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The Israel Effect

I have written a lot about what this experience has meant to me. What I have not mentioned, though, is the remarkable way the different families on this trip formed bonds and friendships with one another, especially among people who had never met before.

Brent and I decided to invite everyone in our lives that we though would consider joining us. We didn't overthink it, and we didn't agonize over the guest list. instead, we assumed that Covid, flying thousands of miles, and the potential security concerns inherent in Middle East travel would make it a tall order for ANYONE to come along.

Of course, some of our closest friends and family members were unable to join us, which we totally understood. But, Brent and I were both floored by the family and friends that did come - we had people from all aspects of our lives. All of our siblings came, including Robby (Brent's brother) and Wendy (my sister), neither of whom had been to Israel before. Brent's parents also made their first trip to Israel as part of this trip.

We were also lucky to have friends from childhood, high school, college, and our adult lives with us, along with several of their own children (and one set of grandparents). In total, there were seven young'uns, ranging in age from 3.5 to 13 years old. It was nothing less than joyous to watch this gang of kids bond right before our eyes, emerging from their shells slowly, methodically, and then seemingly all of the sudden. All of the parents beamed at their kids taking care of one another, entertaining themselves and each other (without screens, except when piling in one room to watch the epic Simpsons episode where they visit Israel). The next thing we knew the kids had their own inside jokes and were ganging up against their tragically uncool, exhausted parents.

There is something about experiencing Israel that brings people together. On every trip here, I have made new friends, deepened relationships, and learned more about myself and my view of the world. Israeli are often ranked as some of the happiest people in the world. I wonder if the people here are satisfied and fulfilled because they live under threat, in a communal way. The Israelis clearly understand how to live life to the fullest - they eat so much ice cream, drink joyfully, and spend tons of time with family and friends.

I am 100% certain that a huge reason I love this country, and why I wanted to share it with the people I love, is that indescribable feeling of this place and how it brings people together in unexpected ways. The magic worked on our group just as it always does. Our group bonded quickly and deeply, creating new friendships and providing many opportunities for thoughtful, complex discussions. We had fun, but we also expanded our understanding of ourselves and the people we love.

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What Does it Mean to be Safe?

We have been in Israel for almost a week now.  We have had the luxury of eating a falafel at least once a day, gorged ourselves on extravagant Israeli buffet breakfasts in stylish hotels, and crammed our days full of fun, education, and immersive experiences.  We have hiked along waterfalls, eaten lunch with Druze families, and toured the Syrian border with a retired colonel from IDF.  

There is no doubt that one of the most meaning moments of the trip for many of us was having dinner and meeting with a group of brand new IDF soldiers that are training to become one of the most elite special forces teams in the Israeli military.  These young men, all around 18 years old, have been in the IDF for four months, though many have been working towards this goal for years.  

In the U.S., kids take tennis lessons and play in piano recitals.  American kids start clubs after school for baking or calligraphy, and play on travel soccer teams.  In Israel, kids do those things too.  But many of these young IDF soldiers instead have spent their high school years taking classes and doing training after school, on weekends, and over breaks so they can have a chance to qualify to join one of the very specialized, highly prestigious special forces units in the IDF.  

The units that train at Mitkan Adam (where we visited) focus on urban warfare, field operations, or one of the newest specialties, in underground environments.  The reason - because terrorism has now evolved to include a huge threat to Israeli communities through their basements.  In other words, many homes in Israel along the borders of Gaza and Lebanon now have to live with not only fear of rocket attacks from above, but also the very real possibility someone will come into their home from below ground, through an elaborate network of tunnels, and try to harm them while they sleep. 

Spending time with these young men was yet another stark reminder of how incredibly different life is here.  No matter how many trendy restaurants line the beaches of Tel Aviv, issues of security lie just below the surface.  At times during this trip, a few people that had not been to Israel before expressed some fears and concerns.  

Just this afternoon, we traveled all along the northern border of Israel, gazing into Syria.  Our amazing guides reminded us that Damascus lay only 30 miles away.  When any of our group nervously joked about the many mine fields lining the road, or the very real possibility that our little tour was being watched by both Israeli and Syrian intelligence, I brushed their concerns off with a wave of the hand.  Like most Israelis, I barely think about security while I am here and usually respond to questions about my safety (and that of my family and friends here with me) with a dog-eared line about the fact that the chance of being harmed in a terrorist attack is smaller in Israel than dying in a car accident at home.  

I am fairly sure that platitude remains true.  However, tonight, as I sat safely ensconced in my five star hotel along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, mayhem erupted in the heart of Tel Aviv.  Not some hard to pronounce town in the south or north of the country that few tourists visit, but the main shopping and restaurant district in the most cosmopolitan, secular, and protected place in the country.  A place we are going tomorrow morning.  

I can’t stop thinking about what it means to be safe in this place and to feel safe generally.  Meeting these young men earlier in the week made my heart ache for them and their families - it was obvious that they were all equally terrified and filled with pride.  These boys, only a handful of years older than Oscar and Judah, tried to hide their anxiety with bravado.  I am sure their mothers had no such compunction. 

The Israelis themselves understand the importance of their maintaining their existence better than anyone.  Oftentimes, one of the things that so many people forget about Israel is the need to have a Jewish state that is there for any Jew in the world.  I could choose to become a citizen in Israel tomorrow with virtually zero red tape or waiting.  There is literally no other place in the world that is true (for me or anyone else).  

As the world becomes increasingly polarized, unstable, and unpredictable, many Jews would tell you that they have almost a genetic sense of fear that rising anti-Semitism is a canary in the coal mine.  It is not hyperbole to say that I have found comfort in knowing Israel is there if being Jewish no longer remains comfortable for our family.  Most Jewish people know that we should pay attention to how we have been treated throughout history, and it would be wise to expect more of the same.  

I know many people think visiting Israel is crazy.  I know people think Israel, as a country, often acts crazy.  I also know that saying I feel safe here, even in the midst of a rising wave of terrorism (which happens every spring, by the way) probably seems crazy.  But I do feel safe in Israel, even though I know that life on this speck of land is tenuous.  

I sleep better at night (both in Indiana and here) knowing that Israel will do whatever it takes for the Jews to have a homeland.  I don’t doubt that sounds melodramatic to people who have never needed one - but after centuries on the run, it is hard to believe that the bomb scares on the JCCs that happen all over the US regularly, the Charlottesville “Light the Night” rally, and all the tiny, but persistent, reminders that Jews are “others” makes me feel far less safe than the threats along the Syrian border or in downtown Tel Aviv.  

The dangers in those places may be more dramatic, but they are no more real to me. My speech to Oscar and Judah atop Masada was about pride.  Alongside that feeling is gratitude to the young men, whose backs are pictured below for their own safety, who take the protection of all of Israel so seriously.  All of that pride and appreciation leaves virtually zero room for fear.  

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Pride in Oscar and Judah and Pride in Israel

The speech that I gave atop Masada for Oscar and Judah is below:

As many of you know, Brent and I have been planning for this moment since before the boys were born.  When I came to Israel as a teenager, I felt bonded to the land, this place, its people, its complications, its beauty, and its contradictions from the first moment I set foot here.  And I knew, instinctively, that Israel was a part of my soul.  

When Brent and I met, I tried to explain this connection to him, even though I hadn’t been back here since I was 17.  We had the chance to come together for my second trip in 2011 – and I knew he felt what I felt when we stood atop Mt. Scopus, above Jerusalem, the entire city glowing in gold and purple, while we shoved chocolate rugelach into our gaping mouths (which is why each of you found those same pastries from Marzipan bakery in your rooms).  

I have often tried to understand why I feel so different in this strange, foreign place, where I barely can understand the language and where it often feels that everyone in the world is fighting over the same small patch of earth.  That amorphous feeling I have about Israel and its place in our life didn’t become clear to me until we became parents to the two incredible people standing before you today.  What I feel about Israel is limitless pride, in the tenacity of the Jewish people, the ingenuity of this impossible country, and the space in this tiny place for contradictions, disagreement, and love, even in times of conflict and war.  

Once Oscar and Judah became a part of our family, we finally were able to recognize the depth of pride and love, and I finally began to understand what Israel means to me.  As you grew up, we were constantly astonished at the people you are. Many parents talk about the unbelievable love they feel for their children, but I am more in awe of the indescribable satisfaction and joy we get to experience from sharing our lives with these brilliant, inquisitive, kind, and original people.  

Oscar, you are an exceptionally intuitive, observant, ambitious, and funny kid.  I deeply identify with your sensitive nature, while Dad adores your insightful view of the world, and encyclopedic knowledge of sports.  We both have loved keeping track of your iconic remarks, whether it is calling your beloved smash burgers, “shaggy burgers” or you comforting me after a particularly bad moment with grandpa, by saying “you can make all the love you want.”  The way you see the world makes me want to see it through your eyes, because you make connections and understand complex relationships in ways that blow us away.  In fact, you have been surprising us every day since your birth, which makes life with you exciting, entertaining, and full of humor and intelligence.  Watching you prepare for today was a pleasure to witness, because you tackled this challenge in your signature style – you made it look easy, even though we both know it wasn’t.   Some things come so easily to you, and others don’t, but no one can see those differences because you can delicately balance confidence and humility.  You have a remarkable memory and a knack for understanding context and perspective that is far beyond your 13 years.  These attributes combine to create of the (2) most fascinating people I could ever hope to know.  Congratulations on your many gifts, and on growing into the man you are becoming.

Judah, you are an iconoclast in the making.  You have this natural ease and charisma that has been a magnet for everyone you encounter, from dogs of every breed to women of every age.  Dad and I will never forget bringing you home from the hospital, as an infant, and later that day, watching Kiva immediately place her head in your lap in while in the bouncy seat where Dad and I occasionally left you both for some mild neglect, ahem, independence.  

 Judah, like Brent, you are profoundly loyal to the people you love, and relentlessly committed to upholding your values.  Your shoulders are so broad, and it has been an honor to watch you stand up for what you believe is right, without hesitation. Recently, Dad and I were stunned to learn that you silently dealt with relentless bullying so you could donate hair you painstakingly grew for 2 years to child fighting cancer.  The fact that you used to rat Oscar out for not for not tying his shoelaces, your even temper and fortitude to keep your own counsel is even more remarkable   By doing so, you showed an intuitive understanding of what being Jewish means – that we often must suffer to do what we believe is right and live with the consequences.

 As for you both, your unending interest and curiosity about life around you is inspiring (and sometimes exhausting).  The poise and fearlessness with which you face the world has always been astounding, we are endlessly impressed with your ability to speak to anyone, to ask hard questions, and to want to understand the world around you.  And you both are the perfect combination of tough and soft, so much like your father.

 While Oscar and Judah are profoundly different from one another, and have been their entire lives, they share several other things that may not be obvious to the casual observer.  For so many years, Brent and I have delightedly discovered both of you sleeping in the same bed, often in the same exact position, with one harm above your heads, fit together like pieces of a puzzle.   After spending virtually every hour of the day together for most of your lives, Dad and I often wondered aloud how you could stay up talking to each late at night – what could you possibly have left to say? We are only a couple of days into the trip and I am already worrying about my ability to remain socially engaged. But you make talking to EVERONE look so smooth and effortless.  

Now, we understand why you have so much to discuss, with each other and the people you meet - because you share the same kind heart, sense of justice, and commitment to family that we are proud to see you embody along with your Nene and Paca, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  

Our love for you is directly tied to the bottomless well of pride we feel as your parents.  Raising you is full of contradictions, challenges, moments of delight, and experiences that often feel fraught with danger.  Those are the very same emotions we feel about Israel. Until now, I don’t know that I could have even explained why we chose Masada as the place for your B’Nai Mitzvah ceremony.  But Masada represents the pride, honor, and value of being Jewish, which we hope you identify with as you stand here today and for many years to come.  

From the bottom of our hearts, Dad and I want to thank you for helping us understand the contours and depth of pride – you have taught us so much more than we could ever hope to teach you.  We hope that today, as you each become a bar mitzvah, you too experience the esteem of being a Jew, of the belonging that only happens in Israel, and the feeling of taking your place in a long, unbroken chain of this ancient people committed to having a Jewish identity of goodness, fairness, and knowledge, three gifts you personify every day.  Mazel tov.  

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Dinner Monday - Meat, meat, and did I mention, meat?

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More ATVs in the Judean Desert

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Dead Sea and ATVs (after the B’Nai Mitzvah!)

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Drum Circle Party!!

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B’Nai Mitzvah - Masada

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Day 2 - Old City Walking Tour and Falafel 1!

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Day 2 - Touring the City of David and Dinner with the Baers on Ben Yehuda

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Day 1 - Arrival and Dinner in Jerusalem

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A Very (Very) Busy Few Days!!

We landed in Israel on Saturday and it has been an utter whirlwind since then. First things, first, photos!  I have added a number of posts to this blog, broken down roughly by day, with some great pictures of our adventures.  

So many people have asked me about why we chose to have Oscar and Judah’s B’Nai Mitzvah at Masada, or even in Israel at all.  For people that have never been here, it may seem a strange choice to travel thousands of miles to a conflict ridden region of the world to celebrate a family event that most people have in their local synagogue.  

The most honest reason is that I never really understood or identified with being Jewish as much as I do in Israel.  That does not mean that I have not enjoyed or found meaning in Judaism outside of Israel; I definitely did.  Jewish summer camp, youth group, being in a Jewish sorority in college, and marrying a Jewish man all offered me something tangible and connected to the idea of being a Jew.  

But being in Israel is like having all of the good things about each of those experiences and then getting to feel that way in everything you do.   Having a Jewish country means that all every day experiences are “Jewish” from buying an ice cream to watching the country close down for Shabbat.  

I am sure the value of that reality is hard to translate, but the best analogy I can think of is ubiquity of Christmas celebrations in the U.S.  Anyone living in the States knows that starting about November 1 every year, you can’t turn your head without being hit with a Christmas tree ornament.  Most homes, businesses (including mine, because I love it), shops, restaurants, neighborhoods, and public spaces are covered in Christmas decorations.  We even get new cups at Starbucks, which is a small message of communicating that the holidays are here.  Everyone starts signing their emails with “Happy Holidays” and even the culture wars find new topics to argue over (taking the Christ out of Christmas, whether winter concerts at schools have enough for everyone, etc.).

There are probably lots of reasons everyone loves the holiday season.  I have always assumed it was because it reminds those who celebrate of happy times, of being with family, of taking time out of life to celebrate and find joy.  It is festive and it is fun.  It often frustrated me though too, because I could never understand why it has to BE EVERYWHERE.  

I often wondered whether it could still be Christmas without flooding our senses with what is, at its core, a Christian holiday.  I used to feel resentment and a feeling of being left out, especially as a kid, during the holidays.  Strangers ask kids what they want for Christmas and I had to explain, awkwardly, that my family is Jewish. The reaction was always strained with the adult not quite knowing what to say.   I am still asked why we don’t put up lights or have a tree.  But as I have gotten older, I no longer feel any negativity associated with Christmas, and have come to enjoy the time, without necessarily being part of it.  

Why do I bring this up from a hotel room in Jerusalem?  Because the way most Americans feel about Christmas, the sense of belonging, shared tradition, happiness and pride in celebrating, is what I feel in Israel. Hearing the stories of my religion come to life by walking the walls of King David, while also marveling at the way the modern Israelis have made a literal desert bloom, fills me up in a way I only experience here.  

Brent and I never wavered about wanting the boys to be Jewish.  So, to make it quite simple, we brought them here to celebrate their Bar Mitzvah so they could fall in love with the country, the place, and the feeling of being Jewish here.  We want them to love being Jewish, and even with all of Israel’s complexities, it is easy to feel that way here. 

I think we are off to a good start!

More later about our activities and the B’Nai Mitzvah, which was yesterday.  Thanks to all for following along! 

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Another Blog, Another Special Trip to Israel

In April 2022, Oscar and Judah will have their B'Nai Mitzvah in Israel.  Brent and I started planning this event very shortly after the boys were born (VERY SHORTLY - I think Judah may still have been in the NICU when we first discussed it).

But truth be told, I have been planning this trip for long before November 18, 2008, when Oscar and Judah roared into our lives.  My first trip to Israel was in 1996, when I went on a USY (Jewish youth group) summer teen tour to Israel and Poland.  As hard as it may be to imagine, it was not easy convincing my mom and dad to send me - most Jewish parents would beg, bribe, or even force their sons or daughters to spend 6 weeks in Israel, with 60 other Jewish kids from across the U.S.  Especially considering the trip I selected included 10 days in Poland touring concentration camps before traveling on to Israel for another 5 weeks.  Not exactly a summer of partying.

Most parents of Jewish teenagers would have had parallel agendas in sending their kids to Israel for the summer.  First, they want to instill a lifelong appreciation for and understanding of what it means to have a truly Jewish country.  But these same parents also (not so secretly) hope that raging teenage hormones running amok in an incredibly young and good looking country would lead to some Jew on Jew romance, thereby increasing the odds of Jewish grandkids, someday.  But neither my parents nor I shared these motivations; I simply wanted to escape my strict, unpredictable, sometimes lonely home and if I had to walk through Auschwitz to get away for 6 weeks, fine by me.  Getting to spend the summer in Israel with other teenagers was just gravy.  

Much to the surprise of every girl on our trip, the gender differential wasn't, ahem, favorable.  Specifically, there were 18 guys and 45 girls, and the popularity contest was more fierce than anything I had seen at my WASPy prep school.  I spectacularly failed at my chance to make a first impression and as a result, was forced to actually spend the summer gleaning meaning from the experience, instead of focusing on friends, gossip, or getting into clubs.  

Sitting here today, I couldn't be more grateful for my unpopularity during that summer.  Had I spent those many tour bus hours batting my eye lashes and trying to feign cool nonchalance, I would never have connected so profoundly with Israel, its beauty, harshness, complexities, paradoxes, trauma, and glory.  Most kids leave these types of experiences with lifelong friendships.  I left with a lifelong relationship to Israel itself, formed while chain smoking Time cigarettes, furiously scribbling in a journal, and zeroing in on issues that made our staff uncomfortable.   With my hopes at being the shit squandered, I had nothing to lose by being outspoken, opinionated, and endlessly curious about my surroundings, which felt both exotic and familiar.  

I mention that first journal because it started me on what has become a disciplined commitment to memorialize and document my travels to Israel.  Since 1996, I have been back in 2011, 2012, 2014, 2016, and 2018.  During each trip, I filled notebook after notebook with every droplet of information I learned, along with a million questions, some of which I ask every time I am there, and some that originate from that trip's unique focus.  

At the end of each very long day touring the country, I would doggedly rewrite my entries in the form of a blog, tailored specifically to each trip.  The only blogs I have ever written consistently were when I was pregnant with Oscar and Judah

(https://makinganewmonster.blogspot.com/)

and for several of my recent Israel adventures:

2012 Jewish Women's Renaissance Project (now Momentum):

https://www.facebook.com/momentumunlimitedofficial/posts/10152046965279498

2014 Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs Seminar for Young Jewish Diplomacy:

https://hannahkaufmanjoseph.tumblr.com/

2016 American Technion Society Israel Trip

https://hannahkjoseph.tumblr.com/

2018 Women Partners for Peace:

https://wp4peace2018.tumblr.com/

With this post, I am officially kicking off my fifth blog of my Israel travels.   This trip will be different in so many ways - most importantly, because I will be exploring,, eating, and learning with so many people I love.   This is my first trip to Israel without an organized tour.  This time, I got to plan the itinerary, which I have been thinking about since I was 16 years old.  Most importantly, I get to show this incredible place to Oscar and Judah, with the hope that they develop the same intense, sometimes maddening, always thrilling connection to this tiny sliver of land in the Middle East.  

If you are joining us in April, or if you just want to follow along at home, I hope you will consider reading and also sharing this experience with Brent, me, Oscar, and Judah.  

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T-Minus Two Weeks!

All of the sudden, we are leaving for Israel for the B'Nai Mitzvah in two weeks.  People ask me how long I have been planning this trip and I tell them, since I was pregnant with the boys.  The truth is, I have actually been planning this trip since I was 16.

I have been to Israel five times, the first in 1996, when I was a junior in high school.  That is when I fell in love for the first time - not with a hot IDF soldier or a kid on my teen tour, but with the country of Israel itself.  If you have ever read along with one of my blogs before, you are familiar with my love affair with Israel. 

Traveling to Israel as a teenager made an indelible imprint on my soul, as a person and as a Jew.  I attended a private school in Indianapolis where I was one of the only Jewish kids in the entire high school.  I often felt like the spokesperson for all Jews.  There is an intangible feeling of "otherness" that was omnipresent in my life (and still is).  But when I spent a summer in Israel in 1996, that feeling of being an outsider evaporated.  

One thing that I always notice when in Israel is the sense of awe I feel that everyone is Jewish.  The cab driver, the ER doctor, the hotel maid, the journalist - they all know what Passover is.  They all know that Jews are always late.  I could strike up a conversation with a random Israeli, and if we spent enough time together, we could probably play a game of Jewish Geography to find a common friend, Aunt Myra, or camp counselor.

I think there is something special about experiencing Israel as a teenager.  Even when I was sixteen and didn't have the foggiest idea of what my future family would look like, I knew I wanted my kids to incorporate Israel into themselves as soon as they could understand its value, its meaning, and its complexities.  In short, I wanted them to fall in love too.  

We leave exactly two weeks from today for the B'Nai Mitzvah trip.  We have 25 people joining us, made up of family and friends.  I am blown away and honored that there are 25 people that love us and our sons enough to travel around the world during these insecure times to mark this occasion.  For the first time in my life, all four original Kaufman siblings will be together, voluntarily, for an event without our parents.  I am touched being measure to have my sisters Emily and Wendy, and my brother Grant there with me.  

The picture above is of the gift bag we made all trip participants, which we delivered this week.  It contains a Hydroflask, deck of cards, milk and honey lip balm, hand sanitizer, Bamba (the ubiquitous Israeli peanut butter treat), and most important, a journal and Flair pen.  One of my rituals for my trips to Israel is to buy a brand new journal, which I always fill with my notes, musings, and thoughts about the experience.  I hope our guests can do the same, this time with a notebook branded with the logo for the B'Nai Mitzvah.  

I can hardly wait to leave and to share this experience with so many people I love.  At the same time, I already feel a twinge of nostalgia for when I place my trip journal along the five others on the shelf, and all I have left to cherish will be the memories of this once in a lifetime opportunity.  My greatest wish is that Oscar and Judah also keep a journal, and they continue my practice of memorializing their trip to Israel, which will be only the first of many to come in the future.  Hopefully, Israel will be their first love too.