joonsmagicstudio

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: funny things happen i guess? (V)

Note: I put a keep reading break but I am unsure if it is working, if there is no keep reading link then please let me know! I do not wish to bother anyone with long posts.

Story Description: We all have our issues, but some of us are sub-consciously pushing it away without realizing how deep under water we are. You don't realize the things around you aren't what used to be until you meet a celebrity struggling to live. Like the hypocrite you are, you help others without helping yourself first. But no one told you about helping others gives you this exhilarating feeling of being a saint. So for how long are you going to keep being a saint in a doctor's coat?

Genre: Angst, fluff (if you squint) and smut.

Pairing: You x Namjoon

Trigger Warning: It revolves heavily around suicide, depression and death. Please don’t read it if it is a sensitive topic for you. Also keep in mind it isn’t like ‘13 reasons why’. It takes place in more of an adult setting hence mature. It also has mature (+18) scene, alcohol consumption and occasional use of foul language hehe.

I am writing about suicide, death and depression not because I romanticize it or engage in it for others to partake. It is strictly for the purpose of writing a story to convey a message beyond these three words.

Story masterlist is here: MMWTWTTS

Ever since you clocked in for a night shift, working didn't help. Not even the recent news of Jungha's death was able to get your head out of the thoughts of your brothers. You ended up zoning out a lot, your co-workers had to keep snapping you out of your daze every time they found you staring at the hospital beds. They all brushed it off as you being slightly disturbed by Jungha's case, but that wasn't it. You just kept seeing faint and wispy images of your brother lying in a hospital bed weakly, but never failing to shoot you a bright white smile.

That infectious smile that was forever ingrained in your memories. You felt sick to your stomach that despite the fact that death was always near him, he still had it in him to smile. To be happy.

"Doctor Y/N." Wooyoung tapped your shoulder, pulling your attention to him.

"Huh-yeah? Something wrong?" You stitched your eyebrows together in concern at him.

"You are distracted today huh, I guess Jungha must have hit close to home. After all you disappeared after they were cleaning up her body." Wooyoung rested his hands on your shoulder in a comforting manner.

"Ah yes, I-I just feel that I failed to do my job." That wasn't a lie. Failure was something you didn't handle well and your failure was in the form of actual living beings rather than numbers on paper, rather than the number on the ranking for accomplishing something, rather than the finished products for presentation or others.

"I get that Y/N, but it's unlike you. In the past few years of knowing you, this is the most emotion I have ever seen from you," He breaks into a small fit of chuckles and a wide smile, "it's unusual, we are all used to seeing you have a stone-faced expression Y/N and I honestly feel that despite the situation being a grim one, it's a small improvement."

You knew Wooyoung meant well, but your expression of pain wasn't a means of improvement, it meant that you were going to reinforce the wall a bit more now. To you, there was no need for other people to read into you and know you, especially the traits that you particularly disliked to show.

"Why not just stay at home though? Take some time off? Plus my shift is ending soon." Wooyoung asked as he retracted his hands from your shoulder.

"Didn't feel like it, I don't mind working a bit more though. It keeps my mind off things I don't want to dwell in." You shrugged your shoulders. "I'll be in my office then. See you." You hurriedly turned around leaving him stranded in the hallway, you didn't feel like talking to him anymore and you felt guilty over that. You pushed the doors open to your office widely to step in, letting the door swing shut behind you and welcomed the lavender scented air that you had purposely placed there for it's soothing properties and to ensure your patients could ease a bit in the room.

Without hesitation, you strode over to your desk and stood in front of the desk, your palms pressed flat against your desk to support your upper body weight that was hunched over it. Your eyes were shut tight and lips were pressed against each other tightly as loose wisp of your hair hung over your forehead lightly. The only sound that was heard in the room was the soft humming of the ventilators fixed overhead in the ceiling. You really wished you could go back into time to change a few things, maybe notice some more things and maybe just implemented action then and there only. Maybe not realize things too late, or maybe just-just be a better person.

It all started with him, your eldest brother after all.

〰️ 💠 〰️

A few days had passed by, you managed to curb the thoughts of your brothers by throwing yourself into work and Namjoon had come by your place once again and the two of you were sitting on the couch in your living room in silence. Audible clicking sounds of the keyboard from your laptop and occasional sipping sounds from Namjoon's steaming hot cup of tea resonated in the room. Nothing much changed except that Namjoon kept asking you questions, questions about yourself and every single time you managed to dodge them or monotonously answer it, until he struck a chord with one particular question.

"Are you in touch with your family?"

It was a seemingly innocent question, but it bothered you.

"Can you stop fucking asking questions about myself?" You stilled for a second, before continuing to type away at your laptop, updating the information on the recent patients you interacted with recently in your office.

Namjoon was a bit taken aback by your reply, you had cursed at him. He knew instantly that family was a touchy topic for you and backed off knowing that it was probably the best if he stopped asking questions for now. This made him gain a small understanding of why there were no pictures in the house, it was because you weren't on good terms with them, well that's what he had assumed.

The guilt started eating you away the moment when you swore at him for asking a simple question and you couldn't take it any longer considering you were a person who cared so much about what other people thought since it was literally your job to do so.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to swear at you Namjoon", you closed your laptop and pushed it to the side of your lap to give him your undivided attention. "It's just that I don't like being questioned nor do I like talking about myself."

Namjoon silently nodded, eyes trained on you as he sipped slowly on his cup of tea.

"As for my family, yes, I am in touch with them. I've got 2 brothers, I just don't live with them. They live in a house on the outskirts of Busan. I visit them when I have the time." You felt that at least giving an answer to the last question would compensate for your inappropriate outburst at Namjoon.

"Oh, that's nice." That new information almost immediately squashed the idea in Namjoon's of you being on bad terms with your family members. Namjoon didn't know what else to say because he was a little too scared to proceed with the conversation with you. You sensed that, so you decided to ask him.

"What about your family?"

"M-my family?" He sputtered on his tea, he hadn't expected you to keep the conversation going on, "Well they are good, I've got a younger sister. I just haven't been in much contact with them because I'm busy lately and I-"

"You are a celebrity, it's understandable. I'm sure they will understand why you couldn't visit them." You interrupted him, every celebrity you've encountered had a more or less similar issue, family. At least they had a family waiting for them.

"Yeah, you are right. I hope they do." Namjoon looked down in his cup of tea, his shoulders sinking in. You made a mental note to yourself that his family was also playing a role in his stress lately.

"Is there any issue other than distance and lack of time with your family?" You asked, tilting your head slightly at him.

"Well, not really, I just feel guilty for not spending time with them." Namjoon mumbled his reply.

"You should go to them, kind of obvious but what you are missing is the actual confirmation from their mouth that they understand you that you can't visit them." Namjoon looked up at you at last, setting his tea in his lap, "Correct me if I am wrong but you haven't spoken about this with your family, you haven't told them that you were really busy nor have you heard from them that it's okay and they understand it?"

Namjoon couldn't help but let out a painful chuckle, you had hit a dead spot-on the cause of his troubles. He hadn't realized that he never heard it for himself from his family that it was okay and you had made him realize that right now. You took his painful chuckles as a yes.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to pay them a small visit today Namjoon." You stood up and grabbed his mug after glancing to see if it was empty and took it to the kitchen, leaving him to dwell in his own thoughts and on your words.

"Would you come with me?"

You whipped around. You were surprised to hear him ask for your accompaniment but didn't show it on your face, "Me to come to visit your parents?" You repeated what he had said to double-check if he asked correctly.

"I mean you don't have to but it would give me some kind of support I guess."

You pondered over it, torn between going so you could give him some support or that you should stay behind and let him do it independently. The latter is what a therapist would have done and you decided to go against that. But then you already violated the rules since the beginning and no one noticed. By now you didn't know how many rules had you bent and broken.

"Sure, if it helps you." You shrugged your shoulders.

〰️ 💠 〰️

You had offered to drive the two of you to his home in Seoul, it wasn't too far and plus going by train would be difficult since he's the celebrity. Your car wasn't too bad considering you earned a lot as a psychiatrist in the hospital and of course you worked over time with intentions of earning more so you weren't too embarrassed or affected by taking a celebrity in your car.

The ride to his place was fairly quiet except for soft music playing over the radio and the constant hum of the engine and roadway noise. You glanced occasionally at Namjoon, he simply was fixated on staring outside the window, watching everything pass by him fast. He was busy in his own thoughts and you didn't want to disturb him so you let him be until the two of you pulled up by his house.

"Ready?" You unbuckled your seat after switching off the engine. There wasn't any audible response except for a small nod. It wasn't a confident nod. You were quick to react upon that.

"Namjoon, if you aren't ready, no worries we can go home. You can always do this next time when you are more confident."

"No it's fine, I'd much rather get it done now than to keep pushing it. It'll give me proper relief as you had said." Namjoon replied back meekly, as if he was trying to gather the courage for himself.

"Alright, that's good, listen, it'll be difficult but I'm here alright? Do you want me to come inside or wait here?" You rested your hands on his shoulder in a reassuring manner, you didn't want to make him feel pressured nor forced. That generally never worked out well.

"Well, just walk me to the door, you don't need to come inside." He opened the car door and stood outside in the cold, fresh air of Seoul, taking in a huge breath and exhaled sharply. You followed his actions too and locked the car before shoving your hands along with the key in the pockets of your coat.

"That I can do." You gave him a small smile and walked towards the wooden door of his parent's place, the front yard of the house was decorated with bunches of small flowers such as petunias and some unknown generic colourful plants you saw everywhere but never knew what it was called and the small patches of grasses were well trimmed. When you stood in front of the door, you didn't press the doorbell but instead you urged Namjoon to take the initiative. After all he was the one that needed to talk to them, not you.

Few seconds upon ringing the doorbell, an older woman with an apron tied around opened the door, this was unmistakably Namjoon's mother as you saw her. Her eyes sparkled, her mouth stretched into a motherly smile in a fraction of seconds she set her eyes on her son, Namjoon. Anyone could see that she loved her son dearly. All mothers would for their child, with of course some exceptions.

"Namjoon-ah, what brings you here my son?" She lets go of the door handle and takes a step towards Namjoon to bring his face in her hands, she didn't notice you nor greet you but that didn't bother you since it meant that she hadn't seen her son in ages. Namjoon didn't respond but kept looking at his mother, he was slowly losing his courage to actually have the talk with his mother, so you decided to leave him with no choice but to just do it.

"Mrs. Kim, it's a pleasure meeting you." You bowed slightly and pulled out your hand from your coat pocket to greet her, "I'm Namjoon's psychiatrist and I came with him today so that he could talk to you about some things that have been bothering him lately. I thought it would be good for him and I'm sure you would also agree with me." You glanced at Namjoon briefly and he looked like a child who was uncomfortable stuck in a conversation between his parents and teacher as if he had done something bad. "I'll take my leave now and let the two of you discuss it out." You bowed again to his mother and gave Namjoon one pat on his shoulder, "I'll be in the car when you are done." You whispered before heading back to the car, leaving the mother and the son to enter the house. You hoped that Namjoon would talk about it and get it sorted out soon, it would at least mean that one issue is gone and he has got one less problem to worry about.

〰️ 💠 〰️

3 sharp knocks against the car window was good enough to snap you out of your little nap session, the sun had already set and the lamplights were glowing brightly as if they were trying to banish the darkness within the area. Just how long had it been since Namjoon entered his house?

You looked out the passenger window to find Namjoon smiling in a more carefree manner, the talk must have gone well. You couldn't help but smile back too and unlock the car door for him to enter.

"I take it that it went well with your parents?" You watched him buckle up and set a white plastic bag comfortably on his lap.

"It did, thank you Y/N. I really needed that and you made me realize it. They understood my situation and said it themselves that it was okay." He spoke happily like a 6 year old telling their mom what happened at school today.

"That's good to hear. What's with the bag though?" You asked as you pulled out onto the streets leading back to the highway.

"Ah, this? Well, my mom was just a little bit concerned about me not eating properly so she made me take some packed home-made food for the dorm and our members. That's why it took so long because she prepared everything from scratch. I hope it didn't cause you any inconvenience." He patted the bag softly.

"Nonsense, getting home-made food from your mother is hardly an issue." You replied back monotonously. Things like this didn't bother you much since at the end of the day you knew that Namjoon would go back home feeling better, that's all that really mattered.

"My mother also made you something small, I didn't know what you liked so she packed a small box of Kimchi for you. Kimchi is her specialty so I hope you'll like it."

"That's-that's really sweet of your mother. Please do tell her thanks from me then." You were rendered silent for a second, you never really had home-made food since your parents passed away, all you ever ate was crappy ramen that Seonghwa made or just some convenience store packed meal. The two of you fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the car-ride.

Later in the night, Namjoon bid you goodbye and headed off to his dorm, the small box of Kimchi laid on the seat where he sat moments ago looking cold and almost sad.

You didn't feel like eating it and that felt like being the biggest asshole on earth.

Back at the flat, you contemplated what you were going to with a small box of Kimchi. The food couldn't go to waste so you put the kimchi in a disposable box at the apartment and left Namjoon's box by the sink to wash and return. What were you doing to do with the disposable box of kimchi? You were going to give to someone you thought was more deserving of it than you were. The homeless, the ones who were struggling to get some food to eat..

The disposable box with the kimchi with a heapful serving of rice from your flat was later on given to one of the homeless person living in a poverty ridden area of Seoul. You normally would feel a small sense of gratitude for giving a homeless person a small side-dish to eat but you felt even worse, maybe because you were essentially giving away a home-made food made by a mother with care and love for you only, to someone else.

You definitely didn't deserve any home-made food.

〰️ 💠 〰️

Despite seeing Namjoon a few days ago regarding the parent issues, your mind was still occupied by what more problems you could find within Namjoon. You wanted to fix him as much as you could even though he wasn't officially your patient. You were unintentionally giving him more priority over the severely ill patients but that was because you saw something familiar but new in him. Familiar as if he reminded you of someone from the past and new because it was a different person, different face, different status in the society.

You knew for sure he had a camera issue, splitting his celebrity persona from the real persona. He had issues with his fans in terms of just wanting to go out and not getting bombarded by flocks of fans, but that one was something you couldn't do much about, it was inevitable, it was something that came with the package of being a celebrity.

You were distractedly looking through your schedule for the following patients in the next few days on your laptop. Your chin rested in your left palm as you hunched over the table and mindlessly kept scrolling through until a soft vibration pulled you out of your thoughts about Namjoon, a notification popped up on the screen, it was from your brother, Hongjoong.

'Wanna come over for a night? I know you have work tomorrow, but let's spend some time tonight!'

You rolled your eyes at the message, he knew that you still had work tomorrow and even going by a high-speed train, it would take approximately 3 hours, however your first patient tomorrow doesn't come until 11 AM...It seems possible to go. It's been a while since you had dinner with him anyways. It was 4:30 PM right now, so you grabbed your coat off the coat hanger and bags in a haste, the soonest train you could catch was at 4:50 PM.

'Alright Joongie, but I leave at 7 AM sharp.'

You sent a quick message before boarding the train, you managed to buy the tickets in a nick of time so you were a little out of breath. It didn't take you too long to find a seat by the window and sit down before the train started. Few seconds later, your phone vibrated, that must Hongjoong you thought.

'Yes! I'm so happy my lil sis is coming for dinner at last! Shall I make your favourite ramen?'

You chuckled softly, the two of you had a small ongoing joke over instant ramen, more specifically Seonghwa's ramen.

'Haha very funny, I still want Seonghwa's ramen.'

'Eyy how could you like that ramen? He keeps forgetting to put the flavour while the water is boiling, not when everything is done!'

'Crappy Seonghwa's ramen still is the best!'

'Alright alright, I guess we will be eating some take-out tonight.'

'Huh? Seonghwa isn't home yet?"

'Nope, this idiot is working overtime.'

'Again...?'

You sighed disappointedly, and sent back another text confirming the plans the two of you had made.

'Alright, I'll be home at 8 PM!'

With that note you tucked your phone away and laid back in the train seat, the headphones over your ear playing music loud enough to drown the soft chattering of other passengers and the rumble of the engine working at high speed. Staring outside the window as the scenery blended into one constantly changing motion picture that made you feel that you were breezing through life without ever having some sort of control over it.

〰️ 💠 〰️

The salty aroma of soy sauce along with familiar grease in the chinese take-out and the sounds of soft creaky wooden floorboards welcomed you home in Busan.

"Y/N! Is that you?" Hongjoong head stuck out from the living room door.

"No, it's me, God." You dropped your bag and coat to the side of the entrance hallway.

"That is so overused and not funny anymore." Hongjoong warmly smiled and walked up to you to engulf you in a warm bear hug. You sighed contentedly, closing your eyes and snuggled your head into the crook of his neck, "How have you been Y/N?" Hongjoong asked, softly caressing the back of your head before pulling away.

"Just so-so Joongie." You wrapped your arms around his arm as the two of you headed towards the living room where a considerably large-sized plastic bag laid atop of the table, containing all sorts of Chinese take-out Hongjoong chose.

"Well, I'm sure it will get better, whatever is bothering you, it'll go away eventually." Hongjoong handed you a pair of chopsticks as he pulled out few boxes of noodles.

"I guess so, like you for example, you are recovering now." You fell back into the couch in the living room and took the first bite out of the noodles. Hongjoong too sat down and opened up his take-out box, "Yeah I guess, I am recovering, the cancer is gone now." He swirled his chopstick in the box of the noodles, not taking a bite yet. That went unnoticed by you as you were too busy inhaling the noodles, after all travelling made you incredibly famished sometimes or maybe just eating with the family was better than eating alone.

"But, aside from that. Something else is bothering me." You stated, mouthful of noodles which made you look like a chipmunk for a moment.

"What is?" Hongjoong rose one of his eyebrows at you, urging you to proceed with what was bothering you.

"It's Seonghwa, Joongie."

"Not this again, you know Seong-" Hongjoong sighed sharply as his mouth opened slightly, tilting his head in a full circle before he took a good look at you.

"No, I mean like I am working now, I am earning well. I am able to support all of you aren't I? So why won't he just stop working?" You set down the empty box of the noodles and set the chopstick next to it on the table.

"Y/N, Seonghwa wants to work, let him-"

"Why? There is absolutely no sense in him working his ass off when he could have gone to University ages ago! It's been several years and he keeps working part-time, even when you got better and I started working." You interrupted your brother, you rarely interrupted your brother but this time it was getting ridiculous to hear Hongjoong constantly defend your elder brother over this matter. You guys have had arguments this many times and it always was Hongjoong defending Seonghwa. You couldn't quite grasp the idea of your eldest brother constantly over-working despite things being financially fine now.

"He should have gone and completed his university, it was his dream to become a nine-to-five office worker. He had that chance and now it's too late, you too, I finished university and the two of you could still apply for late admission." You were borderline spitting words at your brother, watching him become uneasy at your anger, it wasn't like you to get angry anyways.

"What is done is done Y/N. Just let it be. Maybe he likes working these kinds of jobs more than doing office work." He sighed, shoulders slumping down. You had nothing to say anymore, he still kept defending him for continuously working and you gave up. At least you respected his determination and tenacity to constantly defend Seonghwa.

The two of you sat in an uncomfortable silence that had steeped in after your small burst out. You glanced at his uneaten, now cold box of noodles, "Aren't you going to eat? You still need to eat Hongjoong."

Hongjoong simply closed the take-out box and pushed it further away from him on the table, "Look Y/N, I just wanted to have one simple dinner with you. No arguments or anything, but that seems too difficult for you I guess. I'm not that hungry anyways, the chemo messed up my appetite these days." Hongjoong stood up, clenching his teeth slightly in disappointment at you as his eyes bore tiredly into your head.

"I understand Joongie," You tried using his nickname to coax him a bit, to soften the atmosphere you had ruined, "Please at least eat something, I get it the chemo messed you up, but you are getting skinnier even though the chemo is over now. You are much more skinnier than I saw you last time. You need a bit of food in your system."

"You see, the way you are supporting and helping me, why don't you do the same for Seonghwa huh? Why not go visit his workplace and check on him, or see if he is eating well instead of coming here and ruining some time together by ranting about the past?" This time it was Hongjoong's turn to get angry. You were rendered silent by his words, you didn't say anything back because deep down, you knew he was right. As a sister, you should have at least been supportive of what Seonghwa is doing and at least check up on him whenever you were in the area.

"I'm off to bed. Sleep or go home, I don't care. Do whatever you want." With that, Hongjoong turn on his heels and walked back to his room in a solemn manner. The sounds of the creaky wooden floorboards got farther and farther away until you heard the door close, effectively ending the noise from the floorboards.

Guilt and regret coursed through your body as you gingerly cleared the food and chopsticks away to avoid disturbing Hongjoong from whatever he may be doing in his room. Then a small, but clear sound of light clicking off told you that he went to bed, without wishing you a goodnight. That hurt deeply even though it wasn't anything major.

〰️ 💠 〰️

You laid in your bed of your old bedroom in that house in the darkness, constantly shifting due to restlessness and uneasiness of today's conversation between Hongjoong plaguing your mind. If you had kept your mouth shut and enjoyed the meal, chattered about useless and miniscule stuff, maybe then the two of you could have been watching a movie together late in the night to wait for Seonghwa to come back home so it would haven't ended everything so abruptly. Your throat had gone dry from being awake for hours and a pounding headache came like an unwanted guest, so you went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Y/N?" A familiar husky voice called out your name, it was undeniably Seonghwa. Why was he back home at 4 or 5 am? Well, when is he not back at that time.

"Seonghwa, you came? Why so late though?" You turned around, gulping down the glass of cold water which quenched your dry throat.

"The convenience store, my shift was till 4 am." He walked up the sink and stood by your side to fill up a glass of water for himself.

The need to ask him why was he still continuously working so late built up again, you didn't want to upset him, especially when he came late and is definitely dead tired.

"You want to ask me something Y/N. Go ahead, I can feel it whenever you want to ask, there's no point keeping it to yourself." Seonghwa braced himself mentally, he had a gist of what you were planning to ask him, it was pretty much the elephant in the room, one way or the other, someone was going to have to address it. It would be more surprising to Seonghwa if you didn't ask about it.

"Why do you still keep working, that too ridiculously late when I can do this for all of you?" You blurted out, eyeing Seonghwa cautiously for any signs of irritation. Only thing you picked up was a deep and long sigh.

"I've told you before, I want to keep doing this. I want to keep earning for all of us."

"But I am earning now, you could have gone back to university and have gotten that job you have always wanted." You mused, you still hadn't grasped why he kept doing this, it seemed completely inconvenient to you.

"I get that, it's logical to you, but I don't mind doing this. I like doing this Y/N. I like working various activities till I am exhausted."

"So, you like this better than the office job?" You asked hesitantly, you weren't so keen on accepting his reply as an answer to his actions.

"Yes, I do Y/N. Funny things happen I guess. Just leave it for now, will you?" Seonghwa patted your head, much more half-heartedly than he used to a few years ago and more out of habit, initially that bothered you but then you eventually accepted it. It seemed like this was the best you were going to get for a long time now that the relationship between the two of you had soured beyond repair. It wasn't just the issue of him working late that got in the way of the two of you, there was so much more that had yet to be resolved.

With that, you were left alone in the kitchen, in the darkness. Sounds of the creaky floorboard faded away just like Hongjoong and the door closing ended it all.

Well that family reunion went well.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: are you ready? (IV)

Note: I put a keep reading break but I am unsure if it is working, if there is no keep reading link then please let me know! I do not wish to bother anyone with long posts.

Story Description: We all have our issues, but some of us are sub-consciously pushing it away without realizing how deep under water we are. You don't realize the things around you aren't what used to be until you meet a celebrity struggling to live. Like the hypocrite you are, you help others without helping yourself first. But no one told you about helping others gives you this exhilarating feeling of being a saint. So for how long are you going to keep being a saint in a doctor's coat?

Genre: Angst, fluff (if you squint) and smut.

Pairing: You x Namjoon

Trigger Warning: It revolves heavily around suicide, depression and death. Please don’t read it if it is a sensitive topic for you. Also keep in mind it isn’t like ‘13 reasons why’. It takes place in more of an adult setting hence mature. It also has mature (+18) scene, alcohol consumption and occasional use of foul language hehe.

I am writing about suicide, death and depression not because I romanticize it or engage in it for others to partake. It is strictly for the purpose of writing a story to convey a message beyond these three words.

Story masterlist is here: MMWTWTTS

Namjoon woke up to gentle clattering of plates and the aroma of food, with that he got up and walked over to the kitchen with an empty beer bottle in his hand. He saw you setting the plates with food on the table, only one though.

"Don't stand at the entrance Namjoon, come on in. I made breakfast for you." You set a glass of water next to his plate and stood up to face him.

"Thanks, but where is yours?" Namjoon sauntered over to the table and sat down. You took the beer away from his hand and set it next to yours at the sink.

"Oh mine? Don't worry, I already had it. You just woke up on time, I was about to go and wake you up." You smiled softly watching Namjoon stare at his plate of food for quite a while, "C'mon, eat up before it gets cold." You urged him softly, this man in front of you really is long gone to the core if he just stares and simple things, you thought, does he even have tie to sit down and eat?. You had just served him warm croissants with bacon, eggs and tea as well as water on the side along with sweet condiments to eat with the croissants.

"Alright, I have work. So I'll be leaving now. Once you are done, you can simply put the empty plates in the sink. I'll take care of it. Rest well alright, Namjoon?" You put more emphasis on his name to make sure he was looking at you and heard you clear enough.

"Yeah I will. Thanks." He mumbled before weakly lifting up the knife to scoop up the sweet condiment of his choice, strawberry jam, to slather on the croissant. With that, you left the flat with your coat and shoulder bag and headed towards your workplace.

Namjoon nibbled on his breakfast before leaving it halfway uneaten, the lack of appetite was rather overwhelming so forcing himself to eat would just be making him eat dust. Last night he had gone through the entire place but didn't see your room yet. He wanted to but that it would be an invasion of privacy, 'Just a small look won't harm anyone.' Namjoon said to himself in means of comforting himself and walked up to the door to your room. His hand rested still on the doorknob to your room, it could be locked for all he knows. But if it's locked then that means you have something to hide.

Namjoon sighed and twisted the doorknob. It opened. Your room was just like his. Devoid of many things except for a white table with a penholder that had exactly 2 pens and one pencil. Your bed was neatly made just like his was and the color scheme was exactly the same, grey and white. You had no pictures, no decorations, just nothing. There was at least a closet, with your clothes he assumed. Namjoon walked over to your closet and opened it. You had nothing but just a few dark colored bottoms and tops. Just one beige coat was hanging on the left side and that was it. No boxes or any compartments. Namjoon found it too unsettling, you really had nothing and literally nothing to hide or anything about yourself that he could learn from. If there's one thing he learned from you, then that was you had nothing about yourself.

Namjoon left your room and went back to where his breakfast laid cold, it was safe to say that he was unsettled by the lack of your 'things' but then you were helping him a great deal. He decided to just ask about it when you came back, which would be late night since you stayed late working last night.

〰️ 💠 〰️

"This artificial intelligence will produce a realistic hologram of the person's most loved or dear one- The hologram then would speak to the person and talk them down. If this proves succesfu-"

"How would the hologram even find the person's loved one Y/LN?" The one and only researching professor on depression and suicide at the moment in the hospital, Dr. Richards, blatantly asked. He never really liked you. Why? It's simple really, you were younger and better than him and he had bruised ego because of that. It didn't bother you that much really because the more he tried to attack you, the more openings he made that allowed you to defeat him.

"The AI can easily run a facial recognition on a person's face and I'm sure you have studied a bit on the brain, right?"

"Yes-"

"Then you would know that a particular region of the brain, called Hippocampus, shows a spike in activity when the person is remembering something. You see, this is where the AI comes into play, not only does it do facial recognition but because its sensor is so powerful, it can pick up the readings of the person Hippocampus and dive into its memories and picks out the most memorable memory. And from that memory it does a background check on the person involved in it to see if the bond between that person is strong or has fallen away before producing a holographic image of it." You stopped right in front of Dr. Richards defiantly, crossing your elbows you asked, "Anymore questions?"

"What about the voic-"

"Oh doctor, hasn't someone told you memories are extremely powerful. The AI can pick up the voice from the memory too." You shot back at him.

"What if the memorable person is dead huh?! What would the AI do? Show it? That gives a push to the person to fucking suicide." Dr. Richards slammed both of his hands on the table, the glass of water next to him rattled and splashed violently, other doctors in the room zeroed on you. You had to admit that this time he got you. You hadn't thought about that. It was a flaw, a major flaw. If the person saw his loved one that is dead, that person would most likely go for it to see them.

Silence hung heavy in the air, all the doctors were looking at you for some kind of answer. If you didn't answer then all the hard work, effort and attempts you put into this would go down the drain.

So theoretically someone who saw his dead loved one would take a leap to be with them unless- "In case of that unfortunate event, the AI would ensure the hologram of the loved one talks them down, it talks the person out of suicide. It would reject each time the person says I want to be with you. The AI would tell them no. Look, it's difficult to explain but you get my gist. It doesn't matter who appears as a hologram as long it can talk the person out of suicide. I mean think about it, South Korea has the highest rate of suicide, with this invention we can reduce the number greatly and we won't be infamous for being number one in that category. Think about how much benefit it could bring us." You walked back to the center of the stage and stood in front of the projection that displayed your prototype model of the AI device, "That's all. I hope you can consider this idea." You were pushed into the corner so you had to end the presentation there on a dull note.

〰️ 💠 〰️

You walked out of the conference room with much more weight on your back than when you first entered. You had noticed that when you ended your presentation, all the doctors and the delegates were pondering over it, there was no face of confirmation or anyone that seemed to be willingly to go for this idea of yours.

"Hey! Y/N!" Someone called behind you and you turned around to locate the owner of the voice.

"Wooyoung, is there something?" You asked with your eyebrows raised at him. He was jogging frantically in his white lab coat and stethoscope flapping around wildly.

"Didn't you hear over the comms?" Wooyoung came to a halt in front of you, he panted heavily with his hand on his thighs for a moment before standing up.

"I was in the conference-"

"Fuck-okay, it's code blue Y/N! It's yours." Wooyoung grabbed your arm and pulled you violently towards the west wing. If he said code blue, then it required immediate attention. The hospital had set up a system in which they could use code words to alert all doctors and staff of a particular situation without causing a stir or panic in the patients. Code blue means this person requires immediate attention within a few minutes. If it occurred in the west wing then it was either a person from the general surgery ward or the psychiatric ward. You really hoped it wasn't the latter, because that would most likely mean that someone managed to get out of their room and was about to stir up trouble. But if there's one thing you have learned in your life, that one thing is that hoping is futile. You knew it was definitely someone from the psychiatric ward because Wooyoung said it was yours.

Wooyoung and you stopped when you both reached the open space of the West Wing where you could see floors and floors accessible by stairs and escalator. Wooyoung then tapped your shoulder and pointed up to the 7th floor. The west wing was several stories tall, after all it was a major hospital.

"Fuck." Was the only thing that slipped out of your mouth when you saw the situation that Wooyoung pointed to.

"Yeah fuck." Wooyoung muttered, "We can't get her to come down, she is hell-bent on jumping. The ledge she's standing on is awfully thin, we can't risk catching her because it'll just take her one step." Wooyoung relayed to you the situation that was unfolding in front of your eyes. That girl was your patient, Kim Jungha, that's her name. You had her put in for treatment for severe depression topped with schizophrenia, it was a nasty combination.

"Right, where is her family? They could help. There's no way we could catch her from the bottom." You asked. Kim Jungha's family was the closest thing to happiness she had before she landed her, especially her sister. That's what you had understood after many sessions with Kim Jungha and right now she could use her sister.

"I'll go and talk to her, hopefully buy enough time till her family arrives." You exhaled sharply and jogged towards the staircase that led to the 7th floor where Jungha was dangerously standing on the ledge.

As you approached 7th floor, you saw the entire floor swarmed with the staff and few doctors surrounding Jungha at a considerable distance, it was silent and tension was high except for a faint conversation between Jungha on the ledge and another staff member, by the look of Jungha's dull and hopeless expression, you understood that the conversation wasn't going well. You squeezed yourself through the surrounding staff and came to stand in front of Jungha. Jungha's back was facing the vast space with a solid drop, which meant one step and it was near impossible to get her back. You glanced behind her briefly before signalling with your hand for the other staff who was talking to keep quiet and back off.

"Jungha, can we talk?" You softened your voice, you didn't want to show her any signs of stress that you were under. Jungha stayed silent, you took that as a sign to keep talking.

"I understand what you are feel-"

"Please cut that bullshit. You don't, how would you? You are trained to say bullshit like to make us feel better. Guess what? It doesn't fucking work." Jungha spat harshly in your face.

She is a tricky one, you've always felt people like Jungha was like talking to a wall, "Alright, you think I don't understand. That's fine by me. What about your sister? How do you think she would feel if you left her alone?" You decided to pull the sister card. One of the most important thing learned about talking to people to of suicide was if you can't sympathize with them, then redirect their anguish and focus to the loved ones that could make them rethink their choices.

Jungha didn't reply, which means that she's doubting now.

"Your sister would be heartbroken to find out that you left her. She wouldn't be happy without you because you mean so much to her, you mean the universe to her."

"But my sister, my mother, they would be better off without me wouldn't they? I am nothing but a burden to them, Y/N." She said solemnly as she used your name. You always let your patients call you by your first name simply because it would be comfortable for them to talk to you.

"You aren't a burden Jungha. You are just like us. We have all got a backpack, some are just heavier than others but at the end of the day we all keep continuing with our backpacks in the journey. And the reason we keep going on is because there are others in the journey. Others that keep us company and make the journey bearable and before we even realize it, we forget about the heavy backpacks and keep on continuing the journey. For you, that person who makes your journey bearable is your sister and you are the same for here. If you leave her, her journey would be difficult for her." You took a step closer as you spoke so just in case, just in case she decides to.

You also prepared yourself for another technique to get a person off the ledge. But that technique wouldn't change the person's mind, rather it could turn violent. That technique was to say you wanted their wallet or something so when the person would hand it over, you could grab their hands and pull them to safety. The only problem was that there were a lot of things that could go wrong with it. And she doesn't have anything on her that you could ask for.

"You know, Y/N. I've always admired you." Jungha suddenly said, steering the entire focus of the conversation off the tracks. Murmurs arose behind you from the staff and suddenly you weren't able to think properly. Why this now?

"Shut up." You whipped around to silence the staff before turning back to Jungha, "Why? Why have you admired me?" You were baffled at her statement about you.

"You have it perfect. Perfectly fine mind, healthy body, wonderful job. You have it all Y/N." Jungha sighed, her shoulders slumping and she hung her head low, staring at the ground. She calmed down a bit.

Only if she knew.

"Jungha, no one is perfect-"

"Is it gonna rain today?" Jungha suddenly looked up face to face with you.

She loved rain, almost everyday she would press her face against the window during the sessions with you and ask if it would rain or not. Since then you learned that if it did rain, she would simply ask if she could go out for a stroll and bask in the wet shower, just to enjoy the feeling of rain pouring down on her. You knew why she liked rain, you also like rain, in fact the two of you liked rain for one particular reason.

No one could see if you were crying.

But it wasn't raining outside right now, 'Shit.' you thought as warning bells went off in your head and cold sweat washed over you before you sprinted the last few steps to catch her as Jungha leaned back, taking a step backward.

And once again, you were too late. 〰️ 💠 〰️

"Time of death, 12:52 PM."

The ground floor of the west wing had been cordoned off and staff was cleaning up the floor. A body had been placed on a gurney and covered in a white cloth before being transported to the mortuary. Someone was busy wiping the blood off like it was a normal thing while the other one was disinfecting it completely.

You were nowhere to be seen on the premise.

The family of Jungha came a little too late. But not late enough to see a body hurtling to the ground with an audible crack and blood pooling out. It would have been better if they came later or never came at all, after all it was never a beautiful sight to see.

Before you disappeared, you did pay your respect to the family of the deceased as part of doctor's duty. It was nothing short of disappointment and anger from them. The mother slapped you with tears streaming down her face, yelling at you about how shitty and inconsiderate you were. You didn't fight back or shed any tears. You kept quiet and took it in, no one can never do anything against a mother in deep anguish over the loss of their child. No parent would wish to carry their children coffin before they passed away. That wasn't something you could change.

You had left the hospital earlier than your shift, it didn't matter if you left early. You were already past the quota of shifts that you needed to complete this month. All you wanted right now was to lay in the bed of the flat. Just some time alone to do your work would be great. Just like how you did with the rest of your days, a death in the routine didn't faze you in the slightest.

Namjoon heard the beeping sound of the passcodes being punched into, 'Why is she back so early?' he thought as he glanced at the time in the upper right corner of the PC in his room. In the time you were gone, he had decided to look up on you to see if he could find anything but alas there was nothing on you and he ended up getting side-tracked to reading through fan comments about him and his work. He stood up, pushing the chair behind him and walked to the entrance and greeted you.

"Hey." It was simple, short and curt.

You looked up from your shoes, ah, you had almost forgotten about him at the flat. "Oh, hey. You good?" You asked, striking a small conversation.

"Oh yeah I am good. Hey-uh thanks for letting me use your flat. I really appreciate it." Namjoon shyly thanked you with a soft smile.

"Anytime." You replied, "One condition though."

"Name it!" Namjoon chuckled, "One condition is nothing compared to what you have done for me."

"Never. Never bring work here. When you enter this flat. You leave work outside. That means absolutely anything from reading or writing or even thinking about it if possible." You sternly said with your eyes fixated on his face. You left no space for negotiations.

Namjoon opened his mouth to say something but your gaze shut him down. He was looking through comments a while back. That meant he couldn't do it anymore now, "I'll try." he hesitantly complied, he would definitely try, but if ideas and inspirations hit him while he was here then he would somehow have to make a mental note or at least jot it down before it's gone.

"Good. I'm going to work for a little bit. Feel free to do whatever you want." With that you walked towards the room in which you were going to work in bed.

'That's it?' Namjoon thought as he saw your figure close the door to the room. You really were someone he couldn't read at all. Yesterday, you seemed to be doing everything on impulse and on a whim but today you seemed distant. He had no clue about who you are other than your name, occupation and where you lived. Honestly, he found it intriguing. He wanted to know more of who you are and what kind of person you are. It would be awkward to just go to you and say 'Hey I want to know you a bit more. Can we chat?' like right now. 'Whatever, just go for it', Namjoon thought and with that he walked to where you went and pushed the door slightly and looked in with his head before fully stepping inside. He saw you sitting in the bed with the laptop and blanket over your legs. You had your headphones, presumably listening to music.

You felt a presence enter the room and you turned your head to find Namjoon standing, 'What can I help you with?" You asked as you closed your laptop and slipped your headphones off to listen to him.

"Ah, I just wanted to talk to you if you don't mind."

"About what?" You raised your eyebrows at him and patted on a spot across you on the bed for him to sit. Namjoon accepted the gesture and sat on the edge of the bed with one leg folded and the other resting against the side of the bed with the foot barely touching the floor.

"Oh um about anything really, I just want to want to get to know you a bit better since you know I'll probably be frequenting this place of yours." Namjoon looked down at your bedsheet and traced a circle over and over again with his index finger.

"Well, what do you want to know about me then?" You weren't really up for the idea of talking to him about you but he had a fair point. He was going to frequent this place and it wouldn't be ideal if he didn't know you but stayed anyways.

"Well for starters, what were you listening to?" Namjoon looked up to you.

"Music."

"Oh cool, I listen to music too. What kind of music?"

"Pop."

Few seconds passed by in the awkward atmosphere between the 2 of you.

"Okay um-nevermind this conversation. I'll be off to my room." Namjoon exhaled in slight disappointment at your lack of answers. Even talking to you was tough, he felt like he was pretty much talking to nothing.

"Okay no wait. Sorry I'm not much of a person to talk about myself." You felt shame in your actions flood your brain, " I'll admit I'm being a bit rude here. Uh the song I was listening to right now was she's in the rain by the rose. Uhm-listen to it. It's pretty good I guess." You leaned forward, hurriedly put your hand on his hand to stop him from going and then retracted your hand slowly once realizing the skin contact you had made. Small but it burned strongly at the fingertips. You didn't realize it then but the fact that the touch burned strongly was probably because you had deprived yourself of skin-ship for so long that you didn't remember how it felt anymore.

Namjoon halted and looked up to you, it soon dawned on him that you aren't much of a skin-ship person looking at how you retracted moments after barely touching him. He let out a small smile, he learned 2 things today. You like a song 'she's in the rain' by the rose and you aren't the type for skin-ships.

"Nah it's quite alright. I just wanted to know a bit about you since, you know I might be crashing this place frequently and it seems kind of weird that I don't know you at all." Namjoon slowly sat down again on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, no that's absolutely right, you deserve to know a little about the host of the place." You murmured, keeping your eyes trained to the bed sheet surrounding your hands. A small silence followed after your reply and Namjoon took it as an end of the conversation. He slapped both of his palms flat against his thigh, "Right, well I better get going on with my stuff and let you do your own thing." Namjoon exhaled, he felt like he had in a way overstayed his stay near you. To be honest, he felt pretty awkward around you since it was out of your workspace and mostly because you felt 'difficult' or 'hard' to interact, there wasn't a click of a human connection, yet. For nth time he thought again if it was really a good idea to crash at your place when he felt it was too much and overbearing

"Ah, okay. Just remember, anytime you are welcome here Namjoon." You gave him a short and curt smile. Had anyone not been paying attention, they would have missed it. It was a tight-lipped smile but Namjoon appreciated it. Nevermind, he was gonna stay for a few hours more before leaving. 〰️ 💠 〰️

"Hyung. Where were you?" Jungkook's head perked up the moment he heard the footsteps of Namjoon entering the dorm. "You were gone for a few days, we got worried."

"Ah, I stayed at a friends house. Sorry for not informing." Namjoon replied as he rested the very blue painting he had been admiring in your place against the wall to shrug off his coat.

"Is that so?- To be honest it's getting concerning" Jungkook set down his bowl of snacks on the table that was once sitting on his lap on the couch. He twisted a little bit to the right to face the entrance and propped his arm on top of the couch backrest. He didn't miss the blue painting that was leaning against the wall, he had expected Taehyung to be the kind of person to bring artworks but not Namjoon though, maybe a bonsai tree or books being brought home would be normal.

"What's concerning?" Namjoon looked at him curiously, however he couldn't help but feel like he was going to get caught or that he had something to hide.

"You aren't what you used to be. Like when fans would come to you, you would be happy to take selfies with them but now you run away from them. It's kind of all over on news by the way, you running away from your fans. Now the media is calling you disrespectful." Jungkook looked up at him with his doe eyes. It felt like he was piercing through Namjoon to see what was Namjoon hiding, "But hyung, I've known you for a long time. Sure, running off wasn't quite nice but it's more than just running away from them because you don't want to see them. Am I right?" he hesitantly asked, hoping that Namjoon would clarify his thoughts that it was definitely more than just running away.

"Jungkook-ah it's fine. I will apologize anyways. I didn't want to see them really." Namjoon swallowed harshly and ended the conversation there, not allowing Jungkook to add in any further.

"Alright, if you say so Hyung." Jungkook wasn't fully convinced by what Namjoon said but decided to drop it to avoid pissing him off. A pissed off leader was the last thing the members in the dorm needed on their much awaited week off from their schedule.

Namjoon dragged himself to his room along with the painting and closed the door with an audible bang. Jungkook made a mental note to himself to tell other members that Namjoon is easily agitated nowadays.

Namjoon found himself staring at the sheet of paper in front of him, the blue painting had now been propped up against the wall opposite to his bed so that it would be the first thing she saw when he woke up and last thing to see before he went to sleep. He had everything he needed, a paper, a pencil, eraser and all sorts of things necessary to get going on with writing lyrics. What he was missing was his brain, well it was empty of thoughts and ideas. He was missing some kind of inspiration to write and all that was coming out of his head was lacklustre sentences. With a deep sigh he leaned back into his chair and hung his head backward as he looked at the plain white ceiling of his studio room. White and clean just like your office in the hospital.

Even though this wasn't relevant to the task he had forced himself to do, which was writing some lyrics, all that was coming to his mind at this moment was you. Your demeanor and words added to a confusing enigmatic character of you. He had never come across anyone extremely closed off- yet yearns to allow others to expose themselves to you. He figured you had some sort of trust issues, it would make sense if you did, only trusting others to spill information and so you wouldn't let on a single bit about yourself.

Who are you as a person? Do you have friends? Family? Someone special?

You on the other hand, were in your room and you still kept typing away on your laptop. You made sure to keep yourself busy at all times because you didn't want to think that you were alone and the whole place was quiet. You didn't want to be left alone to your own thoughts.

If there was one thing you hated the most, it was silence. Silence turned into a place for people to be vulnerable and face-to-face with their own thoughts, ideas and their own judgement that they promised would never come to see the light of the day.

Silence drove you nuts, because from silence it would transition into playful noises and laughters that could be heard though-out the house that was supposed to be long gone. Sometimes just the sound of someone entering home from a long day outside would get you eagerly excited like a dog waiting for its owner's arrival.

"Y/N! Get your ass down here!" A husky voice suddenly called from downstairs, it was your older brother, he had dropped out of University recently and started taking up jobs such as a barista and many other mundane jobs a high-school degree could get.

"Coming Seonghwa!" You hopped off your bed and hurriedly jogged downstairs to greet your brother by the doorsteps. Wooden floorboards creaking and groaning under your weight, the house and the flooring was old, probably in need of renovation soon but you didn't care. It was all your brothers could get with their earning and the leftover money from your late parents and you were more than happy with that.

"Are you ready? Shall we head to the hospital?" He ruffled your hair a little bit before flashing you his warm smile, his hair was slightly messy from the cap he wore at his workplace, there were bags underneath his eyes from constantly working overtime to scrape up as many cents he could.

"Yes, I am ready, let's get going." You slipped on your worn out converse shoes, it was loose and comfortable from all the years of constant rough wearing. An old ratty shoe that was due for a new one but you couldn't find it in your heart to get rid of it. It was a gift from your brothers years ago that you had cherished it even though it was originally a few sizes too big.

The two of you were heading to the hospital to meet your middle brother, Seonghwa was the oldest while you were the youngest and Hongjoong was the middle one. Your parents had long passed away or that is what you had been told by your brothers, so that is why Seonghwa had to drop out of University to start being the bread-winner of the family when the price of education was getting ludicrously high. It was originally Hongjoong who had dropped out to start working since he just finished high school and you were still doing your 11th grade while Seonghwa was halfway through 1st term. But things started to get worse, your middle brother had gradually started growing sicker each passing day and one fine day you found him collapsed in the kitchen, completely pale and depleted of energy.

After admitting Hongjoong to hospital, Seonghwa and you learned that he had brain cancer that had been ebbing his energy away and emotional stability bit by bit. After a long and lengthy talk session in the room your brother was admitted, the two of them decided that Seonghwa will drop out of university to fund the medical bills and let you continue your education. You hated the idea, but you didn't put up much of a fight. It was the most logical thing to do and you wanted to get into a medical school, earn well and save Hongjoong, that is if he keeps holding on till then.

Ever since then, the house grew emptier, only you were the one that stayed in the house, majority of the night the house was empty and the hospital room was filled with soft snores of the three of you sleeping together mixing with the faint beeping sound of the medical equipment. Hongjoong on the bed, you on the couch and Seonghwa on the makeshift bed right next to Hongjoong. Despite the rough times, you found comfort and solace in the presence of both your brothers, but that didn't stop you from feeling anxious every fleeting day about how Hongjoong was doing, about how Seonghwa was holding up. You could only see Hongjoong looking paler and paler despite him smiling. You could only see Seonghwa coming home more tired, more dull than the previous day yet he never failed to smile and keep you happy and give you company.

It was going great, really great, you had hopes that your brother would recover from brain cancer, your older brother would eventually be able to get back to studying university and everything would be back to normal.

That's what you thought, of course it's never that easy, never that good, life doesn't give it to you that easy.

It started declining steeply to a shitty end of a chapter, and it started with your elder brother first.

Suddenly a pinging sound resonated from your laptop and you were pulled back to reality harshly, you were still sitting on the bed, the only difference was that you slipped up and let yourself succumb to the silence. The music in the headphones had stopped playing a while back because it had reached the end of the playlist, so with a painful sigh and clenched up throat you pulled off your headphones and gingerly closed your laptop. The warmth of the memory slowly faded and cold air seeped through your skin. Your head felt heavy yet empty and a familiar negative feeling seemed to enclose around your head and your line of bright vision to a duller light.

You didn't feel like sleeping tonight, maybe another shift at the hospital wouldn't hurt. This was your coping mechanism, running away and busying yourself in work that gave you no space in your mind to think about anything else.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: take it when you go home. (III)

Note: I put a keep reading break but I am unsure if it is working, if there is no keep reading link then please let me know! I do not wish to bother anyone with long posts.

Story Description: We all have our issues, but some of us are sub-consciously pushing it away without realizing how deep under water we are. You don't realize the things around you aren't what used to be until you meet a celebrity struggling to live. Like the hypocrite you are, you help others without helping yourself first. But no one told you about helping others gives you this exhilarating feeling of being a saint. So for how long are you going to keep being a saint in a doctor's coat?

Genre: Angst, fluff (if you squint) and smut.

Pairing: You x Namjoon

Trigger Warning: It revolves heavily around suicide, depression and death. Please don’t read it if it is a sensitive topic for you. Also keep in mind it isn’t like ‘13 reasons why’. It takes place in more of an adult setting hence mature. It also has mature (+18) scene, alcohol consumption and occasional use of foul language hehe.

I am writing about suicide, death and depression not because I romanticize it or engage in it for others to partake. It is strictly for the purpose of writing a story to convey a message beyond these three words.

Story masterlist is here: MMWTWTTS

You were working overtime again. Soft glow of yellow light emanated from your desk lamp as you had your head resting on the palm of your hand with the elbow propped against the table and the other hand roughly filling out the details of the patient's paperwork. Though you didn't have any patients come in after Namjoon came in, there was still a substantial amount of paperwork pending from the day before. You deeply sighed, setting the pen down and shifted your vision to a body sleeping soundly on the couch. Namjoon ended up sleeping after the talk, you left him with a blanket and pillow because you knew he needed that rest. Sure, it was going to throw off his sleep cycle, but you couldn't risk him passing out due to lack of sleep.

Shuffling sound grabbed your attention on him again, he grunted softly and got up slowly, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleepiness on his face.

"Where- oh, I'm sorry, did I just sleep here?" Namjoon said groggily, sleep still in his system. You couldn't help but mentally chuckle at his state, "Yes you did. It's quite alright since you really needed it... You really did."

"Ah." He mumbled, his posture deflated and he hung his head low. He examined the floor for a few moments in silence then shifted his vision to the table top where the latte and cake used to be. "I have a question if you don't mind me asking." He asked, without taking his eyes off the table.

"Go ahead, it's my job anyways." You leaned back into your desk chair, ready to hear him out.

"I try so hard to be someone everyone likes, but I-I some don't seem to be getting there. My memb- I mean my family, when they need me, I don't think I fulfill my position prope-"

"Relax." You intercepted, he was clearly beating himself over something small that grew big and weighed him down. "It's not your job to be everything everyone needs, and you don't have to be impressive to be loved. Stop trying so hard. Just show up ... and be real with the world- with your family. That is enough." You shook your head, this man- he needed serious help. This wasn't just a simple 'I'm tired of life and etc.' this was a literal cry for help before giving up, "You know what? Do you have some time?" You asked, a little unsure since you knew he was a busybody. You two had never really discussed who Kim Namjoon was. As in the celebrity he is right now, all you knew was to not bring up his celebrity but help him draw a line between his celebrity life and personal life.

"Uh-yeah, I have a week off before work calls me." He answered back.

"Good. Follow me. I have a place to show you to, but that is if you only want to come." You stood up from your chair and cleaning up your desk before tucking in the chair and switching off the light. The moment the light was off, the room was dark except for the moonlight that filled up the room. Silence seemed louder and for a moment you were lost in the moonlight. It was a full moon tonight and it was shining bright.

〰️ 💠 〰️

You paused for a second in front of the door to the flat. You wondered for moment whether it was right to allow a patient in your house. But technically he wasn't patient, he wasn't yet put in the records. So it should be fine. Right?

"Is this your flat?" Namjoon asked which yanked you out of your thoughts. He was standing behind you, so it was already too late to send him back. You nodded your head silently in response to his question as you pressed in the code '314159' to the flat. You had always liked pi, it was a number that never ended, it just kept going on and on. For some strange reason you just liked the never-ending number. It's a number where you couldn't predicts its next digit like life, you couldn't possibly imagine what could be there for you in far future.

"But, are you okay- I mean are you allowed to let me in your flat? Isn't that a breach of-"

You couldn't help but think that Namjoon is smart and cautious before interrupting him, "You aren't technically my patient, you aren't yet in the documents" You said as the door unlocked and you entered with Namjoon following right behind you. The lights automatically switched on and you changed into your house slippers, "Wait a minute, let me get you slippers." You put your hand up to tell him to wait before you disappeared to get the slippers, leaving Namjoon alone at the entrance.

Namjoon took this opportunity to take a look around the entrance of the flat, on his right was a large abstract landscape painting. It had different hues of blue overlapping each other, the color was vibrant and it reminded him of the ocean waves. He suddenly felt at ease after just looking at the blue painting. You came with a pair of white soft slippers in your hand and spotted him looking at the blue painting.

"Do you like it?" You smiled as you set the slippers in front of his feet.

"I do, there's something about this painting."

"It makes you feel at ease doesn't it?" You stated, after all there was a reason you put that painting up at the entrance.

"Yeah. Yeah it does." He nodded still looking at the painting.

"Blue is known to calm a lot of people down, you know? A recent study in a Japanese University showed that the color blue reduced the depressed feeling by approximately thirty percent. So a lot of stations in Japan set up blue lights so people in the station would be at ease instead of thinking depressed thoughts. I actually went to the stations and it was beautiful." You stood right next to him and stared into the painting, "You can have the painting if you want."

Namjoon immediately turned to face you, "N-No it's -"

"Take it when you go home. It's fine by me." You smiled, "Anyways, welcome to the flat. The reason I wanted you to show you my place is because you need a place where you can be alone. Where no members, staff or anyone can find you. My place can be your place till you find your alone spot." You headed into your living room where the kitchen was located. Namjoon stayed silent but he followed you.

"This place is for you to be alone. Not to your thoughts about your position out there," You were referring to his idol life and he understood it, "But to complete logout you know? To recharge." You grabbed a piece of memo sheet and a pen from the kitchen island and scribbled down the code of your place. You were trusting him, it didn't matter to you if your password leaked out because you didn't have much to lose in this flat. Pretty much all the time you were holed up in your workplace.

Handing the sheet to Namjoon, he glanced at it and looked up to you, "Is this Pi? Like the number Pi?"

"Yes, It's also the password to this place, drop by whenever you want."

"Will I not be interrupting you or anything of that sort?"

He did object but wasn't refusing, you thought, It was a good thing. "No you aren't, I don't have any fishy business here nor will I ever be doing something that can't be interrupted. Care for beer?" You walked to the fridge and grabbed 2 bottles of beer, one for you and one for him.

"Uh yeah, I could use a beer." He agreed, you already had the second bottle in your hand and handed him a bottle.

"Can I also sleep here sometimes?" He hesitantly asked as he sat down on the chair at the kitchen island before taking a sip of the beer.

"Like I said, you are free to use the place, Namjoon. The bedroom is in the other hallway at the entrance. The bathroom is also there." You cocked your opened beer in the direction of the hallway that led back to the entrance of the flat.

"Wow-uh I-" Namjoon sunk back into his chair, he was clearly flustered with you giving him a place to crash, you don't blame him, after all you had just known each other briefly. What was more bizarre was that you were doing this on a whim, on an impulse behaviour.

"Look Namjoon," You set your beer down on the table with a soft thud, "How many times have you ever gone to your room for a moment to yourself and still felt suffocated?"

"Many times" Namjoon said after pondering over it for a moment.

"Right, you felt suffocated because your room is connected to your idol life. The things you have there, directly or indirectly remind you of it whether you realize it or not. The entire room is connected to your idol life. You need something fresh. Something clean to go back to."

"And that is your place?" He queried, both the eyebrows going up.

"For the time being, you can come back here. Clear your mind here. Stay here for as long as you like unless you manage to find someplace better. My point is, you need a getaway. A proper one. Your room isn't a getaway for you, it's a confinement for you. Sure, it may bring you comfort but it doesn't bring you the relief." You took a sip of a beer and gave him a moment to take it all in.

Namjoon knew you were right, he looked down into the bottleneck of his beer to watch the fizz from the beer rise to the top as if that was the most entertaining and something he had never discovered.

"Well, it's late. I'm going to bed, you are free to stay here and do whatever you want to do." You sighed as you took a large gulp to finish the contents and stood up to place your empty beer bottle near the sink before walking into your room and closing the door behind you.

Namjoon was left in solitude again, this time his thoughts were running in his head much louder than before, one thing that was bugging him wasn't you or what you just did but something else. It was the lack of pictures in your place. This place of yours lacked the feeling of someone who had things to cherish like pictures, plants or anything of emotional value. The place was minimal, clean almost like a hotel. In other words, it lacked a home feeling, which Namjoon didn't mind since he was used to it but it was strange to him when knowing that someone actually lives in it and it is not a hotel room. Strange because every time he went over other people's house, they always had something of emotional value or sentiment up in the house. Except you, and he was intrigued by that. Namjoon stood up with the beer bottle clutched in his hand and he took a better look at his surroundings.

Living room and the kitchen was nothing short of clean and it looked a lot like how a place would appear as in pictures of house advertising. The living room however lacked a TV, most living rooms would have a TV. There were absolutely no decoratives, shelves were empty. I mean why would someone have shelves and have nothing on it, not even books? Or even at least papers maybe from your workplace. Your place consisted mainly of the colours grey and white. The furniture was grey with a bit of white and black. If it was not for the grey and black, the whole place would have been blindingly white. Then Namjoon walked back to the entrance, there was a set of 3 drawers and again, just out of curiosity, Namjoon pulled out the top drawer and it was empty. Same applied to the other 2 drawers, 'Does she just have one pair of shoes?' Namjoon wondered looking back at the door where he had placed his shoes right next to her. Most people would have more pairs of shoes stored somewhere, so then why was an empty drawer here?

He closed the drawers gently to avoid making any sounds that could wake you up and went to the other bedroom and bathroom that you had told him about earlier. Bathroom was a bit better, it at least had a grey rug at the bottom of the bathtub and soap dispenser by the sink to wash hands. There was even a mug, the mug had a toothbrush in plastic wrapping. That meant it was new, 'Had she planned all of this in advance?' Namjoon wondered, but then considering how freakishly clean and stark this place was, Namjoon felt that maybe you never used this bathroom and bedroom so you probably kept it as it is for in case some guest comes by and decides to crash. That thought seemed to be based on very little of what he had seen but it was plausible.

He then closed the door of the bathroom and headed to the bedroom that he could use. It was too much like a hotel, there was even a computer desktop, specifically an IMac on a table in front of a window across the bed, 'Who has that kind of money and leaves it there?' Namjoon wondered, suddenly his first assumption of you planning this in advance maybe a bit more plausible now, but then again he did lose his airpods several times and bought it again nonchalantly. But the kind of person you were, he still didn't believe it. The bed was untouched, blankets were neatly tucked in and pillows had no signs of usage and were still full as a brand new would have been. With a deep sigh Namjoon simply set the beer bottle on the desktop table and fell back into the bed.

The bed was really soft and he felt his eyes closing, sleepiness washed over him again.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: how are you?(II)

Note: I put a keep reading break but I am unsure if it is working, if there is no keep reading link then please let me know! I do not wish to bother anyone with long posts.

Story Description: We all have our issues, but some of us are sub-consciously pushing it away without realizing how deep under water we are. You don't realize the things around you aren't what used to be until you meet a celebrity struggling to live. Like the hypocrite you are, you help others without helping yourself first. But no one told you about helping others gives you this exhilarating feeling of being a saint. So for how long are you going to keep being a saint in a doctor's coat?

Genre: Angst, fluff (if you squint) and smut.

Pairing: You x Namjoon

Trigger Warning: It revolves heavily around suicide, depression and death. Please don’t read it if it is a sensitive topic for you. Also keep in mind it isn’t like ‘13 reasons why’. It takes place in more of an adult setting hence mature. It also has mature (+18) scene, alcohol consumption and occasional use of foul language hehe.

I am writing about suicide, death and depression not because I romanticize it or engage in it for others to partake. It is strictly for the purpose of writing a story to convey a message beyond these three words.

Story masterlist is here: MMWTWTTS

It had been a week since the café incident and you had forgotten about it already as you were busy going through profiles of mentally ill patients at your desk in your office. There was a soft knock at your door and you said come in, the receptionist from the counter stepped inside.

"Miss Y/L/N, there is a man asking for you. He had your business card and said that he could come by anytime." The receptionist told you, uneasiness was clear as day on her face. She couldn't see his face that was covered by the mask, sunglasses and cap but he seemed persistent on getting her to go and talk to the doctor. He even handed her the business card he received which finally urged her to move.

"Why are you so uneasy?" You set your files down on the table, uncrossing your legs and looked at her properly.

"N-nothing- he just looks skeptical, he is wearing a mask and a cap along with a long coat, so I just got a little suspicious." She replied, her eyes slightly wide with fear, but the mention of the outfit triggered something perhaps it was Namjoon that you met last week, you weren't too sure.

"I think I know that man, please send him in and also please bring 2 cup of coffee with a slice of cake please." You put the files back into the drawer and stood up.

"Yes of course, and what type of cake, Miss Y/L/N?"

"Just a simple vanilla cream cake would do." You walked over and sat down on the couch you always sat when you talked to patients.

"Right away, Miss." The receptionist bowed and left the room with a resonating click of the door.

Few minutes later the door opened, revealing the receptionist who held the plate of 2 coffee and a slice of cake, behind her Namjoon was there, dressed up exactly as the receptionist had described. The receptionist set the food and drinks on the center table and left quietly, closing the door behind her.

"So you came, please take a seat." You directed Namjoon who shyly stood by the entrance to the seat across you, "Please be comfortable, I ordered coffee and cake for you if you were hungry or thirsty."

Namjoon nodded his head in a silent way of saying thank you as he took off his coat, mask and cap and hung it on the coat hanger near the door before taking a seat. Now you couldn't help but admire that this man was none other than Namjoon and he looked a lot better than he did in the photos. However, what concerned you was the dark baggy eyes he had, dull skim that lacked proper shine, his face wasn't joyous as it was in the photo. He seemed...exhausted.

You decided to dive straight into business, "Let's start off light. Tell me your real name. Not your celebrity name but your real name. Keep in mind that this isn't a place where the audience is watching you. You don't have to act professional. Just be you." You wanted him to feel at ease, to confess, to feel like he wasn't being watched anymore, he seemed hesitant though, it was clear that he was so used to being a celebrity that he forgot what it felt like to be normal. Few seconds passed by in silence, Namjoon didn't reply, he simply stared at the floor so you took the initiative. You stood up and picked up the coffee that was for him and placed it in his hand before grabbing yours and sitting back down.

"It's okay, you aren't on camera." You spoke softly as you sipped your coffee. A common problem you noticed in all celebrities that they all got used to being a different person in front of cameras, they let cameras control their life. They let the cameras create a personality for them that they had to maintain. After all they had become business products of their company for the cameras.

"It's Kim Namjoon. That's my real name." He finally spoke up on hearing that there wasn't any camera anywhere, you took a mental note that the word camera affected him just like you had expected.

"Well Namjoon, it's nice to meet you. I'm Doctor Y/L/N." You gave him a moment before you moved on asking the next question, "How are you? Just be honest and tell me how are you feeling right now?"

Now to any one, 'how are you' would be the stupidest question, but the thing is that no one takes a moment to think how they are truly feeling, most of them just say that they are fine as they were trained to say that. They say that they are fine, when they actually aren't, when they actually are feeling the furthest away from fine. They want to spill, but they just cover it up with saying that they are fine since its too much of any effort to explain it or the other person wouldn't understand or even worse, they don't care. It's only a matter of time before it becomes too painful for them to say that they are fine.

Namjoon hesitated, you could see he wasn't fine, he was actually taking a moment to think, taking a moment to think where he should start off with. "I'm tired." He looked straight at you, his eyes reflected how much he had been holding in. He had been holding out for too long.

"You are tired of what?"

"Everything...Everything." Pain seeped through, tears slowly filled his eyes. He was cracking, it was hard for him to hold it back now. It was only a matter of time before he broke down completely. His hair that was once in a neat style had started falling down onto his face. You set the coffee down and moved to sit next to him. Most of the time, when a patient was going to break down, you would have handed them tissue papers, but you didn't do that, you had this feeling that it was much more than just breaking down, he looked like he wanted someone to hold him tight as he felt like falling apart. You were breaking a rule of not touching the patient but you couldn't give a shit right now, not when he was this close to breaking down. You really didn't expect him to break down easily, normally it take much more time for them to really unwind. You guessed he had kept a lot of things bottled up.

Truth be told, he reminded you of someone when you first saw him in real-life. They didn't look alike but it was just the way he carried himself that was similar. Always taking the burden of everything is what they both seemed to do. That is why you felt more drawn to Namjoon, more willing to push things out of boundary and all because you felt the need to.

You gently placed an arm around his shoulder and brought him into a long hug where he rested his head underneath your chin, a comforting one and you felt hot wet patches on your blouse, soft muffled sobs leaked out, he had broken down completely. Even though you didn't know what it felt like to be a celebrity, but you knew what it felt to be tired of everything, being tired of everything meant that you just wanted to close your eyes and forget about everything. You just wanted to be back at home, in your bed and not worry about anything. Being tired of everything meant that you wanted to let go of everything. You wanted to go home and have someone tell you that you worked hard today. Sometimes, you wanted to disappear.

"You are tired Namjoon, but did you know that you worked hard today. You did your best." You mumbled softly, stroking his back in a comforting manner. Namjoon felt vulnerable, he felt comfort for the longest time. He felt home, he felt like he could finally be loose. It was comforting for him to have someone who wasn't related to his work, related to popularity, even though you were someone he barely knew, he felt like you knew his darkest secret and that he could be comfortable with you. Those words you had said, 'You worked hard, you did your best.' Brought comfort to him, he had wanted to hear those words with true feeling, not the ones said automatically from his members, managers and all those people he worked with. God, he wished he could be in this moment for a long time.

"You know it's okay to close your eyes. Sleep. No one is here to tell you what to do anymore. Work doesn't matter here. You can be normal here." You gently pulled away and cupped his face to face you, his eyes were red and puffy, tears streaks across his streaks were fresh. You picked up a tissue paper from the tissue paper box underneath the center table and gently wiped his face clean of tears. You couldn't help but sigh and pull him into another comforting hug. Out of all the patients you had spoken with, he was the one that just needed someone to hold him. To tell him that everything was okay. That he could be free.

After a while you felt him go soft, his breathing had become stable and sobs weren't heard anymore. He had fallen asleep, he must have been so tired of everything to just fall asleep. So you gently rested him on the side of the couch, placed a pillow beneath him so he wouldn't wake up with neck pain. You stood up walking over to a cupboard in your office that contained blankets, being a psychiatrist, you needed to have certain things like a teddy bear, blanket, medicine tea bags or comforting things to comfort a patient. You grabbed the blanket quietly and placed it over him so he would stay warm. You looked at him for a while, he did look peaceful, free of any stress while sleeping, you almost wished that you could just take him away from this stressful celebrity life.

You checked the time, it was afternoon, almost an hour has passed since he came and you still had more files to look though so you closed the blinds in the office to that light wouldn't disturb him, you then switched on the dim table lamp and continued working, silently, so you wouldn't stir him from his slumber.

It was funny, funny that within just 2 meetings, an hour or a little more of meeting each other, you already wanted to shield him from the harsh things in the world. You wanted him to be happy even though you barely knew him, even though the two of you were from different worlds you just wanted to fix him.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: introduction (I)

Note: I put a keep reading break but I am unsure if it is working, if there is no keep reading link then please let me know! I do not wish to bother anyone with long posts.

Story Description: We all have our issues, but some of us are sub-consciously pushing it away without realizing how deep under water we are. You don't realize the things around you aren't what used to be until you meet a celebrity struggling to live. Like the hypocrite you are, you help others without helping yourself first. But no one told you about helping others gives you this exhilarating feeling of being a saint. So for how long are you going to keep being a saint in a doctor's coat?

Genre: Angst, fluff (if you squint) and smut.

Pairing: You x Namjoon 

Trigger Warning: It revolves heavily around suicide, depression and death. Please don’t read it if it is a sensitive topic for you. Also keep in mind it isn’t like ‘13 reasons why’. It takes place in more of an adult setting hence mature. It also has mature (+18) scene, alcohol consumption and occasional use of foul language hehe.

I am writing about suicide, death and depression not because I romanticize it or engage in it for others to partake. It is strictly for the purpose of writing a story to convey a message beyond these three words.

Story masterlist is here: MMWTWTTS

Music was strumming in your ears as you had long tuned out the actual melody and lyrics that came from the earphone, it was merely serving as a background noise. You were currently on a snack break from work so you decided to spend the break in a small cozy café near your work place just to drink coffee and listen to music as well as stare outside mindlessly at the busy streets of Seoul. Your workplace was a hospital where you worked as a psychiatrist in diagnosing and treating patient's mental illness, but sometimes it was just talking to them to make them feel at ease, aiding them on their journey to rehabilitation. You loved your job, but you weren't gonna lie about one thing and that one thing was that it was exhausting, you had to deal with violent and severely mentally ill patients from time to time, but in the end you earned a good amount of money and you felt satisfaction in helping someone and on some occasion you had to talk them out of suicide. It was no joke that Seoul was a place where suicide rate was high, thus all the more reason you wanted to do something to reduce those numbers that had seemed to put Seoul in notorious limelight. You had seen a lot of deaths, so death didn't scare you anymore or not like it used to, it was something you had to face almost on a daily basis. It became something you grew numb to since 'used to' feels like a wrong saying. No one simply gets used to death not even doctors and paramedics despite it being so natural, it feels unnatural.

Suddenly a man hastily sat across where you were sitting with your coffee and staring out of the window. His entrance was so sudden that you couldn't help but sit up in a more alert manner and glare at the man for rudely taking up an empty space in front of you. The man had a black mask and a cap that covered his face, however you noticed his distress, the way his head turned around glancing at the door every few seconds. Someone or something must be after him.

"Can I help you, sir?" You set the coffee down, taking off your headphones and looked at him, trying to get a better view of his face.

"Uh no, I'm fine-I just-I hope you don't mind me sitting here for a few minutes. I promise I'll be on my way out shortly."The man suddenly turned around to face you, his shoulders hunched and his head bent down a bit so it was hard to see his face.

"I don't think you are fine," You chuckled gently noticing his posture and distress, "You are hiding from something."

"Is it that obvious?" The masked man looked up to you and you could finally see his eyes clearly, you were right, he was distressed, it was showing clearly in the way his eyes reflected fear and his eyebrows scrunched up together.

"Yes, but don't worry you can stay here. If it helps, tell me what situation you are in." You push your barely touched coffee to him as a way of saying that he could have it. Warm drinks often helped ease someone whenever they were stressed or distressed, "Here drink this, it will look like you are actually in this café instead of hiding, plus it'll help you relax. I didn't drink it anyways."

The man glanced at the coffee pushed in front of him before looking back at you, "Ah...Thank you." He hesitantly removed his gloves and set them onto the side of the table before taking the warm drink in one hand, the other pulling his mask down to take a sip.

"So what is it that you are running from?" You asked, clasping your hands together, ready to listen to what he had to say, you could say it was an occupational disease.

"Ah well, I-I am running from the fans. I-I just wanted to go to the bakery to get some pastries, b-but I got caught by the fans." He spoke meekly as he sipped the warm drink.

"So you must be a celebrity, but why run away from them? Wouldn't you want to be cheered by them?" You raised your eyebrows, the moment you saw the rest of the man's face, you recognized that it was RM, the leader of a rather well-known group that shot to popularity in recent years. You didn't show it that you knew him, you didn't want to freak him out so you stayed calm.

"I-I do it's just that I wish I could have normal moments if you get what I mean." Namjoon set the coffee down, he was slightly grateful that you didn't seem to have recognized him. He liked it, that for once someone was treating him as a regular person, not idolizing him and shoving him high on a pedestal.

"Normal moments where you feel normal. Where you have a moment of peace. Normality. You are missing that aren't you?" You smiled gently, you did understand what he wanted. It was the life of simplest pleasure but for him it was a luxury that not even money could buy it.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." He pressed his lips into a thin line as he looked down in the half-empty cup of coffee. A small business card was placed in front of him, effectively getting his attention.

"It looks like you could use someone to talk to. Someone to listen to all your stress and fears without judging you." You smiled at him comfortingly, "It's my business card, I'm a psychiatrist, just swing by the hospital counter and ask for me anytime." That was so not the way how things work, he would have to register and all sorts of shenanigans but for him you were willing to break it. Unknowingly to you, it was the first set of rules in the society that you had started to bend to breaking point.

Namjoon couldn't fight a small gut feeling of something weighing on him and muttered a small thank you as he placed the card in his jacket pocket, "I'll be sure to swing by, it was a pleasure talking to you." He stood up, putting his glove and mask back on, he waved at you before exiting the café and disappearing into the crowds of Seoul. As for you, you let out a small sigh, you just came across a global celebrity, what were the chances that he would have the time to come by? That's 0%. You mentally face-palmed yourself for handing the business card, maybe it would have been better if you had just made a small talk instead inviting him over. You shook your head to get rid of the thoughts as you checked your phone for the time, your break time was almost over.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky Masterlist

Status: completed, just editing.

Note: This story is also up on wattpad under the name of phospheneoblivion. Anywhere else other than here on tumblr under joonsmagicstudio means something is wrong so report it to me if you do find my story somewhere it doesn’t belong.

Story Description: We all have our issues, but some of us are sub-consciously pushing it away without realizing how deep under water we are. You don't realize the things around you aren't what used to be until you meet a celebrity struggling to live. Like the hypocrite you are, you help others without helping yourself first. But no one told you about helping others gives you this exhilarating feeling of being a saint. So for how long are you going to keep being a saint in a doctor's coat?

Genre: Angst, fluff (if you squint) and smut.

Pairing: You x Namjoon ft. Ateez and BTS (it isn’t really focused on real people like fanfics are normally. It’s just that having them in here saved time for me on character building. Hope that’s okay.)

Trigger Warning: It revolves heavily around suicide, depression and death. Please don’t read it if it is a sensitive topic for you. Also keep in mind it isn’t like ‘13 reasons why’. It takes place in more of an adult setting hence mature. It also has mature (+18) scene, alcohol consumption and occasional use of foul language hehe.

I am writing about suicide, death and depression not because I romanticize it or engage in it for others to partake. It is strictly for the purpose of writing a story to convey a message beyond these three words. 

Lastly, I really suggest to read the ‘Note’ and ‘For You’ before you read the story.

                                          Table of Contents:

Note

For You

introduction.

how are you?

take it when you go home.

are you ready?

funny things happen i guess.

why so surprised? - coming soon

would you ever be okay with that?- coming soon

i already know.- coming soon

why are you doing this?- coming soon

if i decide to stay.- coming soon

what about those at home?- coming soon

isn’t it obvious?- coming soon

did something break?- coming soon

it would be the best for now.- coming soon

i need a moment.- coming soon

i did?- coming soon

i got hooked into it- coming soon

untitled part 21.- coming soon

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: For You.

Some of us will be fine and do not think much of illnesses that lurk in our minds and some of us will realize how much they took for granted of the times they think they were alright.

If you are happy, that is your solace.

If you are unhappy, that is your suffering.

Find it.

And the rest up up to you.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Meet Me Where The Waves Touches The Sky: Note

Hello Readers,

Thank you clicking on this story if it has piqued your interest. I'll make it brief so you can get to the story.

This story initially started off as a light-hearted childish story in 2018 but then as I grew and kept pushing this story to the back and coming back to it every few months or so, the story unintentionally progressed. It is now a piece that contains my poorest and the best writing moments. It contains my untethered emotions and unspoken words that I haven't spoken to anyone and now I have grown detached to this story. Meaning I am ready to discard it anytime and who knows when I'll have another spur of moment and take this story down. No one knows and nor do I.

It means everything and nothing to me. That is the constant seesaw in my mind.

With that being said, hopefully you will enjoy the story and understand the meaning behind every paragraph, maybe you will understand who I am as a person or simply the meaning behind the story. You don't know me and nor do I know you, I guess that's the thrill of trying to write a story to some stranger and some stranger reading a story from an unknown face. So feel free to write whatever is on your mind when you read anything of mine in here. Hate messages to criticism, I do not mind for it is a story have no attachment to but at the same time maybe I'll obsess over it badly. Who knows?

Thank you.

[joonsmagicstudio]

Bruh this cliffhanger rlskdjelskfmeid whyyy

élysée | ch. 1 - burberry and tiffany

↣ pairing: seokjin x reader; ??? x reader

↣ chapter genre: angst, drama

↣ rating: +18

↣ word count: 4.7k

↣ warnings: alcohol consumption, foul language, a little dirty conversation, people being shitty

↣ song recs: playlist under construction

↣ summary: Being the CEO of Korea’s largest fashion house is no easy feat. But to be the person behind the man, that being his assistant, is an even harder spot to maintain. In a company filled with affairs, bribery, deceit, lies and blackmail, you must struggle to survive and, eventually, climb your way to the top of the food chain. Seokjin, your boss, trusts you more than anyone, but when exactly does the line between friendly camaraderie blur with carnal desire?

↣ notes: banner made by @thebannershop // beta read by @dee-ehn​

masterlist // next

Lees verder

[joonsmagicstudio]

It's been a while since I've stumbled onto something new and refreshing! I look forward to reading your story!

pairing. ceo!reader x personal assistant!kim namjoon (ft. jung hoseok)

genre. fwb!au, ceo!au, enemies to lovers!au (?), angst, smut.

summary. you’re a horrible person. you’re a stuck up, self-centered, heartless bitch, and no one likes you. however, it has gotten you so high in life and it’s the only way you know how to be. however, your bad attitude and bitchy ways results in you pissing off the wrong person one day. in retaliation, you’re cursed into reliving the same day over and over again until you learn from your mistakes.

notes. if you want to be tagged, please send an ask! comments and messages will be ignored.

series extras / playlist

chapter one | day one.

chapter two | day two.

chapter three | day three.

chapter four | day seven.

&&. more to come !

updates & progress. ongoing / unset updating schedule.

[joonsmagicstudio]

heart 4 u #suho + junmyeon’s smile

[joonsmagicstudio]

Ooof this cliffhanger 👌👌👌

solus (j.jh)- chapter 2

plot: emergency surgeon dr y/n l/n had seen it all. she thought that ten was just another patient, but instead she finds herself thrown into the firing line of one of the biggest gangs in seoul.

details: mafia!au, doctor!reader

warnings: graphic injury detail, smut (future parts), angst-ish

pairing: NCT’s Jaehyun X Reader

word count: 3.7k

a/n: thank you to the loml @minghaoss​ for beta-reading this chapter! i hope you all enjoy this and feel free to leave comments and questions in my asks, i love love LOVE hearing from you guys <3

Even though you had half-expected Heeyeon to say that, you couldn’t help but feel your heart sink at the thought of it. You knew it was a risk getting a job at this hospital because NCT’s head was its owner. But you thought you’d be able to make it past your thirtieth birthday without being killed.

“Y/N, are you okay? You’ve gone pale.” 

You zone back in when you hear the anaesthetist call your name, concern prevalent in her wide brown eyes. You nod slowly and give her a weak smile, only just managing to maintain a mask of neutrality.  

“Yeah, sorry. I haven’t eaten dinner, that’s all. I’ll get something from the vending machine.” You force yourself to give the pair another forced smile. “Do we have any other patients who need seeing to?” You ask Taemin, eager to divert the subject.

Keep reading

[joonsmagicstudio]

Dkskkdekofks someone checked up on me in this platform. Its been literally years that someone simply checked up on me just cause and I'm literally spazzing rn with happiness (maybe a lil tear up). Yall, it doesn't hurt to check up on someone just like that, you never know, it might make their day. You don't need a reason, it makes them feel like the exist and are of someone concern.

[joonsmagicstudio]

➢ One Five-Zero (m) : PJM

⇁ synopsis: You make a deal with a devil for a wild time in the middle of classes.

or 

the time when you were bored in the class and drew 150 pentagrams exactly in your notebook before a devilishly handsome man in a red suit breaks down the door of your class room and yells “wHAT the fUCK do you wANT?”

⇁ female reader x jimin

⇁ smut, jimin devil!au

⇁ general smut ig? oral sex (both lmao), slight derogatory language, creampie, unsafe sex (pls get a condom or some contraceptive before you do it kiddos), blowjob etc the list goes on.

⇁ lol a short PWP( 3.8k) . I saw a post somewhere on insta and wanted to write it at 1 am. Pls if you find that post because it gave me a reason to right, lemme know! I lost it sadly,

⇁ A/N: I had actually been busy writing 5 long ass story for my own joy but suddenly a small idea came to my mind after seeing a post and I really wanted to post it for y’all to enjoy. Hope you like it. PS: English is not my first language and this hasn’t been edited. I will edit it soon, but please do let me know if there is any mistakes! Also I am having issues with keep reading, let me know if you are facing some issues with it too! I don’t want to annoy some people by making them have to scroll through the entire fic. Also this is like my first fix, forgive me.

You sat in the back of the lecture hall as usual with your hoodie pulled over and your face resting in your left palm as you couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to the American History your professor was droning on about. You had a lot of regrets, one of them was choosing history but then it was your fault anyways and no one but you was to blame. 

As the professor went on, you had zoned out and doodled lethargically in your notebook with a dull red pencil that you found somewhere on the in the hallway that you pulled out to at least look like your were taking some notes in case the professor decided to look at you. However, the chances of the professor looking at you in far back of the hall were infinitesimally small since the good students that were actually engaging with the lecture content and asking questions were in the front row. You had an absolutely great respect for people like them, it was because of these people you were able to skimp out on paying attention and keeping a low radar in the classroom.

Out of all the doodles, you had taken a keen liking drawing circles and then a star in it to complete a pentagram. It was easy, no effort and quick for you to keep mindlessly doing it until the classroom ended sometimes you would shade in boxes on your notebook if it was a block paper, unfortunately it was the good ol’ lined paper, hence the pentagram. You had finished up a total of one hundred and 50 small pentagram in your notebook with that red pencil when a rather loud cracking of the door was heard, effectively pulling all of the class attention, including you, on the the door that had flown off the hinges and landed across the class room, at the windows in just splinters and large pieces of wood chunk.

However, your attention was on the devilishly handsome man in velvety crimson suit, unfortunately his beautiful face was contorted in an expression of pure anger and frustration, his fist seemed to be clenching and his eyes were dead set on you in a piercing glare, who dares to upset and making his screw up his handsome face? However your thoughts were interrupted by him “wHAT the fUCK do you wANT?”, he yelled, his loud voice reverberating your ear like a clap of a thunder and you swear you felt chills down your spine but moreover you were terribly confused. You were just admiring a masterpiece of an artwork.

You had no idea who he was other than the fact that he was extremely handsome, his hair felt like the kind you could run your hands through, his lips were plushy and kissable. But still you had no idea what you had done to constitute a rather handsome man to be yelling at you in the middle of the classroom after breaking a door with a kick. Was he that powerful?

The classroom had followed his line of vision which lead to you and now everyone had their eyes on you, including the professor, which offended you a little bit. Generally, a professor should get the intruder out but instead it seemed that the professor was invested in the drama that was unfolding right now. You weakly pointed at yourself and mouthed ‘me?’ to clarify if it really was you he was yelling at or maybe someone behind you or in front of you? Idiot, your back was to a wall and nobody was at least within few seats in front of you.

The handsome man rolled his eyes aggressively and ran his hand through his hair as he let out a sigh of frustration. Then he took large and quick strides to stand in front of you, now you were getting a strong aura from him, up close he was intimidating and there a sparkle of something unusual in his eyes. Maybe it was because he standing and you were seated and that he was actually leaning into you. You had shifted backwards until you were close to falling off the chair. Also, if you must add, he had a really nice smell of cologne coming from him and you couldn’t help but enjoy the cologne a little but until the man in front of you slammed his hand of you desk and seethed, “You. Me. Copier room now.” and with that he stormed off, leaving you with your jaw hanging wide open and your eyes blown to the size of the saucer. The professor suddenly cleared his throat and tilted his head to the direction that the man had left, signalling you to take your and go after him.

Embarrassment creeped up the back of your neck as you scrambled to pack everything, including the shitty red pencil you found and speed walked your way out into the hallways. You were utterly confused as to why were the two of you meeting in the copier room for. You would expect the conversation to be held in a cafe or hallway or even in an empty classroom as a matter of fact. You distractedly made your way to the entrance of the copier room which it was closed. You stood there, readjusting your bag strap on one shoulder and to give yourself a moment to prepare yourself to facing him again. Unfortunately, that was cut shot when the door swung open wildly and the man in front of you grabbed your wrist to pull you inside and slamming the door shut behind you. Now you were sandwiched between him, the door behind you and caged between his arms.

A small click was hear and you glanced to the source of the sound, he had locked the door from the inside- what, was that even possible? Locking a door from inside, it would make more sense to lock it from outside. Your train of thoughts were again interrupted when the man in front of you took a step back, standing directly underneath white light that hung from the ceiling. He truly was breathtaking, the red suit complimented his fair skin and his dark brown hair made him look irresistible. 

“Listen up, Y/N right?” he spoke, looking at you with his one eyebrow raised up to clarify if he had got the right person. You nodded immediately and he proceeded to talk, “You-you little-annoying piece of shit summoned me 150 times. What the fuck do you want?”

“Uhm, who are you? I’m positive that I never called you.” You spoked softly, genuinely unsure of what on earth was going on for you to receive swear words from this man’s mouth, not that it was bad at all, in fact it was fucking hot to hear that.

“Damn woman. I’m Park Jimin, the devil you were summoning with your fucking 150 pentagrams. You know just a few would have been fine, but nah you decided to go for a full fucking 150 pentagrams. Do you have any idea how annoying it is?”  The man, now Jimin scoffed, blinking several times to grasp the foolishness of this situation. Not only he had come after being called 150 times, the person who called him had no clue either.

“oh-OH.”, the realization dawned upon you when you remembered that you had indeed drawn many pentagrams in your notebook, but you didn’t actually know it was 150 times you had doodled it and you definitely had absolutely no fucking idea that it would summon an actual devil. It’s kinda nice that the devil was an eye candy though, “Right, uh sorry. Um you could go back I guess? I won’t do it anymore. Sorry for the trouble Jimin.” You mumbled apologetically, sticking out a hand for a handshake and thinking that it would magically resolve how irritating you were according to Jimin.

Jimin stared at your handshake in disbelief, most people would jump at the opportunity to get something granted or scream in fear and run away. Instead, you just stuck out a hand for a handshake and told him to go back. Instead of shaking your hand, he scrunched his eyebrows tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering what he should do with you now that you had called him 150 times for no reason. He didn’t want to go back for nothing, at least something should be done. Then he opened his eyes, and this time you swear your saw lust in his eyes.

Jimin realized that if you weren’t scared and had nothing to ask for, he could at least ask you for a favour, “Hmm, kitten how long has it been since you had your release?” he purred softly, the side of his lip slowly stretching into a smirk as he dropped the tension from his shoulder and tilted his head slightly while keeping his eyes trained on you.

You knew how this was going to play out, you gulped slightly and thoughts were whirling around in your mind. You honestly were actually considering what he was insinuating and after all it had been a while since you got some action.

“It’s been 6 months.” You replied honestly, and Jimin chuckled at the response, “That’s too long kitten, aren’t you craving for some now?”

Jimin took a step closer to you, hungrily eyeing up your body before he closes the space between the two of you. He then brings one hand to cup your face and bring it closer to his lips, the other hand snakes around your waist and pulls you closer so that his crotch was pressing tightly against you. His lips against yours were opening up the primal desires you had deep within in you and almost instantly you brought your hands around the back of his neck to play with his hair and pull him deeper into the kiss, giving into his his kiss because you honestly needed some action. Jimin grunted at your pull and pull back a little to see your face, he saw you with your eyes half-lidded and a small smile gracing your lips, with that he swooped down to capture you lips in another heated kiss. This time his hands both of his hand had move to the bottom of your shirt and tugged it upwards so that you could move back and stick you arms up while he rid of that article from your upper body.

Upon discarding your shirt, he was in awe of your breast that was still covered by your bra and he went to knead is softly over the bra, stimulating a small sight of relief from your mouth. Hearing the small sigh, he couldn’t help but get turned on slightly and that went unnoticed by you. You brought on of you hand to cup his hard on knead it gently to help him, the tent beneath his crimson pant got noticeably harder and in no time you had gotten on your knees to unbuckle his pant. You removed the belt and guided his waist backward, slightly to the left so that he could lean on the printing machine supports. You nimble fingers unbuttoned his pant, pulled the zipper down before reaching to the sides to pull down his pant completely to reveal the black boxer that had been stained slightly in a darker colour from the wetness of the pre-cum. Before you could do anything, Jimin put a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look up.

“Remove your bra sweetheart.” He played around with the strap, waiting for you to slip of the strap and unclasp it from your chest, allowing your nipple to be exposed and harden in the cool air of the copier room. Jimin gulped at the sight and then pushed your head slightly towards his crotch to get you continuing. AT first you stroked it through his black boxer before Jimin grunted, urging you to take it out. You obeyed easily and pulled down his boxer, letting it pool around his ankle, where his pants had fallen previously. His hard on finally was revealed and its length stood out impressively against his abdomen. Without further hesitation you licked a long stripe from his balls all the way to the tip. You cautiously looked up to see how would Jimin react, he had his head tipped backward, clearly he was enjoying it. You took his length in your hand, giving it a few strokes before engulfing the head of his length in your mouth. You swirled your tongue around his head, earning a small groan from his throat and then pushed in deeper.

Jimin was deep in your mouth, enjoying the warm wetness that brought pleasure in his abdomen. He could feel that he was halfway close to a release however he didn’t want it to be in your mouth. He had other plans to deal with you. Gripping roughly on your hair, he pulled you away from his and a thin trail of saliva stretched out from his head of his length to your mouth. That sight alone would have made him nut right then and there. He tilted you head upward to see your face, a rosy blush was present on your cheeks and you looked awfully fuckable. He let go of you hair and gently brought you up by holding your chin and pulling you up.

“Why? Don’t you want me to finish it off for you?” You asked, licking your lips to moisten it up. Jimin replied, trailing off slightly as he watched you lick your lips, “No… let me prepare you kitten.”

He leaned into the crook of your neck, peppering it with soft kissed before biting to create hickeys while he twirled you around so that your back was facing the copier instead of him.You gave in under his ministration and ran up your hands in the back of neck. Jimin slotted himself between your leg and pulled away to lift you onto the printer. He unbuckled your pants and roughly pulled them down and tossed it to the floor. He was thankful that you were wearing a simple slip on van that was easy to remove. Now you were nearly undressed except for the underwear that seemed to have been soaked slightly.

Seeing that Jimin was more dressed that you were, you whined lightly, “Jimin, you have your blazer and shirt on. Can’t you at least remove that for me?” You toyed lightly at the buttons of his black button up shirt. His hand coming up to hold your and and pull it away, “Kitten, are you that desperate hmm?” 

First he took of his crimson blazer and then unbutton his shirt rapidly, yanking the shirt of his upper body before tossing it somewhere in the copier room. Now you could admire how well built his body was. He indeed has abs and striking black nevermind tattoo on his ribcage, you couldn’t help but lightly glide your fingers along the words. Jimin chuckled softly at your admiration of his body, he pressed his fingers at the wet underwear of yours, causing you to shudder.

“Seems like you got wet at just sucking me off and admiring my body. Aren’t a little bit of a slut?” he continued to pressed it before deeming it wet enough to yank it down your legs to let it join the floor, his once soft words were turning filthy now and that had you yearning for mow. He now had a full view of your wet mound, he dragged to fingers across the slit before pressing softly on your clit causing you to feel pleasure to begin in your abdomen. However, it wasn’t enough to satiate you, “Jimin?”

“Yes?” He he whispered, looking up to meet your eyes, “what is it, kitten?”

“Could you just fuck me already?” You asked in you sweetest voice, however Jimin did not reel to it. Instead he slipped his finger into your wetness, enjoying the hot tightness of it as you felt it enter and stretch you a little. He pulled it out, admiring how your wet juice had coated his digit completely. Then he added the second digit, stretching you out again and feeling you twitch around his finger. His erection was growing much harder and painful for him to ignore. He was going to have to put it inside you real soon. After a few pumps he added the third digit and had his thumb circling your clit.

“Jimin-ngh please.” You bit your bottom lip hard when he started circling around your clit, the pleasure wave coming undeniably close. Jimin seemed to sense that you were close by your twitching around his digit, so he pulled it out, licking his digit clean off your juice. You couldn’t help but whimper at the empty feeling but that was quickly recovered by his mouth on you. Now he had you moaning out softly under his control. His tongue licking long stripe across your wetness and stopping at the clit to play with it. Occasionally he would push his tongue deep into you as of he was devouring his last meal. That alone brought you to the edge, moaning his name softly under breath as you tried your best to keep your legs open whilst your hand were gripping his hair. Jimin kept slurping and licking, riding out your high for as long as possible. When he came up, you could see a sheen of shiny layer of your juice coating his lip and some on his chin to which he collected with his thumb and rested it against your lip for you to suck it off cleanly.

“Now that your pussy is slick wet, you wouldn’t mind if I pounded it hard right slut?” Jimin cooed as he slipped his length with more stretch than you could handle, not allowing you to say anything as the words died in your throat due to the sensation of the stretch and him filling you up nicely.

“Fuck, look at that body of yours.” Jimin complimented you as your hard arched your back, your elbows pressing hard into the copier for some support. When he noticed that, a small idea came to his mind.

“Slut, I’m going to need to get off for a moment. Could you do that?” He smirked at you and your mind was too clouded with lust and desire to wonder what next he had up in his sleeve. All you needed was him to dick you to hell and back. Without much hesitation, you scooted off the copier with the help of Jimin holding onto your waist and then he reached out behind you lift up the scanning lid of the copier. The machine gruntled to life as the white shot shone out from the scanning glass. Jimin then turns your around and forced you to bend over, your bare breast pressing against the cool glass of the copier. Then it clicked to you what he was planning to do. It unfortunately, turned you very on as Jimin smashed the scan and print button before he rammed into you, hard this time which got you groaning contently with him filling and stretching your every time he pushed in.

The tightness of your slick brought him closer each time he thrusted in, he was now finding hard to keep up the ruthless pace he had. He was slowing down, trying to enjoy each and every thrust into you, “Fuck, look at you taking me in so well darling. I ought to fill you up nicely.” Jimin muttered in your ears to which you could only response with a weak nod.

“Uh uh, that’s not the right response slut. I can’t hear you.” Jimin slowed to an extremely agonizingly slow place to get you to respond to his needs. His panting was heaving, the skin contact between the two of you was getting slightly sticky due to the sweat. You couldn’t look back to see Jimin’s face but you could definitely imagine strands of his hair sticking to his forehead from sweat.

“Yes, please fill me up.” You gritted, somehow sounding comprehensible through all the dicking, the pleasure taking over your senses and Jimin heard it well, “Since you said it so sweetly darling.” He cooed, resuming to a slightly faster pace. His hands gripped around your waist tightly that it was starting to leave red imprints, his near was coming close and with a sharp stutter in his pace and pushing deep inside you, he finally cummed. You swear you could feel his cum painting and fill up your walls.

He simply slowed down, coming to a full stop with his dick deep inside you as he pressed both of his hands on the waist, hunching over you body slightly to catch his breath. He had to admit that it was a good fuck he had quite in a long time and looking at your heavy breathing and fucked out state, he was sure you also a good one. He slowly pulled out, watching the cum leak out your wet slick, but before it could spill out, he cupped it gently as if he was trying to contain it whilst he grabbed you underwear with his other hand and slipped it on you, “Keep in inside of you slut. If you don’t I sweat to god I will make you beg.” He whispered in your ears while he pulled up the under wear a little higher to make you yelp at the sensitivity of your clit being pressed by the fabric.

The two of you got dressed up in silence, the copier room definitely smelled strongly of sex and the two of chuckled when you both looked at each other after smelling it a bit. It was the first time you saw Jimin smile naturally and you had to admit that it was a good look on him. As you slipped on the shirt, Jimin went to the copier and picked out a bunch of paper from the tray, you had a pretty good idea of what the scanned documents were but you still were shocked when Jimin took one and flipped it around to show you how your breast on display looked like.

“I’m keeping them as a keepsake.” He winked before folding it and tucking it away in his is pants.

“Sure, take it as an apology for me summoning you 150 times Jimin.” You teased lightly, picking up your school bag and swinging it over your shoulder.

“Jesus, don’t remind me of that. Quit summoning me 100 times, just a few times will be enough whenever you need another release because darling, I am sure I do it better than anyone else you’ve had.” He leaned in and gave you a small peck before opening the door to leave. You were stunned at the fact that you were permitted to summon him anytime you desired, you wanted to ask him if there was any other ways to contact other than pentagram doodlings but by the time you ran out into the hallways to catch him, he seemed to have disappeared into the thin air. 

Looks like you’ll have to doodle pentagrams to get him to come.

[joonsmagicstudio]

I love you, Baekhyun. Sorry I keep picking on you. 💙

[joonsmagicstudio]

[joonsmagicstudio]

Suho pretty much made 2020 less shittier with his album. And that’s facts.

Go stream it yall sleepers.