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GA coming out with genius "st5 predictions"

will: *breathes*

mike: hey will! i know that you never explicitly told me, but i've been picking up on this vibe that you're in love with me, so i just wanted to pause the apocalypse and make sure you know i'm straight. super totally definitely straight. i mean, i know you know, since you never said anything and you spent so much time trying to get me to lie confess to your sister, but i'm just compelled to reiterate this fact to the audience non-suspiciously. this is necessary to because this show actually only exists to make bad stuff happen to you specifically and the plot is just a formality.

will: that's okay. thank you for accepting me as your friend anyway, that's literally the only thing i could possible hope to expect. literally. it would be insane to want anything except a lukewarm acceptance speech as i was cursed to have been born before the 2000s and therefore, i am rightfully doomed to a loveless existence. i can't wait until they finally invent other gay people so my arc can come full circle. in the meantime, please accept this award for being the number one ally in the world.

mike: i wasn't listening to all that, but actually i decided i hate you and i hated you the whole time. can you die now so me and el can live? thank you

will: sure thing :) that's what i'm here for!

mike: oh my god shut up. gay little freak boy. get out of here

will: sorry! right away!

[totally cool original sacrifice and it doesn't at all read like a gay teen committing suicide at all. it is, but we are choosing not to read it that way]

mike and el: wow. maybe the real stranger things was the homosexuals we met along the way. let's have three kids immediately

steve: did you guys hear i'm the mayor now?

nancy: that's hot. let's have six kids immediately.

steve: nice

jonathan: aw man : ( [dies also for some reason]

dustin: [record scratch] wait a minute... did you say you're the mayor?? that's crazy because I'M the mayor. (holds up official mayoral document)

steve: [record scratch x2] oh no! we're both the mayor!

[dustin and steve get a spinoff show where they're co-mayors of hawkins. this, of course, ends in tragedy. unavoidable, unfortunately.]

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hey that bump is shaped like a q—

i’m not gonna finish this, but this is season 1.

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sometimes tiktok is pretty chill

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i know people hate this take or whatever but i really really specifically believe mike is gay not bisexual because if mike likes men, he likes will. and if he likes will, then we know EXACTLY what he acts like when he likes someone, and it's absolutely not the same way he acts with el. not even close.

he doesn't look at her lips or anywhere else. he doesn't get all soft-voiced. he doesn't look at her like she's the most amazing thing he's ever seen or cherish her letters, doesn't confide in her the same way, doesn't even look for her when she's missing

i don't understand how so many bylers will point out the cousin thing, and the nancy/el parallels, the "sister/brother" convo before they kiss and him calling out for nancy directly after, and the brenner-hopper-mike parallels, and in general all the family coding "it's a family discussion" et cetera, lucas saying "glad that a girl's not grossed out by you" as opposed to "because you like her", mike being pressured to think of her romantically by lucas/nancy, not showing ANY signs of lying when he says he doesn't like her vs nancy showing EVERY sign of lying when she says she doesnt like jonathan, mike and el not having a healthy relationship in general , him liking her most when she's being constantly confused for being a boy, and the fact mike canonically 100% lied about when he fell in love with el which means he never did, and people will still conclude mike is bisexual.

mike's only ever expressed ""interest"" in el, and al of his interest in el is at best deeply tainted by blatant gaycoding, and you'll see people acknowledge that but be like "it's only proof he's into men" like okay... but he's not into el.

she kisses him in front of a closet and he realizes he doesn't feel that way for her. he doesn't feel that way for her then we have no evidence he could feel that way for any girl. like he's going to have el, one of his favourite people, who loves him, as a girlfriend, but doesn't like her... but somehow still could hypothetically like a different girl? even though we've never seen that? not even phoebe cates?

like it's not even like there aren't characters who genuinely seem like they could be bisexual because there are. lucas, max, jonathan, possibly el. they all have things in their coding that seem to have potential but mike just doesnt imo.

even just the fact there was SO much emphasis on "boys only" and "my species vs your species" with mike and el is just... like, i feel like i'm going crazy because the only evidence is mike and el kissing. and mike pushes her hands off of him. he's singing a non-romantic song and keeps pulling away. idk why people are so opposed to him being gay

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I hope Mike specifically says the words “I’m gay.” I think that’d be really powerful if they said it directly.

I think up until this point they’ve been mostly avoiding using the word “gay”, especially as an identity? They’ve said “queer”, “fag”, “fairy”, “all happy and gay”, “You see what happens?”, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, “But Tammy Thompson’s a girl”, “people who like boobies”, “sodomy”— which would mean the only direct usage of the word was in a derogatory manner.

Season 5 - One of them is probably gonna say it, and who do we know that’s always framed in closets? I guess there’s only one way to know for sure!

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So we know that the number 7 is pretty important in stranger things, right? "It was a seven" and all that jazz. Well guess what the seventh letter of the English alphabet is? G.

And what does G stand for?

Gay.

This is a 100% serious proof because I would obviously never joke about byler.

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mike is just so character. like hes jam packed to the absolute BRIM with character and i love him so much. like i love that even when mike is pushing will away he literally cannot help himself from letting it slip that he still deeply cares about him and is constantly keeping emotional tabs on him.

he's being weird and pushing will away in season three but he still checks on him in the movie theatre. and then asks if he's sure. and checks will's lips which is also obviously clearly a protective instinct. he's a good friend who is deeply concerned about will's chapstick routine and makes sure someone is always hyper vigilant about the moisture levels

it's always when he's convinced himself will doesn't need him but he still has to check to see if wills putting out signals all the time. like btw real quick do u need me? if you need me i will do anything i will fight god himself if i have to i will move heaven i will move earth idc. but if you don't then i'm totally straight and you need to STOP trying to make me so badly want to kiss you. it's disrespectful. but if you need me i am here always.

then in season four he's like omg what no i can't hug you. you stranger. you absolute beast. i've never met you. you dare try to touch chests with me? fiendish. i actually literally don't care about u at all. but btw did you ummmm maybe paint that for me? no? cool i didn't care anyway so fuck you and fuck angela while we're at it. today's about me and el only.

but for the record, you not laughing at my jokes and giving sad puppy dog eyes all day is the single least acceptable thing anyone's ever done to me and ive had some doozies. i want that painting so fucking bad i am this close to losing my goddamn mind i swear to god

yes i am angry at you. yes i need to stand directly beside you. no it doesn't mean anything.

the more people around them (paying attention to them) the more mike has to be like ah yes i am acting normal but the second they're alone somewhere mike's like listen you're the most important thing in this world and i think it should be illegal for you to not be near me because of the way it makes life deeply terrible. also i still want that painting.

love him so much. he's so famous

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i havent seen the headcanon in a second but the idea of an underwater kiss is so putrid to me

dirty water. probably smells. water in your nose. cannot hear them. cannot see them. burning eyes. coming out of the water feeling like you are halfway drowned. snot everywhere. burning nostrils. hope the kiss didnt make you catch your breath because now you got water in your everywhere. good luck aiming you slippery slippery fools

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i'm gonna be honest here but to me the "it's not my fault you don't like girls" doesn't make sense if mike is bisexual considering we've already established he's projecting onto will

and i'm not saying he can't be bisexual and still be unable to fall for el, but i feel like if he was bi it wouldn't be so difficult for him to pretend he was? obviously bisexual people can and do experience internalized homophobia but to me he's always read as a boy who feels like he has to conform to society's standards but slowly comes to realize he doesn't like girls at all

plus, the fact that as soon as he's unable to imagine el as a boy (when she has long hair and dresses feminine) he starts acting weird, as if the idea of her being a girl puts him off

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i havent seen the headcanon in a second but the idea of an underwater kiss is so putrid to me

dirty water. probably smells. water in your nose. cannot hear them. cannot see them. burning eyes. coming out of the water feeling like you are halfway drowned. snot everywhere. burning nostrils. hope the kiss didnt make you catch your breath because now you got water in your everywhere. good luck aiming you slippery slippery fools

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let’s be suspected as a homosexual by mama.

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the GA will say over and over "will should die sacrificing himself in season five and save everyone" because saying the words "i think this story should end in a perpetually tortured gay teenager committing suicide for the greater good" is tacky

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i saw this on tiktok and i had to share

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The idea of someone else being Will Byers’ first kiss makes me sick

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if I make (1) singular post that upsets someone and they make, like, 10 posts complaining about it, then I am just going to assume I am winning ✨

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@seeyouincastlebyers YEAH I mean come on… the season 5 trailer putting Nancy in an almost completely identical outfit to El’s disguise— which she’s featured in merch wearing, so its like firmly associated with El— they’re not even being subtle about it.

He did NOT have to call El his cousin (why not Dustin’s?) and they didn’t have to compare El to both Holly and Nancy, to a dog/pet, and Mike to Brenner/Hopper.

Mike and his pet sister/daughter/cousin girlfriend El “Would I be like your sister?” Hopper 😍

I honestly don’t get why anyone would want a bisexual Mike. he’s good representation as a gay character but as a bisexual character he’d just be a bit of a cheater. like… you want him to have actually had feelings for El??? and STILL treat her the way he did??? STILL be forcing himself to be w/ her? This motherfucker got her a valentines card that says “I LIKE you”, how much more obvious can they be that he’s not into her.

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