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[joyoflily]

Thirteen is the date when we acknowledge each other’s feelings, and fourteen just happens to fall on Valentine’s Day this month; and three days onwards are the date when you proposed to me and I said yes. But take out all the numbers and the circles I put around the dates and you realize every single day is a day worth to celebrate and cherish with you. No matter how mundane or trivial, no matter how tiresome or gruesome, no matter how rainy or cloudy — to have you as my sanctuary and home means every single day of the year is worth to live.

Every weather we stormed and every turbulence we braced. I know that our relationship doesn't consist of only rainbows and sunshine, but the dark, cloudy casts are what makes me cherish you more and understand you better; it’s what makes the sun warmer, the love hotter, and the blaze brighter. There are always two sides of the coins, and rain shall pass and sun will shine. (It always shines)

I remembered the article I shared with you long time ago, something about how relationship is about two imperfect people who wants to work it out; who embraces the imperfections and flaws. We knew we had our fair share of shortcomings, maybe at some parts we clashed; but despite, despite, despite all of that — and because we knew we are imperfect, we want to work on things together, that even there is such beauty within the imperfections, such wonders and such love.

Griffin, the road ahead of us may be dark because we don't know where it may take us — but whatever happens, I’ll be sure to hold your hand tight and make sure you are always seen and understood and loved by me (and make sure you smile on the journey too). The roads may be bumpy again, but we'll make it. We always make it, don’t we? No matter where the road takes us, and even in the darkest days; I’ll firmly choose you to be my one and only companion.

I love you, Griffin. Happy Valentine's Day.

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November 17th 2024,

It was Sunday evening and the weather was clear, you had a high fever and sickness that got you laying down on bed for the most part – and it was adorable, seeing you being so clingy, although at the same time I prayed that the sickness will go away soon so you won’t have to suffer. By the afternoon, I was relieved to hear that your temperature has gone down; because knowing the workaholic and persistent guy that you are, you would’ve braced Monday at work as usual even with the fever (because you did last time, too, so I was worried if you’d do the same on the next day). Then, you asked me out of nowhere if I had anything to do for the rest of the evening; and the answer is no, obviously, because my plan is to take care of you and be with you, because even though I do not say it out loud, my Sundays are always—well, ninety percent of the time—reserved for you (granted if I do not have a works or events, that is).

And then the rest of the evening went on, we regrouped after dinner to watch stuff together; it was supposed to be a variety show but things didn’t exactly pan out the way it was intended, so we watched other things instead—until it got to a moment when we listened to songs together while talking (I have mentioned this to you gazillion of times, but talking and conversing with you is my favorite pastime); and out of nowhere you showed me a song, “I Choose You,” by Forest Blakk. Suddenly you went quiet, and in my head I thought, ‘this is the perfect song to play at weddings.’

Then you said it.

“Will you marry me?”

And at that moment, I was stunned. So stunned that instead of saying “yes,” immediately, I was screaming instead, wondering if it was real. But that was as real as it gets. I was feeling emotional that I didn’t kept a memorabilia, a screenshot or however you call it to record that exact moment because I was beyond surprised, jaw-dropped, my-heart-is-beating-fast shocked because the proposal came out of nowhere (you were sick, bed-ridden with a fever, so how was I supposed to see it coming?!). Silly me didn’t even remembered exactly what I said other than a, “yes,” a firm, never-been-more-sure “yes,” when such big commitment wasn’t near my head until you—and I know that likewise were the case for you; or more, but there you were, asking me the question, and it was as real as it gets (and I get teary-eyed just thinking about how it means you were really putting down your walls and everything for me).

Our relationship was as real, as whole, as definite as it gets — even though there was no proper status attached before. We have discussed this before, right? I remembered it; what makes a relationship whole; and I knew that whatever we had before was already as whole, as full, as relationship-y as it gets. And knowing you proposed to me was like highlighting the outlines within the circles, or whatever shape that takes us together, that binds us together. The day after tomorrow might just be like any other working day because it’s Monday, and in my heart you’ve already reached the top spot inside, the love is getting as deeper as it can gets, but I know that you’ve chosen me, and I choose you; and having us together getting into the commitment with a “yes,” from me; means that every morning, we wake up not only choosing each other but fully committing to each other, and I know for sure that I only want you, that I never made a more perfect decision, because it is you that I only want, it is you that is my shore, it is you that I love the most, and I am proud to tell the whole world that I have you, Griffin, as my husband and my one and only.

Disclaimer: I didn’t even ask grammarly or chatGPT to fix the grammar so that you’d know whatever I wrote on here is fully from my genuine heart and thoughts so please forgive me for any grammar mistakes whatsoever, my husband.

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At the end of July, I spent my birthdays on a foreign country and found myself on a forest farm in Denmark in a deep green windbreaker. The temperature at the time was around 20°C, and the vast green meadows and clusters of lush trees radiated a refreshing coolness. We passed a flock of sheep as the farmer led us to a platform nestled two stories high between tree branches. To reach the top, we had to pull ourselves up with ropes, pressing our feet against the tree trunks. If we failed the first time, we simply tried again. The sky was bathed in twilight, blending into the plains, and in my companion’s camera, my face glowed under the warm sunset. Looking back on that moment now, only three words come to mind: Hen zhi de (很值得; It was worth it); and those words capture the essence of the memory.

In interviews, I’ve often described myself as yong gan (勇敢; brave) and hao qi (好奇; curious). Whether or not I’m familiar with something, my first instinct is always to try it and see how far I can go. Climbing trees was one thing, but stepping into the world of acting was another. After being accepted into the Beijing Film Academy, I landed my first lead role in Run for Young (风犬少年的天空). Aside from the basics I learned at university, I had no formal acting training. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but when the director declared, “She is Li Anran,” I dove into the project without a second thought.

Later, a behind-the-scenes clip went viral online. In it, my character, Li Anran, learns that her first love, Liu Wenqin (played by Zhou You), has been in an accident. I turned away from the camera, wiping my tears as I walked down a long, empty hill. The tears came uncontrollably, not just from the character, but from the pressure I felt as a newcomer. In that moment, it felt like both Li Anran and I found release together. I also realized something important: sometimes, in a single instant, the character becomes familiar. At first, I constantly asked others if I was portraying her correctly. But one day, it clicked—I understood her, and I could act with confidence from my own perspective.

Perhaps, just perhaps, that’s my natural gift as an actor.

I don’t spend much time imagining the future. I just make decisions when the time comes. I’ve been in boarding school since middle school, and during my art entrance exams, I travelled alone from city to city, suitcase in hand, moving between examination venues. Before entering Beijing Film Academy, I never actually considered becoming an actor. I didn’t focus on which major or school to choose and simply did my best. And when the time came to make a choice, I knew which path was right for me.

The word “dream” (梦想; mèngxiǎng) is something that we often associates with hope, but we sometimes overlook its emptiness. I prefer to stay grounded, or as the proverb says: jiao ta shi di (脚踏实地; to keep one’s feet on the ground). You can only avoid being swept away by life’s currents if you’re truly grounded.

On set, things can get chaotic—lights, mechanics, people shouting—but I think despite all of that, I’m pretty good at keeping myself composed. Before doing an emotional scenes, I will try to find a quiet corner to be alone, and tell the makeup artist not to touch me during filming. Once I’m immersed in the character’s emotions, my heart sinks like a stone into still waters.

I believe emotional depth is key to portraying a character. When I’m tackling roles set in different time periods or involving characters with a significant age gap, I start by discussing the script with the director. I’ve avoided playing characters too far from my own age, as I know there are nuances I might not grasp without the right life experiences. But as I get older, I’ve noticed my emotions have deepened. Emotions I couldn’t feel before now come to me more quickly. Sometimes, when I revisit roles I’ve played before, I see a different side of them.

In Blossoms in Adversity (惜花芷), the bond between the women in the Hua family reminded me of the unspoken understanding shared between the women in my own family—my mother and aunts. I played Huazhi, the eldest daughter, who leads her family through crisis with entrepreneurship. Her story mirrors how the women in my family also shine in their own ways. Unlike Huazhi, who bears the weight of family prosperity, I’ve learned independence and self-reliance from the women in my life. Yet, in both the Hua family and my own, the collective strength of women coming together remains a source of inspiration and support. Growing up around such powerful women has always made me feel capable of achieving anything.

Recently, I turned 25 and have completed seven films and nine TV series (with two more yet to be released). This year, I was invited to the First Youth Film Festival as a First Debut Recommender. Under the starry sky in Xining, I expressed my excitement at sharing the same space with young creators and film lovers.

I mean it when I say that I look forward to collaborating with new directors at the film festivals. There were dozens of films screening in quick succession, and great works that are more than deserving to be recognized. When the director of The Secret of Monsters (妖怪秘密), Chen Yanbin, thanked me for recommending his film, I told him it was I who should thank him for sticking with his creative vision and sharing his story.

Compared to the last two decades, there are now waves of new-generation actors entering the scene. Since 2016, the number of applicants to film academies has increased by 20% to 30% each year; which means the competition increased tremendously also; but I think, and feel that I’ve already found my footing in this constantly evolving world. I know what I want by now, and once I make a choice, even if it turns out to be the wrong one, I’ll be sure to stand by it.

When I’m feeling drained, all I want is to lie in bed, pick a random movie, and fall asleep to the dialogue. Other times, I find myself in some corner of the world—maybe a forest, a marketplace, or on a cobblestone bridge—bursting with energy. That’s me, embracing the world with courage and curiosity. But I’ll admit, there are moments of anxiety. An actor’s schedule is tied to production, and when I have a day or two off, walking through the city helps ease that tension.

Sometimes I take pictures of some seemingly mundane moments (in which I ended up sharing on a nine-grid pictures on Weibo) because they resonate with me. The other day, I saw someone walking with flowers and wondered where they were going. Other times, I’ll glance up at a tall building and think about the lives unfolding inside. I’ve always felt a deep connection to the world, and I don’t worry about the opinions of strangers. As long as my heart is steady, I know which path to take.

Next to the tea lodge being used as a filming location was a glass-roofed room, where sunlight filtered through the misty windows, softening as it touched the ground. The floor was covered in fine, shimmering sand, which sparkled so invitingly it seemed to beg for someone to step in, just to feel its softness beneath their feet. Outside the door, the lively buzz of the crowd filled the air, with the crew still in awe of Zhang Jingyi’s earlier performance. The next scene hadn’t been called yet.

One of the crew members wandered into the room, their foot sinking gently into the sand. Instead of resisting, the grains seemed to embrace their ankle, offering a sense of security and calm. For many admirers, Zhang Jingyi’s charm mirrored this room: tianjing, wennuan (恬静、温暖; serene and warm). Even if you stumbled, her presence would catch you, wrapping you in a comforting embrace, as though urging you to rest, to bask in the quiet warmth of a peaceful sunlit afternoon.

Edited and re-written by Lillianne, original article by 上城士

[joyoflily]

It was one of those typical rainy, overcast autumn days in London when I didn’t expect much from the moment I woke up—because you know what they say: it’s always raining in London. But what I stumbled upon that day was a rare, sunny Monday, so I wandered through Hyde Park, my mind drifting as I walked, and soon enough, I found myself on an unexpected journey.

This particular journey healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed. The beauty of nature helped me slow down and reconnect with myself. In that moment, it felt like I was shedding the negative emotions that had weighed me down for so long.

By the time I left, both my body and mind felt lighter. Maybe that’s why the “20-minute park effect” (公园20分钟效应) that people are raving about is such a hot topic—it reflects how many young people feel right now. Despite the intense competition and societal pressure, we all want to hold on to our “true selves.”

For Londoners, apparently grabbing a coffee and heading to the park—whether alone or with company—is part of what makes life here feel so relaxed. The city’s urban forests still retain their raw, natural beauty, and that’s what draws me in to wander around. These spaces are real, unfiltered, and exploring them has become my way of reconnecting with myself.

As I walked, I saw towering trees that had grown wild alongside carefully maintained paths. Swans glided freely across the lake, and squirrels and pigeons scurried around, completely unbothered by people. The energy surrounding me quickly pulled me away from the constant noise of the city, guiding me toward a deeper sense of self.

Fully immersed in the scenery, I felt a part of my soul begin to heal. It was as if all the living things around me—the trees, the birds, the grass—were offering comfort, reminding me to breathe. In those moments, nature seemed to come alive, as if the world around me was a poet, whispering soft, romantic verses. Whether I was lying on the grass soaking up the sun or sitting on a bench lost in thought, it felt like nature was celebrating the harmony between us. The rustle of leaves and the breeze through the trees was a melody to the ears.

I’ve come to realize that healing isn’t just about physical rest—it’s about recovering emotionally and mentally. It’s about stepping back from the chaos and reconnecting with your core. For me, even something as simple as a cup of tea or a quiet walk in the park can be healing. It gives me the space to let go of negative emotions, calm my mind, and find my rhythm again.

Walking through a park feels like one of the most quintessentially British ways to heal (or so that’s what people say). There’s a beautiful blend of tradition and modernity, a mix of romance and absurdity, with a touch of rebellion hidden beneath a conservative exterior.

These contradictions are what make Britain so unique, and in a way, they mirror the contradictions we all deal with in life—like the tension between our daily lives and the dreams we hold onto. The real challenge is finding a space where we can feel at peace with ourselves, where we can reconcile those parts of us. In these parks, I’ve found my own version of “zìqià” (自洽)—a sense of inner balance.

That’s also why I feel such a connection with Burberry. Like me, Burberry holds a balance of contradictions. On the surface, there’s this quiet elegance, but underneath, it’s bold and innovative as they are always pushing forward. I approach life and my work in much the same way. On the outside, I may seem calm and collected, but there’s always a strong determination and clarity that drives me. I don’t rush things—whether it’s acting or just living. I love reading and listening, and poetry and literature to keep me grounded, helping me find energy in the small, everyday moments.

London’s parks may be peaceful, but they also carry a sense of romance. Many British Romantic poets have written about nature, capturing its magic in a way that feels healing. Their words, like these parks, have a way of pulling you into a space where both body and mind can find peace. That’s what I feel when I walk through the trees or watch the animals. Nature’s energy feeds my spirit, just as literature does. And now, Burberry’s 2024 Winter Collection that is inspired by the outdoors, wraps me in warmth and bringing a touch of that romantic, British style to my autumn journey.

Edited and re-written by Lillianne, original article by NOWNESS.

[joyoflily]

I've been telling you all about my newfound obsession with the Modern Love column, right? I share almost every piece I find compelling with you, especially the ones that somehow mirror our relationship—our situation—reflecting you, me, and everything in between. It got me thinking: if I were to write about us in a Modern Love essay about us, what would I say? And since today is a special day for you, I’m using it as the perfect excuse to write about us—but mostly about you.

Bear with me through this sappy, sentimental moment, and forgive me if I meander. It’s difficult to be concise when there’s so much I feel, so much I want to say about you. (I remember apologizing for this once, and you told me it made you happy because it meant I was comfortable with you. Now here I am, already drifting off because I’m giggling at the thought.)

Where do I even begin? Should I start from the time we talked about how "Maybe we’re all drifters looking for a shore among the sea of people;" and somehow, we ended up being each other’s shore? Or maybe from the moment I told you I never expected to find my qifeng duishou, "my equal match," in you?

It’s funny—how we’ve always orbited each other, but only recently collided. I thought I knew you, but only after really getting to know you did I realize how little I knew. That brings me back to something I read about love: that one of its most essential parts is curiosity. “Being curious about people you meet is far more seductive than talking about your accomplishments.” Somewhere along the way, it was our mutual curiosity that pulled us closer, like magnets, as we unraveled our thoughts and bared our souls.

You know how sometimes, despite your best efforts to keep a conversation alive, it eventually goes stale? That was never the case with you. Between the curiosity, there was this sense of having met someone who was truly my equal. It was like a perfect tiki-taka—this seamless back-and-forth, this chemistry that just worked. You might say you already knew we’d click, having observed me before, but it still surprises me how well we fit together.

I remember telling you about a line from Fake It Till You Make It that I couldn’t stop thinking about—one that became a principle of mine when it came to falling for someone: “其实你想找的根本不是高不可攀的人，你想等的只是一个棋逢对手的人” ("What you're really looking for isn't someone out of reach; you're just waiting for someone who's an equal match for you"). You know how obsessed I am with that show, and I probably told you about it countless times. Now that we’re here, I realize you’re more like gege than the Xu Ziquan I had in mind at first. And while I never expected my equal match to be you, I’m more than happy that it is.

I was reading about that idiom again; and someone described it as “diamond cutting diamond” in English, meaning a meeting of equals, force meeting force. In Chinese, it describes a fierce competition, an evenly fought battle where it’s hard to determine the winner, but our relationship doesn’t have winners or losers. I think we both win.

And even though we have our differences—perhaps more contrasts than similarities—we are still that "equal match." You’ve given me solace, a sense of purpose, and I no longer feel like a drifter, because I’ve found my shore in you. We’ve found it in each other.

Our daily routines haven’t changed much—we’re still waking up early, clocking off in the afternoon (or evening), probably still the same workaholics. But with you by my side, even the most mundane moments feel different—more beautiful, more alive.

I asked you when you fall for me and I wonder, too, when exactly did I fall in love with you? Was it when I silently told myself, "God knows where this will take me"? Or when you said, out of nowhere, "I genuinely like and admire how you explain things; you yap, and it sounds so interesting. At least to me. Keren sih, I am amazed"? Or was it that moment you asked if anyone else was pursuing me? Wherever it started, I’m happy to tell you that I’ve fallen deeply, joyfully, in love with an incredible man like you.

You, my Virgo man, who always knows how to put me at ease. You, who listens so patiently, offering your thoughtful insights on just about anything. You, who I can talk to about everything—mundane things, philosophy, news, random trivia, or my deepest worries. You, who has held my hand through moments when I’ve crumbled, allowing me to be vulnerable with you. You remind me of a deer—not just because of the metaphor, but because you’re gentle, mysterious, and quietly magnificent. You, who are like still waters that run deep. You, one of the most hardworking people I know. You’ve done so well, and I know you’ll continue to thrive. Thank you for surviving, thank you for always trying, for always standing despite life’s numerous attempts at bringing you down, and thank you for everything you do.

Your name is always in my prayers; but today, let me say a few of them aloud: May your days be filled with more gratitude than apologies or regrets. May you live in the present and savor the beauty of the 'now.' May happiness always find its way to you. May you stay healthy and strong. And may the love we share be your shelter in life’s storms.

I love you, Griffin—my equal match, my shore. Thank you for being born into this world.

[joyoflily]

[joyoflily]

Disclaimer

I hereby declare that this account has been created for the purpose of roleplaying. I do not claim myself as the real Zhang Jingyi, nor is the Twitter account @zzhangjingyi connected to her, Dongshen Future, or anything related to her. This account is created solely for the purpose of roleplaying and will shift between different universes from time to time.