jsholl3 - Tumblr blog

[jsholl3]

Now that I live in South Florida there should be no excuse as to why I can't/won't learn how to surf

[jsholl3]

Plan plan plan all I do is plan.

[jsholl3]

how early recovery feels

[jsholl3]

Mindset of a recovering drug addict

Sometimes I just wanna quit. I think about all the good times I had while using. I got such a rush from the chaos that was my life. Getting high was the only thing I cared about. I miss it, but then again I don’t. I miss the people I used with. I miss the feeling of being high. I miss the adrenalin rushes. I miss the crazy parties. I miss snorting. I miss shooting up. I miss smoking. I miss pill popping. I miss drugs. Sobriety is wonderful and all, but late at night when my mind is racing I can’t help but think about my old lifestyle. Everything was so exciting back then. But with how much fun I was having, I don’t miss having shit on me. I don’t miss feeling like shit the next day. I don’t miss being paranoid of cops. I don’t miss the relationships I fucked up while using. I don’t miss the puking. I don’t miss the hangovers. I don’t miss worrying if I’m going to pass a piss test. I don’t miss the insanity of putting shit in my body to numb myself. I don’t miss the fucked up shell of a person I used to be. I’m sober, I’m free, I’m me.

[jsholl3]

I know all the wrong I've done.

I know how much I need to make up.

I know how bad I've hurt you.

I know how many times I've lied to you.

I know all the chances you've given me.

I know I've said "baby this is the last time, it'll be different this time."

...I just don't know how to make you see that I'm done and it's real this time. 

[jsholl3]

[jsholl3]

Tough Times Don't Last, Tough People Do.

[jsholl3]

4 of 4.

[jsholl3]

3 of 4.

[jsholl3]

2 of 4.

[jsholl3]

1 of 4.

[jsholl3]

Covered in deep scars and old track marks.

[jsholl3]

My feelings about today:-)

[jsholl3]

[jsholl3]

[jsholl3]

There is another way.

I've decided to come back onto Tumblr not for myself or because I'm bored- but I have a purpose in my life.

It's to help an addict who still suffers.

Some days I still suffer too.. with less then a year clean what's to expect from me? But there are people with countless years clean that still have days where all they can think about is getting high. I never thought I could be able to live clean from ALL drugs. I couldn't get out of bed unless I put a needle in my arm and quite frankly I didn't want to. I've found a new way of life.. and with 116 days clean.. I can say that I love it regardless of the fact that life still happens, and I have to deal with it without trying to numb myself from the world around me just to get by.  

Feel free to ask questions and keep an open mind.

Follow me on my journey through living clean and learn about my past that brought me to my living hell.

-Stay grateful

[jsholl3]

You are the only person you need to be good enough for.

a daily reminder (via misjudgments)