jonginwater-blog

[jonginwater-blog]

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general themes: angst (A) / crack (C) / fluff (F)

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endurance A

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[jonginwater-blog]

endurance

pairing: chanyeol x reader

genre: angst ft a tiny bit of fluff

words: 10.7k

description: you’re in love with chanyeol. you know. his girlfriend knows. the universe knows. does he?

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Due to complete and utter luck, the universe had somehow brought Chanyeol and you together. Having been friends for longer than you could even remember, you couldn't imagine the world without him. Of course, the relationship was completely platonic. Until your 22nd birthday.

The weeks running up the milestone had you questioning all aspects of your life. Fortunately, Chanyeol was there for you and helped you through it all.

So many doubts were harassing your brain.

Am I wasting my life? Am I following the right path? Am I happy?

Along with these damaging thoughts came the emotional breakdowns. You spent many nights crying yourself to sleep until you found the bravery within to open up to Chanyeol.

As your best friend, he noticed your change in personality immediately. Nothing could get past him. You knew you'd been distancing yourself from him (accidentally) and his approach helped you put everything into perspective.

Those solo nights were exchanged for sleepovers with him, venting about anything and everything bothering you. He listened to all your worries, even when his body desperately craved sleep, and conjured up helpful advice to put your mind at ease.

He was so mature about it. If someone had asked you a few months earlier to describe Chanyeol, the word 'mature' never would've crossed your mind. Bubbly, energetic, and sometimes child-like, sure. Mature? No way.

Of course, there had been moments of sophistication that you'd experienced with him, like how he handled his grandfather's death. But how could he be his usual, upbeat self while mourning the death of someone so near to him? He was bound to come across differently. This time was different - he'd grown into a man.

The way he nodded his head while you rambled, how he'd only speak once you'd give him /the look to let him know you were done; the little things somehow made you grow fonder of him. Just not enough for you to realise it yet.

Without him, you wouldn't know how to survive. He'd always played a key role in your life; your journey into adulthood just confirmed his absolute importance.

It also confirmed the feelings you had for him. Non-platonic feelings, to be precise. Before one specific life-changing moment, you'd never thought about Chanyeol romantically. You'd only ever saw him as a friend.

Although this was the exact point that flipped your whole world upside down, you never would've dreamed of it before it actually happened - not even a fairy tale could be so bizarre. It almost felt as if the universe was trying to tell you something - something that you weren't at all prepared to admit.

Sitting amongst a crowd of your closest friends, you prepared to blow out the candles on your birthday cake.

"Make a wish!" Junmyeon cheered; his hair a wild mess from his drunken state.

Normally you wouldn't have taken a comment like that so seriously, but as you'd been going through a lot of self-doubt and negativity in the time leading up to your birthday, it definitely had you thinking deeper than usual.

For what was probably only a few seconds, but lasted a lifetime, you closed your eyes and tried to block out the noise around you.

Reflecting on the conversations you'd had with Chanyeol, you assessed your options. If the wish counts for anything, why not try to make it worth it? All you'd ever wanted in life was to be happy. So why not directly ask the universe to give you just that. Happiness is unquestionably a necessity.

In order to be happy, what would you need? Friends? Got plenty. Money? There's enough. Family? You had a stable one back home, not to mention the friend group turned tight knit family.

Really digging deep into your psyche, you had a sort of epiphany.

You wanted Chanyeol. Not as just friends, but as a partner. He'd always been around, he'd always been reliable and loving. It had only taken you many, many years to realise this, but once your mind caught onto it, you couldn't let go.

Having the idea of a relationship pop into your mind really struck something inside of you. Why had you never thought about it before? Why didn't the idea come about for all those nights you'd spent partaking in philosophical discussions together? The timing really was strange and intriguing, which made you focus on it more.

He was your key to happiness. The most beautiful key you'd ever been so lucky to lay your eyes upon.

You were seeing him in a completely new light - in a way you were quickly warming up to.

Eyes still closed, you made a final wish, successfully extinguishing all the flames in only one gust of wind.

Blinking your eyes to adjust to the light again, Chanyeol was crouched directly in front of you, taking a picture of the special moment. The model of the phone was quite large, but his sizable hands made the device seem tiny.

Focusing in on him, and him only, you felt your chest tighten with a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. The way you were looking at him could only be described as complete adoration.

To you, there was no one else in the room. It was silent. Tunnel vision made only him visible.

Until your chair was lifted and jostled above everyone, while the drunken group sang a bizarre rendition of 'Happy Birthday'.

You lost Chanyeol in your buzzed herd of friends until you were lowered back to the ground. The first face you met on your way down was his, as he was the tallest there.

Standing up, you couldn't even say anything because of the stupid smile on your face. You just stared into his divine eyes, waiting for him to initiate anything.

Pulling you into his chest, his cologne collided with your senses on impact. His toned body was hard against yours, not slightly chubby like when you were teenagers. Able to feel all of his active muscles against the fast beat of your heart made you feel overly silly and giddy. Maybe it was just the alcohol.

"You smell amazing, Yeol," you mumbled into his chest. Not able to hear you over the rambunctious troop of wasted party-goers, AKA your dumb friends, he walked you back to a secluded corner of the apartment.

"Sorry, what did you say?" His deep voice sent a shiver down your spine, it sounded so melodic and inviting that your eyelids felt heavy and a bulky gulp was impossible to avoid.

A sigh mixed with the alcohol in your voice, "I said you smell amazing, Yeol."

Upon hearing your words, a lopsided grin adorned his features as he lazily played with your hair.

"Thank you, Princess. Happy birthday."

Leaning down to meet your height, he embraced your frame and gently kissed your temple.

"You deserve nothing but happiness."

After experiencing that night, you had to remind yourself that he was the same person he'd always been, and it was you that had changed. Whenever you were together, you didn't really have to be cautious, but you were constantly aware of your crush.

You spent more time together and became closer if it was even possible. He was the best, most excellent friend you could've ever hoped for, but of course, your extra feelings for him made it hard to cope at times.

Occasionally you'd find him looking at you for no reason and you'd mistake it for checking you out. Those split seconds of delusion made you laugh but would later hurt when you were thinking about him.

Late nights alone were the worst for you in a position of liking Chanyeol, because you knew that, as a friend, he'd want to come over if he was free but, as a beau, he'd decline the offer.

Every now and then, you'd receive mixed signals from him but after thinking it over, you'd just shake your head miserably.

Staying silent on the romance you hoped to have with him became increasingly harder the more you wanted it. You didn't want to ever put him in an uncomfortable position and possibly ruin the friendship, so you thought it'd be better to never mention anything of the sorts.

His well-being meant a lot to you, maybe more than your own, and putting your feelings out in the open could jeopardise everything you'd been through together. You couldn't do it to him; he meant too much to you.

At some point along your personal timeline, you noticed a vibrant change in Chanyeol's character. He was a bubblier version of his bubbly self. He was displaying signs of affection, even towards you.

Not wanting to get your hopes up, you put these changes down to silly things like the weather. Perhaps he was happier at certain temperatures? It was plain stupidity. Anything would suffice to avoid the possibility of heartbreak.

If you never put your feelings out there, no one could hurt them, right?

Not to get ahead of yourself, but you clearly witnessed a few admiring and longing looks when you were together. There was nothing else you could put it to, not even allergies. The looks you caught were filled with, what you saw as, love. Simple. He was constantly giving off vibes of infatuation, successfully making your heart skip a beat every time.

But again, you couldn't mention anything to him about them in case the comments came out as a reflection of yourself. He was an honest and open person, so you decided that if he wanted you to know, he would tell you. There'd be no hesitation.

When he arrived at your door in the middle of the night, looking sweaty and breathless, you were obviously stunned.

"We need to talk," he gasped for air, shuffling past you through the door frame. He even had to duck down a little because of his ridiculous, but endearing, height.

Once you registered his words, you felt sick. Worry struck through your whole being as you followed him to the couch. As soon as you sat next to him, angled towards him, he took your hands into his to play with nervously.

"You're one of the most important people in my life, so I need to tell you something. I can't keep this in any longer."

Fuck. You felt sick.

"You've probably noticed something different about me lately."

You nodded encouragingly, so fast it almost hurt your neck.

"I never thought I'd be in this situation and I can't believe I've kept this from you. We tell each other everything, right? I really don't know why this has taken me so long to tell you."

Your nerves were running wild.

"As soon as I started feeling this way I should've let you know, it's not fair to keep it from you."

Your head was spinning.

"Anyway, it's fair to say I've been keeping something fairly big from you. I'd like to apologise in advance for that. You should always be the first to know about things like this."

Just spit it out already.

"The reason I'm only telling you now, and not sooner, is because I wanted to make sure I was certain. If I'd have told you when it started, it could've ruined things between us. It's turned out better this way."

"Say it, Yeol," you whispered.

You couldn't take it anymore, your palms were dampening rapidly, but he seemed too focused on his thoughts to notice as he fiddles with your fingers. He was certainly rambling too much to comment on it, anyway.

After all the time you'd spent trying to suppress your feelings around him, not even telling any of your other friends, you let yourself get your hopes up about him for the first time ever.

"Sorry, I'm getting too nervous," his chuckle was dry, "this is actually weird saying it out loud. I mean, I've practised in my head but now that it's happening? Fucking hell."

A pointed look from you got him back on track.

"Again, sorry. Okay. So, you know Sooyoung?"

It felt as if he'd physically reached into your chest and snatched your heart right out of you. He'd stabbed you with a rusty knife and jerked it inside of your flesh. You were broken, but you refused to show it.

Swallowing back the tears, you nodded again, not trusting your voice to perform as you'd like in such a state.

"Well, a few months ago,"

Months. All those times you'd caught him with an enchanted expression; they were all for her. All the times you felt giddy around him and thought there could've been a chance that he reciprocated the feelings? It was for her. Sooyoung was to him, what he was to you.

She was a friend of a friend. You'd met her at a few functions and you had nothing bad to say about her. She was a nice person, but you couldn't see her with Chanyeol. The thought completely dried your throat. You were having trouble breathing.

Noticing your vacant look, he shook your hands to get your attention.

"Sorry," you murmured, avoiding eye contact.

Scooting closer to you on the couch, he searched your face. For what? You couldn't tell.

"What's wrong, Princess?" his thick brows were angled towards the bridge of his nose as he whispered the nickname you loved to hear from him.

Despite that, you couldn't love it anymore. He didn't love you. He never would. Every time you'd heard him call you 'Princess', every time you'd reminisced about it while giggling, was now tainted with the hideous memory of having your heart well and truly broken.

Not just broken, absolutely destroyed with no return. You couldn't recover from this. As much as you'd like to think that you were strong, experiencing this proved how weak you were, and how much Chanyeol meant to you in all aspects of a relationship. You'd never be able to cross the line from a friend to a lover. He didn't see you that way. You had to accept that.

"Huh? No, nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Yeah, no I'm fine." You were such a bad liar.

"What's on your mind? You seem distracted." Studying his features, you could've claimed that he seemed hopeful, but for what? It was impossible, though, you'd already read so many things wrong. You felt disconnected from your surroundings, not able to feel the couch beneath you or the tender touch passed from his fingertips to yours.

"Y/N, what is it? You can tell me. Don't hold back." Your attention was back on him and the ugly truth of your world crumbling around you.

"I'm just tired, I guess." What a shameful liar.

"Are you sure?" he persisted, reminding you of his caring side and how much you loved it.

"Yes. So are you exclusive?" Maybe if you talked about it, you'd feel better. If he was happy, you should be happy for him, right? That's what matters. Don't be selfish.

He delved into the details of their exclusive relationship and how it came to be. You thought the talking would ease you into the thought of them together, but it was easier just drowning out his voice, nodding when you felt appropriate.

After a long, and very painful, one-sided conversation, he led you to your bedroom, as he normally would at one of your sleepovers. You felt guilty for not listening to him, as he was always listening to you, but you just couldn't bring yourself to open up to it. Not yet.

Retrieving a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt from his stash of clothes that lived in your home, you left him to get changed while you locked yourself in the bathroom.

One look in the mirror was all it took to get you to lose it. Your brick-like barrier had broken, and all you could do was cry. Stuffing a towel into your mouth, you tried to be as quiet as possible as you sobbed until your chest burned and your eyes were red-raw.

On one hand, you were proud for staying calm while receiving the news, but another part of you regretted staying quiet and wished you'd rebelled and argued with his choice, even though it wouldn't have gotten you anywhere. At least you still had him in your life, that's all you could ask for at this point.

Dejectedly shuffling back into the dark bedroom, Chanyeol was already asleep on his usual side of the bed.

In a normal sleepover, you would've dived onto his body and rested your head on his chest, with all your limbs tangled. You'd be able to hear his heartbeat, and the raising of his chest as he breathed would calm you down, always easing you into a sleeping state.

But this wasn't normal. It was far from it. He was unaware of how distraught you were, and if you even cuddled up to him in the slightest, you could expect another round of ugly sobs. You didn't want to dampen his glow, he deserved to be happy.

Sagging down on the opposite side of the bed, you turned your back on him and stared at the wall emptily. Hearing his drawn out breaths would usually help you fall asleep, but they haunted you all through the night as you couldn't find a way to sleep.

Despite your exhausted condition, something within was refusing to grant you the pleasure of slipping away from reality.

You must've dozed off for a maximum of an hour when the sun started to rise. During that time, Chanyeol had left, along with your joy - for the time being, at least. He meant no harm, but he'd delivered more than a few blows. His words had packed more than a punch.

Prior to this night, he'd left without saying goodbye and it was nothing to overthink, but in these circumstances, you were abnormally hurt. The pain kept multiplying.

A few days went by before you heard anything from Chanyeol. It came in the form of a text.

From: Yeol [3:42 pm] [do you wanna come over? I have food]

You desperately wanted to decline his offer, but that would seem shady as you'd previously told him that you didn't have anything happening on that day. Texting back a quick response, you drove over to his place. No music played in the vehicle as you listened to the boring sounds of traffic.

Opening the door as soon as you arrived, like you always did, you immediately regretted coming over. Chanyeol was sat on the couch watching TV - this was a usual occurrence. What threw you off was the girl straddling his lap, kissing his neck as he reacted accordingly.

"Oh," you awkwardly coughed, moving back and closing the door in front of you. With a wall between you, you ran a hand through your hair roughly and mumbled some encouraging words.

You heard the door swing open as you faced the other way.

"Sorry about that..." Chanyeol anxiously rushed out.

"I didn't know you had company," you glared.

He clearly had no response or apology for that, "Come in."

Making a beeline for the kitchen to avoid having to spend extra time with them, as a vomit-inducing couple, you buried your head in the fridge.

"Hi," a sickly sweet voice came from behind you. Her voice used to be normal, it would never bother you, but now it made you roll your eyes in annoyance.

Briefly turning around to greet her (you couldn't lose your manners) you returned to the safe space of the refrigerator.

"How've you been, Princess?"

Uh oh. You weren't too well acquainted with Sooyoung, but you knew enough to guess that she probably had a rule against cute nicknames for girls other than a girlfriend. Especially in front of said girlfriend.

Ready to answer and make simple conversation, a voice interrupted you.

"Princess?" It came out as a laugh, but you deciphered the underlying tone. She was bitter. Chanyeol didn't notice the nastiness in her mood, but you were most definitely not oblivious to it.

"He's always called me that." Trying to reassure her, and deflect from Chanyeol's ignorance, you accidentally made it worse.

She took it as if you were trying to compete with her, which was a blatant no as you stood before them with remnants of yesterday's mascara on.

"I'm gonna go to the... the bathroom. Don't mind me," you practically squeaked under the pressure, hurrying to escape the building tension.

Even though there was a wall between you, their hushed voices were still audible and adding to your anxiety.

"What the fuck was that, Yeol?" Sooyoung spat. No one else called him that but you, it felt like another twist to the knife still jammed inside of you.

"What do you mean?" His naivety was worrying, but also sweet, as you could tell he didn't know what he'd done wrong. It worried you because of the possible ways she could manipulate him.

"Don't act stupid," her harsh words made you cringe, "since when has it ever been acceptable to call a girl, who's not your girlfriend, fucking 'Princess'?"

"I-"

"Just shut up and don't do it again," she hissed, venom dripping from each syllable.

Quickly flushing the toilet to make it seem as if you weren't eavesdropping, you carelessly washed your hands and straightened your top in the mirror.

Walking back out into the negative atmosphere felt as if there was a magnet trying to pull you back into the confines of the bathroom.

The next hour was near to torture. She was clearly trying to mark her territory in front of you, somehow seeing your dishevelled appearance as competition. It was embarrassing for her but definitely made you fear for Chanyeol.

He didn't see what you saw, and your perspectives were widely different.

After making some lame excuse of needing to do some extra work at home, you went to hug Chanyeol but was caught off guard by a different body meeting yours.

Sooyoung's passive-aggressive hug, or death-trap, left you with wide eyes as you stared at Chanyeol over her shoulder. His shocked face mirrored yours until she freed you from her grip, and he forced a neutral expression to appear.

Without another word, you stormed out of the apartment, loudly slamming the door on your way out. You were absolutely fuming.

As inattentive as Chanyeol could be, there was no way he didn't notice her utterly vile intentions against you, but he didn't do anything.

He just stood there as she blocked you from showing affection to your best friend. She cut you off and he was fine with just watching it happen. It was the first time in years you'd felt angry at him.

When he told you about him and Sooyoung, you were upset, but actively allowing you to be made physically uncomfortable by his girlfriend made your blood boil.

If you were him you would've made a move to lighten the mood and restore confidence to the best friend. He just watched, as if he'd rather be on good terms with her than you, even though you heard the terrible way she spoke to him while you hid in the bathroom.

You felt betrayed. The ways in which Chanyeol could hurt you seemed to be increasing the longer he was with Sooyoung. She was coming between you, and the one person who could defend you in that situation was the same person to just stand by and let it unfold.

Over the course of a few weeks, you found yourself gradually forgiving Chanyeol as things between you slowly turned back to normal. You hadn't been in contact Sooyoung since the thorny interaction and you were completely at peace with that. The time spent with Chanyeol couldn't be ruined by her excessive jealousy.

Although, to a certain extent you could understand where she was coming from. Weird, right? Her boyfriend was extremely close and attached to you, which made her feel inferior as if she had to prove who was more suited for Chanyeol. Yet it made you wonder how insecure she truly was, after all, you were still just the best friend. Nothing more.

On a spontaneous grocery shopping trip, the appearance of a certain person's girlfriend made you wary at first, until a surprising idea came into your head. You were going to be the bigger person. Not for her. Not for Chanyeol. For yourself.

"Sooyoung! Hey," you smiled, going in for a hug, purposely this time, "how are you?"

Startled by your polite manner, she stuttered, "Oh! I'm fine. You?"

Deciding to remain civil and ignore her defensive vibes, you continued with the tense exchange of words. One thing you did notice was she seemed calmer alone than with Chanyeol. She must not have seen you as a threat when he wasn't around. Interesting. It really did make her look insecure. This realisation made you think it'd be for the best to be kind.

"So Yeol's birthday is coming up. Do you have plans already?"

"Yes. I'm taking him out on a very romantic date. It's going to be perfect," she gushed. You found it weird how she described the date as romantic as if dates aren't usually just that. Another outlandish remark that had you questioning her motives.

Ignoring it, you continued, "What about a party?"

"What about a party?" her eyes narrowed. The urge to roll your eyes was creeping up on you, but as the better person, you resisted.

"Well, I was thinking, I could throw him a party." The thought of celebrating with him again, remembering your birthday party and how fun it was, made you grin.

"No," she curtly replied.

"What?" you were baffled.

Mentioning the party you were bound to throw for him was simply courteous. No matter what her opinion on the matter was, you were throwing Yeol that fucking party. She had no say. You'd been partying together at every chance and event since you went to your first 'hang out' together as young teens. There was no way she'd end that streak.

"I said no," her eyes were wide, seething, "I'm throwing him a party. Yeah, the night after his birthday."

"Sooyoung, don't do that."

"I'm his girlfriend."

"What's your point?" Don't react. That's all you could tell yourself. Don't lower yourself to her standards.

"I get to throw him the party. Not you!"

"I always throw him a birthday party. It's my thing." You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"Not anymore. I won. I'm with Chanyeol," she smirked.

"First of all, he's not a trophy. Secondly, what do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid, Y/N," she rolled her eyes. She really had a nerve.

"Excuse you?"

"Don't make me spell it out, I'm not really one to gloat." Sure, and pigs can fly.

You knew what she was hinting at, but you played it safe.

"Tell me."

"You're in love with him."

You feigned confusion, she'd hit the nail right on the head, "With Yeol? As in Park Chanyeol?" She nodded. "Why on Earth would you think that?"

"Oh, shut up. I don't have time for this, I'm organising the party. Girlfriend privileges, you see," she rudely pushed past you with her trolley, while you remained in the same spot for a few minutes.

To not make it too obvious that she'd struck a nerve, you peered into the freezers as if you were just browsing the contents. You were just too scared to move as if Chanyeol already knew your secret.

Not wanting her to feel as if she'd got one over you, you attended the party with a fake smile, showing no signs of defeat.

It was at a club in town and you couldn't help but think that Sooyoung didn't know Chanyeol as well as you did. That made you proud, just a little bit. Sure, he liked to party, but a birthday party was more personal to him, and you knew he would've preferred to be somewhere that he could actually hear a conversation. You knew he was only going along with the club scene to keep Sooyoung happy.

If you'd have gotten to throw the party like you originally planned, you would've booked an adult crazy-golf course. Growing up, you regularly visited regular crazy-golf courses together and loved every minute of it. The competition between you both was insane, the winner always alternating. Once you both reached the age of legal drinking you discussed the idea, but neither one of you followed through with actually planning it. Work and college had you both pretty busy. His birthday would've been the perfect opportunity to book the course, but Sooyoung had to happen.

Seated at a large booth with your familiar friend group, a few of Sooyoung's friends were squashed onto the end. Sharing a look with Chanyeol when they arrived, you knew he was also unaware of their invites. You found it actually laughable that she took it upon herself to include people that Chanyeol didn't know or like. It wasn't as if they were people that you occasionally saw at social gatherings, they were strangers to not only you but all of the 'regulars'.

They didn't even offer him any birthday wishes, they were just there to party. That thought pissed you right off.

Instead of putting Chanyeol first, Sooyoung wasted no time in steering the conversation onto a topic related to her. You may have given her the benefit of the doubt and put it down to an accident the first time, but once it happened again, when she spoke over one of your friends, you completely zoned out.

Nudging you, Junmyeon leant towards you to whisper in your ear, "Come to the bar."

He was right at the end, so it was easy for the two of you to slip away. Arriving at the bar, he ordered two beers before turning to you with an annoyed expression. Already sensing the type of conversation you were about to have, you laughed bitterly.

"I mean, what the fuck?"

Not even having the words to respond, you simply snorted at the remark.

"No, like, seriously, what's happening? Who does she think she is?"

Before you could respond, Minseok joined the discussion, "Am I really experiencing this bullshit, or am I having a nightmare?" He paused. "As soon as you left, Sooyoung started whispering with her little crew and I swear I heard your name, Y/N."

"I feel honoured."

Not much time went by before more of your real friends were gathered at the bar complaining. Sneaking a glance at the booth, you almost felt sorry for Chanyeol. Just that quick view confirmed all your thoughts. He looked miserable.

The stubborn side of you told you to toughen up and not give him the sympathetic smile that you usually would. He could also join you at the bar, but he chose to stay at Sooyoung's side.

Baekhyun pulled you aside while the others continued grumbling.

"Why didn't you throw him a party?" he got straight to the point. Others had hinted at the query but he wasted no time.

"I'm glad you asked," you sarcasm couldn't reach its ultimate form as you had to shout over the terrible music being blasted into your skull. "I was going to do it, but-"

"She stole your role!" he yelled.

"Precisely," downing the rest of your beer, you continued, "I'll tell you the details another time."

Rejoining the group, you noticed Chanyeol had appeared with a tired expression.

"Why should we?" Sehun argued. You couldn't quite make out what he was against, but your subconscious supported his battle.

Noticing your lost expression, Junmyeon turned to you, "He wants us to go back and grin and bear Sooyoung."

"Hey!" Chanyeol defended half-heartedly.

"No, he's right. We're being rude," you agreed. Although you were against Sooyoung and in no way supported her, you could see how the group's collective behaviour was wrong. Not only were you avoiding her, you were hurting Chanyeol in the process.

Collecting their drinks, everyone made their way back to the booth. Chanyeol trailed behind and gently took ahold of your arm to pull you towards him. The close proximity felt so comfortable but a nagging feeling told you to detach yourself. Especially when his girlfriend was staring right at you. Watching her glare at you and not Chanyeol, even though it was him who initiated the physical contact, changed your gut feeling into not wanting to move away from him.

It was understandable, to a certain extent, to be slightly offended by her boyfriend and his best friend being extremely close, but to wrongly direct that feeling onto you was out of order.

Leaning into his touch, you averted your eyes onto the path in front of you. She wasn't worth your time, but it was worth pissing her off further.

"Listen, I know you and Sooyoung aren't the best of friends," he softly spoke into your ear.

"Pfft, what are you talking about? I love the girl!"

"Shut up. Thanks for helping me out there, I honestly don't know what I'd do without you," he smiled and squeezed your arm. You didn't want to admit it to anyone, not even yourself, but the tight grip on your body turned you on. His strength was one of the many things about him that you often admired.

"Anything for you."

Returning to the booth, you felt Sooyoung's cold stare on you as you took a seat in between Chanyeol and Baekhyun. More rounds of drinks were bought and you took the time to talk to your best friend without being directly pestered by his girlfriend. The feeling of her presence never left you, and in your peripheral vision, you could see her tense body language.

She was on the other side of the booth and seemed to be somewhat involved in a conversation, with her friends that she coaxed into attending, but was more focused on what was happening opposite her.

As you laughed and subconsciously hit Chanyeol's arm playfully, she slammed her glass onto the table and everyone's attention snapped to her. Your hand slowly lowered as the awkwardness heightened.

"Y/N," her smile was sickly sweet, "can I talk to you privately?"

Clenching your jaw, you nodded. You rarely got into any kind of drama, but since she entered your life as Chanyeol's girlfriend, it was becoming something that you expected for her to deliver. It wasn't hard to see who was at fault and who caused the scenes, so you were happy to play along with her scheme as long as it didn't completely ruin Chanyeol's birthday.

Playing the role of the good guy flew out of the window as soon as the sobriety left your body. The drinks had given you some extra courage and you weren't scared of what she was planning to say or do.

Standing up, you saw Chanyeol preparing to do the same to let you out of the booth easier, but feeling that liquid courage surging through you, you found yourself lightly pushing him back down into his seat. Slowly stepping over him while holding eye contact with Sooyoung, you heard Baekhyun barely manage to cover his loud laughing. Being nice hadn't got you anywhere, so the alcohol pushed you to play harder.

You noticed her fists ball up and felt victorious at that fact. Following her to the bathroom, you threw a final smile at your friends, only to see Chanyeol unmoved from where you left him and the others in fits of giggles. Sooyoung's friends looked uncomfortable but tried to act unbothered.

Crossing her arms in front of you, she stared daggers at you. If looks could kill...

"What do you want?" There was no hiding the uninterest in her constant shenanigans. Your patience had been wearing thin since you walked in on her straddling Chanyeol. At first, you thought nothing of it, but after experiencing her wrath quite a few times, you thought it was too much to be a coincidence. She probably sat on him around the time she expected you to arrive. It wouldn't surprise you if she revealed that she saw your car pull up from the window and instantly jumped on him. She was just that spiteful.

"I want for you to stop throwing yourself at Chanyeol."

Oh, the irony!

The heavy bass seeping through the walls vibrated against your body and synced with your heartbeat.

"How am I even-" you inhaled sharply, but you tried your best to remain as calm as possible, "What's your problem?"

The fact that she wanted to start another argument, and on Chanyeol's birthday of all days, disgusted you. She was willing to embarrass him in front of his friends and thought nothing of it. It was clear to everyone that she only cared for herself and was using him for some personal gain. There's no way she had genuine feelings for him. If she cared, she'd put her pride aside and focus on celebrating with him, but she'd prefer to confront you about nothing of actual importance in the bathroom of a club.

"My problem?" she practically screeched, "You! You are my problem! Stop flirting with my boyfriend!"

"Grow up, Sooyoung. I'm not entertaining this anymore, I'm over it."

That was a bold lie. To Sooyoung, you appeared to be put together and in control of things, but the reality was far from it. Watching Chanyeol sail through life, you were immensely proud of him, but you couldn't help but cringe at some of his choices. Sooyoung being one of them.

As much as you thought that they were incompatible, you also saw the good times they had. You heard him talk about her and his feelings for her as if she were a completely different person from the one you witnessed. He was in love with her.

Sometimes you felt yourself close to exploding on him, telling him how they weren't right for each other. Then you'd remember the words he'd used to describe her. On one hand, you wanted to put an end to it and help him, but the other hand had a feeling that you weren't seeing the whole picture and to stay out of it.

Of course, you didn't see the whole picture, you weren't around them 24/7. After all, he was a grown man and could make choices for himself. Even if you didn't agree with those choices.

You refused to acknowledge it, but you knew that you brought the worst out of Sooyoung. Unintentionally and really without doing anything. She was jealous of what you had with Chanyeol, and instead of being honest with him, she chose to take it out on you.

There's no way in hell that Chanyeol would willingly put up with her if she was always in attack mode, so she must have had a good side to her, even if it wasn't visible to you.

To hide your real opinion of her from Chanyeol, you'd think back to the times you'd briefly met at parties. There was never any tension between you until they got together. Her envy was more than obvious. Not meddling in their relationship was the best option.

"Stop avoiding the topic! He's mine."

You sighed, "When will you realise that you don't own him?"

"Just admit it! Say you love him!" she threw her hands up.

"No, there's nothing to admit. Stop obsessing over me! You should be out there with your boyfriend but instead, you're yelling at me about something you made up due to insecurities!"

"I fucking hate you!" her words slurred as she stumbled back to the sink. She was drunk. There was no point in trying to reason with her when she was intoxicated; nothing would resonate with her. She wouldn't listen to you if she was sober, but the drinks only intensified her emotions, and it wouldn't be fair to argue with her in such a state. Being the good person had somehow made a comeback even though she made you absolutely livid. It just wasn't in your personality to be cruel.

"Good for you. Stay here," leaving her to shriek at the empty cubicles, you quickly returned to the booth.

Informing her friends of the state she was in, you told them it was probably best for them to take her home to rest. To your surprise, they agreed and apologised for disturbing the party. At first, you'd have expected them to argue on behalf of Sooyoung, but they appeared to be understanding of your side.

Once they left, you sat where they previously were and sighed contently at the lack of Sooyoung's presence.

The conversation soon returned back to normal, some even decided to dance, and you almost forgot about the incident until you noticed Chanyeol looking distant.

Realising Sooyoung wasn't the only one not thinking about Chanyeol's feelings, guilt washed over you instantly. As he was opposite you, and too far to privately talk to, you pulled out your phone, motioning for him to do the same. Blinking out of a daze, he understood your signals and complied.

To: Yeol [11:06 pm] [I'm sorry yeollie]

From: Yeol [11:06 pm] [don't be, it wasn't your fault]

To: Yeol [11:06 pm] [but it's your birthday! you should be happy and drunk]

From: Yeol [11:07 pm] [ok if that's what u want]

You looked up to see him already looking at you and hiding a grin.

To: Yeol [11:07 pm] [there's that smile lol]

From: Yeol [11:07 pm] [shut up u sap]

Hearing him laugh heartily while typing that message, you felt lighter. Cheering him up was something you lived for. You never wanted to see him upset, he deserved the world and more.

To: Yeol [11:08 pm] [happy birthday ily]

From: Yeol [11:08 pm] [I love u more]

You felt your chest tighten. Although, he hadn't said it out loud, and it wasn't in any form of a romantic confession, your heart swelled. Despite falling for him more and more each day, he was you best friend first and you really loved him more than he could ever imagine. He was your favourite person and the thought of ever losing him terrified you.

Lowering your phone back into your purse, you shared a long look with Chanyeol. You both sat there with silly grins on your faces until you shied away from his gaze.

After being dragged onto the dance floor to bust some moves with a highly intoxicated version of Jongdae, you had fun for a while until the both of you were gasping for breath and leaning onto each other for support on your way back to the booth.

As soon as you sat down next to Chanyeol, you realised just how much he'd drank while you'd been gone. In the space of half an hour, the guys had bought several rounds of shots and were, safe to say, wasted.

While Jongdae whined about missing out, you chuckled at Chanyeol playing with your hair and complimenting the style.

"It's so pretty, how'd you do it?" he mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder, "And it smells nice. Mmm, like real flowers."

You giggled at his comments, but on the inside, your feelings were all jumbled up. Yes, your best friend was drunk and near to passing out, but the boy you loved was feeding you with compliments.

"Ah, Y/N, thank you for being my friend. You make me so happy," he gushed, hugging you from the side, and closing his eyes.

"No problem," you tapped his leg to let him know you heard.

"I'm so glad we're friends. We've been friends since forever, haven't we?" he found this really funny. "You're my favourite," he sighed.

You didn't know the context of that statement but you accepted it on friendly terms nonetheless.

"Thanks, Yeol, you're my favourite, too. And you make me very happy."

He grabbed your hand to play with as his words mixed in with each other, "Thanks, you're so nice. I wish I could be this happy all the time, you make me feel really good."

"You're very expressive when you're drunk, Yeol," you cracked up.

"Thanks, you too," he laughed because you were. Calming down a bit, he mumbled, "I'm so happy right now."

"I know, Yeol. I know," you comforted, feeling sorry for the hangover he was bound to have in the morning.

"I'd be so much happier with you."

You froze, but he didn't notice. What did he mean by that?

"I'm right here, Yeol." With a wavering voice, you tried to not read into what he was saying. He was drunk. Nothing that came out of his mouth made sense, right?

"No, dumbass," he snorted, "I mean instead of Sooyoung."

Your breath caught in your throat, along with your heart, and what felt like every other organ you possessed. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be real. He was drunk.

"What?" That was all you could manage to get out. Words weren't coming to mind.

"Yeah, you're just so much nicer, you know? She's always mean and shouting, but you're always nice."

Gently pushing him away from you, he opened his eyes as he rested his head against the back of the seat.

"Are you unhappy with her?"

You couldn't help yourself. He'd already given you enough to work out the answer but you didn't know what else to say. Even though his words were bold, the meaning was unclear.

"Yeah, we shouldn't be together," he rubbed his hands over his face, "me and you should be. I love you, Y/N. I've never said that before. Wow, I love you," he snickered as if he didn't just say exactly what he did.

Your voice was shaky, as was your physical state, "You don't mean that, Yeol."

"Yeah, I do. I'm in love with you."

Tears pooled up in your eyes, the words you'd craved to hear were coming at you from the mouth of a drunk version of him. He wasn't thinking straight. There was no way he meant what he was saying. The fact that it wasn't true tore you up, and you felt a tear leak out. He was too buzzed to know what he was saying.

"Stop it. You don't mean it," you bit.

"Yes, I do. I promise. I don't even like Sooyoung, you know? I wish she didn't throw this stupid party. I wanted you to do it because I love you."

"You're drunk, this isn't fair," you panicked, not wanting the others to notice, but they did.

"I can prove it." Fumbling in his jacket's pocket, he pulled out his wallet and opened it for you to see inside. "See, I love you!" he slurred.

Behind the plastic window in the wallet, was a picture. The image caused your hand to fly to your mouth and cover an almost painful gasp. Instead of his girlfriend, it was you. The photo he'd taken on your birthday after you blew out your candles. He'd captured the exact moment your wish came true in a way. The moment you opened your eyes and were filled with complete joy, as his face was the first you saw after being surrounded by darkness.

Your mind was truly perplexed as you wiped tears from your cheeks, "Happy birthday, Yeol." Not able to listen to another word, you picked up your purse and left the club.

Even though he was just talking gibberish, it still hurt. He didn't know how you felt about him, so he definitely didn't know how you'd react to his words.

The next morning, you were fortunate enough to not have a hangover as you didn't drink much. However, you had a blinding headache anyway due to the hours you'd spent crying over Chanyeol and his artificial confession.

You'd managed to keep it together in the taxi ride home, but as soon as you crossed the threshold, all hell broke loose. Falling to your knees, you screamed in pain and anger, smacking the floor for good measure.

Hiding your feelings around Chanyeol always took a toll on you, but having to hide them while he confessed his? No amount of physical pain could ever come close.

The worst part was that you knew he was lying. He was upset by Sooyoung leaving, and the alcohol tricked him into believing that you were the one for him. If she'd have stayed, it never would've happened, and you almost regretted not being around her. He was confused and in the heat of the moment, he lost all composure.

Yet that didn't explain the photo of you in his wallet. That wasn't a spare of the moment thing. He'd printed out the right sized image and carried it around with him for however long. To not get your hopes up even more than you already had, you put it down to friendship.

It was no secret that you were the best of friends, so it seemed normal for him to have a photo of you with him at all times to remind himself of the bond.

A voice within was screaming at you to look at it differently. Why would he not have a picture of Sooyoung in there? Why you? But you were just friends.

Some weeks went by, and for the first time in years, you hadn't seen each other, face to face, for a whole month. You exchanged brief messages, sent the occasional meme, but you never saw his face. There hadn't even been any video messages or audio calls, it felt like you no longer existed in his life. Sooyoung had taken over, you didn't matter to him anymore.

You still met up with other friends, but whenever he was mentioned you'd completely avoid the topic. They weren't oblivious, they'd heard what he had said to you, and it didn't take a genius to figure out how you felt about the situation, and him.

Over the time spent away from him, you had time to reflect on what had happened. Not just the night of his birthday, but everything from him first telling you about his relationship, to not seeing him at all. As much as you'd tried, your heart had been broken. At first, you thought that if you kept your feelings secretive, then no one would be able to use them against you, yet Sooyoung had found a way to destroy your confidence.

From the first time she freaked out over him calling you, "Princess", to him not using the nickname at all, she had succeeded in ruining the friendship you once had with him. It was naive of you to think that you'd always be friends, anyway. Nothing good ever lasts.

Watching a sappy romance movie alone at home, you couldn't help but project your own life onto the fictional characters'. The storyline consisted of the usual cliches, which made it even easier to adjust to fit your personal narrative. Halfway through your private screening, there were a few loud hits on your door, causing you to jump out of your seat in shock.

Carefully pausing the movie, you strode over to the door, swinging it open only to have your mouth fall in confusion. Standing before you was an unkempt Chanyeol. You then realised why his knocking was so loud - his hands were full and he had to kick the entrance to gain your attention.

Inspecting the box in his grasp, you raised an eyebrow at him. Taking a deep breath in, he stammered, "I, uh, here's your clothes." He couldn't even look you in the eye. He was ashamed of himself.

"Why?" you whispered. You'd never felt so betrayed. He was returning the backup stash that you left at his place, kept in case you ever needed them on a spontaneous sleepover or any scenario, really. The action of removing them from his environment felt like he was progressing towards fully removing you as well.

"Sooyoung." That was all he had to say. He'd officially chose her over you and you wanted to scream at him, but you couldn't find the energy or passion anywhere in you.

As he opened his mouth to spout some more unnecessary bullshit, you held up a hand, "Don't." You held both palms out to receive the large box, "Just give it to me."

Before you could push the door closed to avoid having to cry in front of him, he stuck his foot out to block the barrier. For the first time since in weeks, he looked at you, making your strong demeanour crumble before him. Of course, you still loved him, he was the best thing that ever happened to you. Even if it was about to end on bad terms, you couldn't deny your love for him.

You wanted so desperately to just communicate with him how you used to, but the hurt you'd felt prevented you from doing so.

"Wait," he shook his head, "we need to talk."

Feeling angered by his actions, you spat, "About what? You've already made your decision."

"I'm sorry. I had it all worked out in my head, I don't know what I was thinking." Inspecting his appearance, you realised that he'd been going through a rough patch in his life and needed help to see the light again. There was no way you could turn him away, not after everything you'd been through.

Sighing with exhaustion, you stepped aside to allow him to enter your home. As he sunk down into your couch, his state of mind fully registered with you. He seemed to be feeling the same way as you, defeated by Sooyoung.

"I don't even know where to start. I'm so fucking sorry, Y/N," his voice cracked and he covered his face with his hands. Cautiously reaching towards him, you took his hands into your own to comfort him. "She keeps saying all this shit to me, and I, I thought I could fix it. Fuck, I'm so stupid," his lower lip trembled and your defence completely broke down. Moving closer to him you took him into your arms, patting his back as he cried into your shoulder.

The last time you'd seen him properly cry was his grandfather's death. You knew he had ups and downs, but he rarely showed his downs to you unless he was completely devastated. He was such a strong-minded person and it tore you apart to see him like that. It was best to let him calm down before talking so you held him for the most part of an hour before he gently unravelled himself from your hold.

"What's on your mind, Yeol?" you spoke softly, fixing his hair so it wasn't falling into his line of vision.

"How badly I've treated you," he sniffed, "I should've never let her come between us. It's like she's been brainwashing me this whole time, but I know what to do now that I'm with you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you comforted, avoiding his eyes as you lied to make him feel better.

"No, it's not. I should've defended you, I love you so much, Y/N." You froze at the mention of those words, and this time he noticed. He picked up on the way you slightly retracted from him, even though you tried not to. "I know what happened on my birthday. I mean, I don't remember it, but the guys told me."

Your throat went completely dry, "What did they tell you?"

He sat up straighter and coughed awkwardly, "Well, for starters, how Sooyoung was behaving and then her friends took her home. I remember that part." Recalling how you'd intimately brushed against him as you stepped over him made the blood rise to your cheeks. "I don't remember the rest, but they said I was, uh, I was saying that I, that I loved you..." The pain you'd felt from having to leave him to avoid further complications fell upon you. "And, and that I showed you the picture in my wallet."

"It's okay, Yeol," you replied solemnly, "you don't have to explain. You were wasted, I get it."

But you didn't understand. Just when you'd started to drift apart, he pulled you right back in. It was almost as if the universe was pushing you back together to complete your destiny. Since your birthday and the strange coincidence of sorts, you questioned everything. So, why was Chanyeol in your home suddenly confessing his love to you after being in a relationship for months? It didn't make sense to you, but you let it play out in the hopes of getting any answers.

"No, you don't get it. I'm so sorry I put you through all this, I'm such a bad friend."

"Yeol-"

"Y/N, I do love you. Like, I'm in love with you," he declared, sounding proud.

Blinking rapidly to see if you were dreaming, goose bumps rose all over your body. There was no way this was real, it couldn't be.

He continued, "Everything I said to you on my birthday was true. It took so long for me to finally admit it to myself."

"Then why did you bring my clothes over?"

"Sooyoung and I had an argument over you today, she kept saying that if I wanted to be with her, I wouldn't have another girl's clothes in my house. She said that it was so obvious that you loved me but I couldn't see it. I used the clothes as an excuse to come over because I missed you so much," he explained, avoiding eye contact due to nerves.

"I don't know what to say..." you whispered, "If you love me, why are you with her?"

His face fell upon hearing this, it was obviously something he didn't want to discuss but would open up about it for your sake. "This is complicated," he quietly began, looking at the floor and fiddling with your fingers to ease his anxiety. You mentally commended his bravery, you would find it extremely difficult to express yourself in such a way as he was. "I didn't know if you felt the same way. Shit, I thought you'd never love me, so I settled for Sooyoung. She kept asking me out and flirting with me so I thought it'd be easier to be with her. I thought, you know, maybe she would help me get over you, but that never happened. I never stopped loving you, Y/N, it only made me love you more."

Subconsciously holding your breath as he spoke, you let out a deep breath when he finished. His words hit you like a tonne of bricks and you didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Your wish was coming true.

"Chanyeol, I love you, too," you inhaled, not believing you were actually saying it to his face. You'd never said it to anyone. Friends had asked you about it, if there was something more, but you'd always disagreed on the chemistry you supposedly shared and claimed your feelings for him were strictly platonic.

After all these years, you were sharing your love to him and he felt the same way. It was magical.

Leaning towards you slowly, you got the hint and as you went to close the gap between your lips, you woke up in a cold sweat. Nothing could ever be that easy. Your mood plummetted as you realised it was, in fact, a dream, your imagination had got the better of you after watching the romance film, and you'd exchanged the reality of heartbreak for a dreamland that would make you happy.

Wiping away a drop of drool from your chin, you turned the TV off with the remote before tossing it at the other end of the couch.

"Ow!"

A deafening scream left your mouth as you registered another body on the couch. They lunged towards you with panicked eyes to try and shut you up before any neighbours complained about the volume. Seeing the familiar features of Chanyeol did nothing to calm your nerves, especially after the dream you'd just had.

"What the fuck, Yeol! What are you doing here?" you hissed, roughly running your hands over your face.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he looked more than apologetic.

"Why are you here?" The adrenaline had fully woken you up.

"Sooyoung and I had a fight, we broke up," he shrugged, acting as if it was no big deal, but you knew him too well to believe that. Just by looking at the way he was seated, his hands on his knees, you could feel the negativity.

"Do you want to talk about it?" you offered, sending him a warm smile.

"Maybe tomorrow, but right now I just want to cuddle with you. I've missed you so much, Princess."

The familiar name gave you butterflies after not hearing it for so long. Something about his tone, and especially the return of your nickname, told you that it wasn't just a break and that they were officially over. Instead of doing a victory dance, you decided it would be better to just hold him close and savour the moment.

Gently pushing you back onto the couch so he was hovering above you, he kissed your forehead tenderly. "You still talk in your sleep," he chuckled.

Overly excited by the delightful kiss, you had no time to hide in embarrassment over what he possibly heard.

He was returning to his old self, and your heartbeat sped up at the realisation. Maybe you could be happy together after all.