johannepetereric

[johannepetereric]

I just realized that the Cha Cha Slide is also to reach Latin dancing.

The Cha-Cha is an actual dance!

[johannepetereric]

AU! Dick, who brings children to Batman to raise. I see him as a cat who, going for a walk, notices a sad, lonely kitten and can't leave him alone. So he brings him home.

First Jason (who resists, but not for long). Bruce is shocked, but quickly warms up to his new son (?!).

A few years later, the Drakes' mail is left at the Wayne house. In order not to bother Alfred, Dick goes to the neighbors. He returns with a boy. Tim Drake has become another victim of Dick - a cat mom. Bruce has no choice but to call his lawyers.

A couple of years later, Dick flies off on a mission with the team. He hurriedly returns taking a "souvenir" with him. Bruce meets Damian and yells at Talia for several hours in a row.

Dick looks contentedly at his "finds" and purrs.

[johannepetereric]

After Dick grows up, Bruce keeps acquiring smaller and smaller children, finally getting to the point that he's dressing an orphan alien starfish in spandex.

What does it mean? It means Bruce has the subconcious deaire to line his babies up in order of tallest to shortest for the most adorable family photo of all time. It has been decades in the making, and yet his babies keep running away/dying/misbehaving in order to foil him! Evil children! Bad ducklings! They mock his pain!

[johannepetereric]

Spoons you can pour salt in. Knives are a spreader. Forks is a picker-upper

[johannepetereric]

"They smell like chocolate"

Nah nah nah, let's sometimes be specific about our scents.

They smell or taste like chocolate muffins, or chocolate cake, or chocolate fondue, or chocolate ice cream, or chocolate cookies, or milk chocolate or almond chocolate or white chocolate or dark chocolate--a fused scent, not just an ingredient list.

[johannepetereric]

[johannepetereric]

Bro, rizz me up with Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

I want you all to imagine with me, if you will, what I witnessed today.

McDonalds parking lot. teenage boy. giant polished white ford Tundra. windows down. blasting. I mean BLASTING. Beethoven's moonlight sonata. boy demolishing burger.

[johannepetereric]

Misandry is also stupid, because it involves ALL trans people.

The "class traitor" and "how dare you have any masculine qualities" pipeline to TERF-ism.

And this also reminds me of the story I saw a few years ago, where OP's mom (iirc) found out about trans women and was ASTOUNDED because she was taught that women were inferior and [misogyny] and she didn't think that somebody would WANT to be a woman

[johannepetereric]

Cops are government-certified murderers, if they so choose

[johannepetereric]

kids get me outta here im stuck in a fake png

[johannepetereric]

there's a jewish story about a rich man who goes to his rabbi to ask him about building an orphanage, and the rabbi is like "yeah duh go for it!!" and then later the rich guy comes back and is like "actually I've decided not to... I was just doing it for my own image and not coz I cared about orphans" and the rabbi was like "bitch the orphans don't care why you're building the orphanage!!!" and sometimes I wish I could say that to lefties who haven't unpacked their christian upbringing. sometimes motives don't matter!! who give a fuck why a politician wants to do a good thing? bitch the orphans don't!!

[johannepetereric]

Bruce Wayne has a massive bounty on his head at all times, multi millions of dollars constantly hanging above him when he goes out in public. Thus, he has his own personal guard when going to galas or charity events. Is it a conflict of interest that his personal guard is made up of his children and coworkers? Probably. Does he care? No.

Socialite 1: Is that... Nightwing? In a suit?

Socialite 2: It is! Who is that next to him? Red Robin?

Dick and Tim, with blazers and sunglasses over their normal costumes, trailing after Bruce the whole night, trying not to giggle at the absurdity of watching Bruce 'Batman' Wayne nearly spill the entire punch bowl on himself:

At first, the public is concerned that a billionaire can "buy out" vigilantes, but it doesn't take long for someone to just... ask Nightwing to guard them for a night, and he agrees, not asking for payment. This eventually becomes little kids asking for Robin to 'guard them on their way to school' and folks begging Batman to 'guard their dog for the week' (Since when did The Mission become pet sitting???) (Obviously, he agrees, tho the little yippy pomeranian gets taken to Wayne Manor for the week instead, and Ace gets a temporary new friend)

A hotline gets set up so that anyone who feels unsafe can call a number and have one of the Bat Family members walk them home. It gets used a lot by drunk college students, women, and kids who stayed up past curfew.

Scared little kid, barely able to reach the payphone, using their last quarters: Um... I n-need.. Robin.. p-please.. I'm really scared... its really d-dark... my house is far away...

Damian, who is already in the area, beelining towards where the call came from:

[johannepetereric]

i think when we used to point out that a story didn't need a sex scene what we meant was "this story reduces its women to mere sex objects and gives them no interiority so the sex scenes are gratuitous and geared towards the male gaze" it wasn't the sex that bothered us per se it was the objectification of female characters while givig them little to no consequence to the overall story but nowadays people mean "sex is icky and gross and has no merit to ever be portrayed in our arts which should be good and pure and never ever make ME feel discomfort" and it's like. i bet a bowl of unfrosted flakes looks real good to you rn

[johannepetereric]

the cha cha slide in full metal armor

[johannepetereric]

[johannepetereric]

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

[johannepetereric]

Trust 👓🦇