jordan-the-pious - Tumblr blog

[jordan-the-pious]

The Devil is at work here. I will be praying for you all. Please seek guidance and return to the Lord's arms post haste.

@pip-n-chips @girl-from-elbi @chentastic

[jordan-the-pious]

I believe she was asking to get punched in the stomach! 😰

Hope this helps! 😊

wjat the fuck has esmee been postjigm

[jordan-the-pious]

Hello Esmee dear! It has been a while since I last saw you at mass, so I decided to check your media where you socialize to see what you were up to! I am surprised and startled!

If you wish to be physically harmed there is no shame in it, but perhaps do not advertise yourself on such public forums. It does not bode well for you.

All my love!!

Jordan

Do you guys think people would pay to see me get punched in the stomach asking for a friend

[jordan-the-pious]

Concerning the Prayer Room.

Greetings all.

I have been informed of some rather unfortunate circumstances regarding the prayer room that require immediate attention and correction. As such, the prayer room will be closed until further notice.

If you have a valid reason to need to make use of this space and are a senior member of the church, we will evaluate your ability to use the room during this time on a case-by-case basis. For general members of the church, including initiates, consider the room closed.

Additionally, I have been informed that someone is speaking about temple matters to non-members. This is unacceptable. If you come forward and turn yourself in, I can promise that your punishment will not be as severe. If you do not turn yourself in, I can promise that I will find you and the retribution will be swift and fierce.

At the temple we value loyalty and honesty above all else. Do not forget this.

Thank you all.

[jordan-the-pious]

Hello Jordan, I would like to inform you that having sex in the prayer room does not reduce purity and does not interfere with passing the monthly purity test. -With respect, “not a nun of your church and not the girlfriend of one sin-obsessed monk “S”” (⌒‿⌒)

Goodness gracious! I had no idea about this! I shall be sealing off access to the prayer room at once! This is unacceptable!

Thank you for bringing this to my attention dear! The prayer room shall be closed until we can find a way to fix this problem.

You mention as well that you are not a member of our temple... non-members should not even know about the existence of the prayer room, so it seems that we have a rat amongst the temple members that I shall have to weed out swiftly. Thank you for bringing this to my attention as well.

[jordan-the-pious]

Hi brother Jordan,

Admittedly, I short circuited the last time I sent you a message. I didn't expect to be called something cute like "Cowie" that I had to bury my head in the bushes I was tending to in the gardens.

In other news, I've been manning the confession booth lately. It's more relaxed in some ways compared to cleaning duties in the quarters and gardens aside from some repentants who are pushy to get purged, for some reason. I've been scared to attempt anything of the sort so I recommend contrition for them instead.

Any advice what I should expect in purging so I would be less hesitant?

-🐮

Hello dear Cowie! It is wonderful to see you again!

I am sorry that I seem to have flustered you so, I thought that would have been an enjoyable nickname for you, but if it is upsetting I shall refrain.

In terms of purging a repentant.... I am afraid I do not know what that means. When acting as a confessor you have three options, to forgive them and absolve them of sin, to tell them to repent so that they may be absolved of sin and lead a better life, or recommend them for contrition. The only other option is when the repentant is a member of our flock and they confess to you that they have broken their vow and need to be cleansed. Those are your options, there should not be the option to "purge" them.

Repentants should generally fall into those three categories, but if someone is giving you a hard time, do not hesitate to call over a more senior member such as myself to help you figure out what they require. We only recommend contrition for those who desperately need it, try to stick with forgiveness and repentance if at all possible.

[jordan-the-pious]

Velocipastor

Rawr XD!!

I believe I did that right... Starling has been teaching me some new lingo, or trying to at least. I think I used that one right!

[jordan-the-pious]

“I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

Tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t–

Gettin' busy with these hoes

Know I met her at the show

She tryna take me to her home

Fuck her, pass her to my bro

I know where you tryna go

See the bands, designer clothes

I know where you tryna go

Tell me where you tryna go

I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

Blocked that bitch, she ask me why?

Bitch, we do this all the time

I mix that purple with the Sprite

Yeah, we gon' be up all night

Hit the back, hit the front

Hit it all like a KO

Bitch fuck me, she do what I say so

Bitch fuck me, she do what I, do what I–

Bitch fuck me, she do what I say

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

Tell me what you want

I-I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I-I know what you want

G-g-gettin' busy with these hoes

Know I met her at the show

She tryna take me to her home

Fuck her, pass her to my bro

I know where you tryna go

See the bands, designer clothes

I know where you tryna go

Tell me where you tryna go

I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I know what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

T-t-t-tell me what you want

I-I-I know what you want

T-t-t–“

Goodness I do so love it when modern artists incorporate historical chants into their music productions! This isn't my favorite of the lot, but I do find it enjoyable nonetheless!!

[jordan-the-pious]

Jordan, can you do an exorcism? There's a spirit in my attic.

I already asked a different priest before you but he died or something. All I heard was and odd voice say "M O R T I S" and I've been too scared to go near the attic ever since.

Well, certainly I can! However, after the most recent exorcism that I conducted publicly, I am now required to have you sign several wavers and possibly an NDA if the situation requires it!

[jordan-the-pious]

Hands you an unreasonable number of cats

Thank you kind friend! I promise not to eat them all in one go!

Edit: I have been informed that I should probably mention that this was intended to be a joke, a small gag if you will. I do not and do not approve of eating cats in any capacity, or under any name. Thank you.

[jordan-the-pious]

Your interactions with Briar are truly fascinating

Thank you? They are usually more on the infuriating side for me, but I am glad you find them humorous.

[jordan-the-pious]

woah how does miku help in your exorcisms? hatsune miku does not talk to british people! :(

Being hated by ones god it the price we must pay.

[jordan-the-pious]

[jordan-the-pious]

gorgeous prayer candle by FannyPippin on Etsy

[jordan-the-pious]

You do not need a sign.

For the love of the gods, just pray. You do not need to be called. You do not need to be contacted. Just pray.

[jordan-the-pious]

Gabriela Mistral, from The Selected Poems of Gabriela Mistral; "Poem of the Son,"

[jordan-the-pious]

Could the person who keeps messaging me this image with the caption “this you?” please cease.

I do not understand anything on this shirt or image beyond the sentiment to support independent artists, which I do think is a very noble thing to do.

I am not a mother and even if I was, I would not be against anthropomorphized animal human hybrids, young Lettie is one of those and I would never treat her poorly or put her image on a tee shirt with a cross thought it for the masses to laugh at.