josiestargirl

[josiestargirl]

Oh, you direct This Love by Pantera to your ex? That's cute. Not even their heaviest breakup song, and definitely not the one that is most appropriate to our situation. "I don't think you belong in here, I feel I'm sick

Don't ask because you know damn well where I've been

I've kept a simple woman through the thick and thin

But I've found the guts to sever from my siamese twin"

[josiestargirl]

maybe you should hate me for this

never really will quite get that far

[josiestargirl]

[josiestargirl]

All good sex, at least.

the way i see it, ALL sex is gay sex

[josiestargirl]

Broken Promises (Dreams)

Space…

A girl has the right to dream. There are endless possibilities stretched out before her.

You have to trust in your own path…

Whatever happens from now on, you stand firm and face your destiny. Not with fear, but with courage.

What awaits her down the path, she will then have to choose.

No one’s gonna give you a map, you gotta walk your own path.

The children leave their homes in search of this quest.

What is thy desire?

As they search, they are always asking questions. What’s out there? What’s waiting for me?

Why was I made? Who made me? And what did they make me for?

You gonna go up into space with your old man or not?

Maybe I’ll never get over this…

I’ve lived my life following my dreams, and I don’t have any regrets.

You gonna just keep running away? Just keep running away…? I’m not running…

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Zero!

Believe in yourself. Create your own destiny.

Don’t fear failure.

[josiestargirl]

Justa Vent

Well this whole Twitter thing hit me at an awkward time. I just moved to a new city, and I don't know anybody outside of the house I live in. I have nobody to talk to outside of those I live with. And I'm worried (almost certainly overthinking, but worried all the same) that I don't fit in, and that I'm not cut out for handling living here.

It's easier than where I came from, but in different directions? I don't know how to make that make sense. Basically, I can be myself as far as being trans, living as a woman, etc. That's great! I have been accepted 100% as far as that goes. That was the whole point behind moving here, and that's been going without a hitch thus far. But once you get past me living as a woman, the other aspects of my personality may not be a good mesh.

See I'm autistic. Not a huge deal, everyone in the house has experience with autistic people. But it seems my autistic ability to put my foot in my mouth is truly special. If I say something, it's the wrong thing. If I say the right thing, it's too loud. I talk too much, or too little, or the moment slips by me without me saying anything. I just have not found a groove when it comes to successfully interacting with these people and not feeling like a gigantic fucking loser when I walk away.

The person I know the best, and who wanted me to come here, I've known for quite some time. We've previously had some no-strings-attached sexual encounters, and those have gone well. He's expressed interest in me domming him again, but I wanted to wait until I got at least the majority of my body shaved. He himself is trans, so he doesn't care about body hair, but dammit I do. So I got the shave done, everything except my groin area because I just wasn't capable of tackling that after getting everything else, and I made a joke about climbing Everest later and being satisfied with Kilimanjaro for now. Except I spoke too loudly, and the whole fucking house heard and laughed at my joke about my body hair when it was part of a conversation meant for one person, and I'm fucking mortified.

There is in fact something worse than a joke nobody laughs at, at least for non-comedians. A joke that wasn't meant to be heard by somebody, but when you finish telling it you hear them laughing.

Glad you thought it was funny. I'll just go and hate myself for the rest of my Friday night for my utter incapability of being able to be the slightest bit subtle.

I tried starting the body hair conversation with (I don't wanna use real names, we're calling him James) over Discord but he doesn't check his fucking Discord regularly, so I broached the subject by joking about him never checking his Discord (notice the coping technique of using humor to approach difficult topics). He didn't check his Discord, he said for me to tell him now, and out comes the stupid Everest joke at maximum volume of my bass AMAB voice.

So hey, if you have a person in your life that prefers to communicate over written channels, and they tell you they sent you a message, don't ask for them to spit it out in person. FUCKING CHECK THE GOD DAMN MESSAGE I PROBABLY SENT IT TO YOU ON FUCKING DISCORD FOR A FUCKING REASON IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING I DON'T WANT THE ENTIRETY OF THE FUCKING HOUSE TO OVERHEAR!!!!!

I can't be mad at *checks name scrambler* Alex for overhearing the joke and laughing, but dammit I'm mad at James over not just checking the Discord. Don't even need to do it right then! Just at some point tonight! Fuck!

I feel better now. Eh, maybe having a longer form blog will be more conducive to me actually typing in the fucking thing rather than trying to be clever in 280 characters or whatever and locking up and just lurking. Obviously from this rant, I lack the wit to aspire to brevity.