johns-walker

[johns-walker]

The Ache Inside the Hate | m.a. x reader

Summary | When a blizzard hits and the group gets separated, you and Manny are stuck waiting out the storm together.

Warnings, Tropes | 18+, fem firefly!reader, possibly ooc manny (idk dude has like 5 mins of screen time), smut, forced proximity, acquaintances-to-lovers, requited-unrequited, oral (f receiving), dry humping, some dirty talk, unprotected p in v

Author's Note | Danny Ramirez is haunting me so now I have to write fanfics for all his characters 🤷‍♀️

WC | 12.6k

!!! MINORS DNI !!!

Harsh, howling winds rattled the windows of the resort, glacial air seeping in through cracked glass and walls eaten away by time. You could hear the building creaking with the severity of the storm, shingles flapping on the roof over your head, wayward doors swaying opened and closed somewhere on the floors below. As you sat bundled up in moth-eaten blankets, a stained and ripped paperback folded in your hands, Manny stood at the window facing the road, his shoulders rigid and foot tapping with impatience.

You had known a storm was coming as the team trekked through the Payette Forest - the temperatures were frigid, even by mountain standards, winds blowing crisp through the pines and woodland. For days, you encouraged Abby and the rest of the group to make camp in any of the nearby towns, as this had been a harsh winter already, but she kept putting it off, determined to make it to Jackson as quickly as possible.

It wasn’t until snow began to first fall delicately that you raised the matter again - after all, you were the pseudo-meteorologist of the group, for lack of a better title, so you knew how to predict the calm before the storm. And finally, they relented, hiking out of the forest and into the nearby cookie-cutter town of McCall.

The resort made the most sense for you to set up a base. Along the north side was a lake that had filled more and more through the years, flooding parts of the lower floor in a couple inches of icy water; the building was set back from the main roadway, allowing some isolation, and you could see for miles from the suite on the top floor, making it the ideal high ground.

Once the building was checked and secured, you all set out for a supply run, hoping to make it back before the storm hit. Knowing that time was limited, you decided to split up to cover more ground - you and Manny went south, Abby and Nora west, Owen and Mel south.

You’d gotten used to being paired off with Manny, as that had always been the case over the course of the past five years. For lack of a better word, you two were more akin to acquaintances than friends despite all your time together, the both of you not terribly interested in getting too close to anyone on the Firefly crew.

That shared attitude of detachment made you and Manny a good team - you could read one another and predict the next move, you could communicate easily through glances or gestures. Ironically, that also meant that you knew more about each other than anyone else, which wasn’t saying much in the grand scheme of things, but it bonded you nonetheless. Sure, he could annoy the hell out of you half the time, but if you had to pick someone to trust, at the end of the day it could only be Manny.

So, your partnership made the McCall supply run easy - the two of you rummaged through abandoned homes and a local game store, trying to find any possible provisions that you may need for the last leg on your trip to Jackson. Despite not finding much, you held out hope that perhaps the rest of the group may find things of more use.

But, as you’d come to learn, nothing was ever as easy as you expected. Considering your limited resources, your weather predictions weren’t an exact science - one moment, the snow was slow and beautiful, and then the next you couldn’t see more than five feet in front of you. You and Manny managed to make it back to the lodge, but now - some six or seven hours later - the rest of your group had yet to show up, and he was getting antsy, worrying over the lowering sun and the promise of nightfall.

“We should go looking for them.” Manny finally spoke for the first time in well over an hour. You took a deep breath through your nose, mouth tightening with agitation, though he couldn’t see the look with his back turned.

“We’re waiting.” You answered plainly without looking up from your book.

Manny turned to stare you down; you didn’t have to see his face to know that he was glowering at your seemingly nonchalant answer, “Something bad could’ve happened, and you sound bored?”

Here we go. Sometimes, you absolutely hated being left alone with him for more than an hour because it always ended up in some bullshit squabble over your attitude or Manny’s temper or something else completely irrelevant. Effective teamwork be damned, the two of you were nonetheless very different types of people.

Sighing, you dog-eared your page and dropped the book into your lap, matching Manny’s sour look with one of your own, “I’m not bored, asshole. I’m just following the rules that we made as a group. Or did you forget those already?”

The golden rules amidst the last remaining faction of Fireflies was simple: have a base to return to, wait there for each other when separated, and don’t go searching for anyone until twelve hours have passed. It stemmed from some kind of scout or camp guidebook, with a few tweaks, and it suited you all thus far. Everyone was more than capable of fending for themselves if need be, so it was better to avoid putting the whole group in danger whenever possible.

Manny’s eyes darkened a little as you stared at one another, neither wanting to be the first to look away, “By that time there’ll be no light left.”

“They know how to take care of themselves.” You countered, crossing your arms to retain a bit of warmth, “Abby said--”

“Doesn’t matter what Abby said.” He cut you off quickly, “None of us considered a goddamn blizzard when we set those rules up. Anything could happen to them out there - you just don’t care.”

An unamused laugh escaped you, rolling your eyes as sarcasm laced each of your words, “Wow, Manny, you’re so right, I never would’ve figured it out; I don’t care at all, that’s why I’m here and have been here all these years.”

“Stop with the attitude.” His jaw clenched as he took a step toward you, though he seemed hesitant to move too far from the window; he’d been practically glued to it since you got back, waiting for any sign of the rest of your team, “If you cared we’d be out there looking for them right now.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to continue mocking him the way you desperately wanted to right now. Eyes blazing, you stood, dropping your blankets and paperback carelessly while marching across the room towards Manny. You jabbed him firmly in the chest, but refrained from matching his temper; you were never one for arguments and confrontation, and nothing was ever resolved from your spats with Manny in the past.

“You really think I’m not worried out of my mind right now?” You asked through your teeth, “I’ve been stressed this entire trip just waiting for something bad to happen. Sure, I don’t feel good about sitting here reading a goddamn harlequin novel to pass the time, but it’s safer that we stay put, got it?”

Manny shook his head judgmentally, stepping back from you with a faint scoff, “You’re unbelievable. Why you’re still here is beyond me.”

Your brows shot up in stunned vexation at his hostility, “I’m still here because I give a shit, contrary to what you think.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Fucking asshole.” You hissed under your breath while turning away from him, “We’re on the same side, so why do you keep fighting with me?”

“Because you’re willing to let them die out there!”

“That’s not what I’m doing!”

“Isn’t it!?” Manny grabbed your elbow, spinning you around to face him again, “I know we have rules, and I know why. But the storm isn’t letting up, and they could be in serious trouble out there. And we’re doing nothing.”

“And what about us?” You hadn’t intended to raise your voice, yet your words came out in a strained yell nonetheless, “What happens if we go out there looking for them? Stop trying to be a hero and think about all the variables involved. What if we get lost out there, or we get attacked, or our own friends accidentally shoot us because they can’t see through all this fucking snow? Have you thought about any of that?”

You shook off Manny’s hand, continuing before he got the chance to intervene, “If we go out there, we could be putting ourselves at greater risk than any of them are in. We’re smart, that’s why this group works. Owen will do literally anything to keep Mel safe, Nora and Abby are the best survivalists I’ve ever seen. And we should stay put because we’re supposed to have enough confidence in their ability to stay alive.”

Manny looked between your eyes with a harsh glare, working his jaw as your words sank in. After a long beat, a scornful grin spread across his lips as he leaned towards you, voice low, “I guess you do care.”

You scowled up at Manny through your lashes, turning away again to go scoop up your book and blankets, intentionally keeping your back to him, “You’re not going out there, got it? We need to stick together. So, why don’t you cool off a little.”

Heading for the door, you had to resist the urge to turn and look at him; considering you were trying to make a point, you had to be more stubborn than usual.

“Where are you going?” You paused, hand resting on the doorknob.

“Anywhere to get away from you.” You answered harshly before throwing open the door and walking out into the hall.

It was pushing nine hours since the blizzard started. And no one was back yet.

You holed yourself up in what was once a game room, arcade cabinets with cracked screens and broken buttons lining one wall, billiards and foosball tables covered in dust and cobwebs lining the floor-to-ceiling windows. Miraculously, this half of the building wasn’t puddling with water, which couldn’t be said for some of the other rooms you wandered through.

All things considered, the furniture was in half-decent shape; you’d been curled in the corner of a couch since you found your way down here, trying and failing to focus on your contrived, though somehow charming, paperback’s narrative. Once night fell, you pulled out your flashlight in a half-assed attempt to try to read, but eventually you gave up, staring blankly at the pages for god knows how long.

Manny always assumed you didn’t care; he always assumed nothing mattered to you. Since the massacre at the hospital five years ago, when you all came together, the two of you were always pushing each other’s buttons in such little, inane ways.

You, who liked to have a plan and to keep a level-head, were so opposite to Manny’s action and emotion-driven attitude, that you were bound to have your disagreements. He was a soldier, ready to throw himself at anything he had to, willing to get his hands dirty; you were made for the backlines, planning and mapping and researching before you’d ever think to pick up a weapon. With the group all together, it was easy to balance out your personalities, easy to maintain order. The two of you had never been left alone together for this long, though.

Despite what Manny might think, you didn’t hate him. You never did. He was irksome and frustrating, but at the end of the day you respected him - his skills, his loyalty, his drive. Perhaps in another life - one in which you all weren’t forced to grow up in a dying world - things could have been different, you two could have been… well, something.

You thought about it from time-to-time, what life would be like if the last of the Fireflies could live those ‘normal’ lives you’d read about in books or seen in movies. You figured that your personalities clashed enough that maybe none of you would have befriended each other, considering that you came together as a means of survival rather than out of kinship.

But then you’d think about the good moments you shared. When you would stumble across something strange in an old magazine and immediately show Nora. When Mel would bring back little odds-and-ends that she thought were interesting. When you and Manny would actually laugh together at a joke one of you said that the others didn’t find quite so funny.

Maybe normal wouldn’t have been so bad.

Somewhere nearby, a door creaked on its hinges, startling you out of your reverie. You shot up in your seat, eyes wide as you looked left and right and behind; forgetting about your book, you clicked off your flashlight and reached for the knife strapped to your thigh, just in case the noise wasn’t friendly.

Heart beating rapidly, you prayed that it was everyone else managing to make their way back despite the dark of night. You carefully stood, taking light steps towards the door, ducking behind furniture and posts as you went.

And then you heard Manny’s voice calling your name, his tone frustrated; your chest deflated with ease as you sheathed your knife. You flicked your light back on and wrenched open the heavy door, drawing his attention from across the expansive lobby; you weren’t sure if you were imagining it, but it looked as if he let out a sigh of relief.

He lifted his arms, indicating the building around him, the beam from his own flashlight dancing aimlessly across the wall, “Had me searching this whole damn place for you.”

Manny’s mood seemed to have calmed, if his easy tone was anything to go on; maybe you wouldn’t have to take anymore attitude with him. One of the nearby windows, though still mostly intact, was missing a corner of glass, the bleak night air making you tug your collar up as if that could protect you from the cold.

You shrugged ruefully, “That was kinda the intention.”

Manny studied you, eyes searching your face and looking you up and down; it made you wonder what the hell was going on in his head. His jaw flexed as he nodded, accepting your reasoning, while looking about the lobby - toppled over furniture, icy floors from where water flooded in, shelves layered in cobwebs and dust.

“We stick together,” he said simply, echoing what you’d said to him a couple of hours ago, “you’re right about that. So long as it’s just the two of us here, we aren’t splitting up again.”

You nodded in agreement, chewing at the inside of your lip thoughtfully as your gaze dropped to the floor. There was a part of you that wanted to discuss your earlier argument, but neither you nor Manny were the type of people to apologize, so you refrained.

“Any sight of them yet?” You asked as your eyes trailed to the wall of windows facing the lake - endless darkness, no lights for miles and miles. Not even the shine of the stars and reflection of the moon was visible through the heavy snowfall, which caused a wave of stress to roll up your spine; the weather hadn’t let up in the slightest.

“No.” You looked back at Manny, studying his face as best you could with the harsh light and shadows obscuring it. A sigh left you as he slowly crossed the room, “They’ll be okay.”

His tone wasn’t terribly convincing, but you were under the impression that he was saying it in an attempt to reassure the both of you. As he drew closer, you held his gaze, realizing that - despite everything - his deep brown eyes were a comforting sight right now. So, you straightened your shoulders, bolstering yourself to the best of your ability.

“They’ll be okay.” You repeated with far more conviction than Manny had, though you were still trying to make yourself believe it. For a long, tense moment, the two of you stood there in silence until Manny dropped his gaze in consideration.

“Let’s go back upstairs,” he instructed simply. You knew without him saying so that the high ground made him feel safer - from there he could see anyone coming, friend or foe. So, you nodded in agreement, following after him until the two of you were back in the top floor suite that was your temporary camp.

The two small flashlights you had were barely useful with how heavy the blizzard had gotten outside, beams illuminating your respective supply bags, shifted furniture, a small stack of shockingly pristine blankets sat atop a chair. You raised a brow at Manny, but he didn’t notice the look.

“Where the hell did you find those?” You questioned, because they definitely weren’t here earlier.

Manny knelt over his bag, steadying his flashlight between his shoulder and cheek as he dug through his belongings, “Searched some of the other rooms. Guess hotels used to keep them in plastic, so they were covered all this time.”

“Plastic?” You muttered to yourself, before determining that maybe it was a cleanliness thing and moving on; you had been far too young to remember what the world was like before it collapsed. Walking up behind Manny, you peered over his shoulder; he was digging out what food you two managed to find before the storm hit, which wasn’t much - mixed nuts, some kind of canned meat that you didn’t quite trust.

He held the bag of nuts up to you, “Hungry?”

Honestly, you weren’t. You probably should have been, but considering the stress that had been gnawing at you for hours, it didn’t seem possible for you to have an appetite right now. Glancing at your face, Manny must have read as much, shrugging as he closed his bag and situated himself in one of the chairs that he’d moved to face the window. Ripping open the bag, he scooped a handful into his mouth while gazing out into the haze of snow.

You stared at the back of Manny’s head, mindlessly studying his silhouette; there was strain in his shoulders, a slump to his posture. Was it because of his worrying over the rest of the crew, was it your fight earlier, was it something else entirely? You ruled it was most likely a combination of all the above.

Glancing towards your own bag, you began to make a mental list of all the stock you had between the two of you - the food, batteries, some scarce hygienic supplies, knives and guns and bullets. Did you still have fresh water? Would you run out of food while waiting out the weather? A surge of panic shot through you at all the variables that you simply couldn’t predict.

As if it would help anything, you clicked off your flashlight - at the very least, you could control how many batteries you blew through. So, you might be stumbling around in the dark for a while? There were far worse things than that. Manny either didn’t notice or care about the absence of an additional light, his own resting upon a table and shining into the room, casting harsh shadows across walls and furniture. You were nearly surprised that he wasn’t using it as a beacon for the others, but then again, it could just as easily be a beacon for less than desirable guests.

Swallowing down the anxious lump in your throat, you approached Manny, dragging over another heavy chair to sit beside him. Plopping down into it, you glanced over, but his gaze remained forward. You took the opportunity to study his profile - brow furrowed like it always seemed to be, jaw clenched, eyes intently staring into the dark night. Since you met him, Manny always seemed to have a wealth of tension in his body, like an animal ready to pounce if he ever had to.

Your gaze trailed down the length of his body studiously, his elbows rusting atop his knees, fingers knotted tightly together, heel tapping with that usual impatience you’d come to associate with him. Sympathetically, your brow turned down, as if you could suddenly see all his years of agitation and restlessness and irritation.

“Stop doing that.” Manny’s low voice surprised you; he still had yet to pull his eyes away from the flurry of snow.

Your expression knotted slightly, “Doing what?”

Did the corner of his mouth upturn ever so slightly? Maybe you were just seeing things. He sighed faintly through his nose, “Doing that thing you do.”

The confused furrow of your brow deepened. Sensing your confusion, a small huff left Manny as he finally swiveled his gaze towards you, straightening in his seat just a little.

“The way you watch people.” He said as if it were obvious, “It’s like you’re… seeing right through them, digging around in their heads until you figure them out.”

You could see, now that you were staring at each other, something akin to amusement in Manny’s eyes as he continued, “I’ve watched you do it dozens of times, but it’s different knowing that you’re doing it to me. I don’t like the idea of you seeing something that others aren’t supposed to.”

Suddenly self-conscious, you dropped your gaze, biting your lip, “I didn’t realize it was that… intense.”

“It’s why you’re good at what you do; you're observant. We wouldn’t be here without it.” He said almost dismissively, as if it pained him to give you anything even resembling a compliment. Despite your nerves, you smiled faintly to yourself, glancing back up at Manny through your lashes.

“I didn’t think anyone noticed. That I watch people, I mean.”

Manny worked his jaw in consideration, as if he had a response on his tongue but was hesitant to share it. Though, a moment later, he caved to his thoughts, “Not sure if anyone else has. Just me, far as we both know.”

That smile of yours grew just a little bigger, eyes narrowing slightly. Really, you wanted to ask him why and when he ever noticed it in the first place. Considering just how much he disliked you, you’d figured through the years that he’d want as little to do with you as possible.

As if reading your mind, Manny turned his gaze back out towards the sky; you could see the tightness in his expression even better now that he was looking away.

“So, what are we gonna do?” He asked firmly; he almost turned his eyes back towards you - you could see it in the faint twitch of his head - but he refrained.

You took a deep breath as you mulled it over. It’s probably been ten hours now without any sign of the crew, and the both of you were well beyond concerned about it. Per the rules, if they weren’t back in another two hours, then you and Manny should technically go looking for them. But considering the weather was only growing meaner and uglier, that seemed like the worst thing you could do right now.

You followed Manny’s lead, staring out at the heavy snow, listening to the harsh wind blasting against the building, rattling windows and paneling. You always seemed to run cold, but just the sound of the storm’s severity made you shiver.

“We wait out the night.” You finally said. You only briefly considered how strange it was that Manny was allowing you to make the calls, but then you figured it was his soldier mentality - he wasn’t the decision maker, though he was a devoted follower, “There’s nothing we can do with the weather like this. We rest, we prep, we head out once the sun’s up, and we find them. Storm can’t last forever.”

For a long stretch, the two of you sat in agreeable silence, watching the snow fall for lack of anything better to do. Briefly, you wished you hadn’t forgotten that paperback downstairs - didn’t matter how bad it was, it would have at least given you something to do.

You tried not to let your gaze drift back towards Manny, wary of making him feel uneasy under your eyes again, but you couldn’t help stealing glances. From his hard set brow to his lips, down to his tense hands and bouncing knee; if anything, he could use something to keep him preoccupied even more than you could.

“When you searched the rooms,” you started simply for the sake of creating conversation again, “did you find anything else? Anything we can use?”

Manny shrugged as if none of it mattered, “Couple bars of soap, bottle of water, half a dozen bibles.”

The both of you huffed out a faint laugh, “Well, if I’m feeling really desperate for something to read, I guess I know where to look.”

Manny glanced back towards you, looking you up and down once, “What, already finish that stupid book you’ve been carrying around?”

You gave him a teasing glare, “Forgot it downstairs.”

He hummed quietly, “Must not have been that good… If you want, we can go back and get it.”

A surprised smile graced your lips at Manny’s offer; you weren’t expecting such a simple kindness from him. Though you considered it for a moment, you shook your head, “We should stay put.”

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged, making a measly attempt at relaxing in his seat. Another beat of silence passed between you, “What was it about?”

Your brow furrowed, another half-assed laugh leaving you, “Oh, you must be bored if you’re asking about some romance novel.”

Manny laughed as well, “What else are we gonna talk about? The weather?”

You gave him a faux affronted look, though you appreciated his ability to joke about the one thing causing you both intense stress. There was something in his expression that you couldn’t quite place, almost companionship or admiration or something else you couldn't name. Grinning, you, too, settled into your seat, curling up to keep your body heat in; if it got any colder, you’d be bundling up in every single blanket the two of you had.

“It was some old-timey story,” You started, trying to find the right word, “not, uh, Victorian, but something else like it. The guy’s a lord or a duke, butting heads with his love interest the entire book. The tension was pretty good, all things considered.”

You looked back towards Manny, chewing at your lower lip as you recalled the plot. Remembering what was next, you diverted your gaze bashfully, “I got distracted somewhere after the wedding - hard to focus on it while being worried outta my mind over everyone else. Things were just about to get sexy, too.”

Manny snorted slightly, “I thought those books were all sex.”

You shrugged with an amused grin, “Guess not this one. Maybe that’s what the second half is gonna be. Might have to grab it before we leave tomorrow, and let you know how filthy things get.”

“Looking forward to it.” He joked, laughing smally in his chest, “Might just have to borrow it once you’re done.”

“Oh, you’ll love it.” You continued to jest, finding ease in the calm between you two, your anxieties briefly lifted as you laughed together.

A huge gust of wind blew against the building, causing the windows to rattle again; from another room, you heard glass break, shards tinkling to the floor, and with it the suite was suddenly colder. You and Manny both straightened in your seats as a door creaked, swaying back and forth with the draft.

Cursing under your breath, you rose to your feet, feeling Manny a step behind you, following the sound of groaning hinges till you found the culprit. One of the bedroom windows had already been cracked, and it finally gave in under the strain of the storm.

You peered into the room, eyes having adjusted to the dark just enough to make out the shine of snowfall and glass littering the floor. Backing up, you bumped into Manny’s chest, not realizing how close he’d been behind you; muttering a quick apology, you yanked the door closed, hoping that the latch was still intact enough that you wouldn’t have to worry. Again, you shivered - were you actually cold, or was it simply because you knew the harsh weather had gained one more small way to seep into the building?

You and Manny were still practically standing on top of each other, so he must have noticed the tremble of your shoulders or the clatter of your teeth. He tugged up the collar of your jacket again, checking that it was zipped up all the way; you would have thought it intimate if it weren’t for the harsh, instinctive way that he did it.

“You can’t be that cold all the time; been shivering like a wet cat since we left Seattle.” His tone seemed mildly jesting, yet there still seemed to be something mean about it.

“Shut up, I’m fine.” You bit back, brushing past him, “We should check the other bedrooms; probably best to just close everything up in case any more windows decide to give up on us.”

You didn’t know what hotels or resorts were supposed to be like, but you knew this suite was big, considering it’s four bedrooms and full kitchen; you’d read somewhere about deluxe rooms, or something like that, so now you knew what the hell that was describing.

Splitting up, you both checked the rooms, closing each of the doors as you went. This place seemed sturdy, but it was still nonetheless worn away by time. Returning to the front hall, you checked the front door seal on the off chance that maybe the lock still somehow worked, though you were soon let down, as it was jammed and unable to be secured. You made a mental note that you two needed to be extra mindful before you turned your attention back towards Manny.

He’d left his flashlight atop a table, so you could only make out his silhouette; you had the feeling he was staring back at you, too. With a faint sigh, you tried to find the pile of blankets he’d set aside earlier.

“We should try to get some sleep.” You instructed, despite the fact that you were wide awake. Though, curling up in all those blankets sounded nice, and maybe you’d finally be warm. 

“You rest.” Manny answered with a small shake of his head, “I’ll take first watch just in case; wake you up in a few hours.”

He had a point - considering there were only two of you, it wouldn’t be wise for you both to drop your guard. But you nonetheless protested, “I can take watch, I’m wide fucking awake as it is.”

You heard him sigh, probably irritated with you yet again, “Then I guess we’re not sleeping at all tonight.”

“Manny--”

“I’ll sleep when I’m tired.” He interrupted, returning back to that damn chair of his, “Do whatever you want.”

You stared as he settled back into his seat, squaring his shoulders; you couldn’t help but roll your eyes while crossing your arms at him. For a long stretch, the both of you were silent, though you were unable to hold back the question that you’d been wanting to ask since the two of you made it to the resort, “What’s your problem with me, honestly?”

You heard Manny laugh without humor. Turning his head, you could vaguely make out his profile, that familiar sharp nose and strong jaw. Suddenly, you didn’t like that you’d asked the question, feeling a wave of anxiety wash over you. Silence stretched out between you, longer than you would have liked - Manny wasn’t the type to hold his tongue.

Finally, he took a breath, his voice less assertive than you were expecting, “I don’t have a problem with you…”

Now, it was your turn to give a deriding laugh, “You sure?”

Manny shook his head and sighed, returning his attention back to the storm outside, much to your annoyance. You continued to stare at the back of his head for a few long moments, before giving up; guess you’d let him take the first watch after all. Considering that your two options right now were to either sleep or sit around stressing out, you may as well sleep.

So, you began to arrange some kind of make-shift bed out of the blankets and a couple pillows that weren’t completely moth-eaten. You pushed the tattered couch, using it as a barrier between you and the door, with Manny and the window opposite of it.

You worked quietly, settling into the blankets, trying to ignore how uncomfortable it was to be wrapped up while fully clothed and on the hard floor. By now, you should have been used to this kind of sleeping arrangement, but maybe the stress and tension were just causing every little thing to bother you.

“Hey,” Manny urged in a hushed whisper. You knew for a fact you hadn’t been sleeping long because you could feel the groggy discomfort in your head. Groaning, you stirred, realizing that you could feel the weight of his hand on your shoulder, “You good?”

Your expression knotted as you came back to consciousness. The darkness was the same now as it had been when you lied down, though at some point Manny had clicked off his flashlight. As your eyes adjusted to the dark, you tried to find him in the shadows, tugging at the blankets as the cold somehow seemed to penetrate right to your core. Your voice came out hoarse and whiny, “What?”

“You were moaning in your sleep.” He explained, fingers squeezing your shoulder faintly as you shuddered from the cold, “Jesus, you still cold under all that?”

“Shut up…” You groaned, already wide awake again. That was the nature of living like this, always moving and on high alert - rest and relaxation were an impossibility, “I’m fine.”

Manny sighed before clicking his tongue decisively. He took his hand back, and you could make out the way he brushed it across his forehead and eyes as if he was already feeling peeved at you all over again.

“Scooch.” He instructed.

“Huh?”

Another irked sigh left him, “Make room. You’ll do better with some body heat.”

You scoffed, “Don’t, it’s fine--”

“Just do it.”

With an exasperated huff, you shuffled over, tugging and shifting the blankets around yourself as Manny sat beside you. Under your breath, you grumbled incoherently, growing tense at the feel of his body settling in right there next to yours, shoulder bumping against yours. He rested his back upon the uncomfortable floor, laying like a board as you continued fussing with the blankets as some measly form of distraction.

But you knew you couldn’t be avoidant forever, so you eventually forced yourself to lie back, body just as rigid as Manny’s beside you. Your arm brushed his, and you attempted to shuffle away.

“Will you stop moving?” He urged, pushing closer to you intentionally, “Defeats the purpose, I’m trying to help regulate your temperature.”

“I told you I was fine.”

“You’ve been chattering all damn night,” Manny pressed his arm against yours, knee nudging you as he grumbled in irritation, “Be thankful I didn’t suggest skin-to-skin…”

Much to your chagrin, you felt a small jolt through you at the idea, your imagination too vivid for your own good sometimes. Picturing - even if just for a brief moment - the feel of Manny’s bare skin on top of yours, warm hands and tangled legs, mouth exploring every inch…

“Gross.” You spat out despite that obnoxious little sensation that stirred in your stomach. No, you were not about to picture Manny, of all people, in a compromising position like that. Maybe that stupid paperback had gotten to your head - after all, you didn’t read quite far enough to get to the good stuff, leaving you hungry to know what happened next.

It was like you could feel the way Manny’s eyes rolled at you as he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. You did the same, glowering up at the ceiling as if it had personally offended you.

For a long couple of minutes, the two of you stayed put, like two stubborn children unwilling to come to an agreement. Not that you would admit it, but having him there next to you did help warm you up, though you may also have your own dirty mind to blame for the flesh of heat through your body.

As the wind picked up even more aggressively outside, the creaking and rattling of the building around you sent another shudder through your body. Dutifully and without hesitation, Manny inched closer to you in response; you hoped the way you leaned towards his touch was subtle enough for him not to notice.

“We cool?” Manny asked in a low tone, causing your brows to raise.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Because it sorta seems like we never are.” He countered instantly, as if he had guessed exactly how you would respond. In your periphery, you could feel the way he turned his head to gaze at your profile, which caused you to tense up even more. An unamused laugh passed through his lips, faintly fluttering against your cheek; you had to refrain from sighing at its warmth, “You never really liked me. Sometimes it seems like you can barely tolerate me.”

Surprised, you turned your head as well, trying to make out his expression in the dark, “Says the guy who hates me.”

This time, you shivered with nerves, though Manny couldn’t have known the difference, as he tried to press closer to you again. He didn’t answer for a brief moment, mulling over his response before muttering dismissively, “Hate you? No mames…”

“Oh, come on,” feeling wide awake now, you rolled onto your side, propping your head in the palm of your head, “for five years we’ve argued over stupid shit, poking at each other all the time. What else am I supposed to think?”

You could vaguely see Manny’s lips turn down in consideration before he teased, “Maybe I just like arguing with you? Keeps things interesting.”

“Yeah right,” you laughed while shaking your head, “Why you so worried about it all of a sudden?”

This time, the pause between you was different, hesitant and strained. Though you couldn’t quite discern Manny’s expression in the dark, his head turned down slightly, jaw flexing. Something about it made you uneasy.

His voice was just above a whisper, serious and contemplative, “Well, on the off chance that something bad happened out there…”

He briefly stalled, as if he didn’t want to finish the sentence. It gave you just enough time to let the words sink in, the weight of them heavy upon you. Yes, for all you knew, all of your companions could be dead or sick or buried in snow out there. For all you knew--

“--you might be all I have left.” Manny’s confession had a somber quality to it, causing a pressure in your chest that was a confused mess of dismay and want and unease. You sucked in a breath, trying to maintain your calm.

Because Manny was right. You might be all he has left, just as much as he might be all you have left. The past few years aside, what would you two do if it were only you? Despite being able to keep a level-head, despite being rational, you couldn’t help but entertain those fears; in order to stay sane, you also had to be able to look into the mouth of the beast, so to speak.

In all this time, your group had never been separated this long unless it had been planned - for five long years, the last of the Fireflies had become the closest thing you had to family.

“Manny,” you whispered reassuringly, leaning towards him to make your point, chest lightly pressing against his shoulder and arm, “everyone’s okay. You and me, we’re good together; if they can’t find us, we’ll find them. And if for some fucking reason it is just you and me now, we’ll take care of each other.”

He faintly laughed, the sound uncertain, his warm breath tickling your cheeks again, “Like we always do…”

“I haven’t let you die yet,” you teased, hoping a bit of levity might put him at ease.

“I’m sure you thought about it at least once.” He quipped.

“Well, only when you were being really annoying.” You smiled contently, appreciating the sincerity between you two. With Manny, you’d always put up fronts or used jokes against one another - really, you’d never had much of a serious one-on-one conversation, even after all this time. There was another charged pause between you.

“I never hated you, you know.” Manny’s tone was so frank and warm and… perhaps affectionate, strange as that seemed.

You startled as his hand brushed your shoulder - you were so focused on his face that you hadn’t realized he moved. His fingers slid carefully along your collarbone, hesitating at the base of your neck; your body became tense, taken aback by the knot in your chest, by the tenderness of his touch. What the hell was this about?

With a sharp, sad breath, you leaned back, hoping Manny would allow his hand to fall away from you. Instead, he gently pressed his palm to the side of your neck, keeping you close, “Don’t.”

You could feel the intensity of his eyes staring at you, fingers lightly flexing against your skin, “Don’t what?”

Shaking your head, you tried to calm the skip of your heart, the spike of nerves that swelled in your body. It was like a surge of heat from head to toe, a part of you aching for it while another part wishing to get away from it.

“We’re not doing the ‘all hope is lost’ thing. Don’t project feelings onto me that aren’t there, it isn’t fair to either of us.” You managed to sound more assured than you felt, your resolve already wavering.

You never ever hated Manny, either. Of course you never hated him; you wouldn’t have tolerated his bullshit otherwise. Yes, the two of you bickered and poked fun at each other, threatening to trade foraging partners when one of you was particularly irksome to the other. But neither of you ever followed through with it, because at the end of the day, neither of you would ever want to work with anyone else.

You and Manny fit together. He was resourceful, you were knowledgeable; he knew when to act first, and you knew when to plan ahead. You’d learned to read each other without speaking a single word; how to fight together seamlessly when shit went south. So what, you’d never had a serious, heartfelt conversation, even after years working side-by-side? Didn’t the knowing glances and elbow jabs and shared laughs make up for that? Hell, you knew for a fact that no one understood you like Manny did, and vice versa.

And, fuck, that was the problem, wasn’t it?

“I’m not doing that.” Manny insisted in that tone you knew so well - earnest and cross, adamant because he didn’t want to be brushed off. Allowing his hand to fall, he propped himself up, resting his elbows on the floor to be eye level with you.

“Aren’t you, though?” You argued, though your tone had no conviction to it, “All this time and you wait till now to, what, make a move?”

Manny scoffed and shook his head, but it seemed a measly attempt to protect himself rather than a reflection of any upset he felt. He took a deep breath, his attentive eyes searching your face candidly, “You ever think that maybe I’ve liked you this whole time, nena?”

The question caused you to inhale sharply, an anxious jolt shooting through your chest. Your mouth hung slightly ajar as you tried to believe him before you swallowed your nerves, asking quietly, “This whole time?”

Manny shifted before reaching towards you again, thumb brushing along your jaw before his hand tentatively returned to the back of your neck; a very faint, unamused laugh escaped him, “Think about it?”

And you were. You tried to recall all the times you two argued, only for you to realize he had a charmed glint in his eyes; all the times he was the first person you looked to whenever things went bad. When being in each other’s space went from being a necessity to being a comforting familiarity; when Nora started mocking the two of you for acting like an old married couple.

Those times you’d catch Manny staring at you, only for him to look away. How he’d whisper a stupid joke in your ear that he didn’t want anyone else to hear. Those little unnecessary touches - a hand at the small of your back, knees brushing when you sat side-by-side despite there being more than enough room for you both. You’d wake up sometimes in the middle of the night with an extra blanket draped over you. Or on foraging hunts when Manny would bring you a little something just because he thought you might like it.

Fuck, you were an idiot. How was it all so painfully obvious, yet managed to go completely over your head all this time?

A laugh of realization and disbelief escaped you, yet it was also a laugh of relief - like some weight you weren’t even aware of had finally been lifted from your shoulders.

“I’m so stupid…” You muttered, shaking your head at yourself.

Sensing your shift in attitude, your walls coming down, Manny jested quietly, drawing just that little bit closer to you, “Well, I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but…”

You giggled again nervously, rolling your eyes and biting your lip. Your nerves were like an electric current, static through your limbs, heart pounding in your chest. Hesitantly, you reached towards Manny, gently resting your hand to his chest, fingers splaying over his collarbone. To your relief, he leaned into the touch, resting his forehead carefully against yours while taking in a deep breath.

“For the record, I never hated you, either.” You murmured. Manny’s grip tightened ever so slightly on the back of your neck.

“I know.”

His mouth found yours urgently, a surprised hum rising in your throat; he tasted bitter and sharp, utterly intoxicating as you savored him. You could feel Manny’s smile against your lips, charmed by your reaction as his fingers flexed eagerly on your skin. Pressing closer, you wound your arms around his neck, kissing him as if you’d been starved and he was the only thing that could satiate you.

The two of you were in-sync just as you always were, hands groping, mouths insistent, bodies slotting together as Manny laid you back on the pile of blankets, his weight atop you warm and comforting like he belonged there. Just like all your silent glances, it was as if you knew what the other was thinking, moving together as his tongue slid across your lower lip, your hands tugging desirously at his curls.

Shamelessly, you opened your mouth to him, tongues swirling together as you moaned; Manny’s grip on you grew tighter, incited by the sound. He blindly groped around, fingers brushing over your breast and collarbone till he found the zipper of your coat, yanking it down in one fluid motion before sliding both hands inside it. You arched into the touch, tugging faintly at his hair as a searing coil knotted in your stomach.

Manny groaned salaciously, pushing up the hem of your layered shirts, his touch a scorching fire on your skin. Your hips bucked, heart thumping wildly in your chest. Gliding your hands down his neck and chest, you fumbled with his coat as well, causing him to laugh into your mouth as you struggled with it. His breath hot against your face as he pulled back, sitting up on his heels to rip the layer away, your chest heaving as you watched. Manny’s hands were on you again in a flash, swooping in to capture your lips again.

Propping up on your elbows, you hastily pulled off your own winter coat, not willing to break away from the kiss again so soon. Once your hands were free, you slid them over Manny’s firm torso, humming contently at the feel of him.Sliding your hands beneath his shirts, your body tightened at the guttural sound in his throat, your fingernails grazing over his abs and sides amorously. His hips twitched against yours, causing you to sigh with want.

Manny’s hands traveled down your neck and chest and waist, grabbing as if desperate to feel every part of you all at once. He kissed you ardently before withdrawing his lips, blazing a hot trail along your jaw and neck, sucking at the sweet spot just above your collarbone; the mewl that left you was downright sinful, causing Manny’s faint laugh to vibrate against your skin.

“Oh, that’s the spot, huh?” He teased in a growl that made your body clench wantonly, back arching into his touch, “Should’ve done this years ago…”

Fuck yes he should have. You should have, instead of letting all this want and desire pent up inside you. You were ravenous for Manny’s touch, finally having tasted the forbidden fruit, nails digging into his sides just enough to draw a sigh from him, mouth continuing to nip along the expanse of your neck. You pushed his shirts up higher, desperate to feel every inch of his soft skin, to memorize each curve and blemish with your fingertips.

As Manny rolled his hips far too alluringly against yours, you keened and scratched your nails along his sides, spreading your legs so he could slot between them more easily. The press of him against your center was maddening, making you realize just how long it had been since anyone aside from yourself had touched you. Your pussy clenched with anticipation, Manny’s body making your head spin as you imagined all the things he could do to you.

You groaned incoherently as his teeth gently bit your skin; Manny went rigid for just a moment, enthralled by the sound before he continued ravishing your neck.

You insistently began to tug at his clothes, deciding there were far too many layers between you. It should not have been this erotic to help someone strip, yet his hot breath on your skin and the feel of his body flexing beneath your fingers was dizzying. When finally his chest was bare, Manny leaned back, allowing your hands to explore, although you quickly knotted your fingers in his hair again and drew his mouth back to yours. He smiled against your lips, hips grinding longingly in response.

Manny pulled back after one more sweet kiss, mouth dragging down your neck and chest, hands sliding your shirt up to your breasts to expose your abs to his frenzied lips. His teeth grazed over your stomach, kissing along the curves of your body as your hands tangled in his hair.

Reaching between you, Manny undid your pants swiftly, hooking his fingers into the waistband as his lips hungrily nipped at your skin, biting and sucking feverishly. Your eyes crossed, feeling just how bad that hickey would be later.

Manny gave your pants a quick tug down to your knees, finally breaking his lips away from your skin with an audible pop. Breathing deeply, he shuffled lower, nose grazing over your panties as he pulled at your pants again, helping you out of them before they were tossed carelessly aside. You inhaled sharply at his warm breath so very close to your center, wet and needy and waiting for him.

“Shit…” He muttered, lips brushing over the thin fabric of your panties, your hips rolling instinctively, “Not fair that you smell that good.”

The compliment made you whine hungrily, nails scratching through his hair. He pressed a kiss to the fabric between you, causing you to buck again with a gasp. Resting his hands firmly on your thighs, he trailed down that little bit further, breath hot and moist along your slit, causing your eyes to roll back. His fingers dug faintly into your flesh as he took in the smell of your desire, making you squirm with anticipation.

And then he pressed his tongue flat to your pussy, spit soaking through your already damp panties as you moaned unabashedly, causing Manny’s own hum to rock against you. Your grip on his hair tightened as he began to lap at you slowly, tip of his tongue flicking over your clit over and over, making your toes curl.

“Oh, fuck…” You muttered, grinding your hips against Manny’s mouth in time with the strokes of his tongue. Another growl sounded in his throat as he held your thighs firmly as if to keep the both of you at a slow, steady pace. Your body jolted when he teased at your entrance, the measly layer of fabric the only thing keeping you two apart and causing you frustration.

As if he could read your mind, Manny slid a hand up your leg, hooking a finger around the fabric of your panties and pulling them out of the way, his mouth pulling back a mere inch. His hot breath teased along your slit, making you ache for him.

A desirous sound of approval rumbled in his chest before Manny pressed his mouth to your pussy, causing you to yelp at the feel of his wet tongue bare against you. The hand on your thigh tightened its grip as he hungrily ate you out, mouth ravenously sucking on your clit, tongue diving between your folds insatiably. You threw your head back with a vulgar cry, already seeing stars as you rolled your hips greedily, causing Manny to splay his hand across your pelvis in an effort to hold you in place.

“Slow down, baby…” He groaned into your pussy, the roughness of his tone doing nothing to make you any less wet and desperate, especially when he went back to devouring you in the same breath. Your legs were already shaking on either side of his head, five long years making it damn near impossible to keep yourself from coming undone.

It was like an electric spark each time his tongue teased at your clit, your whimpers growing only more desperate and carnal. Your legs began to clench around him, forcing Manny to firmly grip both your thighs, fingers digging into your skin to keep you from tightening around his head. You trembled in his strong hold, rutting desperately against his mouth, the both of you moaning with a drunken pleasure.

“Oh god--!” You stuttered with a gasp, Manny’s mouth unrelenting on your clit, eating you out like you were his goddamn last meal, “Manny--!”

You felt him tense before his mouth grew even more frenzied, the sound of his name on your tongue sinful and encouraging. Your breath came out short and gasping and desperate, head swirling with bliss, body trembling as you rode his tongue closer and closer to your release.

And then you spiralled abruptly, cumming hard and intense as your body tightened, moans spilling from your lips like prayer. Manny lapped at your desire, taking another deep breath of you as his hands held so tight to your trembling thighs that you knew it would bruise. You shook in his hands, body melting as he continued to cruelly tease at your clit with his tongue, incoherent words of pleasure falling from your mouth.

When your hands finally untangled from his hair, Manny relented, pulling back to catch his breath as you rode the high of your orgasm, eyes crossed and head fuzzy. His nose brushed along your inner thigh, causing you to twitch; an airy laugh tickled against your skin in response.

“God…” He grumbled, resting his forehead against your leg for a moment. The distinct smell of sex reached you, sweaty and sweet and musky, as your chest heaved with steady breaths. Though your limbs felt weak, you gently brushed your hand over Manny’s curls, staring up at the ceiling as you composed yourself.

Manny began a slow crawl up your body, lips grazing over your skin wantonly until you were nose-to-nose, tasting your own sex in the air between you two. He firmly pressed his groin against your sensitive core, drawing a faint whimper from your lips, which he captured in a deep, impassioned kiss.

Your hands explored his body, delighting in the flex of his muscles, the heat of his skin. His tongue slid into your mouth zealously, tasting you with a deep moan. For the first time in days, you finally felt warm, sweat dampening the small of your back. Without breaking away from Manny’s lips, you began to tug your shirts up, only splitting for half a second so you could yank them over your head.

Manny cupped your breasts, squeezing eagerly and groaning as your nipples hardened under his touch. He drew his lips away, kissing down your neck until he could tenderly bite the soft flesh of your chest; your toes curled as he sucked another hickey to your skin, hooking your heels on the backside of his legs while rutting your hips again.

Satisfied with the bruise he left, Manny captured your lips fiercely, rolling his hips, his erection strained and beguiling within his pants. Your legs tightened either side of him, using the leverage to move with him, grinding against his cock slowly, drawing an illicit groan from his lips.

Manny grabbed firm hold of you, flipping your bodies around in one fluid motion to put you on top. Sitting up, he practically devoured your lips, the kiss sloppy and salacious. In his lap, you continued grinding your hips, arching your back as the friction caused you to whine, your sex dampening through your panties to his jeans.

God, the feel of him swollen and hard against your clit was mouthwatering, your pace growing more urgent and needy as Manny groped at you with feverish hands, squeezing and rubbing and scratching like he was afraid someone might steal you away from him. He reached around your back, unclipping your bra and tossing it away; prying his lips from yours, he took one of your peaked nipples into his hot mouth, tongue swirling and teeth grazing. You cried out, head falling back as you leaned into his touch, your pussy slick with want as your hips stuttered.

You muttered achingly as Manny fondled your breasts, his hips bucking needily beneath you as he growled with impatience. Your fingers knotted in his hair again, tugging just hard enough to make him hiss as you rut against him.

Feeling like a tightly wound coil again, you pried yourself off Manny, much to his protest, shuffling down his legs just enough to undo his jeans, pulling them away before crawling back to him. You cupped his erection through his boxers, sighing sharply at his size and girth; you gave him a gentle squeeze, causing him to groan while grinding himself into your hand. You began to stroke him through the underwear, hand slow and firm as it teased along his length, thumb running over his tip, hitting a spot he must have loved given the way he twitched and groaned.

You grabbed the waistband of the boxers and drew them down, the head of Manny’s cock bouncing against his stomach with a dull thump. You stroked him again, lightly squeezing as you went from head to hilt at a cruel pace, teasing along the vein on the underside of his length. As your hand began to bounce at a steady rhythm, Manny lied back, mouth ajar and eyes closed.

“Baby…” He grumbled, hips bucking up to meet your hand, causing his thigh muscle to tighten beneath your pussy, making you moan right along with him.

Giving into your impatience, you yanked off your panties, crawling over Manny so you could press a fierce kiss to his lips. As you tried to pull away, he cupped the back of your neck, tongue sliding into your mouth as he kissed you like you were the air he breathed, moaning desperately in his throat. His opposite hand slid between you, fingertips swirling your swollen clit and causing you to shiver.

When finally your lips broke apart, you were gasping for air, Manny’s cock twitching against your inner thighs, your knees slightly trembling thanks to the lazy winding of his fingers on your sex. The glint in his hooded eyes caused you to smile affectionately, repositioning yourself till you were centered over his erection, his hands gliding along your thighs and hips and waist like you were something coveted.

Manny dug his fingers into your hip, grinding your wet pussy along the length of his cock, whispering endearments so low that you could barely make them out. Steadying your hands upon his firm chest, the friction between you nearly made you whine. Manny took a deep breath as he shifted you so that he was lined up with your entrance, the two of you lingering for a moment as you stared into each other’s faces.

And then you slowly lowered yourself onto him, groaning in unison as you stretched around his girth. You were so wet already, taking him hilt deep with a shudder at the feel of him inside you. Manny held still, composing himself as you adjusted to his size - five years without dick make you feel like a damn virgin all over again, the twitch inside you causing a yelp of pleasure to jump from your lips.

You stayed like this a moment longer before you unhurriedly rut against Manny’s hips, another raptured cry escaping you at the pressure against your clit. Manny’s grip became even more firm against your skin, deep breaths inflating his chest as he ground up into you, finding that sweet spot deep inside you far, far too easily. Your hips moved together, jerky and uncoordinated, desperately chasing the delectable sensation coursing between your bodies.

Manny’s hands drift around to your ass, squeezing encouragingly as he rolled his hips, your name hot on his tongue. He lifted you just a couple inches off of him, cupping your rear so he could thrust up into you, skin clapping together while your nails dug into his pecs. He hit you nice and deep over and over again, the thrust of his hips growing more unyielding with each mewl and cry that slurred from your mouth. Fuck, his dick was intoxicating, the way it stretched you out and filled you up, making your eyes cross and your limbs trembled.

Hungry for more, you began to bounce on your knees, stuttering until you matched Manny’s rhythm, bracing your hands either side of his head to get a deeper angle. You exhaled sharply as he buried himself inside you, thrusts growing feverish, skin slick with sweat. A growl rose deep in his chest, craning his neck to capture your lips in a sloppy kiss, teeth clashing and tongues swirling. You moaned into his mouth, rolling your hips erratically.

Manny’s greedy hands trailed back up your body, fondling your tits, tweaking your nipples between his fingers. A fierce little “come here” rumbled in his throat, drawing your chest towards him so he could bite at your flesh again. The new angle of your hips caused pressure on your clit that made you cry out, body shuddering with pleasure as Manny drove his cock deep inside you over and over again.

“Fu-uck--!” You whined loudly, grinding your hips as Manny became more frantic, thrusts hard and lecherous and like a drug. His breath was hot against your breasts, your back arching as his hands explored your body, gripping firmly at your waist as he pushed just that little bit deeper.

Manny drew his knees up to press against your back, using the angle to bury himself in you, hand trailing down to massage your clit with the pad of his thumb. Your hips faltered with a yelp as you groped at his arms to keep yourself steady.

He rut his hips hard into you, the slick sound of your skin slapping together causing your pussy to clench tight around him, drawing another hiss from between his teeth. Your body became frenzied, hips rolling and toes curling, a string of gasps spilling from your mouth as his thumb returned to swirling your clit, sending jolts of desire through your body.

“Fuck, you’re falling apart, huh?” Manny growled with a dazzling grin, enthralled by the sight of you as he fought not to come undone himself, “Taking me so good…”

God, his voice made you squirm and moan, riding his cock with a hungry zeal, bouncing on shaky legs as your pussy tightened around him. Drool began to pool under your tongue, eyes rolling into the back of your head as your pace grew sloppy and graceless.

“That’s right, baby…” Manny breathed out, applying more pressure to your clit, stilling the upward thrusts of his hips so you could ride him until you fell apart. You bounced and rutted, chasing the cusp of another orgasm, nails racking harshly along his body before digging into his thighs, which still pressed firmly into your back, using him as leverage for your rapacious grinding.

You managed to find Manny’s intense gaze in the dark, the two of you staring intensely at one another, eyes hooded and mouths hanging open. Under his breath, he murmured a string of “come on, come on” like a mantra, thumb continuing its unrelenting pattern on your clit as your legs began to shake, nails scratching at his skin forcefully enough that you dared to draw blood.

And then it was like a white hot flash of lightning, an obscene cry leaping from your mouth as you clenched tight around Manny’s cock, throwing your head back as everything within you trembled, your release frenzied and wild.

You shook while bracing yourself, orgasm rocking your body, stars behind your eyes as a weak string of moans fell from your tongue. Manny held you tight, squeezing your skin in his hands, watching you with utter awe and ecstasy, the clench of your soaked pussy drawing guttural moans from his chest. His cock twitched inside you, desperate for release, but he resisted the urge so he could focus on how goddamn incredible you looked cumming all over his dick.

When you finally floated down from cloud nine, your body racked with pleasure. Manny’s cock was still buried inside you, rock hard and twitching, sending shocks of euphoria through your body. The tension accompanying your orgasm melted away, legs like pudding as you balanced your hands atop his chest again.

“Fucking hell…” Manny murmured, enthralled by you. A goofy smile graced your lips as you slowly lowered your lips back towards his, moaning into his mouth at the way his full cock shifted inside you. The kiss was deep and sloppy, breathing each other in with such ardent want, molding together as if you were made for it.

Manny gave a slow roll of his hips, hands exploring your hot skin as you continued to whimper against his lips. Slowly, he pushed up inside you, delighting in your gasps and spasms, his tongue delving into your mouth again with desperate desire. You held his jaw tenderly, pulsing around his thrusts; eventually, he pulled back, lips brushing against yours as he spoke.

“Got one more in you, cariño?” He whispered wickedly, smiling triumphantly as you moaned, walls clenching around him again. He was so close, feeling how desperately his body wanted release. When you nodded, nose bumping gently with his, Manny’s arms encircled you, flipping you onto your back faster than you could blink, the motion and accompanying friction making you gasp sinfully.

Manny sat back on his heels, hands stroking down your legs, cock still buried inside you as he positioned your bodies. He spread your legs, pushing them up either side of you, hands holding your knees as he bottomed out, moaning huskily at the feel of you. He rolled his hips steadily, hitting deep inside your wet pussy, fingers digging into your skin. You grasped at the mess of blankets beneath you, body curving up to meet Manny’s thrusts as skin slapped skin, hair sticking to your sweaty neck and forehead.

Manny grunted praises through his teeth, slamming deep into you with rapid strikes. Already so sensitive after your orgasms, you moaned wildly at the way he slid in and out of you, body starting to tremble again. Manny pushed your legs even higher and wider, eyes closed and brow furrowed as he used your body, burying into you with a hungry fervor.

You threw your head back as your thighs tried to clench either side of Manny’s torso, but his grip was firm and strong, holding you in place as your entire body shook with intense pleasure. His thrusts grew even more insistent, fast and deep and mouthwatering.

“That’s right, baby--” He hissed as he slammed into you, “so fucking good--”

His words made you whine delectably, pussy clenching around him, rhythm unrelenting. His breath began to come out in deep shudder, hips stuttering on the edge of release as he stole a few more deep thrusts before abruptly pulling out of you.

It was a shock to be so empty all of a sudden, a loud cry leaving you; in the next moment, Manny was spilling warm seed onto your stomach, his groans overlapping with yours. His hands shook as he clung tight to your legs, his head lulling forward as the last of him pooled on your hot skin, sweat gliding down his taunt muscles.

For a long beat, neither of you moved as you caught your breath. Eventually, you lowered your legs either side of him, reaching trembling hands up to cup Manny’s jaw as he balanced above you, swooping in to steal a needy kiss. The both of you moaned at the taste of each other, your body still yearning for him despite the three orgasms he already gave you. Pulling back, he pressed his sweaty forehead to yours, breathing you in deeply for a minute.

“Be right back.” Manny whispered roughly, grunting as he pushed back on his heels before rising to his feet, legs still shaky. You hummed in acknowledgement, watching his silhouette move through the dark, listening as he rummaged in his bag and opened a canteen. He returned moments later, kneeling beside you and pressing a damp cloth to your stomach, causing you to faintly gasp at the chill of it cleaning your skin of his mess.

“Thanks,” You giggled, cock-drunk and giddy, once Manny was done. He sat down beside you again, huddling himself in the blankets as a sweet laugh met your ears.

“For what - the mindblowing sex?” He teased, to which you gave him a half-assed punch in the arm, which only made him laugh again.

“Shut up, asshole.” You smiled fondly, eyes fluttering shut contently.

Your body had finally relaxed, a thin layer of sweat glistening over your skin, which finally allowed for the blizzard outside to chill you to the bone again, your teeth chattering. Looking about in the dark, it was hard to tell where exactly any of your clothes had ended up, but before you could even crawl away from the comfort of your blankets, Manny gently grabbed your arm.

He tugged you into him, muttering against your hair, “Worry about it in the morning.”

“And freeze in the middle of the night?” You countered, though being curled in his side and huddled together was doing wonders for your temperature. It reminded you of what he said earlier, which already felt lifetimes away, causing you to huff out a small laugh, “Guess we’re doing the skin-to-skin thing after all, huh?”

Manny laughed, too, arms tightening around you as he grumbled again, echoing your words back at you, “Shut up, asshole.”

“Sheesh, look at these two.”

A voice and accompanying snickers pierced through your unconscious, causing you to start abruptly, instinctively reaching for your knife that was nowhere to be found. The warm body beside you shot up with a gasp, seemingly fumbling around for something as well, which caused even more raucous laughter.

And then, of course, your mind caught up with you as you recalled last night, eyes straining to open against the harsh sunlight reflecting off the snow outside.

“So, this is what you were doing instead of searching for us?” Nora’s familiar voice taunted, your vision still heavy with sleep. Mortification shot through you like a bullet, feeling your neck and ears grow hot as you slumped under the blankets as if to hide your shame.

Manny’s body was warm beside you, his morning voice gravelly; despite yourself, it caused a faint stirring in your stomach, “Fuck off.”

The sheet over your head was tugged away, Owen’s teasing face there to greet you as you shivered at the cold, “Aw, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed.”

“Stop…” You whined sleepily, crossing your arms over your chest on the off-chance that you may end up more exposed than you would like.

Eyes adjusted to the light, you looked from one face to the next - everyone seemed to be amused, even Abby, who tried to hide that behind a glare. Fuck, this is just what you needed first thing in the morning.

Manny clicked his tongue, pulling a blanket around his bare shoulders and torso, “We were gonna look for you today.”

“Just had to get some first?” Mel asked with a laugh, rolling her eyes before shooting you a wink.

“Get dressed.” Abby chimed in before either of you could rise to the bait. Curling into yourself, you pressed closer to Manny to steal some of his body heat, “We gotta make some progress before another storm hits. Right?”

She looked at you with raised brows, as if you could simply predict the weather like some kind of magician. You sighed while weakly nodding, attempting to stifle a yawn.

“Yeah, yup, before another storm.” You answered roughly, raising your hand to wave it in the direction of the door, “Will you all go please?”

“Oh, she wants some privacy.” Nora continued to tease, even as she began to slowly back up towards the door, the others following suit.

“Five minutes.” Abby instructed, still fighting to hold in her own mirth at your predicament, “Any longer and we’ll drag you out.”

You and Manny watched as they trickled out of the room. Nora stopped to shoot you a big thumbs up, causing another wave of laughter through the group as they closed the door behind them.

Alone again, Manny looked down at you, dark stare taking in your disheveled appearance with a faint smirk. Sighing heavily, you sat up, shivering as the cold air hit your bare back, shoulders shrugging up to your ears.

“Fuck!” You chattered, catching the mischievous glint in Manny’s eyes, your brow knotting, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I mean,” he leaned towards you as if to whisper a secret, “we can do a lot in five minutes…”

You laughed abruptly at his insinuation, rolling your eyes as you leaned in as well, lips lingering just out of reach, “Shut up and put your clothes on.”

. .

Taglist | @flaneurpastel

[johns-walker]

this is actually insane

[johns-walker]

i’ve been looking at this picture for 20 minutes

[johns-walker]

really wanna write something about corporal ford wyatt was so hot in overlord

[johns-walker]

if you saw me accidentally reblog the same gif set twice no you didn’t!

[johns-walker]

JOSEPH QUINN as EMPEROR GETA Gladiator II (2024), dir. Ridley Scott

[johns-walker]

I never really cared for John Walker in the Falcon TV series, but after watching Thunderrbolts, I kinda need him, bad. So if you’re willing to write a request, may I request just John, devouring reader in a kiss? Like, hot and heavy, pushing her against the wall 👉👈

for some reason i never even got notified of this ask but guess what i saw it in fact!!! also yes. yes yes yes.

john walker/f!reader

cw; making out, almost smut (again LOL)

Rooming with a superhero probably wasn’t something that you anticipated, or something that you could have even tried to predict the outcome of. Or, you were pretty sure he was a superhero? He was an Avenger, but before that he wasn’t an Avenger and he was just depressed and also living with you because he was going through a divorce. It was just supposed to be a minor living situation because you were both kind of out on your asses, but now you were… friends? Friends, but you were attracted to him and also he came home covered in blood and three days late half of the time and sometimes you simply weren’t sure how you were ever supposed to feel about the situation. 

Tonight was no exception to the rule. 

You were sitting on your couch when he walked in, his face bruised and his cheek split open. It was the same thing that it always was, with you patching him up. Typically, though, he would go to bed right after and you would talk a bit in the morning. But he had become friendlier with you since he joined this team. His mental health was doing better, and you were becoming closer. Regardless of how nervous it made you, you liked it. 

“Why do you sit up waiting for me?” He asked, leaning against the kitchen counter while you fixed him a cup of tea. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I came home at midnight and you were ready for me to get here, even though I’m late sometimes.” Late often, was more like it. But that really only made you sound worse in terms of the situation, so you didn’t feel the need to correct him.

“Because I care about you.” It was a simple answer, but one that you fully meant. You cared about him, and you were worried about him not coming home. You knew it was more than that, but he had always seemed pretty oblivious to that fact. Until now, at least. Now, he was looking at you like he could see right through you, and it was making you incredibly nervous. 

What you couldn’t have known was that he had a very candid conversation with Yelena and Ava earlier about his feelings, about the fact that he very clearly had a relatively intimate relationship with his roommate who they were certain was probably in love with him from the way that he described her. 

“Walker?”

He seemed to be pondering, moving closer to you. You held out the mug for him, assuming in your heart that was what he wanted. But he said nothing, and even though he took the mug, he simply set it down beside you. 

“John?” 

“Tell me to stop, if you want me to stop.” When you felt his hand on your jaw, cradling your cheek and tilting your face up so you would have to look at him, you knew there was some small part of your mind that was telling him that he should stop. You were friends, and you didn’t want to ruin that because of your complicated feelings toward him. But the way that he was looking at you told you that you had no reason to be so nervous, that your complicated feelings really didn’t need to be all that complicated anymore. 

When you didn’t tell him to stop, he didn’t bother hesitating as he pressed his lips against yours. It was experimental at first, neither of you really knowing what it was that the other person wanted. But when it became clear that what he wanted was you, and that what you wanted was him, neither of you really felt that need to be all too timid. 

It felt as if every single emotion that you had been trying to conceal within yourself was coming out. All of the passion that you felt toward him, the need to kiss him and be with him and tell him that you were painfully and obviously attracted to him and cared about him more than you were supposed to care about a friend. Everything came out, and he seemed to be enjoying it. The loss of tension, but the need to get somehow closer all-but consuming the both of you. 

His kiss became needy, and you were desperate for more. 

You didn’t notice that he had your back against the wall until you were there, his body trapping you between it and the flowery wallpaper that he had claimed he would change when you both decided to move into this apartment. Each second, it felt like his kiss got deeper. You could feel body pressed against yours, his lips against yours so roughly that it almost felt like he was trying to consume you whole. 

His teeth sunk into your bottom lip after a moment, a whine leaving your throat that almost embarrassed you. Walker’s bite was nearly enough to hurt, nearly enough to leave a mark on the inside of your mouth. You almost wished that he would, that his teeth would indent you so when he was away you could still feel him. He seemed to take note of that passion, of that lingering clinginess that you always tried to hide when he was away for prolonged periods of time. 

He didn’t mind that you grabbed onto his coat, pulling him tightly against you. I return, you didn’t mind when his hand snaked behind your head and tugged at your hair. He pulled your head back just enough so that he could trail his lips down your jaw, a needy sigh leaving your mouth as you felt his lips pulling your skin in between them. There was a desire building in your core that you couldn’t deny, a need to be even closer to him that was growing inside of you. 

After a moment, you grabbed his chin to pull his face back to yours. He let you kiss him with all the passion that you had been wanting to get out. The worry, and the desire, and the feelings that you had been trying to conceal. His hands moved to grab onto your hips, to keep you pressed against him as tightly as he could. You knew that you both wanted more. You could feel it in your stomach, in your chest, and in the way that he seemed to be subtly trying to get your leg up and over his hip so he could press against you even tighter. 

At some point, you would need to discuss this, but perhaps the moment wasn’t when you finally gave him what he wanted – when you could feel the evidence of his arousal against you. With one movement of his hips against yours, you knew that you would give into your desires before either of you even considered having a serious conversation about this. 

“We’ll talk-” He stopped talking after a moment, his voice rough, needy – breathless. “When I’m done with you.” 

It was as though he was reading your mind, but it wasn’t a surprise that you were both seemingly having the same thoughts about this situation.

With a smile, you pulled him back down to your level, your lips brushing against the corner of his mouth. “Sounds good to me.”

Of all of the long nights that you had since Walker became an Avenger, this was certainly the best one to date.

[johns-walker]

Perhaps I could request a john walker x reader making out session (established relationship) 🥹👉👈

yes. yes absolutely. yes. did i say yes? yes.

john walker/f!reader 1.1k wc

cw; making out, illusions to smut (no actual smut)

Perhaps just sitting on his lap wasn’t the most casual thing that you could be doing, when you decided to really think about it. It wasn’t as though you you were even doing anything, and you had been dating Walker for a few months. You just wanted to be close to him, to wrap your arms around his neck and cuddle into his shoulder while he read the briefing that you had just received about your next mission. Infiltrating some base, real hero work with civilians that needed to be saved. Something that neither of you were quite used to yet. 

“Are you still listening?” Walker asked, though his voice sounded amused. 

“Mhm.” 

“Really? What country is the base located in?” 

Pulling your head from his shoulder, you tried to sneak a glance at the paper, but only felt him pressing a hand over your eyes while he set the packet down beside him. 

“You weren’t listening.” He stated, no longer asking the question but deciding it was fact. If you were being honest, he was correct. You weren’t listening to a word that he was saying because you were too concerned with the warmth of his body against your own and how badly you wanted to make out with him. “What were you thinking about?” 

From his inflection, you were quite certain that he knew what you were thinking about. When it was like this, you either got really sleepy, or you started kissing his neck. You hadn’t gotten to either of those points yet, but he knew you. He knew that it was only a matter of time before you distracted him too, and he knew that there was no point in fighting it. He didn’t want to fight it, because if he was being honest with you, the feeling of having you so close to him was taking it’s toll on him as well. 

“I was thinking about you, what am I normally thinking about?” You responded, watching his lips form a smile. 

He wasn’t surprised when you leaned forward, your lips brushing against his. He welcomed the affection with open arms, sealing the kiss and letting you move so you were pressed against him a bit better. You knew that this was how this was going to end up, really. 

The kiss was soft at first, both of you just happy to be this close to each other. A while back, you had noticed a shift in him. It wasn’t that he didn’t still have pain and trauma from his past, but he just seemed happier. He seemed to have learned from it mistakes, he valued you and paid attention to you and let you kiss him whenever you really wanted. This was no exception, even as his soft kisses turned into something more. 

Your hips shifted so you were straddling his waist, his arms wrapping around you and pressing you against him. Walker sighed against your lips as one of your hands moved to press against his chest, though he seemed wholly amused by the fact that you seemed to be groping him through his t-shirt. 

“So you were thinking about coping a feel?” He teased, pulling back to look at you. 

“When am I not thinking about coping a feel? Not my fault you look so good all the time.” 

Walker hummed in response, leaning forward so he could press his lips against your chin. You sighed and tilted your head, allowing him to kiss down your neck. He always liked to bite you around your collarbone, where he knew you could cover it up if he accidentally left some type of mark on you. He just liked hearing your breath hitch when his teeth sunk into your skin, feeling the way that your hands seemed to always grip his bicep or whatever other part of his arm you could seem to get them on. 

“Walker-” Your word came out somewhere between a whimper and a gasp as you felt his teeth biting you just enough for it to almost hurt - almost. 

“Hmm?” You could feel his smirk against your skin as he pressed a delicate kiss to where he had bitten. He was cocky when he wanted to be, and especially cocky when it was so clear what kind of an effect he was having on you. 

After a moment, you moved one of your hands so you could place it underneath his chin. Walker didn’t fight it, letting you tilt his face up so you could look at him. As much as you liked the feeling of him biting and kissing your neck, you wanted to kiss his lips, you wanted to feel his mouth against yours and keep him as close to you as you could for as long as you could. He knew this, and he gave in to your desires relatively quickly. 

Pressing your lips back together, you could feel that his kisses were more heated. His tongue pressed against your mouth, and you didn’t bother teasing him as you parted your lips so he could push it in between your lips. It was wet and somewhat sloppy, but that was what you wanted. You liked his softness, hell, you loved his softness. But sometimes you just wanted to make out with him, to know that when you pulled away your lips would both be just a little bit kiss-swollen. 

Bringing a hand up, you let your fingers brush though his hair as he hummed against your lips. You liked that he enjoyed being touched, it was something that he didn’t seem to be overly fond of when you first met him. But now he leaned into it, now he liked the feeling of your fingers brushing through your hair and your body pressed against his. He was softer, even if he was still the very same John Walker that you had met one mile under-ground. 

It wasn’t until you felt a familiar pressure in between your thighs that he pulled away, his breath slightly labored just as yours was. 

“We- we really need to finish reading this briefing.” He took note of your pout, pressing a sympathetic kiss to the corner of your lips. “It’s just that it’s tomorrow.” 

Your eyes widened as you finally took a look at it, and sure enough, you were supposed to be leaving tomorrow afternoon. With a groan, you turned around and grabbed the packet, flipping to the last page you had been paying attention to. 

“Get through it fast, and maybe we’ll have time to finish.” His voice was teasing, his lips against your neck. He was just giving you a taste of your own medicine, you knew that. Even with your lack of focus, you had a fire lit under you to finish as quickly as humanly possible now.

[johns-walker]

also send requests friends 🙏 kinda wanna do some blurb/drabble requests just because i’m still getting back into rhythm of writing

[johns-walker]

kinda need to write a self-indulgent fic about congressman bucky (i live in dc) i fear

thoughts, concerns?

[johns-walker]

change (pt. 2)

john walker/f!reader

one small mission for val changes the course of your life, and your relationship with john

cw THUNDERBOLTS SPOILERS, injuries, mentions of trauma, shame rooms, death/murder, and mental health but also FLUFF!! I PROMISE!! | wc 4.7k

so as i promised i have returned! i meant to post this at a reasonable time and not 3:30am but here we are. if you know me on ao3 you know this is supposed to be four parts and the next part is lowkey just smut ngl. but anyway! please enjoy. i love you and i love wyatt russell defenders :)

The aching new bruise on your shoulder and the constant sound of desert bugs in your ears were the only concrete pieces of evidence that you had to substantiate that what you were experiencing was real, and not some messed up dream that you had after getting knocked out cold during a job. 

It was one thing to be assigned to do a job by yourself - in fact, it was something that you did often. It was true that Val would assign you to work with one other person, and that said person was always the same. But a lot of the time, you were working on something relatively simple, by yourself. But to be assigned a job, and run into the person who you often collaborated with, only to find out that you had both been there separately under the expectation that you would take part in a group slaughtering event was something that you weren’t sure you could wrap your head around even now, about two hours after it had happened. 

As far as you were concerned, there was an individual who had phasing abilities who you were sent after. You were informed that another agent was also looking for this individual, but that it was imperative that you were sent separately. You had arrived shortly after Taskmaster had, only to find that John was also there - and that he was sent to kill the other agent who was sent to kill Ghost, who you were sent to kill. Ghost killed Taskmaster, some guy named Bob showed up, got shot, and flew into the sky, and made your stolen Humvee crash off of the side of a cliff, and now here you were. 

There was a bit more to it, of course. But you didn’t want to think about some of the more painful aspects of the entire thing. The prospect of being burned alive by the person who employed you certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to think about, and then there were the personal things that bothered you about everything. John, who you thought had been making at least some sort of decent progress toward moving past the people and situations that haunted him, had begun and was now perpetuating the lie that he was going to go home from this to a loving wife and child. But you knew that wasn’t the truth, and you had hoped that he had at least made some sort of progress toward moving on from that. 

Granted, you knew as well that he was still having trouble processing it simply because he knew it was his fault - or, you figured that he knew it was his fault at this point. He seemed to blame himself, and you knew that he needed to because it was something that he caused. But, he couldn’t seem to blame himself for long enough to move past it. It felt wrong judging his coping mechanisms, but lying and hoping that you would just go along with it was something that irritated you to your core.

There was more selfish reasons behind you not liking it, too. You hated hearing about it, about the fake life that he was making everyone think that he lived. It made your closeness look strange, it made you look like a worse person than you knew that you already are. You knew he wasn’t married, so when you checked in on him and let him put his hands on your face to look at your bruised cheek and cut up lip, you knew that you weren’t doing anything wrong - hell, you weren’t even doing anything inherently romantic since you hadn’t put a label on anything you two got up to. But, to the others, it looked like you were strangely close with a married man, and it was obvious that you looked at him in a way that would be inappropriate if he was married. 

But John didn’t know about your feelings toward him, as far as you were aware. So how could you possibly blame him for not being considerate about something that you hadn’t even bothered to tell him about? You figured that you couldn’t, so you tried your best to keep yourself from taking it out on him. Especially since you really needed to conserve that energy, considering the fact that stopping was something that you had no ability to do at this point. You all needed to get out of this desert. Val was destined to find you at some point, and you couldn’t stop moving even for a second if you wanted to prevent that. 

“You still good?” 

Your eyes moved from the ground to the man beside you, taking note of the small distance between the two of you and the two women that you were traveling with. 

“I’m fine.” You responded, though you were missing your bed and wished that you were anywhere but here, you were fine. Physically, you were going to make it through this, even if you weren’t going to have the best time trying to do so. “Are you good?” 

There were a few questions in what you were asking him. You were curious about his physical form, obviously, but he was a super soldier and could take a punch – and massive fall – a lot better than most people could. But you knew that he was going through something. Whatever happened to him after he touched Bob’s hand had clearly rattled him, you’d seen the way that his feet were inching towards the edge, and you knew that if he fell, something would kill him. If it wasn’t the fall, it would be the fact that there was no reliable way for anyone to get him out of there. It looked like he wanted to die, and that was enough to deeply concern you. 

“I’ll be fine.” Was his response, and though you weren’t sure if you exactly believed him, you highly doubted that he had any interest in elaborating on his feelings in front of two other people. 

With a sigh, you let your hand reach out toward him. His fingers within your own sent a bit of relief through you, though you hated that a little bit. You hated that it relieved you to touch him, that it made everything seem just a little bit more okay when you had him close. But you also liked that he was someone who you could turn to when you needed it – even though he was also the only person who you could turn to when you needed it. 

That was the thing about the deathtrap, though. Every single one of you were, in some capacity, sort of bad people. You killed people, you did bad things from time to time, and you were all quite miserable and rather lonely. Each and every person you had spoken to for more than a second seemed to have the same rather empty look behind their eyes. Each of you wanted some sort of clean slate, as promised by Valentina when the clean slate was really just killing you all. But none of you got what you were promised, because you were never supposed to even survive. 

You had John, but you had nobody else. When you went home from a job, you went home to a few dead plants and ended up hanging out with him an hour later anyway. You practically lived together at this point, though neither of you were willing to admit to each other that you had gotten that close. You weren’t sure when the physical affection stopped being something that you only showed to each other in the confines of an after-mission ritual, and started being something that you showed to each other on a day-to-day basis. Holding hands wasn’t knew, hugging, holding each other – they were all things that you were used to, at this point. 

Even so, you still had this emptiness in you. You wanted something more, and you weren’t sure that you could ever have it. You would never tell John how you felt about him, not until you had any sort of confirmation or idea that he was ready to move past his divorce. You had yet to receive that confirmation, so telling him was something that remained off the table. Even so, he was the only person you really had who you trusted, the only person who you ever confided in. He was the only person who was really in your life, and you found yourself simply grateful that you had someone to turn to when things got rough. 

“How did you two meet?” Yelena asked, finally allowing you to take note that the two of you had caught up to the others at some point. “You seem close.” 

“Work.” You responded, simply. It was the truth, you met him through work. You wanted to say more, you wanted to elaborate on the fact that you don’t hold hands with married men all the time, but you didn’t want to embarrass him. As far as she and Ava were concerned, he was a married man, and you didn’t want to be the one to end his facade, even if it deeply, deeply annoyed your mind to think about it. “We usually work together.” 

“You assigned jobs with other people?” Yelena asked, her eyebrows furrowing. You wondered how long she had been working for Val, how many jobs she had to do by herself. You often disliked doing jobs alone because it felt isolating, because one of the few people who you trusted and seemed to trust you was John.

“Only him.” 

John nodded in agreement, signifying that he also hadn’t been assigned another work partner. But that was really where the conversation ended, despite your remaining closeness with the man beside you. Your fingers remained intertwined with his, even when you got tired – more so, especially when you got tired. It made you more comfortable to remember that he was there with you, that your close friend was going through the exact same thing that you were.

Though, as you continued your expedition throughout the desert, you couldn’t help but wonder why Val had even thought it would be a good job to put the two of you on the same mission. Did she have no other way to kill you without leaving a trace? She knew that the two of you worked well together, which led you to wonder if she simply had such little faith in him that she believed he would’ve been dead before you even showed up. Or, maybe she had little faith in the rest of the people she assigned to do this, believing that you two working together wouldn’t mean that either of you escaped being burned alive. Just the thought of the fate that you escaped had you shaking your head, but you pushed those thoughts away. It would be a long night if any of you lingered on the events of it in your minds, and it was bad enough that it would be a horrid night regardless. 

At the very least, you were reminded that it got quite cold in the desert late at night halfway through it. It felt like a reprieve from the scorching heat that had been lingering from early on in the night. But as the sun started to rise after hours of walking, you knew that you were going to have to start going faster. Val had eyes everywhere, and while you could disappear into a populated area without detection, the four of you were sticking out like four insanely-sized thumbs in the empty desert with no other people in it for miles. 

At least, you thought there were no other people in it. 

The sound of a car that seemed to be coming right to you had you all ducking for cover, but it became increasingly clear (from the man who emerged from the car and what he was yelling about) that this man was someone who knew Yelena; that he wasn’t a threat even though she seemed horribly embarrassed by his antics. 

By the time that you were actually in the car, everything else begun to feel like a blur. One moment you were listening to what sounded like a both deeply personal and deeply unserious conversation that was happening in the front seat, and the next moment you were being shot at, seemingly being saved by Bucky, and then ultimately also being shot at by Bucky. 

It wasn’t until you were cuffed and sitting beside John that you actually had a moment to process what was happening. A currently sitting Congressman was threatening you to testify, a Congressman who you – if you weren’t mistaken – had met before. It wasn’t until he spoke up about John’s little lie that you finally made eye contact with him. You had met him before, briefly. They weren’t friends, but him and John had kept in contact. Bucky checked in very briefly after he found out that Olivia left, and you… well, you were honestly relieved that the others knew.

A part of that relief was selfish. You were glad that people didn’t think that you were somewhat flirting with your friend who you, theoretically, would know was in a relationship if he still was. But you were also relieved for reasons that benefited John. For a good long while, you’ve been the only real friend that he’s had, just like he’s been the only real friend that you’ve had. Pushing people away was what made his relationship end in the first place, and lying to the people he’s just met because he’s ashamed of his past isn’t ever going to help him recover from it. 

As much as you wanted to unpack that with him, to make sure that he was doing okay even though everyone now knew the truth about him and his former marriage, there was no real time for that. Bob was still out there, and apparently he was being manipulated and used by Val. The Sentry Project, whatever Val wanted out of it, it was clearly the reason for Bob being able to survive being shot at well-over a hundred times and then quite literally fly away, even if he came crashing back down just moments later. 

He was a good person, but he was a deeply wounded person who was now being manipulated by the same person who had manipulated everyone in this room in one way or another. Everyone except for Bucky, who had seemingly been privy to her misdeeds for far longer than the rest of you had. You all knew that you needed to do something, Bob needed help, and for once in your lives, you all needed to do something that mattered for someone else. 

It was unfamiliar. Unfamiliar to all of you. But you knew it was the right thing, for Bob and for whoever Val might use him and her manipulation of him to hurt. 

The journey to Manhattan in the back of the truck felt lighter than the prior journey, because you all knew what your purpose was here. There was no apprehension about doing the right thing and helping Bob, there was no underlying motivation to get as far away from all of the new people you had just met as quickly as possible because that was what you were simply used to doing. And there was no need for you to shy away from how close you sat to John, even though that last part raised a lot of questions in your mind that you didn’t feel like you had enough time to answer. 

Of course, you knew that you had feelings for him, and you knew that these feelings for him had started long before this one particular day when everything seemed to be shaking up in your life. But you also didn’t know how to deal with that before other than just not acting on it. John hadn’t chosen to be forthright about his divorce, but he didn’t shy away from it or talk back when Bucky said something. There was an acceptance on his face, a defeated expression. He seemed not welcoming to the fact that he was divorced, but no longer surprised by it, either. 

Through and through, your promise to yourself had been for him to be the first one to make a move because he was the one that was struggling emotionally and he was the one that needed to decide when the time was right. But you also knew that you acted like a couple a lot of the time. You shared beds, and held hands, and spent almost all of your time with each other even when you weren’t working. But when you were working, it shifted that bond. Because when you were doing dangerous jobs, you needed to remind yourselves that you trusted each other with your lives. 

That reminder, that trust, was something that you didn’t realize you were going to need until you did. 

Rescuing Bob was one thing, knowing that Val could be a master manipulator was another. But you weren’t fully prepared for what you saw. In what little time she had to mold him, to make him into a puppet and feed into the issues that he struggled with in his mind, but fighting him was something entirely different. It felt like they’d all failed when they walked away, utterly defeated. Val had somehow won, and she had been able to take the person they were all there to save with her. She felt wrong about it as she followed the rest of the team down the elevator, because she knew firsthand – like they all did – that Val would disregard him and try to get him killed the moment she decided that she didn’t need him anymore, or the moment she decided that he was some kind of a liability to her political career and the power that she had been able to obtain from it. 

Everything happened so quickly, one moment Yelena was insulting everyone and running off – only to be followed by Alexei. Meanwhile, the rest of you lingered. Nobody really said anything, nobody knew what to say. You hated what she had said to John, but you also knew that she didn’t mean it, because she was hurt. Because for once, you had all tried to do something meaningful and important and she failed, you failed, every single one of you had failed. Because you weren’t superheroes, and only one of you had any real superpower, and what could you even do? 

Hope and pray that one of Bucky’s super-powered friends would come and save the day? It didn’t feel like there was any real option here, and you were almost ready to start walking home in defeat, counting your lucky stars that you had at least evaded being burned alive, a mile deep into the ground just so one woman can cover her tracks. But things were never that simple, and before you could even think of proposing the idea of leaving to anyone, a helicopter came crashing down from the sky. Bob. It was his silhouette, but he was entirely consumed by darkness. His eyes seemed to be glowing, but the rest of him was a black shadow. 

The thoughts looming in the forefront of your mind took the backburner as you ran off to help someone who was about to be hit by the weight of debris, grabbing the young woman who was barely aware of the piece of an engine coming straight for her until she was out of it’s path. Everything seemed utterly chaotic, people running and not knowing where they could go or what they could do. You felt like you were acting on instinct as you joined the others, helping to keep the piece of concrete from falling until it toppled over to the other side. And just as quickly as you all came to realize that you’d stopped a crisis, another one began. 

From up above, Bob – or, rather, The Sentry in this form – was turning the people on the ground into shadow’s by the moment, and the only thing that any of you could do was get people out of his path. At least, it was the only thing that most of you thought to do, most of you except for Yelena. Yelena walked face-first into it. 

As much as you wanted to imagine that she was insane, that she was doing something utterly insane and choosing to die for reasons that you couldn’t quite grasp, you knew that wasn’t the case. You had known from the very beginning that John had seen something when he touched Bob’s hand, but you weren’t quite sure what it was. It seemed to be your only hope that, in some twist of fate, if you walked into the darkness you would be able to do something to stop this, something to bring him out of this form that he was in. 

Stepping out from the small roof that kept you safe, you turned to face John. Your closest friend, the one person who you seemed to care about more than anyone else – the only person who you figured really cared about you, at this point. His hand stretched out to yours, and you took it. Your fingers wrapped around his as you made the decision to do the only thing that you had any hope could fix this. From what he said, this wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience, but if it was the only way, you would just have to endure it. 

The moment you stepped into the shadows, you found your hand empty. No John beside you, nothing except for a familiar sound, a memory. 

Turning your head, your felt your breath hitch in your throat at the sight of the person in front of you. Your best friend. The person who you had met in middle school, and went to college with. The person who was there for you when you went through anything good and anything bad. Until this day. You wanted to reach out, to stop the younger version of you from pulling the gun from her bag, but you couldn’t stop what was happening. 

It was the first time you’d ever killed anyone, the worst day of your life. An assignment. Of course, your close friend had to be someone who was working against the agency you were working for – the agency you would later come to know was headed by Val – and she just happened to be your first real assignment, the first real test to see if you were capable of doing this job. 

Room after room seemingly just became more and more traumatic, but in the end, you found yourself being smacked in the face by a flying blanket. It wasn’t your blanket, though. You were in an attic, but it wasn’t your attic, and you were no longer going through rooms of your past traumas by yourself, reliving every single moment that you had wished you were able to forget. 

There was no real time to focus on that, though. You were all quickly entering another room, and just as quickly being pinned against a wall to stop you from fighting back against the dark version of Bob that seemed to be taking his physical form hostage – his Void. The darkness in his mind that threatened to consume him whole. 

Fighting it almost seemed like the correct, natural, response for a moment. But it became clear to you, as Bob himself became consumed more and more each passing moment by the darkness, that he couldn’t do it this way. Fighting himself, allowing himself to hate his own mind and feed into the darkness, it was what it wanted. One by one, you were able to break free and help him. To remind him that he didn’t have to do this alone, that you were all here to free him from what he was being subjected to. And when it worked, when you found yourselves back in the streets of New York, the darkness that had begun consuming the city was beginning to fade away. 

But there was Val, shameless as ever and seemingly pulling you all into another one of her traps as she walked past the curtain. You were inundated with lights, cameras, and reporters as you crossed the threshold of the white curtain that you had walked through. Your eyebrows knitted together as you listened to her, as you pieced together what was happening. You knew that this mean that Bucky wouldn’t get to testify against her, that in the end she got what she wanted and was now entirely unimpeachable. But, it also meant that you had power. You had power over her, and you didn’t have to worry about her subjecting any of you to missions that you weren’t comfortable with. 

Once you were able to leave the impromptu press conference, you found yourself ushered into a black SUV with John, your eyes darting away from the floor as you felt his hand on your cheek. “You got a pretty bad bruise, you know.” 

You brought your hand up to where he was touching, right below your eye. You honestly weren’t sure when, in the heat of the moment, you had gotten bruised. 

“You’re pretty cut up yourself.” You responded, though your voice was softer than you intended it to be. You really didn’t know what this meant for you. You knew that you liked the feeling of his hand on your cheek, though. And you also knew that you really didn’t want to have any sort of discussion about what it meant to be a New Avenger until after you got to sleep a little bit. 

John was seemingly debating something in his mind for a good couple of minutes before he cleared his throat, a small smile covering his lips. “Would it be too forward of me to kiss you?” 

For a moment, you were certain that you must’ve gotten hit too hard in the head at some point, but this was very much real, and he was very much asking for permission to kiss you. And every apprehension that you ever had be damned – if he was asking, then you were ready for it. “Not too forward at all.” 

With the permission he needed, he leaned forward and captured your lips within his. It was soft, delicate, careful not to hurt the small cut that you had sustained on your bottom lip at some point. But you let your hand press on his face as well, keeping him there and running your thumb over his skin. Regardless of what all of these new developments and new changes meant, you were happy. Happy to feel in control of your own life, happy to be able to kiss the one person who you seemingly could never stop thinking about kissing. 

There were a lot of things that you would need to discuss later, but for now, you were happy to sit comfortably in the backseat of this car, gently almost-making out with your best friend. Though, you would be remiss if you didn’t get one little honest opinion in there.

“John?” 

“Hmm?” He seemed almost dazed as he unwillingly pulled slightly away from you, a smile covering your lips as he tried to chase the kiss. 

“Since you were asking about it earlier, I kinda hate your hat.” 

He seemed stunned for a moment, almost offended even though there was a smile fighting it’s way onto his face. “No…”

“It’s not flattering, people deserve to see your pretty face.” You nodded, brushing your fingers through his hair. “You can still have a hat, just like… a better one.” 

He didn’t stop himself from smiling now, even as he shook his head in faux-disbelief that you would dare say something bad about the helmet that he had been wearing. But you didn’t let him respond as you kissed him again, letting his hand rest on the back of your neck as he held you close. For the first time in a while, you felt genuinely happy – and strangely beyond glad for all of the change and near-death-experiences that you had been forced to live through if this was to be the end result of it all.

[johns-walker]

I should apologize. Yeah, you should. DANNY RAMIREZ as ASH GARVER | NO EXIT (2022)

[johns-walker]

more john fic monday 🙏

[johns-walker]

[johns-walker]

Need any John walker fics BADDDD LOLLL.

more coming 🙏🙏 trust i’m planning on writing on friday i’ve just had work 👎👎👎👎

[johns-walker]

going on four years being in the trenches as a john walker defender but at least i get content of my pookie to make up for it now 🙏

[johns-walker]

change

john walker/f!reader

when you get injured during a job, you and john have a genuine conversation for once

cw some thunderbolts spoilers (pre-movie, about his personal life), non-graphic depictions of injuries, discussions of mental health / 2.1k wc

i've been a john walker sh**ter since 2021, i've been in the TRENCHES and have watched wyatt russell's entire filmography - i love him. this mainly serves as a set-up/prequel to the second part which takes place during thunderbolts. also, named after the djo song. did i mention that i saw djo last night? i in fact saw djo last night.

It was supposed to be just a job. An easy one at that. 

Really, you were embarrassed to admit to yourself that you actually believed Val when she told you that this would just be an easy in-and-out, that you she was only sending you with your only frequent collaborator because she wanted extra assurance that the package you were retrieving would be found in a timely manner. Believing Val about anything had been a mistake from day one, especially something that had to do with your own personal security and well-being. 

From the moment a cloaked man’s blade embedded itself in your thigh, you knew that this wasn’t ever supposed to be an easy job. 

“She’s trying to get us killed.” Your voice came out as more of a complaint than an actual statement that you were trying to communicate to the man in front of you who was doing his absolute best to patch up your wound with what he had on him. 

“We’re alive, aren’t we?” Walker was stubborn, he always was. But sometimes you wondered if that stubbornness came from the fact that he had more going on than he ever wanted to let on to people. You knew about his issues at home, what had happened about six months ago at this point. It was why you became gentler with him, but he all but rejected any sign of kindness from you - mainly because he seemed to believe that you were just patronizing him, because, as he said, he ‘didn’t want to be coddled’. That didn’t mean that, eventually, he hadn’t started being a bit nicer to you, too. 

“Didn’t you take a knife to the shoulder, too?” 

“Yeah but I’m a super soldier, I’ll be fine.” 

He was too stubborn for his own good. 

“You still couldn’t died, I could’ve died. She told us this was easier than it was, and you know it just as well as I do.” 

As you finished speaking, he finished wrapping your leg and looked up at you. But there was a look in his eyes that told you that this conversation simply wasn’t going to go the way that you wanted it to go, because there was no reasoning with him on this matter. 

“If she wanted us to die, we would be dead.” 

“John-”

“You’ve said this for the last two jobs, if this is too hard for you, you can always tap out.” 

Sometimes it was easy to get a more human side out of him, but sometimes - times like this - it proved itself to be a challenge. Deep down, you were sure that he knew that there was a part of this operation that relied on Val lying to you so you would be more willing to do what she wanted you to do. Did she really want to get you killed? Probably not, she’d have to find more people willing to work for her if she did. Granted, you were certain that would-be superheroes weren’t too difficult to find nowadays. 

“Maybe she doesn’t want us to die, but she clearly has no regard for our well-being.” 

“Oh, please-”

“Forget it, John, I don’t want to argue.” 

Maybe it was the exhaustion on your face that made him listen to you as he moved away from where he was sitting, grabbing the chair that he had moved opposite to the edge of the bed that you were on while he was patching your leg up and moving it to the corner. 

“I’ll be in the other room.” 

Like usual, when you had far-away jobs, Val would either fly you out or get you a hotel with adjoined but separate rooms. When John decided to get up and leave, you could go talk to him whenever you wanted - and you typically did. That was what made it so difficult for you, when it came down to it. Well, it was among the things that made everything so difficult for you.

The issue stemmed from the fact that, at some point, the two of you had become friends. You weren’t sure when things changed, when your professional relationship had become a lot more personal. Maybe it was the night that you were feeling a bit rough, and while he wasn’t the type to talk you through that and give you a hug, he didn’t mind wordlessly sitting beside you and watching movies that the hotel had until you eventually fell asleep. Then you both started sharing more personal things with each other, personal issues that neither of you were sharing with other people. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t like that you were friends, because you did. But sometimes you liked it too much. It hadn’t taken you very long to figure out that the feelings that you had when you were around John weren’t exactly platonic, but that wasn’t something that you were going to tell him. Even if it had been months ago, he was clearly still reeling from the loss of his marriage and you knew that. The issue wasn’t workplace romance, or not wanting to tell him because of some minuscule reason. It was because you knew him, and you knew that if anything were to happen between the two of you it would need to happen on his terms - for both of your sake. 

Knowing him itself was a battle, because sometimes you wished that you could do more to help him. You wanted to do something beyond just exist and be a friend, because you knew what it was like. It was the reason you were the way that you were, and the reason that you were in the position that you were in. You knew - perhaps in a difference capacity - the pain that he was experiencing and you wished that there was something that you could do to help him. But knowing him meant that knowing that he would just live with whatever pain it was that he was going through, that trying to talk about it would only make matters worse. 

As you heard him settle into the other room, presumably changing out of his uniform, you did the same and let yourself lay down. The pain in your thigh was quite unbearable, but you were so used to getting stabbed at this point that it wasn’t something that you were particularly surprised by. 

With some Advil in your system and the knowledge that his experience in patching up combat wounds probably left you in a pretty decent position, it took you maybe twenty minutes to fall asleep for what you hoped would be the rest of the night. But that hope was dashed a bit later as you awoke to the sound of a light knocking on the door attached to your own. 

“It’s John, uh, if you’re still asleep that’s fine.”

“You can come in, there’s no locks.” You replied, sitting up in your bed and turning on the light. It had been about five hours since you had fallen asleep. John had clearly gotten out of the shower a bit ago, his hair still damp even if he was covered in dry, clean, casual clothing. 

“Have you been able to shower or is the pain too bad?”

“You know, it’s not often polite to tell a girl she needs to bathe more.” You replied, a normal playful tone in your voice as you spoke. But you knew that he was just being nice, even if a small smile covered his lips, you wanted to be nice, too. “I was going to, but then I fell asleep.” 

“I can wait here, you know, just in case you need anything.” 

“What’s going on, John?” 

He could be nice to you, but right now he was downright doting. It was true that you had been in danger during the mission, but even then he didn’t seem too disturbed by it afterwards. This was odd, to you. You had never seen him act so… caring. 

When he didn’t respond, though, you nodded and got up off of the bed. “We can talk after my shower.” 

You weren’t as quick as you would’ve liked to be in the bath, but you were trying your best to stay off of your bad leg. Despite the fact that the pain had dulled considerably since it happened, and the fact that you were used to things like these happening, you couldn’t say that you enjoyed the pain. Nobody did, even if it was something that you had become used to over time. Still, you were out and dressed in your sweatpants and tank top before you knew it, and you found John sitting on the bed waiting for you like he had nothing better to do. 

He wasn’t on his phone, hadn’t turned on the TV even though the remote was sitting right beside him. He was just waiting. It was quite odd, especially for him. 

“Seriously, John, what’s wrong?” There was no judgement in your voice as you sat down beside him, careful to not sit in a way that would disturb the medical bandages that were covering your leg. “I mean, you know I enjoy your company and all but it seems like something happened.”

You really felt like you shouldn’t known that something was wrong from the moment that he was the one to knock on your door, and not the other way around. Something had clearly been bothering him since before he had come into your room, and the fact that he asked if you were still asleep implied to you that he had seemingly tried to talk to you before, and couldn’t because you were knocked out. 

“You were right, I just wanted to tell you that you were right.” The confused look in your eyes seemingly only made this more difficult for him from the way that he was looking down. “About Val, she doesn’t care about us that much.” 

Truthfully, whether he told this to you or not, you knew that this was something that he was never going to repeat to someone else. He was telling you because he wanted to tell you and because he trusted you, but you were well-aware of the fact that this wouldn’t change how he acted around other people. You would never really ask him to change who he was, though. There were aspects of everyone that could be changed, it wasn’t your place to change that for him. 

“Is that the only thing bothering you?” You asked him, not because you were prying, but because it seemed like there was more that he wanted to tell you. There was a part of you that knew he would never, ever be completely out in the open because it just wasn’t who he was. But you hoped, somewhere deep down, that he would try to be more honest and open. 

“I just wanted to tell you that, I don’t want you to leave. I don’t… I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to be withholding.” 

Seemingly, it was difficult for him to get those words out. You understood why, and you were honestly more than surprised that he even said anything to begin with. But again, you knew him and what he had been through. He hadn’t been there for his family, he hadn’t been there for anyone other than himself. He got selfish, and mean, and he wasn’t the person who you were sure that the people who cared about him knew. You weren’t there when any of it happened, because that was his home life and you weren’t really friends at that point, but you knew about it. He told you about it. And you knew the importance of him coming to you now.

“You’re the only person I have, I don’t want to make you leave.” 

“I won’t leave, John.” Your words were soft, and quicker than you intended. But he didn’t seem bothered by it, and for once, he didn’t seem bothered by the feeling of you pulling him into a hug. Even softer this time, as though you were confessing some kind of secret that he didn’t already know, you continued -  “You’re the only person I have, too.” 

The tone of the evening seemed different than the other nights that you’d fallen asleep watching movies with him, because for the first time, he didn’t leave. He didn’t mind the feeling of you asleep on his arm, and you didn’t feel perturbed the next morning when you woke up to find his blond hair obstructing your eyesight and you tried to get up.

But the change in tone didn’t bother you, even if it changed the way that your relationship functioned as a whole. You couldn’t be too sure what would happen, and you knew that some of your actions throughout the coming weeks and months were implicitly non-platonic even if neither of you explicitly admitted it. But whether you talked about it or not, you had each other, and even if nobody else was there for you, that was more than enough.