad and now I’ll share my last. We saw him at his brother’s wedding last summer. And for that day anyway, we had the best Brad you could ask for. He was optimistic. In great spirits and in good health. I got to tell him I loved him. We had a picture taken together that I’ll cherish. And as we left the wedding, I saw him dancing with his daughters. That’s the Brad I get to keep in my heart forever. And I’m grateful for it.

[joestreng]

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

One of my high school classmates, Greg Bardsley – who’s a terrific writer – asked a question on Facebook that’s been stuck in my head: Is it possible to be the very best and also a kind, respectful person?

The question was prompted by the ESPN documentary series, The Last Dance, which chronicles Michael Jordan’s career with the Chicago Bulls. It shows Jordan at the absolute peak of his powers and how he interacted with his teammates and opponents. Let’s be clear: He was a bully. He tortured people. Physically. Verbally. Emotionally. Jordan went at you with everything he had. He never let up. But he did it in a way that somehow made people forgive him.

After beating the Pacers in the 1998 Eastern Conference Finals, Pacers Head Coach Larry Bird met up with Jordan. MJ looked at him, chuckled, embraced him and said “You b***. F*** you.” Then he threw in for good measure “Go work on that golf game of yours.” Bird smiled, strutted away and seemed to be totally  OK with Jordan trashing him. That was just MJ being MJ. Or maybe it’s an NBA thing. Either way, it seemed pretty vicious.

Watching the series, I thought of the greatest baseball player I’ve ever seen. There’s no question Barry Bonds was an a**hole during his playing days. Sports Illustrated called him out on it with a cover story in 1993. But when Bonds first joined the Giants, I knew I was watching greatness. He had the same killer instinct, the same swagger, the same eff-you attitude as Jordan, although he delivered it with a scowl instead of a smile. Only now that he’s deep into retirement have we started to see Barry be a more engaging – and yeah, nicer – person.

Jordan seems to get this. At the end of episode seven, he acknowledges people will conclude he wasn’t a nice person. He says (and I’m paraphrasing): I wanted to win. That’s how I played. It’s how I pushed those around me to be champions. Then he breaks down and calls a time out in the interview. I wonder if he would have gotten the same out of his teammates if he’d been a rah-rah cheerleader or a nurturing father figure. We’ll never know. And neither will he.

But back to Greg’s original question: Can you be the very best at something and a kind and respectful person at the same time?

Way back in my TV days, there was a fellow producer in the newsroom who was roughly my age and worked the same shows. Our boss told me, “You’re a better producer, but he plays the game better.” First, I was resentful. Why the hell didn’t my work speak for itself? Later, I saw there is a game to play if you want to accelerate your career or reach a certain level. I was bummed, but I got it.

Today, I think a little differently. Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So yeah, maybe nice people don’t reach the pinnacle of greatness in a profession. Maybe you can’t have it both ways. In the end, it’s a choice.

In The Last Dance, Jordan says, “It’s who I am. That’s how I played the game. That was my mentality. If you don’t want to play that way, don’t play that way.”

I agree with him.

[joestreng]

Giants Outlast Dodgers in 14

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about Strat-O-Matic baseball and a simulation of a game I played made of up Giants and Dodgers from the 1982, 1993 and 2016 teams. Here’s a recap:

What started as an iconic battle of superstars ended as a war of attrition between forgotten hurlers as the Super Giants outlasted the Super Dodgers 7-6 in 14 innings at Candlestick Park. The match-up of ballclubs made up of players from three different eras gave more than 50,000 fans a long afternoon of disappointments and thrills.

Madison Bumgarner labored through five innings, giving up eight hits and six runs, all earned. His key mistake came in the third when he walked Brett Butler and Justin Turner to load them up for a Corey Seager grand slam. Bumgarner glared at Seager as the shortstop rounded the bases.

The Giants rebounded to tie the game in the bottom of the frame thanks to some sloppy defense behind 1982 phenom Fernando Venezuela. With two out, a run in and Barry Bonds on second, “El Toro” seemed to be out of the inning when Jack Clark rolled one over to Chase Utley at second. Utley booted it, opening the door for a run-scoring single from Buster Posey, a Brandon Belt walk and a bases clearing double from Brandon Crawford.

The rally breathed new life into the Super Giants. Darren Lewis led off the bottom of the fourth with a single and a steal and Matt Williams drove him in with a double.

Super Giants manager Bruce Bochy left himself open to a rare moment of second-guessing when he left Bumgarner in for one batter too many in the sixth. After giving up back-to-back singles to 1993 all-star Mike Piazza and 2016 first basemen Adrian Gonzalez, Bochy visited the mound to check on the 2014 World Series MVP. MadBum stayed in to face 1982 left fielder Dusty Baker who singled in the tying run. Bumgarner handed the ball over to Vida Blue who allowed Gonzalez to score on a fielder’s choice. The Dodgers had a 6-5 lead and the day wasn’t even half over yet.

“We felt pretty good with the lead and MadBum on the hill at that point,” said Bochy. “It’s on me that we couldn’t hold the lead and the game got out of hand the way that it did.”

1993 Dodger rookie Pedro Martinez and 2016 journeyman Joe Blanton held the Giants in check through the seventh. The Giants matched them with scoreless innings from Vida, Al Holland and 1982 closer Greg “Moon Man” Minton.

Super Dodger Manager Tommy Lasorda felt confident turning the game over to his lock-down bullpen in the eighth, calling on Pedro Baez. Lasorda’s faith wasn’t rewarded as Baez gave up a game-tying homer to Darren Lewis.

“How the f*** was I supposed to know that little f***in’ centerfielder would have the g**d*** game of his life,” Lasorda yelled after the game. “Four hits, two steals and a g**d*** homer against my best set-up guy? Who the f*** am I? Nostradamus?”

With the game tied at six, the teams settled in for a long slog. Rod Beck pitched an uneventful inning and two-thirds, while Kenley Jansen turned in two solid innings. At that point, the Giants turned to Doyle Alexander and the Dodgers to Jim Gott to go the rest of the way.

“I coulda put in Swifty or Burkett for a couple of innings, but they’re not relievers,” Bochy said afterwards. “Doyle was gonna stay in there to the end and he did the job.”

Alexander pitched three solid innings of relief, pitching around a lead-off double by Howie Kendrick in the 14th. Gott wasn’t as fortunate in the bottom of the inning, giving up singles to Williams and Jack Clark, then walking Posey to load the bases before giving Brandon Belt a free pass for the win.

“Get the f*** outta my face with that tape recorder,” Lasorda barked as he stormed away from reporters.

Game Notes:

1993 second baseman Robby Thompson had a day to forget, going oh-for seven and striking out five times.

Dodger bats were largely silent after tying the game in the sixth, with only three runners reaching scoring position in the next eight innings.

Alexander hit for himself in the 13th and reached on the second Dodger error of the day, this one charged to Corey Seager.

Both the Giants and Dodgers used six pitchers, with only three starters left for each team at the end of the game.

[joestreng]

Strat-O-Matic Fanatic

One of the enduring sounds of my childhood is that of dice hitting the dining room table. (Just ask my mom.) Every morning, mostly in my junior high days, I’d squeeze in a couple of games of Strat-O-Matic baseball before I went to school. I played a ton of other sports simulation board games as a kid, but Strat-O-Matic ihas lasted well into my adult years.

If you’ve never heard of it, Strat-O-Matic was born in 1962 in Glen Head, a small town on Long Island. The office/factory is tucked away off State Route 25A, about an hour away from where I grew up. It’s hard to believe this small little business would provide so much joy to so many people. But it does.

Basically, the game takes all the statistics from the previous baseball season, creates a card for each player and then associates a dice roll with a possible outcome. All-star sluggers have a greater chance of hitting a home run, while Cy Young winners have a greater chance of striking someone out. There are plenty of advanced rules, but that’s really the game in a nutshell.

The game combines a bunch of stuff baseball geeks love. First, each player has an individual card. So, not only do you have the awesomeness of a traditional baseball card, but it includes a bunch of information that lets you determine the outcome of what that player does on the field. Next, it lets you be a baseball manager. All the strategy and decisions you ever second-guessed while watching a game are now yours. Finally, you can be a GM. Since the game is made up of individual cards, you can create your own teams.

So, that’s what I did.

I have player card sets from 1981, 1993 and 2013. If you’re doing the math, that means, yes, I bought a player card set in 1994 when I was 25 years old and dating the amazing woman who would become my wife. (I’m 99% certain I bought the cards so I could enjoy baseball during the players’ strike.) And yes, I bought another card set when I was 45 years old. Don’t judge me. By the way, the 2019 card set arrived last week.

Using the card sets from three different years, I created a Dream Team of Giants and Dodgers. The rules were pretty simple. I’d create a 25-man roster with 14 hitters and nine pitchers with as much balance as possible between the eras. Picking the rosters was more fun and challenging that I would have thought. The rest of this post outlines the teams and I’ll recap the game I played later. I welcome your input on the choices I made on the roster!

I’ve tried the computer version of Strat-O-Matic and there’s another simulation called Out of the Park that’s even better. I’ve also played MLB The Show and other arcade-style games that are incredibly realistic. But for me, nothing can replace the classic Strat-O-Matic, mainly because I have to keep score with a pencil and scoresheet, just like I do at the ballpark. And the sound of the dice hitting the dining room table will always take me back to a different time.

Giants

1981 was a split season because of a labor dispute. The Giants finished one game over .500 for the whole year; fifth place in the first half and third place in the second. The 1993 team was one of the best in San Francisco history and won 103 games, but didn’t make the playoffs because they were in the same division as the Braves, who won 104. And the 2016 team marked the end of the world championship era. The team had a fantastic first half, but a bad bullpen and the first sign of an aging core fell apart against the eventual world champion Cubs in the ALDS.

Starting Line-Up

1.     CF – Darren Lewis (1993)

2.     2B – Robby Thompson (1993)

3.     LF – Barry Bonds (1993)

4.     3B – Matt Williams (1993)

5.     RF – Jack Clark (1981)

6.     C – Buster Posey (2016)

7.     1B – Brandon Belt (2016)

8.     SS – Brandon Crawford (2016)

Bench

C – Kirt Manwaring (1993)

1B – Will Clark (1993)

1B/3B – Darrell Evans (1981)

2B – Joe Morgan (1981)

SS – Royce Clayton (1993)

OF – Hunter Pence (2016)

OF – Willie McGee (1993)

Pitchers

SP – Madison Bumgarner (2016)

SP – Johnny Cueto (2016)

SP – Bill Swift (1993)

SP – John Burkett (1993)

SP – Vida Blue (1981)

Long – Doyle Alexander (1981)

RP – Al Holland (1981)

RP – Greg Minton (1981)

Setup – Santiago Casilla (2016)

Closer – Rod Beck (1993)

Dodgers

The 1981 Dodgers won the World Series. They beat the second-half winning Astros, the East champion Expos (!) and finally the Yankees to take the crown. Fernando-mania was at its peak. Lasorda was in the dugout. L.A. ruled. By 1993, not so much. It’s hard to remember when the Dodgers were a .500 club, but they were that year. By 2016, they had started to reestablish their World Series credentials with a core that would reach the Fall Classic – and lose – in 2017 and 2018.

Combined Line-Up

1.     CF – Brett Butler (1993)

2.     3B – Justin Turner (2016)

3.     SS – Corey Seager (2016)

4.     C – Mike Piazza (1993)

5.     1B – Adrian Gonzalez (2016)

6.     LF – Dusty Baker (1981)

7.     RF – Pedro Guerrero (1981)

8.     2B – Chase Utley (2016)

Bench

C – Yasmani Grandal (2016)

1B – Steve Garvey (1981)

2B – Howie Kendrick (2016)

3B – Ron Cey (1981)

SS – Jose Offerman (1993)

OF – Joc Pederson (2016)

OF – Rick Monday (1981)

Pitchers

SP – Fernando Venezuela (1981)

SP – Clayton Kershaw (2016)

SP – Jerry Reuss (1981)

SP – Burt Hooten (1981)

SP – Kenta Maeda (2016)

Long – Pedro Martinez (1993)

RP – Joe Blanton (2016)

RP – Jim Gott (1993)

Setup – Pedro Baez (2016)

Closer – Kenley Jansen (2016)

[joestreng]

And the Winner is...

Even though they met in the semi-finals of the TV Theme Song Bracket Challenge, it all came down to Cheers vs. Friends. Thanks to the unique format of the last survey, the results showed either Friends OR Cheers would’ve defeated both Mission Impossible and Gilligan’s Island in the final round. 

So, who was the winner???

Drumroll please…

CHEERS WINS! CHEERS WINS! CHEERS WINS!

I’ve been thinking about why this challenge turned into such a fun and engrossing little project. Yes, it provided a welcome distraction from all the crappy news we’re hearing these days. But I don’t think it’s a coincidence Cheers and Friends were the two most popular choices in the end.

Both songs reflect a desire to have support or comfort when things aren’t so great. Friends is a frivolous little ditty about a group of people who are there for each other. And Cheers is pretty gosh-darn explicit about it:

“Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn’t you like to get away?”

The song then kicks into gear with a celebration of seeing people you know and enjoying the companionship of others. We’re all lacking that right now. This dorky bracket helped me see what really matters to everyone who participated: We want to be together.

We want to be where everybody knows our name.

I’m looking forward to the day when we can all enjoy a drink together in our favorite bar. Until then, stay safe and healthy.

[joestreng]

TV Theme Song Bracket Challenge – Round 2 Recap

Round 2 of the TV Theme Song Bracket Challenge brought another thrilling day of dominant performances, along with the second coin-flip tie-breaker.

Several shows showed no signs of weakness by posting double-digit wins. Sam Malone and his quirky crew of alcoholics at Cheers ran over Barney Miller’s 12th Precinct, leaving Fish and Wojo to commiserate about their missed opportunities. Meanwhile, the catchy Rembrandts ditty continues to be an unstoppable force, as Friends vanquished Mike and Carol Brady and their six offspring.

“Could we BE any more dominant?” crowed a smug and annoying Chandler Bing.

The Monkees also turned in a strong performance, giving Cousin Itt and the Addams Family a buzz cut. Fred and Wilma Flintstone sent Mr. Ed to the glue factory. And finally, the Muppets curb-stomped the X-Files.

“You want to believe in something, Mulder? I believe I just kicked your ass!” gloated Gonzo the Great.

In other action, Capt. Stubing and his crew cruised to a victory over Jack Tripper and his roommates. Detective Steve McGarrett and Dano sent Laverne and Shirley back to the bottling line at Shotz. And Gabe Kotter’s classroom of 20-something high schoolers continued its winning streak by shipping Jed, Jethro, Elly May and Granny back to Beverly Hills.

Finally, top-seeded M*A*S*H needed a heads-or-tails tie-breaker to defeat The Rockford Files.

“You hate to lose that way. But hell, life’s a coin flip, ain’t it,” said Jim Rockford, who winked and then drove his classic 1974 Pontiac Firebird off into the Southern California twilight. He’ll be missed.

Voting on the Sweet 16 continues until 5:00 p.m. on Monday: https://survey.app.do/tv-theme-song-bracket-challenge-sweet-sixteen

[joestreng]

TV Theme Bracket Challenge – Round 1 Recap

Classic themes dominated in the first round of the TV Theme Bracket Challenge, a trivial post that started as a hand-written scrawl of random songs on graph paper and has since exploded into a global phenomenon.

“I never thought it would blow up the way that it did,” said an unshaven and sleep-deprived Challenge Commissioner Joe Streng. “I swear, I was just trying to kill some time. Now, this thing has taken over my life.”

The First Round featured controversial pairings that sparked fierce debate about the Committee’s selection process and seeding.

“Happy Days vs Greatest American Hero - those two shouldn’t have had to meet in the first round,” groused well-known trouble-maker Tyce Fields.

“There are no fewer than 5 in here that would be top seed in any other bracket,” whined tattooed non-profit worker Mike Altfest as he scanned the so-called Bracket of Death that included M*A*S*H, Hawaii 5-0, Hill Street Blues and Love Boat. Altfest went on to threaten bodily harm against anyone who picked Friends over Diff’rent Strokes.

Once the Challenge began, the classics dominated. The Monkees, Mr. Ed, The Flintstones, I Dream of Jeannie, Dallas, The Rockford Files, Three’s Company, Cheers, WKRP in Cincinnati and The Jeffersons all posted big wins against lower seeds. The most competitive match-ups included a buzzer-beater by The Golden Girls over Magnum P.I.

“I made Tom Selleck my bitch,” boasted Estelle Getty.

Other match-ups were too close to call at press time, including a vicious battle between Mad Men and The X-files, a slugfest between The Andy Griffith Show and The Addams Family, and an all-out war between Sesame Street and the Simpsons.

“It’s ugly out there. Pray for us,” said a battered and bruised Big Bird.

First Round voting continues until noon on Saturday or when 40 people take the survey, whatever comes first.

[joestreng]

The Old Lady

We said goodbye to Penny tonight. Even though this is the ninth time we’ve been down this road with our pets, it always hurts a ton.

We’ll remember Penny as the feisty one. I’ve written about how she was a bit of an impulse (OK, inebriated) adoption. She was always ready to take on any other dog for no reason whatsoever. A while ago and before we knew better, we bought a shock collar to try to curb her aggressive tendencies. When I hit the button, it seemed to give her even more juice to go completely bonkers. And then there was the time she made a jailbreak from Herb and Cathy’s backyard and sprinted down the middle of Foothill Road for a few minutes of sweet freedom. Our then-teenaged niece, Tricia, jumped the fence and chased her down. (Truly a great moment in Auntie/Uncle and Child Supervision History.) Despite her burning hatred of her own species, Penny was always sweet with people, especially kids. She was really fun to have around.

And Penny was the first dog we’ve had that became a senior citizen. We think she was about 15, although we had her for less than 9 years. Her aging was very natural. First, she stopped jumping up on the couch in a single bound. Then she stopped using the doggy stairs we bought for her. Then there was the occasional accident in the house. Then it became a daily occurrence. All of this transpired over a year or two and it was the New Normal for quite a while. We shared our house with an Old Lady. It was just how it was.

They say you always know when it’s time to say goodbye to a pet. For our previous dogs, the decision to give them an “easy exit” became an urgent one. All were quite sick and had to be euthanized pretty quickly. But for Penny, it was a gradual realization that her quality of life had eroded to a point where it was simply time. You can see it in the eyes. There’s a look of confusion and discomfort —and perhaps a little sadness — that tells you she’s ready.

My wish for anyone who’s reading this is that you age with grace and pass away on a comfy bed in your home while surrounded by people who love you. We gave that to Penny after she gave us so much more.

***

P.S. Once it was done and the home vet picked Penny up to take her away, our beloved Old Lady left a final gift for us: A perfectly formed circle of poop fell from her butt, bounced on the floor and landed on our coffee table. Was she a great dog or what?

[joestreng]

Stick to Sports

Earlier this year, I wrote a post about how the San Francisco Giants were testing the limits of what I could support as a longtime fan. It wasn’t about the team’s performance on the field. It was a growing sense that the club’s upper management and I weren’t aligned on issues that matter to me. An owner who supports political candidates and issues that I strongly oppose. A top executive who was suspended for a violent altercation with his wife and then welcomed back into the same public role with the team. And now this.

The truth is, I don’t care if Gabe Kapler - the man who’s replacing Bruce Bochy as manager - is good or bad at his job. He might bring another championship to the city in three or four years. Or he might be gone in two. (My money’s on the latter.) Whatever. It’s just baseball. I oppose his hire because it was widely reported earlier this year that he mishandled a report of alleged sexual abuse and assault of a teenage girl by minor league players when he was director of player development for the Dodgers. No charges were filed in the incident. Kapler says he followed all appropriate procedures and he explained his actions on his (weird and creepy) lifestyle blog. But the whole thing struck me as another example of how teams will go to great lengths to protect a player and an organization at the expense of a powerless individual. And the new manager of the Giants – MY TEAM – was in the middle of it.

We often hear people (mainly angry a-holes on Twitter) say “Stick to Sports!” when someone tries to raise a troubling societal or political issue in the context of our favorite pastimes. But how can we do that when the people who run these leagues and teams make damaging decisions or behave in terrible ways that we can’t ignore? The days are long gone of turning a blind eye or a deaf ear when a player, executive or organization acts in a way that’s contrary to an individual’s or community’s values. Let’s make a deal: I’ll “Stick to Sports!” when my favorite team stops forcing me to rationalize its crappy behavior while I fork over $75 for a ticket.

I said in my previous post that the Johnson and Baer incidents were strikes one and two against my beloved Giants. I also asked how hard would it be to stop supporting a team if they continue to make decisions that conflict with my core beliefs. In 2020, I’m going to find out:

·      We’re canceling our Gotham Club membership

·      I will not buy tickets to a Giants game

·      My Giants gear will stay in the closet

It’s a bummer. It really is. I’m been a Giants fan for nearly three-quarters of my life. And yes, I’ll still listen to games on the radio because I can’t survive a summer without Jon, Dave, Kruk and Kuip. But I’m taking a year off from giving the team my money. Maybe longer. They won’t miss me or my cash. And I’ll sleep a little better knowing they finally made this decision pretty easy for me.

[joestreng]

Degree of Difficulty

I read an article in the SF Chronicle this weekend about the rise in anxiety among college students. The headline is that the number of students "being treated or diagnosed for an anxiety disorder” has doubled in a pretty short period of time. One line in particular jumped out at me.

Nonwhite students are far less likely to seek mental health treatment or report that they are being treated… (this) underreporting means student anxiety is probably an even bigger problem than the study suggests.

You could interpret this in a few different ways. Its possible that nonwhite students are reluctant to admit they’re struggling for cultural reasons. It’s also likely that students of all races may not be willing admit to suffering from an anxiety disorder. Who wants to raise their hand and tell everyone they’re a basket case? But as someone who’s struggled with this, I have another theory.

When I was running for city council, I had plenty of challenging conversations. And I was constantly on social media and reading comments, both supportive and critical. All of that added up for someone like me. One day, about mid-way through the campaign, I had a particularly tough interaction and I started to ask myself some questions. Why was I doing this? Was this really the right thing for me? Was this person right about me? You might guess what happened next.

My mind started making up all kinds of worst-case scenarios and immediately made them real. This was a really bad idea. I can’t do this. Oh man, I’m going to have to renounce my candidacy. But my name will still be on the ballot! And what am I going to do with the money that’s been donated? Will I have to give it back??? But it’s been spent! Oh crap, this is NOT good. NOT GOOD AT ALL!

As always, Liz was awesome and helped talk me down. At one point, she asked in a supportive and positive way if I was overreacting by letting this person get under my skin. I told her, yes, that’s absolutely what’s happening. But I still couldn’t stop feeling flooded and terrified. Objectively, I understood it completely. My mind had taken a bunch of questions, turned them into unlikely scenarios, which triggered biological reactions to the stress. In other words, I had a panic attack. Mystery solved.

Until I started to figure this out in my life, I assumed lots of people woke up every morning and threw up to help them get ready for the day. I was sure everyone had a constant running dialogue with themselves about doubts and stress and questions and fears. I didn’t know there was a different way to get through the day. And that I could examine the scenario and walk it back when I started to feel overwhelmed.

So, that’s why I wanted to write about the article for anyone who may be struggling, especially the many young people I know who are in college or just getting rolling in their life. You may not self-identify as having anxiety because you don’t know your experience doesn’t have to be that way. And you may not always be able to quiet those voices inside your head, but you can recognize them for what they are and apply the brakes before having a total meltdown.